“Agreed, Lily. Those ducks and geese were crazy!”
“We almost didn’t make it. I thought I was gonna have to karate chop those crazy birds,” Gage hollers as he kicks his legs and slices his hands through the air like a ninja.
The ducks and geese were very happy to see us with their lunch in hand. That is, until we ran out of bread. What started out as a quaint afternoon with friendly ducks eating bread out of our hands turned into a race to the playground with flailing wings and pecking beaks on our heels. Luckily, some wayward squirrels distracted the death squad, and we were able to make our escape. Those crazy birds freaked me the hell out, but thankfully the danger at the park earned me points in the four year olds’ minds.
Lily and Gage jump into the wagon and wave goodbye to a couple of newfound friends from the playground. They are such an outgoing pair, I have no doubt they make friends quickly wherever they go.
“So, listen up, you two. I know what we should do next. Wanna hear it?”
“Yeah!” they both shout excitedly, throwing their hands up in the air.
“We should eat some vegetables.”
My suggestion is met with shocked silence and confused stares. I secretly smile to myself and keep pulling the wagon to our next destination. I pretend to be oblivious to their reaction.
“Yep, vegetables. I think I’ll have broccoli. How about brussel sprouts for you, Gage? And turnips for you, Lily? Won’t that be awesome?”
“That won’t be awesome. That’s terrible! I don’t like brussel sprouts, Miss Sara,” Gage whines with a look of disbelief.
The timing is perfect as I roll the wagon up to the entrance of Pop’s Old Fashioned Ice Cream Parlor. “I’m sure we can find vegetables that you like in here, don’t ya think?”
“They don’t sell vegetables in there, Miss Sara. They sell ice cream, and I want some!” Lily lets out an infectious giggle, and I laugh along with her.
“I’m pretty sure they do, Lily. Why don’t we check it out?”
After perusing the flavors, I decide to have a cone of asparagus, also known as pecan praline. Gage picks a scoop of radishes, disguised as mint chocolate chip, and after much deliberation, Lily settles on a scoop of collard greens, or bubble gum ice cream.
“So when your dad and Aunt Cece ask you what you had for snack today, what are you going to say?”
“Vegetables!” they both scream loudly and break out into fits of laughter, earning some head shakes from the Pop’s employees.
When the laughter dies down, I hear the faint background music and recognize an American Authors song.
“Ooh, awesome song. Hey, would you guys mind turning it up a bit?” I take a chance in asking the cashier. We’re the only customers in the shop right now, so I’m hoping she’ll comply. The volume escalates, and I can’t help but bob my head from side to side as I lick my cone. I look up to see a grinning Lily waving her spoon in the air to the rhythm of the music. Gage glances at Lily and then starts wiggling his butt in his chair like he has ants in his pants.
I take them both by surprise when I hop out of my seat, bouncing and waving my hands in the air to the music. They quickly follow suit, and it seems we’ve started a dance party in the middle of the ice cream shop. The cashier can’t even keep from swaying back and forth as she sings along.
As I watch Lily twirl to the music and Gage karate kick the air, I know, without a doubt, that today is definitely the best day.
“My favorite part was the big slide!” Lily shouted.
“My favorite part was the radishes!” Gage yells at the top of his lungs in a fierce manly voice.
“My favorite part was singing and dancing with y’all,” I offer as I pull the wagon down their street.
I can’t bring myself to be remorseful about today. I know Adam may be angry that I spent the day with his kids, but that doesn’t change the fact that we had a wonderful time together. I loved every minute of it, and the fact that these are Adam’s kids is an added bonus.
As the wagon teeters closer to the house, my smile slowly begins to fade. Adam is pacing back and forth on the front porch with his phone to his ear and his other hand in his hair. Oh shit. As he notices us wheeling closer he stops abruptly and stays frozen to his spot on the porch. He tersely says something into the phone, and then slides the phone in his pocket. I stop moving forward, and we sit silently on the sidewalk in front of the house. Adam visibly breathes in a couple of deep breaths, as if he’s searching for calm, and then begins walking toward us.
“Lily! Gage! I was so worried about you guys. I didn’t know where you were,” Adam says as cheerfully as he can manage with a tight smile on his face.
Gage, obviously sensing the tension in the air, suddenly spits out, “We ate vegetables.”
Confusion sweeps over Adam’s face, and I decide quickly that I prefer confusion to the annoyance I originally detected. I pull the wagon toward the house, wanting this exchange to end as soon as possible.
“Look, I’m really sorry. I didn’t expect you back so soon. We took a trip to the park, and I had my phone the whole time,” I defend in a small voice, avoiding eye contact. I don’t like the feeling of guilt that’s washing over me. I did nothing wrong.
“Obviously, I didn’t know they were with you, so I didn’t call. And Celia’s not answering. Where is she?” I see the muscles in Adam’s jaw twitching, and I know that he’s fighting for control. I’ve never seen him this way.
As if she were summoned, Celia’s car pulls up into the driveway. While Adam is distracted by her arrival, I take the opportunity to unload Gage and Lily out of the wagon and ask them to please go play inside the house. As they bound up the stairs, Celia hurriedly scrambles out of her car and walks toward Adam and me, waving her arms.
“I’m here! I’m here! I’m sorry, Adam. It’s entirely my fault. One of my clients had an emergency, and I had to go to the county jail. I’m so glad Sara was available to help out,” Celia explains.
“Look, I’m going to run inside to get my things and tell the kids goodbye,” I interject. I have no interest in being part of this conversation, and I take the first opportunity to extricate myself.
I grab my purse off the kitchen counter and walk down the hall to the kids’ bedrooms. I find both of them in Lily’s room. She’s attempting to rope Gage into a tea party, and Gage is trying to get an invitation for his tyrannosaurus rex. Lily shrugs in acceptance.
“Hey guys, I’m gonna hit the road,” I say as I lean into the doorframe. “I had fun spending the day at the park. Thanks for letting me join in.”
“Have some tea,” Lily suggests with a very formal tone as she crosses her legs daintily.
I giggle softly and shake my head. “Nah, not this time Lily, but thank you. I have to get going.”
“You’ll come back,” Gage says, more like a command than a question. He’s so much like his father.
“I’ll try my best, Gage,” I say noncommittally, not wanting to make promises I can’t keep. That’s not a call I’m in the position to make.
After quick hugs with each of them, I make my way back to the kitchen. As I enter the room, I notice the door is slightly ajar, and clipped voices are filtering in the room from the porch.
“You fucking knew I didn’t want Gage and Lily to meet her, and you pushed the issue. You’ve backed me into a corner, and I don’t appreciate it,” Adam accuses angrily.
“Look, I didn’t plan this. An emergency came up, and I was lucky she was available to help. Would you rather them come to the jail with me? I think not. Come on, Adam, we both know where this is going with you two. It was only a matter of time—”
“I don’t know that, and neither do you. Sara and I may see each other when it’s convenient, but that’s the extent of it at this point,” Adam interrupts and then remains quiet for a moment before he sighs heavily. “Look, I can’t bring people into their lives who I’m not sure will be there in the long run. Do you know what she did to that guy? Can I rea
lly trust someone like that with my kids?”
My chest physically aches in the face of his words. I shake my head and try to will away the tears I feel forming behind my eyes. Why didn’t I stay and drink Lily’s tea?
“Look, I think you’ve got it all wrong. You should probably talk to her before you jump to conclusions,” Celia says evenly. I can feel her walking the tightrope of dispelling Adam’s fears about me and keeping my trust. I’ve inadvertently put her in a tight spot, and I’m sorry for that.
“He followed her around like a puppy dog all through college until she finally saw fit to give him the time of day. After years of leading him on, he finds her in bed with another man while he’s holding her engagement ring in his pocket. Who in the hell does something like that? No one I can introduce to my children, that’s who. Whatever the case, it’s not your decision to make, Celia. And it sure the fuck isn’t hers.”
I silently pray for the floor to swallow me up. I beg my legs to turn the other way and run. My body won’t comply, and a single tear drops and spills down my cheek. Hearing my own doubts and fears coming from Adam’s mouth is crippling.
“Whatcha doing, Miss Sara?” Lily asks from behind me. As the question settles uncomfortably in the air, I hear Celia gasp before silence falls over the porch. Lily’s voice is what it takes to draw me out of my fog. I quickly swipe the tear on my cheek and turn around to face her with a painted-on smile.
“I’m walking out the door to leave, Lily. Goodbye, sweet girl,” I say as I rustle her brown curls.
When I turn around to leave, Celia and Adam are waiting for me in the kitchen. I’m not doing this right now. I can’t do this right now.
“I need to go. I’ll see you guys later,” I say quickly with my head lowered. As I race to the door and tumble down the front steps, I hear the footsteps behind me, and I quicken my pace to try and avoid the inevitable. I feel a hand on my arm, and I try my best to wiggle free.
“Don’t touch me!” I whisper angrily, battling to keep my composure and avoid a scene.
“Sara, listen to me.”
“Stop talking,” I demand.
“I’m sorry you overheard that, but—”
“Stop talking,” I interrupt more loudly.
“Look, what the fuck did you expect, Sara?”
I whirl around and face him head on, tears rolling down my cheeks and fire in my eyes. “What did I expect? I sure as hell didn’t expect to hear that I’m inconsequential. Insignificant. I heard every fucking word you said. Every. Word. You didn’t want to keep your kids away from the women you date. You wanted to keep your kids away from me. Me specifically. That’s all I need to know.” I keep making my way to the car, the tears spilling from my cheeks unchecked. I hear Adam’s determined footsteps behind me, but he makes no attempt to explain away his words.
“God, this is so fitting. Do you remember that time I ran into you at Antoni’s Pizza Place, and I thought you and Celia were a couple?” I wait for his nod before I continue. “All I kept thinking the entire time you told us about Celia, her job, and her dedication was, ‘I hope I have someone to say sweet things about me behind my back one day. What a wonderful boyfriend.’” I shake my head and huff before turning back to my car.
“Look, you knew the score from the beginning. I never fucking lied to you. I never promised you white picket fences and picnics. I promised you a good time, and I’ve heard no complaints. Don’t make yourself out to be the fucking victim here. You walked into this thing fully aware. Eyes. Wide. Open.”
I turn to face him and feel as if I’m seeing him for the first time. “Who the fuck are you? You don’t know anything about me, and you’re making all these assumptions about my character—”
“And whose fault is that, Sara?” Adam interrupts menacingly. “I’ve poured my heart out to you about Grace and my kids, and what do I get in return? Nothing. Not. One. Word. If you have a feasible explanation for all the rumors circulating about your questionable ‘character,’ why don’t you enlighten me? Let’s hear it.”
Adam raises his arms ceremoniously and awaits my reply with an intimidating glare. I’m stunned by the turn in the conversation, and I don’t know how to answer him. I honestly don’t know that I want to answer him.
“And cue the crickets. I can’t say I’m surprised. At first, I gave you the benefit of the doubt because I didn’t think you could be the cold-hearted bitch who the town talks about. It just didn’t seem like you. But now? After months of you not saying a word to me about it? I’ve come to the conclusion that if you could defend yourself, if you had a fucking leg to stand on, you would.”
I shake my head in disbelief while fury simmers deep in my chest. How could I have been so wrong about him? I feel like such a fool. “Ya know what, asshole? I don’t owe you a damn thing. You lost that right the minute those hateful words left your mouth. I spent a lot of time punishing myself for what happened with Mason, and I thought I was a despicable person who didn’t deserve anything good. It just kills me to know you think those things, too. Goodbye, Adam.” A sob tears through me before I can stop it, and instinctively I cover my mouth.
“Go ahead, Sara, prove me right. Run. That is what you do best, right?” Adam hisses as he holds my door open so I can’t leave.
“Get out of the way, Adam!”
“If that’s the way you want it, fine. I wish I could say I’m surprised,” he spits out as he slams my car door closed with brute force, startling me.
Adam narrows his gaze at me, a look of resentment etched on his face. I put the car in reverse, back out of the driveway, and swipe the tears from my cheeks. I throw the car into drive and turn to see Adam standing in the same place where I left him, his hands gripping his neck, his head lowered.
I would give anything to erase the last twenty minutes. I would give anything to be worthy of him. I don’t know how I get home. I don’t know how long I sit in the driveway of my house. I’m unsure of how much time passes before Marlo retrieves me from the car and brings me inside. Celia must have called and told her what happened because she consoles me and wipes my tears without question.
It took a long time to get here, but I’m finally at a place in my life where I believe in myself again. I wish to God Adam believed in me, too.
“The Mess I’ve Made” by Parachute
“Down” by Jason Walker
“I NEED YOU inside me, Adam,” she whispers urgently as her hands grab my ass insistently.
The sound of her sweet voice shoots straight to my dick, and my body complies intuitively. I grab behind her knee and pull it up over my hip and plunge deep. I lean my forehead into hers and breathe deeply, trying not to come at first contact. Everything about Sara undoes me. The smell of her hair, her soft sweet voice, that beautiful, no holds barred laugh; I’ll do anything to make her laugh. This girl has crawled into my soul and taken up residence.
“I need you to move. Please. I can’t take it anymore.”
I grind into her and start moving in earnest. “You’re going to be the death of me, I swear. You feel so fucking good.”
“I need you deep, Adam. So deep.” Her soft brown eyes plead with me. As always, I get lost in her gaze. Everything about her feels like home.
“I love it when you beg for my cock.” I flip us over until she’s straddling me. “Show me, baby. Show me what you need.”
She leans back, bracing her hands on my knees, and proceeds to drive me to the edge with her body. I reach up and circle her clit with my thumb, and her soft whimpers fill the room. I feel my release building, and I have no doubt she’s just as close. As her moans get louder, she pushes herself toward me and takes my mouth with hers for a searing kiss. She lifts her eyes to me, panting with desire.
“I’m so close, Adam.”
“Just let go. Come for me, baby.”
Her lips quirk up in a mischievous smile just as her hand meets my face with a hard sting. I’m stunned silent, and her hand quickly comes down and slaps me again
.
“What the fuck?” I holler.
“Daddy said a bad word. Dollar in the cuss jar!” Gage says with a giggle, and my eyes blink open in confusion.
“Who just slapped me in the face?” I ask as I turn to the side in an attempt to hide my morning wood.
“It was me,” Lily admitted, sounding almost proud of herself. “Sorry, Daddy, but you wouldn’t wake up, and I really want some birds in a nest for breakfast. Will you make me some?”
“Sure, Lily Pad, just give me a few minutes to wake up, okay?” I wait for Lily’s assent in the form of a little nod, then I continue. “And the face slapping … not cool. We don’t hit each other.”
“Sorry, Daddy.” Lily hangs her head, and I almost feel bad for fussing. Almost.
As Lily and Gage file out of my room, I’m forced to deal with my reality since Sara cut things off with me—a dick hard enough to cut glass and a heart that physically aches for my girl. The dreams are unrelenting; I fucking swear I’m a thirteen year old boy again.
She hasn’t talked to me in seven days. Seven. Fucking. Days. It certainly isn’t for my lack of trying. I call her. I text her. Nothing works. She won’t answer my calls or respond to my texts. I’m not even sure she’s paying attention to them. And then I started going to her house.
Unfortunately, Marlo meets me at the door every single time with a hand on her hip and nasty look that tells me I rank about as high as the gum on the bottom of her shoe right now. Marlo scares me a little, and I don’t care if that makes me a pussy. Her bullshit meter is dangerously low, and she has no problem causing physical harm. No way she’s letting me in to see Sara. Frankly, I’m lucky to leave with my balls intact. But as Marlo quickly finds out: I may be an asshole, but I’m a persistent asshole. I make several more visits to Sara’s house throughout the week, and Marlo always greets me and turns me away. But as my visits increase, Marlo’s icy stare begins to thaw. I suspect she sees what I already know—I look like shit, and I feel even worse. And I’m not giving up on my girl. If I’m slowly breaking down Marlo’s walls, I can only hope I’m doing the same to Sara.
Hope Over Fear (Over #1) Page 19