As soon as he entered the parlor, Lady Cecily rose from a gold brocade settee. For the early hour, the woman had chosen to wear a gown more suited to an evening function, and it was rather more scandalous for even that, with a bodice that dipped low enough to show half of her voluptuous, pale breasts. Those were the very assets that had drawn him to her in the first place, but he barely spared a glance to them at the moment.
“What is the meaning of this, entering my home when I’ve made it clear you and I are through?” he hissed, uncaring that all of his ire and displeasure from the last few days had found its mark in her.
She rolled her blue eyes as she minced over the Aubusson carpet to meet him in the middle of the room. “Don’t come the crab with me, Donovan. You know what we are to each other, and I don’t believe you wish to break our association merely due to the fact you married some country nobody.”
When she slid her hands up his chest to lock about his neck, he disengaged her hold. “I’m adamant, woman. We are through and have been for some time. My silence regarding not inviting you back should have been enough for you to figure out.” Should he throw himself upon his knees before Alice once he rid the house of this pest? Perhaps Mountgarret was correct and he should pour out the truth to her, hoping for forgiveness.
Lady Cecily pouted, and the gesture didn’t affect him quite like when Alice frowned. The lips of the woman before him no longer held sway, for his wife’s cradled his with tender perfection. “You don’t mean that. Nothing should change what’s between us.”
“Oh, but it has.” An unexpected grin took hold of him, for he’d changed since he’d met Alice. Never once had he thought about taking another female to bed since beginning his relationship with his sweet country flower.
“Pish posh.” The blonde once more attached herself to him and this time he had the devil’s own time extricating himself from her hold. “You were the best lover I ever had, Donovan. Don’t you remember how we were together?” A whine had set up in her voice. “Now that you’re being accepted throughout the ton more readily, I wouldn’t mind being with you again. The things we fought about are forgotten.”
“Ah, except you are more grasping than ever.” He snorted and leveled a glare upon her. How had he ever thought lush curves and light blue eyes were more attractive than a laughing silvery gaze and the slender form Alice possessed? He’d explored every inch of his wife’s body, knew all of her secrets, and lived to make her come undone—to make her smile. Donovan reeled with the knowledge. “Ah, so then you only wish to be with me in an effort to further your own agenda and reach.” It had been the lady who’d thrown him over for another, vowing she couldn’t be seen with one as sullied and as consumed in darkness as him, which had been the crux of their last disagreement.
Alice made you respectable. It is your wife’s doing you are accepted, his wolf inserted with a grin that bared all his teeth.
Of course he couldn’t ignore that fact. Alice had accomplished in two weeks what he’d not been able to in a lifetime.
Yet you’ve tossed it all away in a tantrum best suited for a nursery, his wolf tacked on.
Shut up. I’ll go to her, but I must clean up this mess first. His chest tightened, and still his grasping, former mistress wouldn’t suddenly vanish into thin air.
“Well, yes, this is true, because every woman in the ton wishes to elevate her standing,” Lady Cecily replied with the bat of her long eyelashes. “You cannot fault me for it.”
Not all of them. Alice didn’t wish for anything… except my love. And he’d let her down.
She wrapped a hand about his nape. “We were good together, made quite the sensation when we went out.” The lady walked the fingers of her other hand up his chest as she peered into his face, her color slightly overblown and garish for the time of day. “We were perfectly matched in the bedroom, or have you forgotten me so quickly?”
Donovan once more detached himself from her grip. Her scent of musk and Oriental lilies was all wrong, not sweet or innocent enough.
She’s not Alice; not our mate. His wolf’s whine echoed through the chamber of his mind. Alice likes me. She scratches my ears, and she kissed my nose. He wagged his tail. This one doesn’t know me.
He gritted his teeth. Don’t remind me. To the obnoxious lady before him, he said, “What was once between us is no more. Please understand this.” Then he threw out a barb sure to cement his statement. “I am more than satisfied with my wife.” Another grin surfaced, for it was true enough. Alice rubbed along well in every aspect of his life, and his respect for her knew no bounds. She’d embraced the position of duchess with elegance and grace from the start. In her, there would be no scandal or gossip.
He sucked in a breath. In her he’d found everything he’d ever wanted, and quite by accident.
Lady Cecily narrowed her eyes. Perhaps finally she understood. “I want the things I left here.” She crossed her arms beneath her breasts and caused those charms to push dangerously tight against her bodice.
Briefly, he dropped his gaze to her bosom, and when he attended her face once more, a knowing light gleamed in her eyes. “My sister tossed them out with the rubbish days ago.” He advanced upon her, hoping she’d retreat toward the door. “You refused to accept me for who—and what—I am, so I have nothing more to say. You made your choice; I’m making mine.”
A trace of panic flitted into her expression. In a flurry of yellow satin, Lady Cecily flung herself into his arms, and this time she clung tight. “I can be your secret. Your wife need never know. Remember how I made you feel.” Her whispered pleas fell fast and furious into his ear. Then she mashed her mouth to his, kissed him with a veracity he couldn’t quite slow. “Remember how I touched you?” The lady slipped a hand between them and dared to cup his member through his trousers, rubbed her hand up and down his growing length.
An involuntary moan escaped him. Despite thoughts of Alice, he held the woman in his arms tighter. He returned her embrace before common sense came pouring in with loathing, guilt and a hefty dose of anger at himself.
“You’re back. I was so worried…” The sound of rustling fabric at the door not two feet away brought his gaze snapping to that position.
Alice! He thrust Lady Cecily away from him so hard that she stumbled. “Enough. Do you hear me? Enough. We are done.”
Alice stood within the frame, the robin’s egg blue of her dress and her curly, brown hair held back with a ribbon a stark contrast to the overblown female before him. Her eyes rounded with shock and dismay as she stared at both of them, and even though she couldn’t see, she’d no doubt heard enough that the exchange was damning. Moisture pooled in those gray depths, and when the tears fell to her cheeks, he shoved a shaking hand through his hair.
“Alice, please, it’s not what you assume.” He took a step toward her, but she backed into the corridor beyond.
“Donovan, why?” And then she fled, a hand to the wall as her guide.
Go after her!
He ignored the demand of his wolf as he took refuge in his ire. What was the point? She’d obviously come to her own conclusions and would think what she wanted. Once again, he wasn’t good enough… More annoyed than ever, for these problems, this damned ache in his chest were of his own making, he grabbed Lady Cecily’s wrist in a grip harder than he liked. “Get out of this house, and if I ever see you here again, I cannot be held responsible for what might happen to you.” He growled to shore up the claim. “Do remember there are beasts that prowl the night—I am one of them—so run as far away from me as you can.” As anger and self-loathing mixed within him, he half-pulled half-dragged his former mistress through the halls to the foyer, where he all but pushed her into his butler’s care. “Put her out, Griggs. I have another disaster to attend.”
Then he turned his attention to tracking Alice.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Alice’s heart beat so quickly she feared it would burst from her chest as she fled up the stairs and through
corridors to the music room.
When Griggs had come to her earlier and told her Donovan had returned and would be up soon, she’d been elated and a bit fearful. He’d been absent for two days, left her heartbroken after the ball, but she’d thought perhaps they could work through the obstacles facing them. He’d uttered the words he had in anger and frustration and fear, she was sure of it.
So she’d dressed with Mary’s assistance. Alice had made her way down to the main level, intent to catch him, and when she’d caught his voice in the Gold Parlor, she drifted toward that location.
She’d overheard what could only have been an embrace between her husband and his former mistress, for there was no doubt that’s what those sounds of pleasure had meant. Then when he’d sprang from the woman, the actions had more or less proclaimed his guilt. In the home they shared, with an open parlor door where anyone could have seen them.
He had cracked the remaining pieces of her heart with the blatant disrespect.
Quietly, she closed the music room door behind her, and as the tears continued to fall, she stumbled over the floor and collapsed onto the stool at her harp. She didn’t care that the rising sun glimmered off the gilt paint of the instrument or made the strings seem made of spun silk. Needing refuge, a solace from the unrelenting pain she’d known since the night of the ball, Alice began to play. The act of plucking at the strings, concentrating on the music stilled her thoughts, but no matter how sweet or angelic the notes were, they couldn’t bind her shattered heart back together.
What did one do with a husband who didn’t love her and wished to be with a mistress over her?
A soft click of the opening door alerted her to his presence, for it could only be Donovan. “Alice.” The panel closed behind him, and he didn’t advance fully into the room.
She ignored him; she had to protect herself, but her fingers slowed on the strings and her pulse quickened knowing he was so near.
The heels of his boots thudded against the hardwood as he approached. “Please let me explain. What you heard wasn’t what truly was happening.” Strain growled through his low-pitched voice and it tugged at her. “I didn’t…”
Alice stood. She came down the few steps to the floor and faced him. Oh, how she wanted to comfort him, soothe the pain he must battle with, but she couldn’t. Not now, not when he’d essentially betrayed their vows and had hurt her terribly. Not after the horrible words he’d hurled at her the night of the ball. They echoed in her ears, and with every damning syllable, her world rocked once more. “Why did you do it? I can understand the annoyance at not having the curse broken, but this? Taking up with a mistress in our home, before God and everyone?” Her voice cracked and she hated that show of emotion.
“I didn’t…” Donovan blew out a heavy breath. “She arrived while I was out. When Griggs told me of her presence, I met her for the express purpose of formally ending it with her.” He edged forward a few more steps. His spicy citrus scent assaulted her, and as waves of memories washed over her, she whimpered. “My relationship with Lady Cecily has been over for some time now. Truly.”
She bit her bottom lip while she stared past his shoulder, at the green blob that represented his jacket. As the sun continued to rise, his blob grew brighter. “Is that where you’ve been for the past two days? With her?” A sob climbed her throat and she swallowed it. “Working out your frustrations in her bed?” Did he truly prefer the woman with the shrill voice over her?
“No. That’s not true.” Honesty rang in his voice, his tone graveled with emotion he didn’t reveal. “Since the night of the ball, I’ve been the wolf, acted as the beast. I gave the animal his head, let him run where he would, do what he liked. I cared not for my human life any longer.”
Her eyebrows rose. That was quite the turnabout for him, since he’d previously refused to allow his animal full control. “You ran off like a child in a temper because you weren’t handed what you wanted, what you thought you were entitled to.”
“Perhaps.” Silence brewed between them. Then he huffed out a breath. “I was disappointed in the outcome of that night and my conduct was unbecoming of a duke.”
It wasn’t an apology, nor did he claim responsibility. Does he even realize how I feel, that he thrust me into this morass? “You’ve previously lived your life in the hopes you would someday be free of the beast. However, what happened after such a letdown rests entirely on your shoulders. The mettle of a man is shown in how he faces adversity.”
“I had just cause for my actions.” He crept toward her another step.
Why couldn’t he see the truth? “You let anger dictate your response.”
“My reaction was warranted!”
Oh, Donovan, you have much maturing yet to do. “Perhaps, but becoming the beast for so long and neglecting your duties was not.” Alice wrapped her arms about her waist. He needed to understand his actions had consequences. That he was a duke and he couldn’t carry on as if he were a thwarted youth. “Life, Donovan, is sometimes not fair. That doesn’t mean it’s not worth living or striving for happiness. You must attempt to find balance to all aspects of your existence.”
“What do you know of it?” A growl threaded through his voice but he didn’t put space between them. “It’s so easy for you to hand me those words when you have no idea what sort of strain I labor under.”
“Every one of us has a struggle. Some accept it with more grace than you have shown.” She flung out her arms as annoyance crawled over her skin and built through her chest in a hot wave. “Do you think I asked God for the blindness that leaves me ostracized from everyone? Do you think I would have chosen to lose my parents to fever at a young age, which thrust me onto the not so tender mercies of others?” She shook from the anger she’d not let herself show before. Then she modulated her voice, dropped it low. “Do you think I aspired to marry a man who is half beast, who doesn’t return my love, who cannot wait to rid himself of my presence, who thinks of me as a mistake?” Despite her resolve to remain calm, tears spilled onto her cheeks. Two weeks ago she was blissfully naïve of how life would treat her as a duke’s wife. Now that she knew better, she hurt as much as he, but she refused to wound him further or sink to his level.
Yes, he was at fault and yes, he’d brought them both to this pass, but the rift could mend if they came together in compassion.
Silence reigned between them for long moments. What did he think about and why wouldn’t he voice those thoughts so they could talk about them?
“Please tell me how you carry on despite everything against you. I need to know.” Pain wove through his tone, a pain that throbbed through his words, cut so deep she wasn’t sure if even she could pull him out of it. He battled within himself, not just with the immediate problems their marriage faced.
She wilted while empathy for him crowded out the annoyance. “To give up is being a disappointment to myself.” Alice took a deep breath and let it ease out. “Life is difficult enough without constantly berating myself, second guessing my choices.” Her voice wavered. “I still have plenty of good left to fight for in my life, things I consider worthwhile despite being broken.” She lapsed into silence, and finally asked, “Do you? Do you carry the will to fight for what you truly want?”
Fight for me, Donovan.
“At this moment, I am not certain.”
The glimmer of hope she’d carried, faded. She turned away from him. “Then I cannot help you.” Had she truly lost him?
“Alice, please, look at me.” Donovan laid a hand on her shoulder and turned her about.
“Do not touch me.” She shook off his hold even as need for him sent tingles through her lower belly. “You do not have the right any longer.” Until he took responsibility for his actions, there could be no future for them. “Not after what you did in that parlor.”
He blew out a breath but didn’t step away. “I’ve told the truth. I haven’t been with her for some time now. Not since you came into my life.”
H
er heart squeezed at the sincerity in his voice. “Words only,” she said instead of the forgiveness she wanted to give right now. He wouldn’t learn the lesson so soon. “Remember when I told you actions spoke louder? It is no less true now, and you have acted, quite frankly, like an arse since the ball.”
He didn’t reply.
Alice forged ahead, determined to lay everything to rest. “Did you return that woman’s kiss?”
Another large swath of silence, then the word, “Yes,” was pulled from him.
Tears filled her eyes once more. “Did you enjoy it?” Her heart broke all over again. They could move past everything except his willingness to betray their marriage vows.
“I won’t lie to you. Not anymore because I want to repair the damage I’ve wrought…”
Those words warmed her heart, and it was a start, but she had to know. “Please answer my question.” She swiped at the moisture on her cheeks.
“Yes, but—”
“Enough.” Alice nearly went into hysterics when he touched her arm. She darted away from him. “You want her in a way you never wanted me.”
“Once I met you, everything changed. Alice, please listen to me.” Desperation wove through his tone. “That woman means nothing anymore.”
“Except, you kissed her. That means something and solidifies that everything you’ve ever said to me has been a lie.”
“No.”
“Do you care about me at all, above and beyond the game you’ve played with me? Do I mean anything to you now that I’ve failed at lifting the curse?”
Please say you’re coming to love me. If you do, there is hope.
His silence served as his answer.
Devil Take the Duke (Lords of the Night Book 1) Page 22