Your hair is beautiful. You glow like the sun, Ellyn.
Your eyes remind me of the ocean. I know you don’t believe me, but one day I’ll take you on a ship to prove it to you.
You are the light in the darkness.
I pushed the memories away. I didn’t want to think about Leo. Once, he’d been beautiful in my eyes. He’d told me many stories and made promises to take me across the world. Each and every one was nothing but a lie. It was just a game to him. I was a conquest. It was a game I’d lost, but, in the end, I finished the war.
Jonas was my best friend. I felt closer to him more than anyone else here at the palace. He made me smile and brought joy to my life. Over the course of short while, I’d grown fond of him. I’d wanted nothing more than to hide in his arms.
I focused my thoughts on nothing in particular. A bird chirping and flying to its nest. The clouds that momentarily covered the sun’s rays. Anything not to focus on Jonas. His smile would be my undoing. I’d surely allow him to kiss me.
I didn’t feel like I was ready to be so close to someone again.
“If you truly don’t feel well, I could carry you back to your room and send for the doctor,” he offered.
I shook my head. “I’ll be alright. I just need to adjust to the warm weather. Where I used to live was very cold this time of year. Give me a few days. I’ll be okay.”
That had to be it. I always struggled with big changes in the weather. Spring and autumn were the worst times of year for me because of it. I’d suffer from headaches and fatigue. Sometimes I would feel like I was burning up or like my bones were chilled. It was good to know there was a doctor readily available if I needed him.
“I could just carry you to your room anyway.” He smiled mischievously. Despite my better judgement, I decided to return his advances.
“Only carry me? I can think of a few things you could do for me.” I winked at him.
He dropped to one knee. “Anything for you, my lady, but I seem to recall you owe me a dance.”
“I never said I would dance with you, Jonas,” I reminded him.
“But I’m a good dancer, and these talents need to be used or suffer to wasted away from the rest of the world. I simply cannot let that happen, my lady. It’s the ultimate injustice.” He pouted.
I remembered when I danced with Jared, and it had been pleasant being in his arms. It was the most fun I’d had in a long time, but he only wanted to do it to help convince me to join him at his ball.
There was a moment during our time together that I felt less alone—like I didn’t have the weight of the world on my shoulders—but it wasn’t real. I wanted to believe Jared truly cared for me, in his own way, but I had to look past that. He was indebted to me by the life debt, nothing more. Maybe one day we could become friends. One day.
Would it be so bad if I let Jonas in? He was a better person than Leo ever was. Perhaps, just this once, I would try.
“I promise, Jonas. I will dance with you.”
CHAPTER 16
The evening seemed colder somehow. I put an extra layer on despite the warm breeze that brushed against my skin. Everyone gave me strange looks. When I touched my face, my skin was hot, but I shivered like I was standing in a pile of snow. My head felt as though it was being used as a small drum. These symptoms were worse than I was used to in changes of weather—they hurt more. Perhaps I’d been practicing too much with Jonas—pushing myself too hard during our sparring. It would be best to take a few days off to rest.
“Ellyn?”
I turned, Jared was coming towards me. It had been several days since I last saw him. He’d been meeting with other lords—I didn’t take the time to remember their names—to discuss a new trade route. Our time we spent separated, I spent thinking about our situation. Although, I wasn’t ready to speak to with him yet.
“Yes, Jared?” I replied, not looking at him.
“I’m sorry, I’ve been away for a couple of days. I’ve had to—”
“I know,” I interrupted.
He gaped at me for a moment, then shut his mouth, pressing his lips into a thin line. He probably hadn’t thought I would keep up with his endeavors. Or want to. I supposed he expected I was too upset with him. Couldn’t say I blamed him after everything that had happened. Well, let him believe what he wished.
Jared gave me a look that told me he knew what I was thinking. He frowned as his hair covered his eyes.
“I’m sorry for not telling you. Please understand that I am a king and I am expected to uphold our laws and traditions. There are many people who would want your position and even more who would’ve done nothing to help me.” He stared out into the starry night.
“Men are always trying to gain power. It seems no matter how much they gain, it is never enough. They lose sleep, become restless when they don’t have everything they want,” I said.
“You are wise as you are beautiful, Ellyn.”
We stood there, saying nothing for a while. He apologized, just like I wanted him to. And I understood after thinking about it over the past several days. He was right—every king, every ruler, there was someone there, someone plotting to take the throne from them.
I believed Jared was a good leader for his people. Those who were able to have their homes rebuilt, were happy. The merchants in Mightrun were flourishing. Even children had played with smiles on their faces. His servants followed every order without hesitation and seemed to enjoy their positions. It was safe to say that he didn’t mistreat his people, regardless of their station. I was proud of him, even if I didn’t tell him so.
“I have something for you Ellyn,” he said. He pulled out a small square black box, opened it, and took a silver necklace before putting the box back into his jacket pocket.
He held the necklace out to me.
“What is it?”
“It’s a moonflower encased in resin. When these flowers bloom, they only last for two days until it withers and loses its beauty. A woman named Indica got the idea of keeping it in this state by enchanting it in the resin so it will never wilt. They are rare since she passed away and her daughter has taken over, but the flower has become extinct. You will not usually see more than one in your life. “
The pendant was very large. The flower was encased in the clear resin surrounded by silver bands curled on its side. It was white with a deep-sea blue at its edges and black at its center. It was beautiful. Why was he giving this to me?
He offered to put it on for me, and I raised my braid. The cool metal touched my skin. His hands a fiery difference.
“It looks perfect on you,” he complimented, giving me a pleasant smile.
“You didn’t have to give me this. I don’t need gifts from you to earn my forgiveness,” I said.
“I hurt you and that doesn’t please me. After all you have done for me, I should’ve taken the time to know you better—to see that you were not the kind of heart to take from others. How you took care of your family . . . I should’ve seen it earlier.” He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.
“Please forgive me, Ellyn. You deserved to know the truth.”
There was never a question whether or not I would forgive Jared. After all the signs I’d seen with the lords, he seemed to be fighting to keep his crown. He was stressed and couldn’t easily trust others. From what I’ve already seen, he’d barely kept the peace between him and Fendrel. War was threatening his doorstep.
“It’s all right. I understand,” I said.
He kissed my hand.
“Thank you.”
We stood there in silence for a long time, but there was more to be said. Together, we have faced adversity and have finally learned to begin to trust one another. It was more than a life debt between us, and I had to tell him that.
“You’ve done so much for my family,” I said. “You’ve been both my family’s savior and a friend. I hope you consider me one as well.”
W
as it appropriate for a king to be friends with someone so under his own station? His “friends” probably consisted of the highest lords of his court. Individuals with power, who could’ve affect others beneath them. There was little I could offer him, but I was someone outside of the politics. Maybe I could be his friend on the outside.
“I am honored that you consider me as a friend. Most girls in your position would demand my heart as well as my kingdom,” he said, gesturing at our surroundings.
“You will find, Your Majesty, that I am not like most girls,” I smirked.
“I would most certainly hope not.”
~ * ~
As I walked back to my room, my stomach turned. I ran to the bathroom and vomited up my dinner until there was nothing left. Then, I sat on the floor, bringing my legs to my chest. I didn’t feel any better than I had the past few days, and now I couldn’t hold down food. This was worse than I’d dealt with before. Maybe something I’d eaten had made me sick.
With all the new food I was trying, it was easy to believe it was nothing more than a little food sickness. Something not cooked all the way or a spice that had turned my stomach. The last time I’d vomited like this, it was when Mother cooked a roast I had gotten from a local merchant. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but something was wrong with the meat and I was sick for three days.
Mother and Albert were fine. I obviously inherited my father’s weak stomach. Whenever mother and him went out to buy meat, he would sometimes be offered samples at the market and he would get so sick he would practically turn green.
He was thankful for Mother’s ability to cook. She had the talent to cook anything I hunted for her, no matter how small and bony. She would spend hours picking every bit she could off of it. Sometimes, all I could find were skinny rabbits. When Father shot a deer one year, Mother spent a full day just trying to get all the meat. She had no shiver or faintness to the sight of intestines or blood.
Her father was a butcher and she’d spent a lot of time learning from him. If it wasn’t for her love of animals, she probably would have hunted herself. Her “place,” as she called it, was at home with the children. When Father would bring dinner home, it was her duty to have it cooked and ready for supper.
No matter how bad things got, I could at least say there were times where my family and I were happy. At least, when father was alive. My sister got married to a nice man, my brother became ill and couldn’t work, and Mother remained at home. I supposed I took over my father’s place. What would’ve happened to mother and Albert if I left?
They probably would’ve starved.
I try not to imagine how my life would’ve been different. In my gut, I knew that it would’ve meant the end to the rest of my family. I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t let my father down.
My chest throbbed and my throat itched. I couldn’t stop coughing, and finally something thick and wet came out of my mouth onto my sleeve, staining my shirt. It was too dark to see what it was. I pulled out my handkerchief.
I coughed again, but this time into a handkerchief. I wiped the wetness off my lips then held the handkerchief to the light to see what was irritating my throat so much.
Blood.
Blood!
My panic rose. The only time I’ve seen someone cough up blood was my brother. Except, he stared coughing and had a fever for a few days. It was just as if it was a simple cold he got from playing outside for too long.
What is happening to me?
My thoughts were interrupted by a soft knock on my door. I wiped my face getting rid of any traces of blood. I told the knocker to come in. It was Silvia, one of the servants under Mia carrying a tray with a teapot and a single cup.
“Your tea, my lady. Mia thought you would enjoy a cup before bed,” she said placing the tray down on the end table.
“Um, yes. Thank you, Silvia.”
She looked at me curiously. “Are you feeling well, my lady? You look pale.”
“I’m fine. I think I just ate a bad piece of bread. I have a weak stomach and I’m still trying to get used to all the food here,” I lied, hoping she would not question me further. I didn’t want to cause any more panic. It could simply be nothing.
“Oh, I see, my lady. I have medicine I can give you for your stomach. It will help ease it so you can sleep.” She rubbed her stomach as if her hands were magically capable of healing it. I suppose the medicine wouldn’t be a bad idea.
“Thank you, Silvia. I think it would help.” I smiled.
She curtsied and left the room.
No doubt that she would return in a few minutes with the medicine she spoke of. I changed out of my shirt and hide it under the bed. If she’d find out about the blood, she would rush for Mia. And Mia would assume Jonas had hurt me during our practice, then she would have Jared demand that I never practice again. I needed to figure this out first.
Silvia returned moments later. I thanked her and insisted I wanted to go to bed early tonight. She left with the tea tray.
I wanted to be alone. Needed to be left alone. It was only a bit of blood. Surely it could just mean my belly was upset. I coughed again. This time, only small splatters of blood collected in my handkerchief. I laid on my back on the bed, trying to ease the pain in my chest. It was a constant pressure that made it harder to breathe as if someone had strangled me. I took slow, deep breaths.
I didn’t know what was happening to me, but the last thing I wanted was for the others to panic. Jared would surely punish Jonas if he heard about this. I can’t let that happen. I would’ve known if he’d hit me in the chest that later caused the blood.
I shivered and bundled the blankets around me.
All my symptoms . . . they reminded me of Albert’s. Was it possible that I suffered from the same illness? Did I . . . get whatever it was that was slowly killing my brother?
No, I can’t accept that. This had to be a bad summer cold. I’d spent too much time with my brother for it to pass onto me this late. He’d been sick for two years. It didn’t make any sense otherwise. Taking a deep breath, I decided I just needed some rest. Maybe I’ll feel better in the morning.
CHAPTER 17
When I woke up the next morning, I vomited again. My head was spinning as my forehead burned like I stood next to a fireplace. When I looked in the mirror, my cheeks were flushed, my skin lost its color.
I failed to recall the last time I was this sick. Developing headaches and occasional sniffle was not unheard of with me, but this was on a different scale. When I laid back down on the bed, I considered staying there for several days—maybe a week. The pounding in my head made me burrow myself within the blankets to block all light. They were a shield from everything. An escape.
My escape was cut short by a knock at my door. I didn’t have the chance to speak before Mia walked in carrying a tray with a white bowl on top of it. The look on her face told me she knew I was ill. No doubt Silvia probably said something to her last night.
“I hear you are ill.” She placed her palm on my forehead and cheek. Her lips were pressed together in a thin line.
“Hmm. You are ill. I’ll send for the doctor. In the meantime, I want you to eat the soup. It will help settle your stomach.”
She had wasted no time to fetch the doctor. While he could’ve helped with a simple fever, I didn’t know if he could help with this. And she wouldn’t give us any privacy. She would want to know what was wrong with me to then report it to Jared. With the way the servants talked to each other, it wouldn’t be long before the entire palace knew of my condition.
I didn’t want them to know what was wrong. If the worst should happen and I developed my brother’s illness, I’d want to be the one to tell them—not some rumor to make it sound worse. Somehow, I doubted they had any better medicine than what I was able to give Albert. Marion was no longer available for me to speak to. She was someone I could trust to keep her mouth shut.
“I’ll be fine Mia
. I’m sure it’s from exhaustion from training so much over the past week,” I lied.
Although she seemed to see right through me, she sighed as if defeated.
“I’ll let you rest for the day, but if you do not improve, I must call for the doctor. I’ll not have you getting worse under my care. Understood?” she commanded.
“Ma’am, yes ma’am.” I saluted.
Her eyes were motherly despite her rough demeanor. It was if I was a stubborn child who didn’t want to do chores. It reminded me of the times when Mother cared for me when I was sick. She’d read me stories or sing a lullaby to help me fall asleep. Her voice always managed to ease the pain. I ended up using the same methods to help Albert through his sickness.
“Do you know how my mother is?” I asked. I didn’t really want to see her, but part of me felt I needed her here beside me.
“Your mother has been assisting the cooks as of late. Apparently, she finds their prepping skills extremely lacking. She has been driving them absolutely mad. In fact, she made this soup this morning.” She handed me the soup with a spoon.
Mother’s soups were always more like a stew—a thick broth with a plethora of meat and noodles. And it never made it any less delicious. I smiled thinking of how she was in the palace kitchen, making the other cooks pull out their hair. It pleased me to know that she was teaching them some of the food from home. Maybe it was something we could give back to them.
I sipped the soup, immediately feeling the relief in my stomach.
“Mia, could you send word to Jonas for me that I won’t be able to train with him for a few days? Best to make sure I’m fully recovered, right?” I smiled, knowing she would approve.
“It will be done, my lady. Is there something else I can do for you?” she asked.
I thought for a moment. Mia would want me to see the doctor here at the palace, but maybe there was another doctor I could see, even if they weren’t here at the palace. But who would know of one? I couldn’t ask Mia to tell me. She would suspect me in half a heartbeat. I would need someone who’d lived here for a while. Someone who’d go unnoticed if we left for a few hours. I thought of only one option.
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