Forever's Affection (Forever In Luck Series Book 3)

by J. Darling

  “Dani,” he yelled, moving quickly towards the barn. “Dani, you all right?” He looked in the barn and yelled, stopping to listen, his voice echoing around. Not there. She must be out in the pasture. He ran out there, nothing. More cracking sounds. “DANI…” He listened.

  There was a very faint, “Out back.”

  Rounding the corner of the barn, he stopped and looked around. Tree branches littered the ground. Just then a large branch fell to the ground. Tipping his head back, his eyes went up, and up, and up. Finding her tangled in the branches of a huge tree, his heart tripped at the sight of her dangling from a limb with nothing more than a thin piece of rope anchoring her and keeping her from falling. Trying to compose himself to keep from yelling at her, he walked closer. “Dani… Dani, come down.”

  “I will when I’m done.”

  “Noooo. Now!” Oh boy, he was struggling to hold his temper.

  “You’ve always been domineering.”

  “Hey, I’m the boss here, not you! Don’t tell me what to do.”

  Taking a deep breath and counting to ten, he said, “Okay then, you’re scaring the hell out of me, boss, please come down.”

  “Quit being a wuss, you wouldn’t tell your guy friends to get down.”

  Damn it. He rested his hands on his hips, looking down to the ground. Now what? “You’re right, because my guy friends wouldn’t be up in a tree dangling by a rope, when all they needed to do was call one of our other guy friends, who happens to run a yard and landscaping business and owns a bucket truck. Please come down.”

  “Well, why didn’t you say so?” she responded in a huff.

  Why couldn’t she be like other women and let men handle the tough stuff? Had he really just thought that? “Ahhh, because I’m down here having a stroke, and my brain isn’t working right. Please come down.”

  “I’m coming, I’m coming,” she said with annoyance, as she leapt and hopped from branch to branch. “Good grief, I still think you’re overreacting. I’m no china doll you know?”

  Her independence was supposed to be a good thing right? And yet it was taking him to areas foreign to him. “Since when is concern for your safety overreacting?”

  Dropping several feet to the ground, she answered him. “I was doing fine, before you—she raised her hands and made air quotes—‘saved me.’”

  Women had always valued him for the protection and strength he offered. Affronted, he simply asked, “Why are you angry with me for wanting to keep you safe?”

  “I’m not a wimp.”

  Okay, this was not him, this was her. “No one said you are. Why are you angry?”

  “I need to get these trees cut. Are you going to call your friend, or am I climbing back up there?”

  “Dani—”

  “Kris!” she snapped, her face turning hard.

  Whatever was going on, had nothing to do with him he decided. Part and parcel of the package, he thought. Taking control of the situation, he responded, “Okay, we’re taking a time out here. I’ll call my friend. You go do whatever you want, because you will anyways, and then later, we’re going to talk about this.” Not giving her a chance to respond, he turned and walked away.

  A few hours later, he saw her standing at the barn’s entrance looking his way. Ignoring her, he went about his business. He refused to go to her, she would have to come to him. Studying the directions for the grill he’d bought, he continued putting it together.

  “You’re breaking the rules you know, by looking at the directions. Men don’t do directions.”

  Glaring at her, he answered, “Yeah, well I’m a wuss remember, and apparently women don’t do directions either.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Why were you angry?”

  “The trees are overgrown and have taken over the area behind the barn, and the barn is old. I think it best to cut back the trees should there be a barn fire, because the way it is now the trees would go up like matchsticks, and as they wrap around the yard to the house, the whole place could burn down.”

  “Okay, now tell me why you were angry.”

  Looking confused, she paused then answered, “I just did.”

  “No,” he said shaking his head. “You didn’t, you gave me a reason for why you were doing what you were doing, along with an explanation for your concern. But and overgrowth of trees and the potential for fire does not make a person angry. Have you received any counseling?”

  She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Yes.”

  “For how long?”

  “Two years.”

  “Alright then, you should be able to tell me why you became angry with me. We both know, but you need to say it.”

  Irritated with the process, she reluctantly relented. “Because my control over the situation was threatened. I told you I came with baggage.”

  “Yep, you sure did.” He paused and looked at the grill’s directions. “The question is, do you want to hold on to it or let it go?”

  “It’s not that easy,” she answered defensively.

  “No one said it was, but it’s not impossible either, unless you think it is.”

  “Will you go riding with me?”

  Stopping, he looked up at her. Now he was the one confused. “Like on a horse you mean?”

  She nodded.

  “Well, ahhh, sure, I guess. You’ll have to teach me.”

  Smiling widely, she nodded. “I will, finish up, I’ll go saddle the horses.”

  “You mean now?” He did not want to ride a horse.

  She laughed. “Yeah, I mean now.”

  Sighing, he answered, “Alright, go saddle the horses.”

  CHAPTER 5

  A half hour later, Kris was atop a large greyish-blue horse feeling stupid. “So this is Ricochet, the one who took off the night of the storm. Great.”

  Dani smiled. “I’ve never known him to bolt with a rider, he was just scared and the fence was down.”

  “Just so you know, I don’t trust this situation in the least.”

  She snickered. “Welcome to my world.”

  “Aha, that’s what this is all about, teaching me a lesson are you?”

  Shaking her head, she answered him, “No, it’s just that you want to talk about things that are difficult for me and I feel safest on a horse, so here we are.”

  Okay, so maybe this experience was worth it. “So this is like therapy then?”

  “It’s positive reinforcement.”

  “Alright, I’m game. Let’s do it.”

  After a quick tutorial they were down the road and across the highway. Following 280th Avenue, they turned onto the entrance to the Gandy Dancer Trail and rode side by side.

  Dani broke the ice when she said flatly, “I reserve the right to not answer anything I don’t want to. What do you want to know?”

  “Just tell me about you.”

  Silence. “Well, aside from what you already know, I’m obviously the product of an illicit affair, I don’t know who my father is, my younger years were unstable, things didn’t get much better until I went to D.D.’s ranch. As I said, he was good to me, but I was screwed up by then, and being left behind by my mother did a number on me mentally.

  “D.D. did his best, but how does a young girl talk to an older man about such things when she’s scared and trusts little. We just never talked about it, we kind of had this imaginary beginning, and we developed a life together somewhere in the middle. “I remember sitting at the breakfast table, my heart racing a million miles a minute, numb through and through, wondering where my mother was, knowing the answer and wanting to die. When I got the courage up to ask, D.D. looked at me and said, ‘I thought we’d go get you a horse today,’ and that was it, we were a family so speak.

  “He taught me much of what I know about horses, hunting, and fishing, as did many of the ranch hands. But it was the horses that I learned from the most, because they became my refuge, my therapy so to speak. I related to them, and if you paid attention and lis
tened to them, they’d treat you well. I was safe with them, and was only at risk of getting knocked on my butt if they got pushy or wanted to play. So horses it was, and I trained with them, showed them, competed with them.”

  “Did you have trouble with the ranch hands?”

  “Nothing happened if that’s what you’re asking. If things started getting tricky, they were usually gone the next day, D.D. and the others having run them off. I primarily stuck to myself, so if any one of them showed any particular interest, it was on their part, not mine. D.D. knew that and took note, if he didn’t like the vibe they were gone.”

  “So no boyfriends?”

  She laughed. “Like as in innocent relationships with boys my age, not as a teen, a little tough when you’re a foot taller than them, a string bean, and have the hair of a wooly mammoth. No, it was always men, not boys, who were drawn to me.”

  He looked over at her, smiling. “Stop, I like your hair.”

  They rode in silence for a bit before he asked, “So what about school?”

  She looked off in the distance. “Not where my heart was. I went only because I had to.”

  “Did D.D. have a wife? Forget that, obviously not, if he and your mom were an item. I mean, were there any women in your life? How did you learn girl stuff?”

  She shook her head. “He was married for a time, before his wife died. They only had Deegan and he was gone by the time I came, being twelve years older than me. As far as women, none really. A couple of the hands had wives, but they lived elsewhere. As far as girl stuff, one of the female teachers at school told me about getting my monthly and what to do. I’m pretty sure D.D. asked her to, because when I came home, there was a bag of ‘girl stuff’ as you call it on my bed. Anything else was learned from watching girls at school, or at horse shows, TV, and I never needed the sex talk as I already knew about that.”

  “What happened when D.D. died?”

  Her tone turned frosty. “My mother and Deegan showed up.”

  “And?”

  “I should’ve left,” she clipped.

  “And you didn’t because?”

  “I had obligations.”

  She was clamming up, move away from this he told himself. “Where was Deegan all the years you were at the ranch?”

  “On the rodeo circuit, slumming it with the bunnies, being a general pain in the ass where ever and whenever he could be. He and D.D. never saw eye to eye.”

  Okay, she was talking again, he’d managed to maneuver that minefield. “So then what happened?”

  “After they showed up, or after the main event?”

  “He pretty much decided I came with the ranch, he just figured I needed to earn my keep…He was a stag in rut and I was handy.”

  “Hmmm, I pretty much surmise that the time from when they showed up to that of the main event was not good, so how about after.”

  “Went to a woman’s shelter and into hiding, received counseling, tried to establish some semblance of a normal life without much luck.”

  “Did you maybe press charges?”

  Silence… “No.”

  “Have you been with anyone since?”

  Silence… “A couple.”

  “And?”

  She took a deep breath and let it out. “It didn’t work out.”

  “Any particular reason why?”

  Silence… “Because I disassociate, and because of things like happened earlier when you came over. They didn’t have the patience, and I didn’t have the energy.”

  “Disassociate?” He was going to have to do some research on sexual abuse and rape.

  “Grin and bear it, my bodies there, I’m not, cold fish, take your pick. Apparently I’m supposed to beg for it day and night. I’m a terrible blow to a man’s ego.”

  Oh boy, good thing he had plenty to spare. “So, how did you end up here?”

  “Women’s shelters are pretty much supported by underground connections. One such connection heard of my story, knew who I was, and offered to be my benefactor. This individual grew up at the hands of an abusive father and has ties to Wisconsin. My being here is because of this person’s help. Can we maybe talk about you now?” she asked, the exhaustion in her voice indicating a need for a break.

  “Yeah, sure. What do you want to know?”

  “Anything that will take me out of my cesspool of a life.”

  “Born and raised here, two parents, married, two brothers, a sister, friends, jock in high school, graduated, been a dairy farmer all my life. Love football, hunting, fishing, and then there is the taxidermy thing. I enjoy planting and harvesting crops, playing in the dirt, and just hanging out with family and friends. Essentially, I’m pretty low maintenance, but my family would say otherwise.”

  She laughed. “A regular Leave It to Beaver life. I love it! I didn’t meet your mom though.”

  “Yeah, she died about seven years ago when she ran into a deer coming home one night.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that. Your family sounds nice. Now what about the girlfriends, I know there are some.”

  He shook his head. “Not really, one in high school, the rest just…trysts, I guess.”

  “Ahhhh,” she said raising her eyebrows and grinning. “I get it, the love them and leave them type.”

  No sense looking into the past right? Man, he wished he had made better choices. “I really hate myself right now.”

  “Why?”

  He looked straight ahead, seeing a bend in the trail. “Because how will I ever get you to trust me with that in my history?”

  “Hate to break it to you, big guy, but your history could be pristine and I’d still not trust you. So forgive yourself and move on, change things if you want, but don’t feel guilty on account of me.”

  “So what are you saying, there’s no hope for us then?”

  “No, I’m saying that it doesn’t matter what kind of person presents themselves to me, one with an impeccable past, or one as yours, I wouldn’t trust either, and likewise, you shouldn’t trust a woman based on her past either. The past is just that, the past, but people use it as leverage to gain privilege, the problem with that is that people change with each experience, so how they behaved then is not necessarily how they’ll behave now. For me, trust needs to be earned and built, and in my case it will simply be more difficult, if not impossible to do because I’m screwed up in the head.”

  Smiling, he looked off into the distance, seeing a crossing not a bend. “I don’t believe that for a second. You’re not screwed up. Do you even realize what you just said? You’re trying to convince me how you untrusting you are, and for good reason, when you basically made the argument that you trust people can change. If they can change for the worse, they can change for the better, right? In other words, the survivor in you believes in rehab, of you and others. You’re not screwed up, you’re just stuck in the process. There’s hope Dani, you may very well trust again.”

  *****

  Stopping her horse, she sat there, thinking about what he’d said. She’d heard the words you can trust again if you get help and try, maybe even said them a time or two because it was the right thing to say, but they’d never been anything but a pressured expectation, until now. Now, in this moment, it wasn’t an expectation, it was a possibility, and didn’t that make all the difference in the world.

  “Ah Dani, what the hell is your horse doing?”

  She looked up just as Ricochet, started off the trail and into the trees. She laughed. “He’s taking you for a ride.”

  “Great, can’t he do it up on the trail?”

  “Sure, hang on.” She whistled and Ricochet did just that, turned and bounded back onto the trail and trotted over to her.

  “Okay, I think I just aged ten years.”

  Leaning forward, she reached for Kris’s hand, pulling him closer and giving it a squeeze. Looking up at him, she said, “Thank you.”

  Glancing over his shoulder to where he and Ricochet had been, and then back at her, he sai
d, “I don’t know what just happened, but okay.”

  “You gave me hope, I haven’t had hope in a long, long time.”

  He smiled. “Shouldn’t I get a reward, you know that whole positive reinforcement thing.”

  Hah, typical male. “You did, I took your hand and gave it a squeeze.”

  “How about for the whole ride the gentle, yet runaway horse thing. What’s my reward for that?” he asked, testing the limits.

  Smiling to her herself, she supposed she kind of liked him. “I don’t know, maybe I’ll let you put your arm around me, I’m not sure.

  Perking up, he sat contemplating what she’d said. “How fast can these horses get us back to the ranch?”

  She had to chuckle. “Why?”

  “Because I have a surprise for you, and it’s not a worm or a rifle?”

  Smiling widely, she answered, “Fast.”

  “Will I get a reward for going fast on the horse?”

  He was such a Y chromosome. “Depends.” Why was she always attracted to the hot blooded ones?

  “On?”

  “If you can stay on and not fall off,” she teased.

  “Get your lasso. Give it to me,” he demanded, putting his hand out.

  Laughing, she pulled out her lasso and put it around Ricochet’s head.

  “Hey, that’s for me not the horse. Tie me on,” he demanded.

  She shook her head. “That would be cheating. Hang on big guy, let’s go.”

  “Cheating?” he responded indignant, grasping the saddle horn. “The hell it would be, it’s like training wheels, I’m new at this.”

  “We’ll make a cowboy out of you yet,” she answered as the horses began to gallop.

  “I’m not wearing a cowboy hat,” he said defiantly, while bouncing around in the saddle.

  Laughing, she responded, “Remember how you felt when you saw me handling your guns?”