I always needed to make sure Laurel was breathing. That she was still with us and not in such immense pain that she couldn’t handle it. However, now that there was something between us, something beyond the initial touch and needs that I always felt with her, we needed to deal with it.
But I knew she wanted nothing to do with it.
“Thank you for walking me home, but I’m fine now.”
“I’m going to walk you inside.”
“You don’t need to.”
“I’m going to check on your windows, the doors, check to make sure you’re healed, and you’re going to deal with it.”
“When did you earn the right to tell me what to do?” she asked as we walked inside. I did as I said I would. I checked the windows and glared at her. “When I held your shoulder and felt the bond pulse between us.”
“We’re not bonded, Jaxton. You know we can’t be.”
I whirled on her, my hawk coming forward. “Because you say so?”
Her lower lip trembled, and I hated myself. “Because that’s how it has to be. We’re not mates, Jaxton.”
“Because you were going to be mates with Trace.”
She shook her head, even as pain cascaded down my body at the thought of what my words meant.
“That’s not what I’m saying,” she whispered.
“I miss Trace just as much as you do, Laurel. Don’t you understand that? He was mine, just as he was yours.”
She turned her head from me for a moment before looking back. “He’s gone. He’s never coming back.”
I let out a breath. “I know. And I wouldn’t want him to come back. Not after what we saw.”
Tears filled her eyes, and she began pacing in front of me.
“How dare that bitch bring him back? He should’ve been able to die in peace. Instead, she made him a revenant. And we had to watch him die again. Can they do it again? Can they bring him back over and over?” she asked, her voice breaking as she spoke.
I wanted to reach out and hold her but knew I didn’t have the right. Not even as her friend. “They can’t. You know that we protected his body. His soul.”
“I don’t know. Are we powerful enough to do that?”
I looked at her then, feeling her pain. “We have to believe we are. If not, what’s the point of any of this?”
She threw her hands up in the air. “That’s my question. What is the point, Jaxton, when I’m not even sure we can survive past where we are? How are we supposed to be strong enough to take on Oriel and his ilk when we can’t even fix a curse?”
I didn’t know where to start with that. Because if I let myself, I’d growl like Rome and slash anyone who came near Laurel with my talons. But I couldn’t, so I had to find logic. It was the only way I could focus. “You mean a curse that’s been in your family for generations? Of course, it’s going to take time.”
“I don’t have that kind of time. Don’t you understand that? I’m dying with each breath I take. And suddenly, I’m supposed to find a way to be okay with us?”
“You’re asking me to be okay with this? With losing you?” I gripped her face, telling myself I needed to calm down and not do it in this way. Only why the hell was I waiting?
If this were truly the end, if she would indeed leave me soon, I needed to tell her. She should be able to feel it, yet we weren’t truly bonded. We may not ever be bonded in fate, faith, and time.
And that was something I would have to deal with.
I cupped her face in my hands, needing her, needing the connection that wasn’t truly there. Yet I could feel the beginnings of it—just a tiny ember before it turned into a large flame.
“Laurel.”
“Don’t, Jaxton.”
I took the blow. I knew she was protecting herself—or rather, she thought she was protecting me. Because as soon as I said the words, I couldn’t take them back. She would just have to deal with it.
“I love you, Laurel. I’ve loved you for years. We’ve danced around who we could be to one another and how we could be with one another. I love your strength, your mind, your soul, your beauty. I love every ounce of you. Even that stubborn tenacity of yours that pushes everyone you love away because you have this false sense of needing to protect us. And yet the only way we can ever protect ourselves is by protecting you and being by your side.”
“Jaxton.”
I shook my head, leaned down, and pressed my lips to hers. I needed her taste. I had always craved her taste.
We weren’t new to one another. We had loved each other before, even if we’d hidden what we wanted and needed and desired and craved.
She tasted of ash, flame, sweetness, and…Laurel.
I had loved her once, and I always would. We had been too young the first time we kissed, not knowing who we could genuinely be for each other. When the curse took effect, and later when my father died, we had pulled away. I had needed to become wing leader, and she had needed to find out who she was.
And all along, Trace had been there with us. Not ours, yet still ours.
I kissed Laurel harder, needing her taste. When I knew I would never stop if I continued, I pulled away, resting my forehead against hers, needing to breathe.
“Jaxton. Why did you do that?”
“Why didn’t you stop me?”
I heard the tears in her voice, even with the anger that could have been directed at the world at the moment. “You can’t love me, Jaxton. You know I’m going to fade. I’m going to burn up and die, and you’ll be stuck here with one end of a mating bond and nothing else. I’m a bad bet. I’ve always been.”
“You can’t make that choice for me.”
“Of course, I can,” she snarled before she pulled away and began pacing again. Her anchor flared in blue on her body, running down her neck. It normally rested on her hip or between her breasts, but now the anchor wanted me to see it.
Flames danced in her eyes, and I knew she was in pain, the scars on her body intensifying with each movement. But I didn’t tell her to stop.
I could never tell Laurel to do anything. I could try, but I would always fail.
“I’m going to die. This curse will take me, and I won’t be able to save this town or do anything for the coven. I refuse to be the reason you die, too.”
“So, you think that if we’re bonded, and you die, I’ll die right along with you? That’s not how mating bonds work.” She was so damn frustrating, even though I knew she was scared.
“I could hurt you. I could tear away parts of you. And you need to be strong not only for your wing but also for your family and this town. They’ll need you when I fail the coven. Don’t you understand?”
“It’s not you who will fail. It’s the curse that has plagued you for so long. It attacked your family and has dug its tendrils into you, clinging without ever letting go.”
“Because a witch loved my ancestor. And when she couldn’t have him, she broke.”
I hated that damn history, the curse that threatened us all as it wrapped its prophecy around us. “She didn’t do it on purpose.”
“I know. I tell Sage that all the time. Yet I don’t think she believes me.”
“Do you believe it?”
“I believe that just like with my aunts, just like with my great-grandmother, I will burn to ash, and I won’t come back.”
“They didn’t burn, not like you keep saying you will.”
“No, their internal organs just melted because they couldn’t handle the magic. And I have even more power than they ever dreamed of. I might take out the town if I’m not careful.”
I cursed under my breath. “That’s not going to happen. We won’t let it.”
“And what are you going to do, Jaxton? We’ve already tried everything in our arsenal. The ritual we attempted today was our last bet. We were going to create a bond with my brother, who can’t create a bond with anyone else because of his curse. And you. You stepped up and declared yourself mine when we hadn’t made that choice.
”
“We made it long ago on that field. Just because we walked away when we did doesn’t mean we can’t go back.”
“Doesn’t it? You left because your father died, and I will always understand that. You needed to be the wing leader, and we were too young to realize what mates could be. I thought we had more time.”
“We did.”
“And now, we don’t. Trace is gone.”
I held back a snarl, not because of jealousy but because Trace was mine, too. “He’s gone, but he’s always with us.”
“You say that, yet I’m going to be the one who joins him when I die.”
“Stop saying that,” I growled.
“I don’t know what else to say. I can’t be with you. Don’t you understand that? Because when I’m no longer here, it will take something from you. Any bond we share will shatter, and it will attack you. It will lash out. What if the flames dance along the bond and burn you? What if I hurt your hawk or the bonds you have with your wing because we are connected? I can’t handle the magic, Jaxton. I can’t be part of the coven. I can’t protect this town. I can’t be with you. Don’t you understand?”
“Laurel,” I whispered, my heart breaking, shattering into a thousand pieces as I tried to collect each one as if to preserve it for a time that would never be.
I stepped forward and brushed my knuckles along her cheek.
“Please, go. I can’t think when you’re around.”
“I can only think when I think of you.”
“That was a stupid line,” she muttered, and I snorted. The tension began to leak out between us, but not enough. Never enough.
“I love you, Laurel. You pushing me away right now because you’re scared won’t change that.”
“I won’t be your murderer.”
“I’m not asking you to be my savior, either,” I murmured before kissing her again. She leaned into me, tears rolling down her cheeks. The fact that they evaporated into steam as soon as they touched her skin concerned me, but then again, everything about Laurel concerned me. I leaned forward, kissed her again, and pulled away.
“We’re not done.”
“We never should’ve begun.”
“I’m not going to count that as an attack,” I whispered. “Because I love you. And we’re going to find a way through this. Fate won’t take you away from me.”
“Fate took Trace.”
I set my jaw. “Maybe Trace was never ours to begin with.”
“Then maybe I’m not yours, either.”
I shook my head and left, waiting for her to lock the door behind me. When she did, I shifted forms, leaving my clothes behind in her garden bed, needing to fly. To soar. Shifting into my bird form was easy, a breath because of the power within me. The wind fluttered under my feathers, and I caught a jetstream, letting the power of the town and the magic surrounding us seep into my bones.
Laurel was mine. And I wouldn’t let a fucking curse or a necromancer or darkness or whatever the hell was coming at us take her.
Trace had been our best friend, and while we had joked that he had been our third, maybe he hadn’t been. Perhaps he had only been the person to connect us.
I didn’t know. Regardless, there was no bringing him back. He was gone.
And I’d be damned if I let anything take her from me. I landed on my aerie, walked inside, and pulled on some sweatpants. While I didn’t mind walking around naked, there was always a time and a place for it.
Aiden, my second, knocked on the door as soon as I threw water on my face. I knew he had been waiting for me, likely on the lookout. I opened the door, and he walked in, a frown on his face. “What’s wrong?”
“The elders are in a tiff.”
“Why?” I asked, having a feeling I knew what it was about.
“Well, they’re glad that Nelle’s gone because they don’t want to deal with the fact that our community isn’t pureblooded anymore.”
I growled. “Really? It’s been how many years, and they’re still on my little sister because she doesn’t shift into a hawk?” My hawk pushed to the surface, anger radiating off me.
My second shook his head. “I didn’t say I agree with them. All I’m saying is that the elders are creating their drama. It’s what they do. They like their ways set in stone. The fact that your mother married the king of the merpeople doesn’t sit right with them, and it never will. But screw them.”
“I like the sound of that. Let’s just ignore them. Maybe the problem will go away.”
He met my gaze. “You know the problem will never go away, Jaxton.”
I ran my hand through my hair and headed to my kitchen to find something to eat. “No. Because my little sister is never going away.”
“It’ll make things worse when she finally mates with the fae king.” My hand gripped the edge of my refrigerator. “Let’s not talk about that. I don’t have enough strength in me to deal with that image.”
“Fair enough. They’re also mumbling about the fact that you’re spending so much time with the coven and with a certain witch they do not want in their circles.” I whirled on them. “They’re going to say something about Laurel? The woman who has protected this wing as much as I have?”
“They’re afraid you’ll choose her over them.”
“You know why I possibly would. And you know why she will never let me.”
“I know why, and they know why, and they’re bigots. However, they’re scared. No one knows what’s going on with those necromancers. And while we know that you are putting all your soul and energy into protecting this town and the wing, they’re also greedy and selfish. And they want you to themselves. That’s why you’re wing leader. They want you.”
“Well, they’ll just have to learn to share. Because Laurel’s mine.”
“Did you complete the bond?” Aiden asked, moving forward, his eyes wide.
I shook my head. “Not exactly. But it’s going to happen. I’m going to save her. We’re going to save this town. And the elders will have to deal with the fact that we’re not in the nineteenth century anymore. Plenty of wings and dens and packs have various members. We’ve never been pureblooded, and they need to realize that.”
My second nodded. “Okay, then. However, you still need to come with me.”
I frowned, tore off a hunk of cheese, and started chewing. “Why?” I growled.
“Because your aunt needs a hug.”
I cursed under my breath, my stomach no longer needing food. I set everything back in the fridge and braced myself against it. “William’s been gone for how long?”
“Long enough that we know he’s not coming back. He’s dead, Jaxton. You felt the bond break.”
“But we never found his body.” I knew I was merely hoping at this point, but I couldn’t let myself believe he was gone. That was my problem these days.
“I think I’m too afraid that if we find the trail, it’ll lead to the necromancers having him.”
I cringed and turned around. “You’re right. Okay. I hate that my cousin’s gone. That whatever happened to him happened without our knowledge. But the bond is broken. I can’t feel him within the wing. My aunt needs a hug? Then that’s what I’ll do. Because I’m the fucking wing leader. If my people need me, I will be there.”
“You don’t have to tell me. I know you’re always going to put us before yourself. And it’s about time you have someone to lean on when you do.”
I watched him leave before I followed him, knowing that I was all talk—at least for now. Because I didn’t know if Laurel would ever let me keep her. If she would ever let me have her.
Still, I had to try. I had to do something.
My world was fracturing around me, and I wasn’t sure how to fix it. All I knew was that I loved a woman who I knew loved me back but was afraid to do so.
No matter. I would protect her. I would protect everyone I loved.
Or I would die trying.
Chapter
Seven
&nb
sp; Laurel
I sat cross-legged in Rowen’s home, telling myself that this was absolutely normal, that I wasn’t losing a part of myself.
It had been three days since the attack and the ritual. I still didn’t feel like myself, but I wasn’t sure I ever would, not when I knew that we were out of options.
The bonding hadn’t worked, and our spell hadn’t had the necessary strength. I liked to think we would find a way to make it be enough, but I couldn’t see it happening.
“Okay, let’s talk,” Rowen said as she rolled her shoulders back.
“We’re not going to be talking about my curse, are we? Because I don’t think I have it in me to do it anymore.”
Rowen gave me a look, then shook her head before turning to Sage. “We are going to practice some different coven bonding spells. Not for your curse, but to keep us together.”
“And if I can’t help?” I asked, swallowing hard and ignoring the pain. This time, it wasn’t only physical but an emotional blow because I couldn’t help Sage in this new world of magic and wonder. I couldn’t show her the goodness and the purity that came with this new world. Instead, I was the one left behind to show the pain and anger that came with it.
“You can watch,” Rowen began. “You don’t have to join us. In fact, I don’t want you to join us unless you feel completely comfortable.”
“Okay, I guess I can go over what I know. At least from a pain perspective. And feeling.”
“That would be helpful,” Sage added, frowning. “Any help you can give so I can make sure I learn what I need to so I can help the town wards and coven would be appreciated.”
“I’m just sorry that I can’t be much help other than that.”
Sage scowled at me, and it was such a different look for her that I held back a smile. “You teach me to fight, to be strong, to be brave. Stop putting yourself down because your magic is different than ours.”
“I like when you get a spine,” I replied with a laugh, and Sage rolled her eyes.
“I’m mated to a bear. Of course, I learned about strength and spine.”
Rowen raised a brow. “You had spine before you even stepped foot in Ravenwood, and you know it.” She let out a breath as Sage smiled, and I warmed inside. Something that had nothing to do with the fire deep within. “This is going to be a simple summoning spell, one to bring forth a new day and to find the strength that we need to overcome the obstacles in front of us. The next spell we’ll learn will be the one to push away those outside forces that threaten to cloud our minds.”
Dusk Unveiled (Ravenwood Coven Book 2) Page 6