Chosen Heart (The Hart Series)

by Stewart, Ann

  Showing a stray lash sitting atop the pad of his index finger, I giggle. “Close your eyes and make a wish.” I guess my crazy look made him feel the need to defend himself, but hey, he crossed the line. What did he expect?

  I stare at him wanting nothing more than to trust him, but I’m nervous. Alex is so close. If Oliver tried anything, or if it even looked like he was, I’m terrified of what Alex would do. He’s come so close, too many times, and I refuse to let another Cole situation happen. Not over me, not ever again.

  “I don’t know what you’re worried about Elyssa; I’m not going to bite.” Oliver’s emerald green eyes show nothing but patience and kindness. Of course I can trust him.

  Closing my eyes I contemplate my heart’s desire. If I only had one wish, what would it be? Please, please, please let everything work out with Alex. After a moment with my wish, my lips form a kiss, and I blow. Hope builds as my eyes open, beaming at the possibility. Alex is my happily ever after; it’s just a matter of finding the glass slipper that fits this fairy tale.

  Catching Oliver staring at me, my eyes study the contours on his mischievous face. Dropping my eyes a little further, I watch as his Adam’s apple moves up and down his throat as he swallows. He faintly looks like a guy contemplating if he should say something or not, and wondering if he’ll get slapped in the process. “Spit it out, Oliver. You look like your brain’s hurting,” I laugh. “I don’t bite either.”

  “You really are beautiful, you know.” Shit! By now, I should know he’s going to say something to throw me off guard. Surprisingly though, it doesn’t make me feel as uncomfortable as it should. Friends can tell each other how good they look. If not your friends, who? Right?

  I thank him again for lunch, deciding the best thing for me and our friendship is to escape the growing need lurking in his eyes. Standing at the curb, I wave to him as he drives away down the long entrance towards the busy street.

  Taking a moment to breathe, I walk towards Alex who is still brooding against the wall near the parking garage. Trying to assess his mood, and mine, my pace slows. I don’t want to fight, but I’m also not ready to give in. Be strong, Ely. Be strong for the both of you.

  As I approach, his eyes are alight, filled with torment. It is literally breaking my heart in two. I know I did this to him. Not only with my inability to give him the assurance he needs, but because I left him. No matter my intentions, I know how my departure appeared and how gut wrenchingly painful it must have felt watching me walk away. It’s the same feeling when I think about him and Arianna. It was how I felt when he ignored me for four days and how I felt when he fought Cole and thought about ending it with me. Look at me now; I’ve caused him the same pain, if not worse. And for that, I feel guilty.

  My voice soft, I whisper hello. I refuse to make eye contact for fear that I may just give in. Instead, I stare at my toes, begging them to do the talking for me. Alex stands silent, taking his hands from his pockets, fuming as he crosses his arms in front of his chest. Eyes catching on the red stains across his knuckles, my eyes dart up. Ignoring his anger, I grab his right hand a little rougher than I meant, bringing it closer to my face to assess the damage.

  “Alex…what did you do? We need to clean this off.” Gashes in his knuckles appear to be busted open, crimson red trickling down. “Your hand may be broken.”

  Opening and closing his hand, he finally speaks. “See, not broken.”

  “It still needs to be cleaned. Come.” Still holding onto his bloody hand, I drag him towards the parking garage to fetch the first aid kit I carry in my trunk. Yet another reason I need to thank my big sister. After popping the trunk, I grab an alcohol swab, gauze, and medical tape.

  Insisting he get inside, I point to the passenger door as I retreat to the opposite side, sliding in to clean off his wounds. After both of us are situated, uncomfortably I might add, I turn my attention back to his injured hand. “This may sting a bit.” I gently rub the alcohol over his knuckles, hoping that I don’t hurt him even more than he already is. He doesn’t even wince. Still cleaning his wound, I pucker my lips, gently blowing to soften the sting from the alcohol.

  Alex reaches up with his other hand, roughly rubbing his thumb along my bottom lip. “Did you kiss him?”

  Pushing away his hand, “Alex, stop! Why would you even think that?”

  “You ignored my texts. You left me for him. Do you want to fuck him, Elyssa? Will that make you feel better?”

  I’m on the verge of getting upset, and if he doesn’t knock it off with the Oliver comments, I might say something I’ll regret. And, I don’t want to.

  Slapping down a patch of gauze against his knuckles, I reach for the medical tape and secure it against his skin, ripping off the tape with my teeth. Not maintaining any semblance of eye contact, I stroke his injured hand, before answering him. “I ignored your texts because you needed to calm down. You don’t control me, I won’t let you. I was honest when I told you I was going to go to lunch and I told you I was just going to be his friend. Have I ever given you a reason not to trust me?” He shrugs his shoulders. Really, Alex, that’s all you’re gonna give me? Hell, I might as well continue, get everything off my chest.

  “And…I don’t want to fuck him, so get that out of your head. I have no interest in seeking that type of relationship with him, and I don’t appreciate the insinuation. And, if we are being honest, there is one more thing I need to say. Knowing what I now know about you and your past, I don’t anticipate anything making me feel better about the fact you’ve been with so many women.”

  Bringing my hand up to his cheek, Alex caresses and kisses my palm. “Do you find him attractive? What if I wasn’t in the picture? What’s going to happen when I’m in New York, when I’m not around?”

  I sigh. Alex’s insecurities have never been so blatantly obvious. It’s hard to imagine my confident, overbearing, sexy as hell boyfriend feeling anything more than sure of himself. Doesn’t he know that I want to be with him? I want to be happy with him, and no one else. So, why is this so hard? Why does everything have to be so complicated?

  “Alex…” I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself, and him. I have to give him something. Best stay with the truth. “Is Oliver attractive…yes, but he doesn’t compare to you. I can’t see past you, don’t you understand. When I was out with him, all I did was think of you. It doesn’t matter where you are, here or New York, you are in my picture. There is no world without you. My feelings for you haven’t changed, please don’t ever doubt that. But, right now I need this time to get my head on straight. To know that I can live with your choices, without sacrificing myself.”

  “And you can’t do that and still be with me? We can figure things out together. Please Elyssa…I need you.” Forgetting his pain, Alex’s hungry hands start to travel from my neck down to my breasts, lips brushing against the lobe of my ear sending shivers and aches to all the right places. Greedily, his lips take my mouth, kissing with such urgency, making it hard to breathe.

  Not able to fight the urge, I climb over the console, lifting myself onto his lap. This connection is what we need to make our insecurities vanish. The passion that fuels our love continues for what feels like hours, kissing the stress and need away. Grinding against him, Alex moans softly against my mouth, but the moan turns into pain as he winces, griping my behind.

  “Are you okay?” I breathe against his mouth, panting at our closeness.

  “I don’t give a fuck about my hand!” Alex pushes the concern for his injury to the back of his mind, hands continuing to grip my hips, pulling me against him in a slow grinding motion.

  HONK… Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. Bringing me back off the ledge, I struggle to push against his chest, breaking our contact. Our lifeline.

  Looking around, I see no one. I’m sure whoever it was didn’t see us through the tinted windows, but that was too close. No one wants to see angry make-up sex in a car. Wait…that wasn’t make-up anything; that was passion exploding,
that’s all.

  Thankful for the distraction, I fully recognize what could have just happened. I would have made love to him, and then hated myself. This is not the time, nor the place. Removing myself from his lap, I adjust my shirt and return to the driver’s seat. There’s no excuse, at least none that I can come up with, and I shouldn’t have let myself get wrapped up in the moment.

  “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have…” my voice trails off as I grip the steering wheel, staring out at the grassy walking path. What was I thinking? We could have been caught, by anyone. By Arianna. I shiver.

  “Don’t be sorry, Elyssa. I needed that; well, I’m sure you can’t deny we both probably needed that.” He smiles his breathtaking smile, literally making my breath hitch. “I don’t regret anything with you.”

  “I should go.” Staring at my hands I start to fidget, intertwining my fingers. Why am I shaking?

  “Can I see you tonight?” he asks desperately.

  “I don’t know, Alex. I don’t think it’s a good idea. Look what just happened.”

  “I’m completely fine with what just happened and if you would quit torturing yourself, I think you are too. You’re just scared. I know you want me, just as much as I want you.” I’m glad his tone has changed, as he tries to lighten my mood by distracting me. It almost works. Almost.

  A faint smile returns to my face as I exit the car. Knowing he hasn’t won any battles, I hear a deep sigh as he opens and closes the passenger door. “I’ll talk to you later, okay?” Alex nods as I leave him standing next to my car. Battered, bothered and flustered.

  ~~~~~

  No one seems to notice that I’ve been gone for an extended lunch when I return to my desk. Exhausted, I slump in my chair but am immediately interrupted by a carefree Janice, coming towards me. God knows how much I love this girl, but sometimes her timing is really off.

  “One of those days, huh?” Her high pitched voice pulls me from my moment of relaxation as I straighten in my chair, turning to face her.

  “Have you ever had one of those days where you wish you could crawl under a rock and stay there?” With all of today’s revelations between Alex and Oliver, it’s hard to keep my head on straight. Living under a rock might be an improvement.

  “No, but then again I don’t have two men pursuing me either,” she teases. She must have noticed Oliver taking me out to lunch. Shit! I’m not sure if that’s a good thing, and wish I didn’t have to keep secrets from her. Worse yet, if she noticed, that means other people did too, and the last thing I want them to think is that I’m with Oliver. I already have enough drama in my life, I don’t need office gossip. Not knowing how to respond, I sit nervously playing with my ring.

  “So, I had an idea to help pull you out of your funk.” She puckers her lips, almost jumping in anticipation at revealing her master plan. “I know it’s only Tuesday, but you only live once, right? Let’s have a girl’s night. We could watch movies, eat fatty food, and drink a little. We can do it at my place, say right after work?” Thank you Janice! What was I saying about horrible timing…yah, not this time. This is exactly what I needed at this exact moment. A little me time.

  “That sounds like a fantastic idea, you don’t even know. What can I bring?”

  “Why don’t you pick up some margarita mix and grab a few movies? Make sure they’re sappy love stories. They always cheer me up. I’ll order the pizza and run by the store to buy munchies.” I can literally feel my ass growing at the thought of the carb overload, but hey…they don’t call it comfort food for nothing.

  “Sounds good. Just give me your address and I’ll pull it up on Google maps. And Janice, thank you for this.” The way I’m feeling right now, I could go and give her a hug. She’s my life saver.

  “Okay, I’ll text it to you. See you later.” Janice pounces away, full of excitement. I can’t lie; I’m kind of excited to have a girl’s night…without any drama.

  ~~~~~

  Knock! Knock! Knock! I arrive at Janice’s apartment a little before seven after picking up the margarita mix, along with some fresh strawberries. Janice had mentioned wanting to watch sappy love stories so I picked up the only two in the Red Box: Something Borrowed and The Time Travelers Wife.

  Janice answers the door in her flannel pajama bottoms and white t-shirt, hair pinned back. Not ever having seen her in glasses, I ask if she wears contacts normally. She confides that she only wears her contacts at work. She doesn’t want anyone thinking she’s too “brainy.” Her words, not mine. I’m jealous at how comfortable she looks and wish I thought of going home to change into my own. I’m almost temped to ask if I can borrow something of hers, but they probably wouldn’t fit anyways.

  Walking into her apartment I’m immediately brought into her world. Janice insists I sit and relax as she takes the shopping bags from my hands. Vibrant orange and red colors cover the walls and striped black and white throw’s and furniture accentuate the room. It’s pretty clear on how different Janice really is outside of work; the word eclectic comes to mind. Sitting down on the cream colored couch, I’m surprised at how comfortable it is, and soon I fit right in with the decorations.

  Moments later, the grinding from the blender echoes throughout her small one bedroom apartment, leaving me salivating for the berry concoction. Finishing, Janice returns to the living room, and I join her on the floor. We sit cross legged eating our meat lover’s pizza straight from the box, drinking the very tasty strawberry blend, while talking.

  Janice dishes on her boyfriend, elaborating on their hot and heavy romance. That was until today. Apparently she and Kevin got into a fight earlier about meeting each other’s families, and that’s the real reason she invited me over. She didn’t want to deal with her own drama. Oh, but she’ll deal with mine? She carries on, telling me she feels uneasy about introducing him to her parents, not because she’s embarrassed of him, but because she’s embarrassed of them. I guess their ideal mate for Janice would be more like Alex, and not the blue-collared worker that Kevin is.

  “He owns his own business. You would think that would be enough. But, it’s not and he doesn’t deserve to be looked down on. Kevin is more than perfect for me; I just wish they would see it.”

  Honing in on the Alex part, I can’t help but wonder how much Janice really knows about him. Sure, on the outside he’s perfect, but…who am I kidding?! Faults and all, I wouldn’t change anything about him. Sighing internally, I smile and listen, nodding when appropriate, as she continues about her own turmoil, which seems mediocre in comparison to my own.

  “So what is going on with you and your man?”

  “So much drama, I don’t even know where to start. Oh wait, I know. Let’s start with dealing with his ex. Cause, that’s been fun,” I mock, hoping she can hear the sarcasm in my voice.

  “I can’t imagine him preferring anyone over you. You’re so fun, caring, and beautiful. I wouldn’t worry.”

  “Thanks, but we’re definitely at one of those crossroads, and I don’t know if we’ll choose the right path.” God how I wish I could confide in Janice. It’s not that I don’t trust her; it’s just that I wouldn’t want to put her in an awkward position knowing I’m dating her boss.

  “Can I confess something to you?” Looking at Janice sideways, I take another bite of my pizza before I nod my head. This should be interesting. What could she confess that she hasn’t already? “Well I don’t know if it’s a confession or a question.” She pauses, and then once she has my full attention, she hits me with, “Are you and Mr. James dating?” I freeze, stunned by her question, but then realize I need to say something…anything...nope, I got nothing.

  I choke back the bite of pizza as Janice looks at me with a caring smile. “Don’t worry. I’m not trying to make accusations and I didn’t see anything. It’s just that I’ve seen both of your moods lately and they pretty much mirror one another. Before you worked at SHI, Mr. James had no interest in interacting with any of the other Sales Executives; very antisocial.
There’s been a change in him since you’ve been there. I’ve noticed he smiles more. He never used to smile. At least, not the way he smiles at you. I see the way he looks at you, always stealing glances. He’s acting like a teenager in love. It’s...sweet.”

  With an odd acceptance in her eyes, I know I can trust her. Wasn’t I just saying that I wanted to be able to confide in her? So, why does this feel so strange?

  “But, then there was the fight at the fundraiser, and things were different. Heavier. So, I just assumed. I hope I haven’t stepped over any boundaries or made you uncomfortable.”

  Still unable to speak, I wipe my mouth with a napkin. “Uhhh, Janice…”

  “If you aren’t ready to talk about it…I understand. I just wanted to let you know that I’m okay with it and…well I’m glad you make each other happy. And I promise not to say anything to anyone.” She smiles sweetly at me as we continue to down our margaritas.

  I guess my omission was an admission. I’m glad she isn’t pressuring me for information and when she says she won’t tell anyone, I believe her. Not knowing where we go from there, I stare blankly at the wall. After putting in the first movie, she pours me another glass, rejoining me on the floor.

  My phone chimes and as I glance down I see Alex’s picture on my screen. Janice smirks and continues to drink her margarita, watching the opening credits.

  *Can I please see you tonight? I’d really like to continue where we left off…*

  **I’m sorry, forgot to tell you, having a girl’s night with Janice.**

  *And what does girl’s night entail? Why do I sense strippers and alcohol in your near future? J*

  **Have you met Janice? There is alcohol, but no strippers. Only movies.**

  *Don’t drink too much! If you need me to drive you home, call me. Take care of MY Hart.*

  **I will. Thank you for caring.**

  *I more than care, Hart. I love you like crazy…*

  Placing my phone on the coffee table, I can’t help but smile. I know how much he cares for me and how much even this little time apart is hurting both of us. But, tonight isn’t about him. It’s about me and Janice having some much needed girl time.