by Baylin Crow
He grabbed the paper from me bringing it up to his face. “I haven’t looked through this stuff in a long time,” he said avoiding my question. “I wish you hadn’t seen this.”
I was taken aback. We hadn’t known each other long, not really anyway. Before he had always just been someone untouchable that I secretly fantasized about, but what we had now seemed important somehow and he wanted to keep this from me. I had a feeling I knew why but it still hurt. My hurt was nothing compared to what he seemed to be going through, so I stood. Reaching for his face, I touched his scar through his facial hair.
“Did they do this to you?” He didn’t answer, but I saw his eyes water. He never let a tear fall, but I saw it anyway. “They were the guys you hung around when you told me the story, weren’t they?”
“Yeah,” he whispered, and I felt my heart crack in two. All of his worry about me made sense. He didn’t want what had happened to him to happen to me. That became obvious as I started to piece everything together. It also made sense why he avoided dating and who he was. Had it been me, I might have done the same thing. When you’re on a team, and every play you make relies on the players you trust, it had to really mess with you for those same people to do something so horrible to you. For who you were attracted to, no less.
I reached out, and he stepped back away from me. He wadded the paper up and took it to the bathroom. When he came back out without it, I knew he had thrown it away. It felt like maybe he would try and do that to us now too. The distance he was trying to create wasn’t going to work. I had to tell him that I wasn’t going anywhere and that he could trust me.
He sat on the bed, elbows on his knees and hung his head. I hurried to kneel in front of him. “Look at me,” I pleaded.
“Soccer…,” he sighed.
“No. Look at me.” I placed my finger under his chin, tipping his head back up. “I hate them.”
He chuckled a little, the sound sad. “Yeah, me too.”
“No, I mean it. Beard, they hurt you and not only physically. You know I’d never hurt you, right?”
He studied my face. “Maybe, not on purpose, but you can’t guarantee not to hurt anyone.”
“What I meant was that I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. This is the only place I want to be. Wherever you are, is where I’ll be.” This was happening fast, but I couldn’t, and didn’t want to, slow it down.
“And what if I can’t be open about our relationship? What then?”
He didn’t see it. He’d already been making the steps, and people were noticing. “You openly told that man downstairs. Jack, right? How long do you think it’s going to take for people to figure out how we feel about each other? But if you need time, I can give you that. I don’t expect you to say or do more than you’re comfortable with, but I do want everyone to know we’re together. I want them to know your mine and that I’m yours.”
“Are you mine?” he asked, and the vulnerable way he put himself out there had me placing my lips against his.
I smiled against his lips. “Seems I couldn’t keep away no matter how hard you pushed me away.” When he still looked wary, I told him, “Beard, I’ve wanted to be yours since the day I saw you working behind that bar. Maybe I didn’t realize how badly but now it’s the only thing I want.”
When he pulled me down on the bed and rolled on top of me, I hoped we’d be ok and that he could get past the hurt. When he pushed inside me, the look on his face told me we’d be ok and that it may just take some time.
Eleven
Beard
Waking up with Soccer sprawled out halfway on top of me was quickly becoming an addiction that I couldn’t imagine going without. Seeing his peaceful sleeping face made me want things I’d never thought I’d have.
I tried to remove myself from beneath him without waking him but his eyes fluttered open, and I leaned down to kiss his forehead.
“Morning, sleepy head.” I kissed him again running my hand over his back when he pulled me back down next to him.
“You’re in a good mood this morning,” he said.
“Why wouldn’t I be? I have a gorgeous man in my bed who happens to make me very happy.” If I thought the smile he gave me when he woke up was perfect, it was nothing compared to how happy he looked in that moment. It made me want to give him so many more reasons to be happy. He was quickly becoming more important to me than anything else, including my privacy.
“I just thought maybe after last night you would be…” he trailed off, seeming to be trying to find the right words, so I cut him off.
“I don’t like to talk about the past. It’s not something I like to relive, but I’m glad you know. I don’t want there to be secrets between us. And besides, if I remember correctly, it ended up leading to you pleading for ‘more, more please, Beard!’” I laughed when he swatted me in the arm and pulled him close to me. “I like this,” I told him.
“Mmm, me too,” he said snuggling into my neck with a purr. “I want to ask you something.” He hesitated and my gut twisted, but I didn’t show it.
“After last night and knowing now what happened, I understand if you want to change your mind about the game. Do you still want to come?” He looked sincere, and it just made me want to do whatever would make him happy.
“If you want me there, then I’m there.” I wouldn’t deny that I was nervous if he asked but I was tired of running away from what I wanted. I had done that for so long, and now that I had him, I couldn’t imagine going back to that.
Soccer nodded into my neck. “I do, but only if you’re comfortable with it.”
“Ok,” I said.
“Ok? That easy?” He looked skeptical.
“That easy,” I confirmed while moving my hand down his back and pinching his ass. He yelped and crawled on top of me straddling me, every delicious inch of him on display. He leaned down and kissed my lips. “It’s the dimple,” I added. “I can’t say no when you do that, and I have a suspicion that you know that.”
“You’re just using me for my looks?” he asked with mock disappointment.
“No, but they are definitely a bonus.” I shifted my hips underneath him and watched as his semi-erect cock went fully hard. “Do you have practice this morning?”
He looked at the clock. “Damn it, no but I have class in about thirty minutes and then practice this afternoon.”
I gave him a wicked grin and sat partially up while tugging his hips forward and guiding his stiff length to my mouth. As soon as my lips wrapped around him, he cursed and then started thrusting in and out while his hands tangled in my hair. I loved looking up at him and watching his face as I made him feel good. Knowing we were in a rush, I redoubled my efforts and with a final moan, he emptied himself. I licked my lips as he stared down at me.
“I love your mouth,” he said with his eyes still unfocused. I laughed as he rolled off of me and onto his back. When he came back to earth, he grabbed for the pulsing ache between my legs, but I captured his hand.
“You’re going to be late if you don’t leave now,” I reminded him. He gave my crotch a look of longing that made it twitch once more. “Go, or I’m not going to be responsible for what I do.”
He scrambled out of bed and started throwing on his clothes. “I’m going to make it up to you.” The heat in his eyes promised very dirty things to come, and I couldn’t wait. He gave me a quick kiss and then had to leave. It was ridiculous that I already missed him, I thought, but there it was, and it was the truth.
After Soccer left, I took another shower and dressed. There were a few things I needed from the store for the plans I had for Soccer tonight. I wanted to surprise him by cooking for him. He seemed to be impressed that I had any culinary skills, and I wanted to show him in one of many ways how I wanted to take care of him.
A quick drive had me pulling up at the whole food market where I picked up all the ingredients I would need and went to stand in line. I hadn’t had time to pull up the newspaper this morning so while wa
iting, I pulled it up on my phone. I almost dropped it when the first article from the front page appeared. It didn’t take much to become big news in a small town and what I saw proved it.
A picture of Soccer on the field was blown up looking undeniably sexy but what caught my attention was the caption underneath the photo.
Local college soccer star is off the market.
The article went on to say that the gifted player who was very open with his sexuality was rumored to have been dating a man and according to sources was officially off the market. The author highlighted some of Soccer’s moments so far into the season but said that news of his new relationship was the topic of the town calling him brave and wishing him well.
Two things happened at once. My heart swelled at the acceptance, and even support expressed in the article and my stomach turned with nerves. I couldn’t help but wonder if they would be as accepting of me as they were of Soccer. What if I didn’t measure up? I hadn’t always been this damn insecure. I looked back at the photo of Soccer and the determined face he wore as he kicked towards the goal and smiled. Honestly, I didn’t think I cared anymore as long as the only person I wanted thought I was good enough.
My happiness was short lived, however. News traveled fast, and it would only be a matter of time before my identity was revealed and then it would inevitably make its way to my parents who I’m sure would meddle where they weren’t wanted. Until that time came, I wouldn’t worry about them because they didn’t have a say in anything I did anymore. I wasn’t a kid, and I didn’t rely on them for anything.
That night Soccer came over, and after consuming every last bite of the meal I had made for him, he made good on his promise from that morning.
---
The next two days were spent together around class, practice, and work. We still found plenty of time for just the two of us especially when he spent his off day just lounging with me in my apartment. I found out more about him every day and not just the facts, but details like how easily he got hot which explained the lack of jackets and why he always stuck his feet out of the bottom of the blanket and how he loved having his hair played with. He had laughed when he had gone through my DVD collection and discovered some of my movies that I hadn’t thought to put away. When he suggested, we watch one together, things had gone quickly from funny to heated skin on skin action. I hadn’t wanted that easiness to go away, but our little bubble couldn’t last forever, and in a way, I didn’t want it to.
Game day came too soon. Soccer was already with his team after leaving this morning and getting ready to play, and I was still at the apartment. I was dressed and ready to go but remained rooted to the couch. This was it. After tonight I knew it would come out, literally, that Soccer’s mystery man was me. I had no doubts, knowing Soccer, that he’d do something to give it away. I wanted to do this, but I could get my feet to move towards the door. The sound of a text coming through had me reaching into my pocket and unlocking the screen.
Soccer: You here yet?
His words got me finally moving, and I typed back as I climbed down the stairs and made my way to my truck.
Me: On my way now
Soccer: Really?
Me: Yes. I said I’d be there, didn’t I?
I didn’t mention that until he’d texted me, I couldn’t seem to make myself go.
Soccer: I’m glad you’re coming
Me: I’ll be glad when you’re coming later tonight
Soccer: Jesus Christ, Beard. How the hell am I supposed to hide a semi in my uniform?
I chuckled imagining him trying to conceal himself and not being able to feel bad that I affected him so much with a simple text.
Me: See you soon ;)
When I pulled up to the field, the parking lot was nearly full, so I had to find a spot in the back. Taking a deep breath, I got out and headed towards my future. I was cutting it close, and I didn’t want to disappoint him, so I walked quickly. As I neared, I noticed the mostly full stands which surprised me and then the purple and white uniforms standing together caught my attention.
It didn’t take me long to spot him, and I just stood for a minute taking him in. This was the first time seeing him in his element. A wave of nostalgia swept through me, and I remembered standing exactly as he was before everything had crashed around me. It looked like his teammate was trying to talk to him but he was busy scanning the crowd, and I knew he was trying to find me, so I stepped closer towards the bleachers.
I knew the moment he spotted me because his face broke into a breathtaking grin that had his friends following his line of sight. Even though I was a little uncomfortable, I found myself smiling back and giving him a nod. The little shit blew me a kiss, and I could feel myself turning bright red causing his teammates to laugh. He was going to pay for that. I felt slightly mollified when I saw him slap the back of a couple of the guy’s heads.
I made my way into the packed stands. Apparently, soccer was a bigger deal in this town than I had realized because finding a seat wasn’t easy. When I found one somewhere in the middle, I gave my undivided attention to the game that was beginning.
Soccer was fierce on the field. His whole team moved as a unit and I had to admire that. Even before things had gotten bad, the team I had played for were never this solid and unified. It made me proud that Soccer was a part of this and I had to admit watching him in his uniform getting dirty and sweaty was working for me. A few times I saw him glance my way, each time a small smile appeared before he refocused on the game.
A few people in the stands were whispering about the article that had appeared days before and speculated over who the other man was. Listening in, it was becoming more obvious that he had a lot of supporters, not only for the game but personally as well. So when Soccer kept looking into the stands, the gossipers started looking around trying to figure out who his target was. I received a few speculative glances but gave nothing away.
Time was winding down, and I watched as one of the forwards lined up a shot and sent it sailing for the net. The other team’s keeper was good and deflected the shot. The ball got loose, and I worried for a minute if they’d pull this off. Soccer rushed in and sent the ball straight to the back of the net like it was any other day. He was a truly gifted player, anyone could see that.
The Kings won 2-1, and I watched as they all jumped on top of each other. The crowd was just as crazy, screaming and stomping. I had missed the high energy that surrounded the game and was definitely feeling the buzz from the crowd.
Soccer broke away from the others and headed in my direction. I stiffened as he got closer and stood on the edge looking my way. He crooked his finger, and I stood receiving a few gasps from those who were watching.
“Subtle,” I said after I made my way down the bleachers and reached him.
“Being subtle is overrated,” he teased.
“You played a good game,” I said feeling eyes on us and trying to ignore them.
“Good enough for a reward later?” The suggestive question and having him standing in front of me in his uniform made me wish we were alone.
“What did you have in mind?” I asked, surprising myself because I hadn’t forgotten we had an audience, I just didn’t care as much as I would have a few weeks ago.
He winked. “I need to go get cleaned up. Will you wait for me?”
“Always,” I said without thinking.
His eyes widened and then narrowed. “Would you kill me if I kissed you right now?”
I shifted on my feet. “You don’t think it would bother people?”
He shrugged. “I only care about what one person thinks.”
Nothing seemed to bother him, and I envied him that. I also found that I wanted people to know that he was mine. I think I surprised both of us when I made the first move tugging him closer and pressing my lips against his.
The kiss was chaste, and I pulled away when everything in me wanted to press against him, but I reminded myself that not only had I off
icially come out but we were in public.
He looked dazed when I released him, and I gave him a slow grin. Blinking his eyes, he stared at me like he’d never seen me before and I almost became nervous before he laughed and bit his lip. “You better be here when I get out.” He waited until I agreed before he took off for the locker room.
When I was able to pull my eyes away from him, I stepped back and turned to find a seat while I waited. I stopped when I was fully turned and found several sets of eyes on me. The most surprising thing was the majority wore soft smiles, while a few teenage girls giggled. There were a few people who didn’t look like they approved much, but I found myself not really caring and smiled despite everyone watching my every move. I hadn’t been this happy in, well, ever.
Twelve
Soccer
As soon as I stepped through the doors, I was met with whistles and cat calls. I flipped my team the bird and chuckled. There wasn’t anything that could bring me down from the cloud nine I was currently perched on. He had kissed me. No, he had kissed me in front of damn near the whole town. If I wondered how he felt about me before, I definitely didn’t now, and it was such a relief to know it wasn’t one sided. I had known he had feelings for me but hadn’t been sure they would be deep enough for him to crawl out of the prison he had created for himself thinking it would keep him safe.
I started undressing and quickly rinsed the game away. Usually, I wouldn’t leave right after a game but with Beard waiting there was no way I was going through the postgame routine. Underneath the spray, I couldn’t help but think of the difference between my situation and what Beard had gone through. The guys never even so much as acted like me being in the shower with them was a problem. I guess it had never really occurred to me how lucky I had been in life to be surrounded by people like that. Even my family was amazing.
After I was redressed and ready to leave, I turned to see my team waiting on me. “What’s up?” I asked puzzled.