by Leah Atwood
“Why does it have to be so complicated?” Fresh tears sprung from confusion.
“I don’t know why our lives have played out like this, but maybe we had to be broken before we could be put back together, this time stronger.”
“Love shouldn’t be this difficult.”
“Is this love?” he asked, his voice low and husky.
Her hand covered his. “I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember. Even after you left, I never stopped. When I heard you had married, I forced the feeling aside, but the only way to do that was to close my heart completely to love.”
“You deserve so much more.” His eyes, full of remorse, darkened.
“I deserve love. I want to love and be loved. One without the other isn’t fair to either person.” Emboldened, she met his gaze. “Did you really love me back then, Joseph? Because how could you have left me if you did?”
“I did love you, Sissy. I do love you.” His head lowered, nearing her lips.
She’d never wanted a kiss so badly, but she backed away, breaking all physical contact. Tucking her bottom lip under her top, she watched in dismay as the pain of rejection covered his face. “We can’t do this now, not yet.”
“There’s still hope?” He breathed in deeply and held the air in his lungs.
“Yes.” She looked in the direction they’d come from. “I need time to sort all of this in my mind, and before anything can happen with us, I have to speak with Barry. It wouldn’t be proper otherwise.”
“You’re right.” Flicking a glance to their food, he asked, “Would you like me to repack all this?”
“No, you paid a small fortune for it.” A smile succeeded in parting her lips. “But for the next hour, we eat and enjoy our meal. No talk of anything serious.”
His cheeks hinted to a pink shade. “I’m sorry for all the gossip that’s surely making its rounds as we speak.”
“We’ll survive.”
He arched a brow and looked at her with an odd expression.
Only then did she realize what she’d said. Not, “I’ll survive” but “We’ll survive”.
On the cusp of having all she’d ever wanted, the future both terrified and thrilled her.
Chapter Nine
In the early morning hours, Joseph checked on Gloria, who still slept peacefully in her bed. He tucked the blankets around her shoulders. Even with it being late-July, a light chill permeated the air. Once the sun rose, the warmth would come, but for now, he’d ensure his daughter remained comfortable in her sleep.
He tiptoed out of her room, then went outside and sat on the porch steps. If not for Gloria, he’d saddle a horse and go for a ride—that’s when he did his best thinking—but he wasn’t going to leave her alone.
Three weeks had passed since the Independence Day celebration. He hadn’t spoken with Sissy since then, not in private anyway. They’d shared a few greetings, passed each other on occasion while in town. One of those times, he’d had Gloria with him, and it was the oddest thing—she’d gone straight to Sissy and gave her a hug. Later that day, he’d found out she knew Sissy from the Ladies Auxiliary meeting Tallie had taken her to the week prior, but it still gladdened him to know Gloria had taken a liking to her.
Gloria’s acceptance of Sissy was an important factor in the next step. If there was a next step. It’s what he needed to invest thought and prayer into.
Sissy said she needed time, and he was doing his best to grant her wishes. He’d done so many things wrong, that this time around, he wanted them done right. She hadn’t sat with Barry at church since the picnic, and he’d heard they no longer spent time together, so that part was taken care of. The question remained, how much time did he give her? Was he expected to wait for a prompt from her or take the initiative?
A horse’s whinny stole his attention. He shifted his gaze toward the barn, but didn’t see anything of concern under the moonlight. When he didn’t hear any more noise, his thoughts returned to Sissy.
To heal old wounds, he had to retrace his steps. Where had he first gone wrong? He still believed with an absoluteness that he’d made the right decision in leaving seven years ago. Regardless, that wasn’t something he could change.
Could he have done things differently? Respect her. The answer stunned him into a defensive position. He had respected her, hadn’t he? No. If he was honest, he hadn’t. He’d lacked patience and jumped ahead of himself. He hadn’t acted like a man. An honest man wouldn’t have kept their relationship a secret. A man ready for marriage would have approached her father before asking for her hand.
He’d done none of that, and then to make his actions worse, he’d left her. Although he couldn’t shake the conviction that he’d made the right decision then, it didn’t condone the manner in which he’d left, or the actions leading up to his departure.
As the sun lifted in the horizon, light shined on his future. He knew what he had to do. Once Gloria woke up, he’d drop her off with Tallie, as he did on most mornings and complete his chores. Jeremiah and he kept their workloads light on Saturdays unless unexpected events arose, but he’d ask Tallie if she’d keep Gloria later than normal today. Now that he had a plan, he wanted to put it into action.
Three hours later, his heart slammed against his chest as he rode to the Evan’s place. Steely nerves crumbled to dust when he dismounted his mare and tethered her to a post near the house.
“Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.” Counting backwards didn’t calm him as he’d hoped. He shook his hands and rolled his neck. The nervousness didn’t diminish.
The front door opened and Mrs. Evans appeared. “Hello, Joseph.”
“Good afternoon, Mrs. Evans.” He tipped his hat.
Her eyebrows rose to form a V-shape, and behind her pupils lurked suspicion. “If you’re looking for Cicely, she’s not home.”
“I’ve not come to see her. It’s Mr. Evans with whom I wish to speak.”
She pursed her lips and appraised him with such strong intensity, the urge to squirm threatened to overwhelm him. “You can find him in the barn.”
“Thank you, ma’am.” He turned on a heel toward the red outbuilding.
“Joseph,” she called after him.
He twisted his neck. “Yes.”
“Stop in the house after you talk and have a slice of pie.”
“Thank you. I will do.” Walking to the barn, he wondered about her change in attitude. Could she sense he was here to correct past wrongs?
The wide double doors to the barn were opened and latched to the exterior walls. He walked in and scouted the area for Mr. Evans. “Hello?”
Sissy’s father stood from behind a stall. “Joseph Scott, is that you?”
“Yes, sir.”
Mr. Evans exited the shadows of the stall, pulling the gloves off his hands. “What can I do for you?”
“If you have a few minutes, I’d like to speak with you regarding Sissy.”
“She prefers to go by Cicely.” Eyes more suspicious than his wife’s stared at him.
“With all due respect, sir, she’ll always be Sissy to me. A different name won’t change the person she is.”
A glimmer of a smile tugged at his lips. “I’d have to agree.”
Joseph took four steps until he stood man to man in front of Mr. Evans. “I have a confession to make.”
The smiled immediately disappeared. “If you’ve done anything to dishonor my daughter, you’d better leave this second before I have time to reach for my gun.”
He threw a hand up, palm facing outward. “No, it’s nothing like you’re thinking.”
“You better explain real quick, son.”
“I love your daughter, sir, and I’d like your permission to court her.” After the words rushed out, he took a deep breath. “No, I’d like your permission to marry her if she’ll accept.”
Mr. Evan’s scowl relaxed. “That’s your confession? You’re a brave man going about it in that way.”
�
�There is more. Seven years ago, I proposed to Sissy and asked her to wait for me until she was seventeen.” He gauged Mr. Evans reaction, but found it neutral. “I was wrong to not approach you first, and I apologize.”
“I’m not certain what to make of all this.” Mr. Evans rubbed his jaw. “I appreciate your honesty today, and it demonstrates that you’ve matured as a person.”
“I have. There’s nothing to excuse the disrespect I gave your family, but I am older and wiser now.”
“This is my concern.” Leaning against a wall, Mr. Evans never broke eye contact. “Sissy was devastated when you left, and now I can understand more about why. You broke a very serious commitment. How can you assure me you won’t do that again?”
“The very fact I am here should prove that, sir. I want to go about this in a way which honors Sissy.”
“Good answer.” The older man nodded. “I understand that you married in Chicago and are a widower with a daughter. How will that factor into a marriage with my daughter?”
“I loved my wife, but have grieved her loss and put that life in the past where it belongs. Sissy was my first love, and Lord-willing that we’re blessed with a long life, my last love. My daughter adores Sissy, and I believe the feeling is mutual.”
The silence that fell between them reached into Joseph’s gut. Mr. Evans’ expression remained unreadable, and Joseph was certain he’d not give his permission.
At long last, Mr. Evans stepped forward. “I’m not happy about how you treated my daughter, but it wouldn’t be fair to hold you to a mistake of your youth. When it comes to giving you my blessing, I’m more concerned with the man you are now. Your father was a good friend and I know he taught you and your brother well. I’ve also done my own investigating, anticipating this moment, and have only heard praises of you. More importantly, coming here today shows a high level of integrity, and I can see that you love my Sissy.”
“I do. Very much so.”
“Do you promise to love her always, cherish her, and provide for her?”
“I promise.”
“You have my permission and blessing.” Mr. Evans extended an arm to shake on the agreement.
After releasing a relieved sigh, Joseph accepted his hand. “Thank you, sir.”
Chapter Ten
“You’re not coming?” Cicely quirked a brow at her parents’ announcement. “But you love barn dances.”
“We want to stay home tonight, have an evening to ourselves.” Pa cast an adoring gaze upon Ma that made Cicely feel like an interloper.
“How will I get there, and then home after dark?” Her parents had a strict rule about her being out alone after dark, a rule to which she gladly obliged.
Ma smiled at Pa before speaking. “We’ve made arrangements for you.”
Narrowing her eyes, Cicely attempted to decipher what was happening, but couldn’t guess. Instinct told her there was more at play than her parents wanting time to themselves.
“What are the arrangements?” Her stomach performed a solid somersault. Surprises weren’t her favorite thing in the world.
“You’ll find out shortly.” Pa winked.
Yes, winked. A sick feeling filled her. What if they’d asked Barry to escort her? She’d broken off their companionship immediately after the Fourth of July celebrations. The conversation was difficult, but he’d understood, which made her feel worse because he was such a good man.
Her parents, however, had taken the news harder. They adored Barry and had put their hope in him as a son-in-law. For days after she’d ended that relationship, they’d asked if she was certain of her choice, to which she always said yes but didn’t elaborate.
A few times they’d hinted to displeasure toward the feelings they assumed she had for Joseph. She’d held them off, not giving them a straight answer because she didn’t have one. All she knew was that she loved him, a fact she didn’t confess to Ma or Pa. They’d been silent on the issue for a week, but she wouldn’t be surprised if her parents had plotted against her, in an attempt to bring Barry back into her life.
Before she made a comment she’d regret later, she marched to her bedroom. She loved her parents and was eternally grateful for all they’d done for her, but she often wished society had different protocols. At her age, most of her peers were married and in homes of their own. However, Cicely still lived under her parents’ roof, and because of that, she was honor-bound to follow their rules.
Most of the time, it wasn’t an issue. Her parents didn’t treat her as a child and respected that she was a grown woman. Tonight didn’t seem to be one of those times, but she would do her best to take it in stride and prove she could act like an adult, even in a situation not to her liking.
She looked in the mirror above her bureau and fluffed the curls Ma had painstakingly transformed into her hair. Her suspicions should have been aroused when Ma had been so adamant about making her hair perfect. There’d also been a new dress waiting for her—a cornflower blue one with ecru lace trim. Perfect for an occasion of the barn dance, but acceptable for church and visiting as well.
A knock on the front door sounded loudly through the house. After viewing her reflection again in the mirror, she inhaled then exhaled before returning to the parlor to discover who her chosen escort was for the night.
When she saw the man standing by the entry, her jaw dropped. Joseph?
Their eyes met and held for a moment before either spoke. He’d come for her. When she’d said she needed time, she hadn’t given him specific instructions on how long, but, oh, how she had missed him.
Joseph stepped forward in a hesitant stride. “Cicely Evans, will you do me the honor of attending the barn dance with me tonight?”
After all this time, he’d finally called her Cicely. Come to find out, from him, she preferred Sissy. Her gaze shifted to her parents who each gave a brief nod.
“Yes.” She slipped a hand in his and walked beside him, allowing their shoulders to brush as they headed to his wagon. Except, his normal wagon wasn’t there, and it was a topless carriage, painted all white and pulled by two white horses.
“Thank you for coming with me tonight.” He stood in the carriage and pulled her into it. They sat, and he turned his head toward her. “I wasn’t sure enough time had passed, but I had to make an effort and try.”
“I’m glad you did,” she whispered feebly, too overwhelmed by emotion. “But Joseph…”
“What is it?” His voice hitched with apprehension as though he was worried he’d done something wrong.
That he cared so much made her smile, and she put him out of his misery. “About my name. I know I said that I prefer Cicely, but with you, I like Sissy. That’s what it’s always been between us, and how it should stay.”
A relieved smile pulled his lips wide. “All right, Sissy.”
“These horses and carriage are beautiful. I don’t recall seeing any all-white horses in Weatherton.”
“I borrowed them from an old friend in Pine Prairie.” He snapped the reins, and they pulled away. “Do you mind if we take a longer route?”
Her heart fluttered. He’d obviously put lots of thought and planning into tonight, which meant he wanted it to be special. “Not at all. Tonight is a lovely evening.”
Joseph shared a smile with her. “Clear skies, thousands of stars, perfect temperature, and a beautiful escort. What more could a man want?”
She blushed at his compliment, but it inspired her to flirt. “A night full of dances with his girl?”
“As long as that girl is you.” A grin tugged at the corner of his mouth. “Though I confess, I did promise Gloria some dances.”
“I’d be happy to her share with you.”
Comfortable silence settled between them. Lost in thought, the clear night prompted memories of the last dance they’d attended, albeit not officially together. That night ended with a promise that led to a broken heart.
She felt Joseph’s eyes on her, and she shifted to face him. In his ey
es, she saw the same memories reflected, accompanied by the hint of a new promise.
They came to the Jessup’s property, the location of the night’s events. Around twenty buggies and wagons were already parked nearby. The sounds of multiple fiddles playing an upbeat tune drifted from the barn, matched with laughter and cheerful conversation. Joseph parked the carriage away from the others.
Setting his hands firmly on her hips, he lifted her from the wagon and lowered her to the ground. From the corner of her eyes, she saw someone sprint to the barn from behind a tree. “Did you see that?”
“Probably some kids sneaking around.” He held out his hand, silently asking, Come with me.
Threading her fingers with his, she gave him the lead and followed. When they didn’t enter the barn and continued walking, she didn’t question where they were going. She knew intrinsically she could trust him.
They turned a corner, walked behind the barn. A circle of lanterns lit a small area, to which Joseph led her. The scent of wildflowers reached her, and she noticed between each lantern, was a bouquet.
It struck her full force that this wouldn’t be a typical night. Not just special, but extraordinary, life-changing.
In the background, Oh Susanna began to play. The song that played the first time Joseph had proposed. Surrounded by the incandescent glow of flickering flames, Joseph took her hands.
“Joseph,” she began weakly.
He put a finger to her lip. “Seven years ago, outside another barn, listening to the same song, I asked you to marry me. I did a lot of things wrong, and I’m sorry for the way I treated you. I loved you then, but I love you more now than I could have imagined. I’m asking you again, with the blessing of your father, to marry me, with the promise that this time, nothing will come between us.”
Stunned, she gripped Joseph’s hand tightly to support her weak knees. “You asked my father?”