by Savoy, Skye
“C’mon, I know you know the name,” he urged in childish glee. “It’s a Hitchcock classic!”
Unbelievable. He wanted me to name that movie in three guesses while we waited for Suriyel.
I moved away from the rocky wall enough to allow him a better view of my hand-on-hip finger-shaking stance. “Uh-uh! I am not playing your game! I want to see Suriyel and I want to see him now!”
“Rebecca! The movie was ‘Rebecca’ with Joan Fontaine and Lawrence Olivier.” Sam’s disappointment made the last few syllables turn down in a frown.
Who knew he was a classic film buff? “I know what movie it is. I just didn’t know the title.”
He crossed his arms over his chest. “No you didn’t. If you knew what movie it was, you would have known the name,” he returned petulantly.
“Whatever! Just stop this stupid game, and let me see my man—angel. Hell, you know what I’m trying to say!”
“Okay,” his voice was tight. “Have it your way.”
The circular motion of his hand above his head was clipped. Once again, we were surrounded by blank space, and he was ensconced in a lounger. The seething fallen angel squeezed his eyes shut.
My feet automatically began to pace. Ten minutes felt like ten thousand. Rogue thoughts rambled through my brain. Why wasn’t Suriyel here? Sigh. Who was bringing him? Sigh. Did he have a ‘get out of jail’ pass for a few hours? Sigh. Didn’t they put psych patients in white rooms? Well, if they weren’t crazy when they were thrown in there, they sure were when then came out. Knuckle pop.
A roar joined the echoes of my footsteps. Sam pounded the arms of his lounger. “Will you please stop making all that noise?” His face contorted with rage, contempt, and a dash of insanity.
Startled to a stop, I completed the “I surrender” gesture, and tried to appease him. “Okay, don’t get crazy on me.” Whoops, too late for that.
“I mean, this room will do it to you. It’s just so white and empty.”
Sam sprang from the chair and breathed hot air down my neck. “It’s not like I didn’t try, but no-ho, you didn’t want to play movie games, which was a mixed signal because you gave me the idea in the first place with your ‘Alice in Wonderland’ comment!” His usually pallid complexion became red and blotchy liked he had a brush with poison ivy.
“I didn’t mean we needed to play a game,” I defended, then stopped short as Sam’s mouth stretched into malicious smile.
“I just realized I don’t have to be nice to you anymore. Shut up and sit down!”
He trussed me up like a turkey to a wooden chair. The duct tape kept me from gaping in shock. Signals to my brain were bitmapped like my satellite TV when it stormed. What happened to the haughty fallen angel who helped me with the Will, and rescued me from bat-beasties?
Sam snuggled in his manly man chair. “You women are all alike. You send mixed messages, and expect us to be able to figure things out. First, the wife tells me to get her the young one. Then, she changes her mind after it’s already too late.”
Fallen angels don’t have wives, especially ones who are out for blood. And, who the hell is “the young one?”
Curiosity took over and compelled me to will my gag off. I braced myself for the painful rip and felt nothing. The duct tape simply vanished. I gladly shucked the ropes into nonexistence and stretched.
“I thought all the fallen angels lost their wives and children during the flood.”
I bit back a laugh at seeing Sam jump a mile out of his chair to land in front of me.
“Oh, c’mon! Can’t you women give me a break?” he howled in frustration.
“You gonna tell me what you meant by wife? Who did you get, and why the hell did you tie me up?” I am so ready to return the favor.
He snapped his fingers, and duct taped my mouth again.
Uh-uh! No he didn’t! I zapped the tape onto his mouth. “So there! It doesn’t feel so good does it?”
Not only was turn about fair play, it was great fun to see the vessels pop out in the whites of Sam’s eyes.
“Mmf mew…” He banished the tape to wherever single socks from the dryer go. “If you weren’t my wife’s ticket out of hell, I would murder you myself!”
The accelerated rhythm of my heart pulsed in my ears. Samael drew his sword. The backs of my legs cut into the chair behind me as I tried desperately to get away from the feathered fiend. Instinctively, I commanded the chair to come into my hands. It was too flimsy. I lined it with metal armor to withstand blows from the sword.
“Hon, I think you must have lost your mind. You just need to settle down and give me the Cliffs Notes version of what you’re talking about because I don’t have a clue.” My voice was deceptively calm. My stomach flipped and flopped like the entire Europe High School band performed a rousing half time show inside.
“Oh, well excuse me for being so vague.” Sam stopped advancing, abruptly, and stuck his sword tip down into the floor. “My wife didn’t exactly die in the flood. She made a deal with Lucifer to spare our son in return for becoming his…minion. You’re one of our descendants and she wants your body.”
“I don’t swing that way, hon.” I paid no attention to his pained expression. “You’re saying the son who was spared by the devil is my Nephilim ancestor Suriyel talked about?”
He sprang into an advance lunge position toward my armored chair, which I vigilantly held in front of me. The clang of metal hitting metal vibrated from the tips of my fingers to my toes.
“The… One…In…The…Same.” He emphasized each word with a thrust of his sword and forced me to parry clumsily with my galvanized shield. “He was hidden on a lower plane of existence until after the flood. An unsuspecting human family ‘found’ him. He wasn’t the only one, mind you. Others survived. Unfortunately for me, I’m pretty sure I’m your ancestor—several thousand times removed.”
“B-but you said you were taking me to see Suriyel…” I faltered as I felt the atmosphere change from sterile to stifling.
Gray clouds appeared to boil as they rolled in from all directions above us. Even the ground looked bleak. The wind blew so hard, I expected tumbleweeds to go whizzing by. A rumbling sound drew my attention over Sam’s left shoulder where a tornado approached. I hated the astral plane. I hated Sam for lying to me.
The sneaky fallen angel took advantage of the diversion to magically make the chair disintegrate. Cold, pointy metal held my chin up.
“You’re going to kill me in a ‘Wizard of Oz’ movie charade?” I tried for a scornful tone, but it waivered as the sword dug into the soft skin under my jaw.
“This isn’t a charade and I’ve never liked that movie,” Sam snarled.
“Good. I won’t have to resort to any, ‘We’re not in Kansas anymore, Toto,’ lines.”
Suriyel didn’t have time to teach me how to escape from other dimensions. It should be as easy as teleportation, shouldn’t it? I could just imagine myself at the cotillion, but Sam would only find me again. We’d start all over with him trying to snatch the body I snatched.
Anger fueled the electricity I summoned to my finger tips. Las Vegas was sure to experience a blackout from all the power I called.
“Suriyel never asked for me. You brought me here to feed to your wife,”
“It’s true. Southern women really are slow.” The tip of the sword moved back and forth against my chin as he laughed.
I grabbed his sword, sent my voltage down the blade and hoped he fried. “Slow, but sure, boy!”
His carefully coiffed blonde hair shot up like a troll doll’s. The jolt sent Sam flying into an invisible wall with a bone cracking thud.
“Huh, this place has walls after all.”
The sword landed a few inches from my feet. I willed it to come to me. A black blur intercepted it.
“You kicked ass, Aunt Ava!” Stacy stood in front of me wearing a black and gray plaid school girl skirt. Her black tank top was imprinted with an Ed Hardy, “Love Kills Slowly” skull in gray. Black fishnets
and black combat boots completed the ensemble. Her hair lacked its signature colored strand. All the blackness made the silver of the sword stand out.
The damn in my airway broke. A river of relief flowed through me.
“Thanks. I’m so glad to see you.” I reached out to hug her. “How did you find me?”
She rudely evaded my arms and went straight for Sam. He reshaped his fried hair as he approached. “What were you thinking? You could have killed her!”
Sam bristled. “I do not have to answer to you.”
Steam came out of her ears. Or was it gnats? I waved my hand in front of my face to scare the annoying bugs away. Maybe they came from the twisting wind that stood in place beside Sam. If I made it out of here alive, I needed my eyes checked because the tornado looked more like a swarm. Then again, I never knew what to expect on the astral plane.
Stacy slammed her hands on her hips. “Seriously, Sam? You really want to go there?”
Sam’s gaze was fixed on an imaginary piece of lint on his shirt. “I only meant to make her stop her incessant yammering and bodily noise making.”
I never emitted bodily noises in public. My teeth made an ugly noise grinding together. They turned to stare at me with arched eyebrows.
“See what I mean?”
Stacy nodded in perfect agreement. I had no idea what she and this whacked out angel did after Big Mama and I were sent packing. Whatever happened between them left Stacy with a blatant crush. Her presence threw a giant monkey wrench into my battle plans with Sam.
“Well, it’s been fun what with the ‘Name That Movie’ game and fencing lessons.” I took a couple of steps toward Stacy and placed my hand on her elbow. “But it’s time for us to go.” A chill traveled down my spine, I ignored it, and tried to push her into walking.
“Aw, I just got here,” she whined. “What’s the rush?”
Her feet were planted like roots to an oak. “Stacy, I know you like Sam.”
My niece bestowed an amused half smile upon me.
“I think all those years of collecting souls and living in a white box on the astral plane have made him nuts.” I made a circular “cuckoo” motion beside my ear.
Stacy didn’t budge.
“He told me he was taking me to see Suriyel. Then he started playing some kind of movie charades with ‘Alice in Wonderland’ and ‘Rebecca’.”
Stacy frowned at Sam.
“Uh-huh, yeah. And, this last one was a doozie. I mean you’ve got to be warped to pair the ‘Highlander’ with the ‘Wizard of Oz’.”
Sam slapped his forehead with his hand. “I wasn’t playing a game. I told you I hate the ‘Wizard of Oz.’ I’m allergic to flying monkeys.”
Stacy’s brows knit in confusion
“Besides, you don’t want to fall for him. He’s got an ugly-ass demon wife.” I took a deep breath as I allowed her time to see my logic.
Stacy laughed, walked over to the sullen angel, and grabbed his face with both hands. “Are you married to an ugly-ass demon-wife, Sammy?”
“Yes. Yes I am.” He jerked his head free.
She patted his cheek hard enough to throw his head to the side on the last pat. “That’s not nice, Sammy. Not nice at all. You can make it up to me later.”
I looked like Lassie as I cocked my head from side to side. The bitch thinks she’s being cute. I’m going to raise the dead, then kill her again.
“You’d better come with me this instant! We are getting the hell out of here before his wife arrives and has me for the entrée and you for dessert.” I grabbed her hand, and prepared to get-to-gettin’.
“Oh, pahlease, Aunt Ava.” She shook her hand out of mine. “What makes you think she’s a carnivore?” I closed my eyes and counted to ten at her totally inappropriate tinkling laughter.
Times like these make me so glad I don’t have kids. I took her hand, again, and said in my best low, threatening voice, “If you don’t blink us out of here, then I will, and lord knows where we’ll end up.”
“But, auntie,” she stretched the word out. “Only genies blink. We zap.” Lightening ran from her hand into mine.
“So this is how Sam felt,” I thought as I soared through the air. Every hair on my body stood at attention from the blast of power Stacy shoved through me.
I fell flat on my back, spun around a few times. My battered body stopped at the edge of the tornado. Locusts hopped out of the stationary force of nature onto my pants. I propped myself up on my elbows for a few seconds to subdue the dizziness and hopped to my feet.
Sam smirked at me with his arms crossed over his chest. Stacy didn’t bother to contain her laughter.
“Oh, Aunt Ava, you should have seen yourself fly through the air.” She slapped her hand over her stomach. “It was priceless.”
“Yeah, I’m sure it will go viral on YouTube,” I grumbled, wary of her unusually aggressive behavior.
Nothing was really as it seemed since I hopped into another body. Angels, demons, and every weird thing in between, existed on planes outside of my simple, carb-laden, bacon fat-stewed, deep fried reality. The $10K Pyramid question for the winner’s circle is, do demons exist on the astral plane? Stacy’s behaving like she’s possessed. Of course, a crush on Sam could be likened to possession or even obsession.
My pants sank down to my hips and diverted my unusually deep thoughts. I fumbled to pull them up before I exposed my “Saturday” panties to everyone. The entire bottom half of my body was covered in locusts. I forgot my traitorous niece and bent down to forcibly remove the crunchy critters.
An anguished cry stopped me just short of taking my pants off and beating them on the ground. “No! I had to stand by and watch you murder my babies in your kitchen. I refuse to let you kill anymore!”
“Babies? Who calls the antagonists from a Laura Ingalls Wilder novel her babies?”
“Come,” said Stacy, her mouth stretched to an abnormally wide circle.
She inhaled and vacuumed the bugs off my pants.
“Ohhh-kay…” My brain sputtered and died after a few attempts at trying to register what happened.
“Ava, allow me to introduce you to my…ugly-ass demon-wife.” Sam proudly wrapped his arm around Stacy.
Stacy giggled and punched him in the ribs. Sam winced.
“How can she be your wife? Your wife would be ancient. Stacy’s only twenty-five.”
“No. Your niece used to be twenty-five,” Sam pointed out with a smile.
“Right. Thanks for reminding me—”
“I am not ancient! I’m seasoned.” She laughed at her witty comeback. “Since Sam so rudely forgot the proper introduction, I am Hala, the Destroyer,” she said as if she was meeting people at a three day family reunion at the Salt Lick Creek campground.
No way in hell was I going to give a warm southern welcome to “Hala the Destroyer,” not even if she was a rich, long lost relative. I paled to the color of the sterile walls as a sick thought hit me in the gut. I closed the distance between us in two seconds flat.
“If you’re Hala, then what did you do with Stacy?” I asked. My face reddened as if hot pepper sauce ran through my veins.
Hala pushed away from Sam’s grip. She stopped so close to my face, I saw her blue eyes turn purple on their way to bursting into flames.
“I got hungry for a snack,” she said in a ho-hum way as if consuming a life was as easy as popping a fist full of bar nuts.
A tug of war raged between disbelief and outrage in my body. I opened my mouth a few times, snapped it shut, and opened it again.
“You’re a demon. Why should I believe anything you say?”
The Emo wannabe shrugged. “You really shouldn’t, but this time it’s true. Sam happened to overhear Ben tell Big Mama about Stacy’s hiding place. I made sure to get there before you.”
“She sure was tasty. I haven’t had a young one in ages.” Hala made a show of licking her lips, black forked tongue flickering in an attempt to turn my stomach.
Demons were something people with alcohol and drug addictions faced on “Celebrity Rehab.” They didn’t look like my niece and talk about how delicious she was. I squeezed my eyes shut. I am standing in the company of pure evil and don’t want to see it. Denial is comfortable. Denial is my happy place.
“Wait a minute. Samael, you said you were collecting Suriyel’s souls and yours.”
“There’s where you’re wrong. I only told Suriyel I was off collecting his souls when I was actually doing a little recon. Oh, yeah. I did leave to make a few calls from Head Quarters. I had to unglue your faithful boyfriend away from your side with assignments.” He rubbed his hands together in the traditional deranged mastermind way.
“Yes, darling, you were brilliant. Of course, you had to be after you failed me.” Her body tensed. Every muscle itched for a fight.
Sam worked his jaw. I could almost hear him slowly counting to ten. “I told you, I left Stacy on the astral plane after I was so rudely rushed by Suriyel’s appearance with the soul of this one.”
“If you really loved me, you would have fought Suriyel and forced him to give you the amulet, both souls, and the body right then,” Hala accused.
Sam’s diatribe of curse words in a foreign language and English scalded my ears.
“I’ve proven my love for you over and over again. First, I found the old lady for you so you could drown her.”
My knees buckled. I almost hit the ground. I knew exactly who “the old lady” was.
“Yes. However, that stupid Suriyel was right on your heels to collect her.” Hala came close to Sam, close enough to tickle his nose with her snake tongue.
Sam stood his ground and shooed her away as if she was nothing more than a fly. “Fine, but I did get you into this one’s,” he pointed a shaky finger at me, “friend’s body so you could smother her.”
“Again, Suriyel showed up too soon. It takes a few minutes for a human’s soul to realize its dead. She took her own sweet time.”
“It wasn’t my time, so I wasn’t going,” I said as the heat of Hala’s glare made me fidget.
Neither of them cared about my side of the story. Sam acted like he didn’t know whether he wanted to supplicate or decapitate his wife. Decapitation has my vote.