“And?” Fanny poked her in the ribs. “There must more. I mean, if I was kissed by such a dashing man, I wouldn’t stop there.”
If Alice’s cheeks flared any hotter, she’d burn to a crisp right there. “Truly, he and I have not gone any further.” Yet, a smile curved her lips as she thought about him. “He is… nice, mysterious as if he’s keeping big secrets, and I have yet to discover why he’s interested in me, when he could have his pick of any woman in London.” Was she guilty of over-thinking the issue? Did he truly think there was something in her he couldn’t live without? He’d said a few times that she intrigued him, buy why? It was maddening to contemplate.
“Don’t be such a widgeon, Alice.” Fanny sighed. “He wants to tupp you. That is all. It’s what men want from women the world over. The end.”
“I’m not convinced. He seems quite polite and everything lovely.”
“Men lie.”
Alice let silence roll over her. Was that the truth? Was he like all the rest, like Joe the blacksmith, in that he only wanted what was between her thighs? Disappointment chilled her. She sighed as a trace of tears filled her eyes. “If that is what he truly thinks, then I shall have to cut ties with him. I’m worth more than that.”
Was she, though? A poor relation of a baron who’d been cast off, and blind to boot, working in a milliner’s shop. What did she have to offer a man like the duke besides a quick roll in the sheets?
“That is a sensible answer.” Fanny slipped off the boulder. “You know how the upper crust is. They never care about folks like us, and are always living for pleasure or entertainment.”
“Perhaps…” Yet Alice still wasn’t convinced that was true for all of them. “There must be good folks among the ton, just like there are bad ones in the lower classes.”
“Who can say?” Her friend briefly touched Alice’s shoulder. “Besides, it’s unlikely you would bring a duke up to scratch.”
“Why would you say such a thing?” Again, her cheeks blazed but with anger this time. “Isn’t it possible he could fall in love with me?” There was always that dream and Alice was of the opinion that everyone in the world deserved such an emotion.
“It might be possible, but I doubt it will happen. You’re blind. Even you know that sets you apart from every other woman, makes you less. You couldn’t enjoy anything that might occur between you, let alone conduct yourself as a proper duchess.” Fanny snorted. “Have you ever heard of a duke taking a woman who is less than perfect to wife?” She chuckled as she warmed to her subject. “A blind duchess? It’s simply not done, and if it was, the ton would tear you apart.”
“You cannot know that.”
“I have a fair idea,” her friend responded with a firmness Alice didn’t understand. “You let life happen to you. You’re not a fighter and are too good. Without a backbone, London will destroy you.”
How dare Fanny? It mattered not that her marrying a duke was naught but a fairytale or that it would never happen to her life. Her friend shouldn’t have said such hurtful words, and even if Alice aspired to the title of duchess—which she did not but there were dreams, after all—Fanny should have supported that dream. The anger building inside Alice hit the boiling point. She struggled off the boulder and fairly quivered with indignation.
“I would rather not have my sight and think everyone deserves acceptance wherever they go, to follow my dreams no matter how silly they might sound to you, than have sight yet remain prejudiced to each person’s abilities.”
“I’m only looking out for you,” Fanny protested.
Alice’s breath came in fast pants. She clenched her hands into fists. “Everyone regardless of their affliction or handicap, has something to bring to the world, something exclusively theirs, and if given the opportunity can do much good with that.” With every sentence she uttered, her voice rose. She narrowed her gaze as she looked at the brown blob of Fanny’s form. “Regardless of people like you who would hide them from the world… for their own good.”
Fanny gasped. “I didn’t mean to set you off, I merely said what I did to help keep you grounded. Such a life isn’t for you.”
“You cannot know that.” Not that Donovan had made an overture that would usher in marriage, but his presence in her life as well as his sister’s words indicated he was indeed courting her—for a purpose. “Perhaps the life I lead now isn’t for me. There’s no way of knowing.” She sucked in a breath, but peace wouldn’t come. Just like the time she gave the duke and his sister a dressing down, the same urge overcame her. “This conversation is finished, and until you can support me in the way I most need it, I have nothing else to say to you.”
“Alice, come back!” Fanny called after her. “Where are you going?”
“I need some air and exercise. Go home and don’t worry about me, not that you do anyway.”
“You shouldn’t go out alone and so close to the river,” Fanny continued.
“When will you understand that I can do everything you can with the same conviction and authority?” Yes, her vision was compromised, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t a living person who had plans for her life.
With anger still coursing through her body, she shook from it, felt it even to the roots of her hair. I am more than people expect of me. She followed the river. The call and chirp of birds in the trees not far away invited further exploration. Not even the gentle ebb and flow of the water could promote calm in her being, neither could the autumn sun on her face, for she’d left her bonnet on the boulder in her haste to leave Fanny’s presence.
She walked and walked. Thankfully, Fanny didn’t follow. Alice didn’t care. She needed friends in her life who supported her regardless of the absurdity of the dreams she held deep in her heart. If she was ever fortunate to brush shoulders with members of the ton, those connections and the reach could help her wish of opening a school. Now more than ever vision compromised children needed to know blindness wasn’t the end of their life; it was only the beginning of achieving greatness.
We all must touch the lives of others in a different way than sighted people.
Then her thoughts circled back to Donovan and how she felt while in his presence. She’d asked him to show her how different he was from other men. Would he do so? Oh, how she prayed and hoped that he was, for already her heart had been engaged. Perhaps it was folly to care for a man she hardly knew, but he treated her blindness with respect, had taken her words into account and conversed with her accordingly. Memories of him coming close to her face or pressing her hand to his face so that she might “see” his expressions brought a smile. That said volumes about his character.
And if the only thing he’d wanted from her was a chance to rut between her thighs, he could have taken advantage in the mill, for she’d been oh so willing. A hint of heat curled through her lower belly. The man was potent when plying her with kisses.
But he hadn’t forced the issue or taken advantage. Again, he’d shown himself as different than other men by controlling his urges.
He’s everything noble and good.
“It ain’t often I have you all to myself.”
Alice gasped as a hulking blob moved toward her from the opposite direction. “Leave me alone, Joe. I have nothing to say to you.” Each day that went by, it seemed as if someone in the village worked to aggravate her.
“Say what you want, but I’m not finished with you.” The closer he came, the more anxiety clawed at her insides.
She stopped walking, her body tensed to run. “Go away.” How long had she wandered while lost in thought? No longer could she hear the noise from the water mill or the constant grinding from the huge stones within the building itself. There was nothing nearby except for the river and the woods that separated Shalford from the next village. If she screamed, no one would hear her.
“Not likely. I want to say my piece.” The blob that represented Joe dominated her compromised vision and he grabbed her upper arm in a bruising grip. “You gave that
duke your time. You can do the same with me.”
“Let me go.” Alice struggled against his hold. “You’re hurting me.” Pain radiated beneath his beefy hand. “This is not the way to ensure I’ll speak with you.”
His huff blew onion-scented breath across her face. “You put on too many airs, Miss Morrowe, when you’re nothing but a woman the village throws charity at.”
“That’s not true.” No matter how much she pulled and tugged at his hand with hers, he remained attached to her. Perhaps it was best to appease him, for her strength would never match his. She stilled. “What do you want?” Why didn’t the people of Shalford give her respect? Having a handicap didn’t reduce her worth.
“A kiss. It’s only fair you let me show you what a real man would give you.”
“Absolutely not.” Alice squirmed but he tightened his grip on her upper arm. “How many times must I tell you I am not interested in you that way?”
“Don’t believe you.” He stuck his face close to hers and she recoiled. Fervor glittered in his dark eyes; anticipation lined his expression. “You’re friendly with that duke; I want the same.”
“Have you gone mad?” Alice couldn’t tug herself away from him, and when he wrapped his other hand around the back of her head and slammed his mouth upon hers, cold fingers of fear played up her spine. She wrenched away, and when she did, she delivered a resounding slap to his broad cheek. “Leave me alone.” His lips against hers felt nothing like Donovan’s and left her with nothing except revulsion. She spat in an effort to remove the sour taste of him.
“Being with that duke has addled your mind. You got lofty ideas about your place in this world,” he ground out. “I want what’s mine, and I’ll forgive you for whoring yourself out to that nob when you become my wife.”
“Over my dead body.” Marrying one such as Joe meant a prison sentence that had no end. He wouldn’t appreciate her and what she could bring to the world regardless of her blindness. No, a man of Joe’s ilk only wished for a wife to serve him. With strength born of desperation, she yanked away from him. “Never will I consent to that.” She’d taken a few steps from him when he snaked a thick arm around her waist and tossed her to the grass. Alice landed hard on her back, the wind temporarily knocked from her lungs.
He followed her down, covering her body with his, his forearm pressed across her throat and restricting proper breathing. “You’ll change your mind once you feel my prick. I’ll wager it’s bigger than that London duke’s.”
“Please…” She gasped for breath, and when he rucked up her skirts and the autumn chilly air kissed her legs, icy panic slid down her spine. “Don’t… do… this.” No amount of clawing at his arm removed it.
“You won’t say that soon.” He fumbled with the buttons at the front of his trousers. “Since you like a tumble, I’ll get you with child and you’ll have no choice but to marry me.”
“No.” Tears squeezed from her eyes and slid down her cheeks. Alice continued to pluck at his arm. She beat her fists against his shoulder and the side of his head to no avail. He didn’t loosen his grip, and when Joe jammed a knee between her thighs, forcing them apart, she screamed as best she could, but without enough air to fill her lungs, it was a pitiful sound.
Why is this happening? Why do people assume I’m a throwaway, only valued for what I can give them?
Or worse, what they feel they could take.
She kicked her feet, tried to buck him off. He was too heavy. His labored breathing rasped in her ear, his weight sank into her form, further cutting off her air. She rammed a heel into the back of his leg to no avail. “Help me!” But the normal sounds of the area snatched at the plea she’d forced from her constricted throat.
Then, a blur of brown plowed into both her and Joe. A low, menacing, feral growl broke through the silence. A wolf! Oh, the afternoon rapidly turned worse. As she uttered another feeble scream, the large animal pulled her attacker off. Joe turned his wrath to the animal.
Alice quickly flipped to her stomach. She struggled to all fours and dragged in a few deep lungfuls of breath. All the while, the blacksmith fought with the beast. They rolled about the grass in a tangle, blurry heap. Curses and yelling came from him while the wolf uttered yelps and growls guttural enough to send gooseflesh sailing over her skin. Though she stared in the direction that the sounds of a horrible fight came from, all she saw was two huge blobs locked together in combat.
It was a chilling scenario.
That wolf would kill Joe if she didn’t do something. The man didn’t deserve death, but she hoped this incident would scare him enough that he’d leave her alone. He’d probably attempt to molest her, yet not out in the open. Still, she heaved to her feet and stood on unsteady legs, staggering toward the writhing mass.
“Stop!” She threw out both of her hands, unsure of what to do next but needing to break the terrible fight. “Joe, stop. The animal will kill you, don’t you see?” Terror cramped her stomach, and she took another step forward. Perhaps she’d address the wolf, as insane as it sounded. Joe was too stupid to listen to reason. “Don’t eat him. He’s too foul for even you.”
The brown blob of the wolf pressed its front paws to the chest of Joe’s darker brown blob as the fighting slowed. The blacksmith wheezed for air, for no doubt the wolf was quite heavy.
“Get off!” Joe threw a punch that connected with the beast’s head.
“Please,” Alice whispered, crooned to the wolf. “He isn’t worth the fight or the kill. Be better.”
With a whine, the wolf sprang away from Joe’s blob.
“You’re mad.” Joe grunted as he regained his feet. He came close to Alice despite a warning growl from the wolf. He shook his fist in her face. The sharp, pungent scent of sweat wafted to her nose. “Talking to wolves, commanding them, lying with a duke who brings the beasts to Shalford. This isn’t over.” He shoved past her, crashing his shoulder into her body so that she stumbled back a few steps. “I’ll have my revenge, and you. See if I don’t.”
“Take this as a lesson. Leave me in peace.” Alice’s heartbeat pounded so hard she feared the whole village must hear her fear. As Joe ran off, she turned her face to the brown blob of the wolf. The animal hadn’t moved. Fascination fell over her. To be in the presence of such a fearsome beast. What must he look like? Yet at the same time, terror twisted her spine and chilled her blood. Would it spring at her? Kill her instead? The brown blob who’d crashed into her the morning she’d met the duke took hold in her mind’s eye. This animal reminded her of that time. Was it the same beast? When the animal whined yet again, she said, “How did you come to be here?”
Silly Alice, as if an animal will answer. She took a few more steps toward the beast. He panted hard, and she extended a hand, compelled to touch him. I need to feel him.
With a yelp, the wolf bounded away so quickly she couldn’t catch his direction.
Alone once again, Alice wrapped her arms about herself as shock poured over her. It was all too much, and on the heels of her argument with Fanny. Her chin trembled. Tears spilled onto her cheeks. Why did such things happen to her, when all she wanted was acceptance, perhaps even love, in a world gone hard? Her chest ached with the need to cry. Her trust had been abused and her faith in humanity shaken. Consistently, the only person who brought her a modicum of peace was the duke. Where was he when she needed his strong arms around her?
“Alice!”
She jerked her head around at the sound of her voice upon the duke’s lips. “Donovan?” How was it possible? She’d barely wished for him and now here he was. The crunch of grass beneath his boots reached her. “I saw what happened. Couldn’t reach you in time.” Concern threaded through his voice. Then he cupped her face, smoothed his palms along her shoulders, her arms until he clutched her hands with his. His breathing sounded labored as if he’d run from a long distance, and his scent was different, wild and raw once more, as it had been the first time she’d met him. “Are you all right?”
> Tears fell to her cheeks in earnest as relief flooded her. Everything was wonderful now that he arrived. “I am fine, but oh so glad to see you.” Without further thought, she threw herself into his waiting arms and clung to him as if he’d vanish with her next breath.
CHAPTER NINE
Donovan held Alice close as his mind spun with the implications of the scene he’d come upon. The blacksmith had proved a greater problem than he’d anticipated, even more so now that he spouted nonsensical theories linking him to a wolf. She trembled in his arms, clung tight to his neck while sobbing against his shoulder, and brought his thoughts skittering into a different direction.
He’d driven his carriage to Shalford, accompanied by his sister, for he wished to take dinner with Alice, and he’d come the long way, preferring the path through the woods instead of the main road. He’d cleared the trees just as the blacksmith—the same man who’d taunted her and exchanged words with him days before—had thrown her to the ground and pounced. Donovan hadn’t thought, hadn’t let cool logic guide his actions, for he’d shed his clothing, ignored the warning from his sister and called forth the shift.
The second he had spied another man touching what he considered his, he’d lost his mind. His wolf had been only too glad to comply, for he’d raced from the trees and across the grass toward the river and Alice. He had attacked, sank his teeth into the man’s leg and pulled until the beefy offender had removed himself from Alice.
If she hadn’t interfered, hadn’t implored him to leave off, the blacksmith would have been dead, torn limb from limb by the wolf’s powerful jaws. It had been like the battlefields all over again. Though his beast had protested the urge to stay, it had listened, and Donovan had stood with Alice, her hand outstretched, so close to revealing the truth. Oh, how he’d desperately wished for the touch of her hand while he’d been in wolf form, to feel her fingers in his fur and her heat, if only to show her there was nothing to fear from him, but he’d bolted into the trees, terrified that she’d reject him prematurely.
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