It hurts to know that if I were in her place, I’d probably do the same thing.
Tears prick my eyes again—I can’t believe I have more tears left in my body. I automatically turn to Mackenzie for comfort; maybe now that she’s seen how horribly my new friends treated me, she’ll feel like we’re even. But she’s not there anymore. She’s across the lawn with Lauren, headed back into the mess hall.
I spin around and start walking fast. I have no idea where I’m going; I just want to be far, far away from here as quickly as possible. But my eyes are blurry with tears, and I’ve only gone a few steps before I slam directly into someone in the dark.
“Oof,” says a familiar voice. “Oh man, I’m so sorry. You okay?” He grabs my elbow to steady me, and I realize it’s Danny from the kitchen.
“I guess,” I mumble.
“Wait, I know you,” Danny says. “You’re one of Val’s Popsicle girls.”
I didn’t know it was possible to feel worse than I already did, but one of Val’s Popsicle girls sticks me straight through the heart. I thought I was the Popsicle girl. But everything else about her has turned out to be a lie, so I guess it only makes sense that this would too. Getting Popsicles wasn’t a special thing she did with me; it was probably just a thing she always did, and I happened to be in the right place at the right time. It shouldn’t hurt this much to hear, not after all the other things I’ve been through in the last ten minutes. But it still does.
“Hey, are you crying?” Danny asks. “What’s the matter? Do you want a Popsicle to cheer you up? I can get you one as long as you eat it in secret.”
“No thanks,” I say. I want nothing to do with Popsicles or secrets or sailing or flip-flops or sunshine or anything else that would remind me of the supposedly happy times Val and I had together.
“Well, okay,” Danny says. “I’m going to clean up the pizza stuff. You know where to find me if you change your mind. I hope you feel better.”
“Thanks,” I say.
I find a big tree out of range of the mess hall lights, and then I sit down in the damp grass, wrap my arms tight around my knees, and bury my face in them. It was nice of Danny to say, but I know I’ll probably never feel better again. My best friend hates me. My new friends hate me. My counselor betrayed me. I’ve been kicked out of the prank war. And for the first time since I got to camp three weeks ago, I am totally, horribly, 100 percent alone.
* * *
I’m not sure how long I sit there, wallowing in my misery. When the counselors call us in for the night and everyone starts making their way back to their cabins, I don’t move. Nobody sees me as they tromp out of the mess hall and the Social Lodge, laughing and screaming random lines of Color Wars cheers. I sit perfectly still, hoping Mackenzie or Roo or Lexi will relent and come looking for me, but nobody does. One by one, cabin doors slam shut, and the shouts and laughter die out.
It’s silent for a little while, and then I hear the bang of one last screen door. “Izzy?” calls Val’s faraway voice. “Where are you?”
I consider keeping quiet and staying out here all night; it would show her—and everyone else—when they saw me all wet and cold and cast out on the hard ground in the morning. There’s something kind of tragically wonderful about that image. But the thing is, after everything else that’s happened tonight, I’m not convinced anyone would care. By now Roo and Lexi and Ava have probably told everyone in camp that I’m a liar and a fake, and all my former friends have probably turned against me. Plus, I’m not actually willing to be that uncomfortable until morning just to make a point.
“Izzy?” Val shouts again, and this time, I call back, “I’m here.”
The beam of her flashlight sweeps over the grass, and then comes the soft slapping sound of her flip-flops as she approaches. “Hey,” she says when she gets to me. She’s already wearing her plaid boxers and the T-shirt she sleeps in, which means she didn’t realize I was gone until everyone was changed for bed.
“Hey,” I say.
“I’m glad I found you. I didn’t know where you’d gone.”
“Well, here I am.”
“It’s time to come back to the cabin, okay?”
“I don’t want to go anywhere with you.”
Val’s quiet for a minute. “Look, about what you saw earlier in the Social Lodge—”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
She sighs and kicks at the grass. Even her blue toenail polish annoys me now, despite the fact that two hours ago I was planning to ask if I could borrow it. “Okay,” she says. “But . . . you looked really shell-shocked back there, and I wanted to check in with you about it.”
“You wanted to check in with me?” I’m suddenly angrier than I’ve been all night. “You’re not going to say you’re sorry?”
I expect Val to look remorseful, but instead she seems confused. “I can see you’re upset, Iz, but I’m not sure what I should be apologizing for.”
“Seriously? You kissed Stuart! You’re supposed to be on our side!”
“There are no sides,” Val says gently. “We’re all just trying to have fun.”
There definitely are sides; this whole summer was supposed to be Willows vs. Wolverines. She’s the one who told me about the sides.
“You can’t be part of the prank war if you’re going to keep seeing him,” I tell her. “How are we supposed to take the whole Public Enemy Number One thing seriously when we know you’re probably telling him everything we say?” It feels kind of great to throw all Roo’s accusations in her face.
Val looks genuinely surprised. “Izzy, I wouldn’t do that. That would take all the fun out of it.”
“It’s too late,” I say. “You lied to us. We want you out.” She doesn’t need to know I’ve been exiled for lying too. I want to hurt her as badly as she’s hurt me.
Val’s quiet for a minute, and then she says, “Listen, I heard about the whole Tomás thing. I know you’re probably embarrassed, but I wouldn’t worry too much about it. I really think the girls will get over it.”
My cheeks flame in the dark. It’s so unfair how she can see through me all the time. “I’m not embarrassed,” I snap. “How did you find out about that?”
“I heard the girls talking. Listen, I think you’ve done such an awesome job planning pranks on your own, and—”
“I don’t want to talk about this, either,” I say. If she had praised me earlier today, I would’ve lapped up every word, added it to my list of proof that we had a special bond. But now her compliments sound hollow. If Val thought I was the least bit special, she wouldn’t have misled me like she did. I didn’t realize how much space she was taking up inside me until all those parts emptied out at once.
Val deflates. “All right,” she says. “We don’t have to talk about any of this right now. Just come back to the cabin, okay? It’s time for lights-out.”
“Fine,” I say.
We walk back in silence. I can hear the other Willows talking and laughing in their bunks as soon as we get close, but as soon as I pull open the door, everything goes quiet. Val heads straight into the bathroom, and I walk over to my bunk above Lexi’s. It’s already occupied by Petra in her horse-printed sleeping bag.
“No liars allowed over here,” hisses Roo.
I don’t bother answering; anything I could say would only make things worse. Cheeks flaming, I cross the cabin to my old bunk. All of my stuff has been pulled from the dresser and tossed haphazardly onto the mattress: clothes, shoes, my damp swimsuit. My picture of the Virgin Mary is lying upside down in a pile of underwear, and someone ripped down my drawings from Lina and Tomás so quickly that the tape tore the corners off. As I try to gather some of it up, a hoodie and some shirts fall out of my arms and land on the bottom bunk.
“Sorry,” I whisper to Mei, but she just turns over and pretends to be asleep.
Dear Mom, Dad, Lina, Tomas, and Abuela,
I can’t WAIT to come home on Sunday. Everything about this camp is AW
FUL, including ALL THE PEOPLE. I HATE THEM AND I AM SO, SO READY TO LEAVE. I am DEFINITELY not coming back here next year. If you won’t let me go to Camp Sweetwater, I won’t go to camp at all. EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE.
Love,
Izzy
P.S. We won Color Wars. That part wasn’t as bad. BUT EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE NOW.
P.P.S. I’m not sick or dying or anything.
CHAPTER 23
Nobody wants to sit with me at breakfast the next morning. I end up at the very end of the table like Mackenzie always did our first week here, next to BaileyAndHope, whose conversation is so filled with inside jokes they might as well be speaking another language. Hannah sits across from me, but she has clearly been told not to talk to me, because she keeps opening her mouth to say stuff, catching herself, and stuffing food into it instead. When I glance over at Roo, she raises her camera and snaps a candid picture of me. Right after she clicks the button, I realize I have a smear of hot sauce next to my mouth.
I know this isn’t the worst possible situation—there are only seven more days of camp, and then I never have to see these people again. I once saw on TV that you could go three times that long without eating, and it’s not like I have to suffer through that. All I have to do is lay low. But it’s still pretty awful being treated like I have the plague when I was basically a camp hero yesterday. It was sad enough knowing I’d have to go back to boring real life in one short week—without my best friend, this time—and now I don’t even have those few remaining days to feel special and in charge. It makes me wish I’d never come here in the first place.
New activities start today, and I head off to Rock Climbing in a terrible mood. Mei’s ahead of me on the path, and she looks like she’s going to the same place, but I don’t call out to her. After last night, it’s pretty clear she doesn’t want to talk to me any more than the other girls do. Mackenzie’s counselor Eleanor is in charge of the rock wall, and I wonder if she’s heard Mackenzie complaining about me.
I grab a harness, and I’ve almost got it all the way cinched up when someone comes up right behind me and says, “Hey.”
At first I don’t bother to turn around; nobody could possibly be talking to me right now. But then the voice says. “Izzy. Hey.”
It’s Josh. Of course it’s Josh. Why does Josh have to be everywhere?
“Hi,” I say.
He grabs a harness of his own and starts putting it on. “I never got to talk to you after the Sea Witch thing on Friday,” he says. “I know I’m supposed to be mad at you, but that was freaking hilarious.”
“Thanks,” I say, and I smile for what feels like the first time in weeks. Friday night seems like it was forever ago.
“Better enjoy resting on your laurels now, because when we strike back, it’s going to be epic.”
“The prank war’s pointless now, Josh.” I pull the last strap on my harness into place with more force than necessary, and it squeezes around my thigh.
“Um, no it’s not. We still have an entire week of camp left. Your prank was great and all, but it doesn’t mean you won.”
“Didn’t you hear?” I say. “Val and Stuart are, like, dating or something.”
Josh’s eyes widen. “Wait, what? Since when?”
“I don’t know. I caught them making out in the Social Lodge last night.”
“Ugh. Seriously? How are we supposed to trust them now? They’re probably telling each other everything we plan.”
“I know!” He’s on the wrong side, but it’s still the right reaction, and it’s pretty gratifying.
“I need everyone’s eyes over here!” calls Eleanor. “I know you’re all eager to get up on the wall, but first we need to talk about the most important thing: safety. Now, this is a carabiner . . .”
Josh edges closer to me as Eleanor drones on about all the stuff we already learned in Ropes Course. “We could keep the prank war going anyway,” he says in a quieter voice. “We could do it in secret, without them. I mean, you guys would have the advantage now, so it wouldn’t really be fair, but it would be better than quitting while we’re behind.”
“We don’t have an advantage,” I say. “What are you talking about?”
“Well, we wouldn’t have an adult helping us get supplies and stuff, and you guys would still have your brother.”
I consider keeping the myth of Tomás alive, but gossip spreads fast enough here that I know he’ll find out regardless. “No, we wouldn’t,” I say. “Tomás doesn’t exist. I made him up.”
A crease appears between Josh’s eyebrows, which I notice for the first time are the same red as his hair. “Why would you make up something like that?”
“Because when I first got here, none of the Willows believed I was actually good at pranking. Nobody trusted me, and they wouldn’t let me suggest stuff, even though my ideas were way better than theirs. So I told them I had a brother who used to be a Wolverine so they’d take me seriously.” I shrug. “It was dumb, I know.”
I wait for the same expression of disgust and betrayal to cross Josh’s face that I saw on Roo’s last night. But instead he says, “So . . . you came up with all those pranks yourself?”
“My best friend helped with the spaghetti and the mountain lion. The Sea Witch thing was all mine.”
“Whoa,” Josh says. “I hate to say this, but that’s really impressive. We thought for sure you guys were kicking our butts because you had outside help.”
A tiny smile creeps across my face. “Nope. We’re just better than you.”
“Well, now we really have to finish this off. My pranking genius against yours, no brothers, no counselors. You up for it?”
“You’ll have to talk to Roo,” I say. “The Willows all hate me now that they know I lied. Nobody’s speaking to me.”
“Even though you said you were sorry?”
“I didn’t say I was sorry. I’m not sorry. I wanted to win the prank war, and I did what I needed to do to make that happen. They should be thanking me for everything I did for them, and instead I’ve lost every single one of my friends. I don’t see how that’s supposed to be fair.”
Josh is quiet for a second. “I don’t know. Maybe you should—”
“I need two volunteers to start us off!” calls Eleanor, and I raise my hand high; I’m ready to be done with this conversation. She calls on me, and I make my way to the foot of the wall, where I clip her belay rope onto my harness. But of course, since the universe hates me, the other person she chooses is Josh. “Go ahead whenever you’re ready,” she says to me.
I jam the toes of my sneakers onto the first footholds and pull myself up as fast as I can, trying to get a head start on Josh so he won’t be able to lecture me. But he catches up quickly, and soon we’re eye-to-eye again. “You haven’t, you know,” he says.
“I haven’t what?”
“Lost all your friends.”
There’s a tricky spot coming up above me, and I take a minute to decide between an orange handhold and a red one. I grab for the orange, miss, and reach for the red instead. “You didn’t see the Willows last night and this morning,” I tell him when I’m securely braced again. “They moved all my stuff to another bunk without asking me. And Mackenzie’s still not talking to me either, even though I’ve apologized to her like a million times.”
Josh grabs a green handhold and pulls himself up higher. “Yeah, but . . . we’re friends, right?”
I think about it. I’ve spent all this time denying that Josh is my friend. But if I’m honest with myself, I don’t talk to him because I need to extract information for our pranks. I talk to him because he always notices when I’m upset and asks me what’s wrong. He listens to me talk about my problems. He baited my fishhook when I was having a bad day, and he’s actually pretty funny sometimes. Sure, he’s annoying and competitive, and his advice is so boylike that it couldn’t possibly be useful. But he’s also the only person at camp who’s always been nice to me. If Val’s going to make out with Stuart in
the supply closet, I’m allowed to hang out with whoever I want, including someone who’s supposed to be The Enemy.
“Yeah,” I say. “I guess we’re friends.”
Josh smiles, and for the first time all day, I actually feel pretty decent.
“Race you to the top,” he says.
We race. And when he wins, it doesn’t even bother me that much.
CHAPTER 24
For the next few days, all the Willows talk about is our overnight in Sandpiper Village. Before everything fell apart, I was so excited about swimming in the river and roasting marshmallows and stargazing with Val on the big hill. Even sleeping outside with Roo and Lexi and Ava and getting a million mosquito bites sounded like an exciting adventure. But now that everyone’s avoiding me, the overnight just feels like one more thing I have to get through before I can go home. If Roo has anything to say about it, I’ll probably be sleeping outside by myself while the rest of them huddle together in the tents and laugh at me. None of the Willows have spoken to me directly since Sunday night, and every time Mei or Lexi or Hannah looks like they’re about to slip, Roo distracts them. I keep waiting for Val to step in and do something, but she doesn’t seem to notice I’ve become a total outcast. And it’s not like I’m going to ask her for help after everything she’s put me through, so I keep my head down and tough it out alone.
During Cabin Group on Wednesday, Val goes to the kitchen to pick up our hot dogs and s’mores ingredients, and Roo and Summer retrieve the tents from Doobie’s office, spread them out on the floor of the cabin, and count the pieces. The tents give off a musty, moldy smell, like they were packed up and stored wet, but nobody seems to care. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Roo so excited—she usually keeps her emotions under control pretty well, but today she twirls and skips around the cabin and keeps hugging everyone (except me, obviously). It seems like it would be really fun to be her friend right now.
As soon as Free Time ends, we pile into a big white van with a picture of a fox on the side. There are enough rows for all of us to fit comfortably, but Roo and Lexi and Ava make everyone cram into the first three so that I’m sitting alone in the back. It’s kind of a relief, honestly. If I’m behind them, maybe they’ll forget about me for a little while.
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