“Good. That’s the right answer.” She got out, closed the truck door, and walked into the dorm looking prim, proper, and totally unaffected by their bout of incredible lovemaking.
***
At the start of the spring semester, Kevin returned to campus eager to see Isabel. He looked for her at registration, asked for her at her dorm, and left messages for her to no avail. Her roommate, a girl from Espanola, told him she would be returning to school late because of a death in the family. That was all she knew. Kevin asked her to have Isabel call him when she arrived. She said she would.
He worried perhaps some terrible tragedy had happened. She’d told him very little about her family. All he knew was that her parents were Ralph and Blossom, and she had a younger sister, Ramona. Her father was a high-ranking officer in the fire department and her mother was a member of the tribal council. She lived with her family in a house on a hill behind the tribal hospital near the village center.
He impatiently kept waiting for her to show up or call. After a frustrating week without hearing from her, he made another trip to the dorm hoping to find out more information. A resident assistant told him Isabel was back and attending her classes. The death in the family had been a cousin.
He wrote out a hurried note asking Isabel to call him at Erma’s. The assistant put it in her mailbox behind the desk. Two more days passed with no response. He tried one more time to reach her by letter.
Dear Isabel,
I guess there really was a contest as to who would sleep with the “Indian” girl, only it was your contest, wasn’t it? I was sorry to hear of your loss and I am sad if you feel we can no longer be friends.
Sincerely yours,
Kevin
He mailed it without a return address, hoping she’d be inclined to open an anonymous letter out of curiosity. Several days later between classes he saw her in the Student Union Building drinking coffee with her roommate. He approached their table.
“Did you get my letter?” he asked.
The roommate quickly gathered her books and slipped away.
Isabel nodded. “Yes.”
Kevin sat across from her. “And?”
She studied him with her dark eyes. “We can be friends.”
“Just casual friends, I take it.”
“Yes, if you’d like that.”
As he rose, Kevin stifled a sigh. “I’ll see you around campus.”
“Kevin.”
He paused, waiting.
“I’ll see you.”
Holding back tears, Isabel watched him go. Over the holidays, she’d told her parents about Kevin Kerney, and how he was like no other White Eyes she’d ever known. She’d hoped, because of his family’s long history of kindness and friendship shown to the tribe, they would be amenable to meeting him. It was, after all, the middle of the twentieth century and times were changing. She discreetly failed to mention that she’d seduced him and found him to be an intensely passionate lover.
Their reaction was immediate and harsh. They would not hear of it. The White Eyes were not brothers or sisters to the people. She could not make any pretensions of friendship to him; it would only damage her reputation at home. Should she persist, they would make her transfer to another college, perhaps the University of New Mexico in Albuquerque.
The forcefulness of their rejection stunned her. She argued with them for days, until she realized they were unyielding. Her mother was forever bitter about the White Eyes’ internment of her Chiricahua grandparents at Fort Sill, Oklahoma, and her father, a good man at heart, instinctively and often with cause, distrusted all outsiders.
She considered abandoning her dreams, leaving the tribe, forging a life somewhere else with Kevin, if he would have her. Becoming part of the larger world. But her ties were too strong to break and she had made promises.
She had stood before the tribal council and asked to be sent to college so that she could return and serve her people as a nurse. With the support of the tribal president, they had agreed to pay for her education with the understanding that she would keep her promise. To break her vow would bring disgrace to herself and her family.
It would be hard, but she had to bend her will to the path she’d chosen. Seeing Kevin had unleashed an immediate desire to be with him. To stay strong she had to avoid him.
***
Forgetting Isabel wasn’t easy. About the only way to do it was to buckle down, and Kevin did exactly that. He concentrated on classwork and finishing Erma’s landscape plan, which was gradually taking shape. When he had a free weekend he went home to the ranch, where he was always happy no matter what.
He saw Isabel around campus and got a lump in his throat whenever they stopped to chat. The girl made his palms sweaty, but he pulled off nonchalance like a champ. At least he hoped he did. He often wondered if she felt a bit of regret for breaking it off, but her cool exterior gave nothing away. Either that, or he was just lousy at reading women.
One weekend at home, Dale was back stateside on leave and they went out drinking. Bartenders in T or C took a very liberal stance on underage drinkers, and in a smoky haven for drunks, they sipped longnecks, Dale doing most of the talking about his tour in Vietnam. He told tales of taking fire from enemy mortar rounds and fighting off VC incursions along the airfield perimeter. He related one story about an enemy mortar round that blew up a huge jet-fuel bladder tank, sending flames sky-high, killing three of his buddies, turning them into miscellaneous body parts. He would return to the Okinawa airbase when his leave was up and hoped never to see the Nam again. He was now an Airman First Class and had been awarded the Air Force Commendation Medal.
He joked that the air force gave out medals like candy canes at Christmastime, and said no more about it.
He was still Dale but different. The easy smile was still there, his sense of humor was intact, but the kid in him was gone, buried beneath a hard crust just below the surface. As soon as he landed stateside, he’d changed into civvies to avoid the taunts and insults hurled at servicemen by those who opposed the war. Dressed in jeans, an old work shirt, and his cowboy boots, only his regulation GI haircut and his military bearing gave him away.
“Are you gonna become one of those gung-ho officers hot to kill the commies and get medals?” he asked Kevin, half-seriously.
“I’m thinking of hotfooting it to Canada instead.”
Dale rolled his eyes at the idea. “That ain’t you.”
“It’s a stupid war,” Kevin countered.
Dale nodded. “Just about every enlisted grunt who has served in Nam would agree with you. If we could mount a coup against the Washington politicians who got us into this fucking mess, we would.”
“I don’t know if I can handle it.”
Dale snorted a laugh. “And you won’t know until you’re there. I was scared the whole time. Everybody is, even the hard-core lifers and the crazies.”
“I guess I’ll just have to find out,” Kevin said.
“Don’t go there,” Dale advised. “Take your ROTC commission and get a desk job if you can.” He finished his longneck and called for another.
“That would be the coward’s way out.”
“Or not,” Dale said. “There’s no rule that says you have to be a red-blooded, All-American hero just because a war is going on.”
“You’ve gotten cynical.”
“Maybe so. I’m thinking of heading down to Juárez next weekend to visit the ladies at Casa Blanca. Want to come along?”
Although it was tempting, Kevin shook his head. “Can’t do it. Too much classwork.”
Dale downed six more longnecks before he was ready to leave. Kevin had to lift his drunk, half-conscious friend into the cab of the truck and drive him home.
***
With the completion of Erma’s master landscape plan, she had fewer and fewer handyman cho
res, telling him she didn’t want to make up things for him to do and that he should concentrate on his classes. Of course, she hoped he’d still come to her parties when school resumed in the fall. He promised to be at every one. They were too much fun to miss.
With more time available in the upcoming fall semester, he decided to add another course to his schedule. Before heading off for his ROTC summer training, he preregistered for a Native American Survey class. Maybe he could learn something that might help him better understand Isabel.
He still smarted over her rejection. It was as if he was doomed to fall for women who ultimately dumped him. In Isabel’s case, the reason remained unclear. He knew for certain she wasn’t dating anybody at school. He could only wonder if there was a boyfriend back home.
He finished ROTC summer training in time to get to the ranch and help with fall works. He wasn’t able to stay for the pony auction and was sorry to miss it, but eager to start his classes. He didn’t see Isabel around campus until midterms. He spotted her staring at him from a distance, frozen in place for a long minute before hurrying away. He couldn’t fathom her reaction.
The Native American class hadn’t been very helpful in trying to personally figure out Isabel Istee. If he took into account the general duplicity, the outright thievery, and the mindless slaughter of Native Americans perpetrated by white men against Indians since the day they set foot on the continent, his guilt by ancestry might be enough to turn her off. But he’d never seen the slightest sign of small-mindedness on her part. He remained totally confused by the girl.
The semester ended without another sighting. By then he was dating a town girl he’d met at a party Gabriel Morales and his wife threw at their house in the old Mexican neighborhood near downtown. Her name was Sofia Contreras and she soon lost interest when she realized marriage and children were not what Kevin had in mind.
By the start of his senior year, he’d convinced himself that he was over Isabel. One evening at the university library, he walked past her studying at a table with a guy who was one of the leaders of the students against the war movement. When she looked up and smiled at him, his heart skipped a beat. That minute, all he wanted was to be studying with her at that desk. He quickly walked away, wondering why she’d smiled at him, and what she was doing in the company of a campus radical.
The guy was a hardcore antiwar protester who liked to get in Kevin’s face whenever he wore his ROTC uniform on campus. He was always spoiling for a shouting match to attract attention to himself and his cause. There were times Kevin wanted to call him out, times he was tempted to argue, but he held his tongue for fear he might slip up and agree that the guy was right—it was a totally screwed-up, unnecessary war.
He found what he wanted in the stacks, and gave Isabel and her companion a wide berth on his way out of the library.
***
Isabel had been unable to repress a smile when Kevin passed by. Every time she saw him, he awoke such strong desires in her. She’d tried several other boys over the last two years, had even slept with one to her great dissatisfaction. The few times she saw Kevin on campus, she froze to keep from running to him. She was tired of being wound up so tight about him. Her parents and the tribe could go suck eggs. In her dorm room she sat at her desk and wrote:
Dear Kevin,
I know you must think I’ve been terrible to you, but if you’re willing to forgive me I’d like to see you again. You deserve an explanation and I am so sorry if I have hurt you. Leave a message if you’re willing, if not, I understand.
Affectionately,
Isabel
She sat for a long time before sealing it in an envelope and addressing it. Holding on to her nerve, she mailed it in the slot at the front reception desk and returned to her room, fearful that he wouldn’t reply.
Two days later, early in the evening, Isabel nervously waited for Kevin in the Student Union Building. When he appeared in the doorway, anxiety almost made her bolt for the ladies’ room. When he sat down she thanked him for coming.
“I had to,” he replied. “For the past two years I’ve been wondering what I did wrong.”
“Nothing,” Isabel replied. “You did nothing wrong.”
She told him everything, and he listened without interrupting. When she finished, she reached across the table and touched his hand. “I’ve missed being with you.”
“What’s changed? Why can you see me now?”
“I’ve changed. It’s too hard to not be with you.”
She watched as he studied her face.
“Does that mean we can be more than ‘just friends’?” he asked.
“Yes, if you’re willing and you dare to believe me.”
“I’ve learned that the Apache believe in something called life’s circle.”
Isabel nodded.
“I guess that could apply to you and me.”
“Meaning?”
Kevin shrugged. “A circle has no end.”
Isabel smiled and reached for his hand. “Just a beginning.”
38
Over the course of their senior year, Kevin and Isabel were in each other’s company almost to the exclusion of all others, Erma’s frequent parties being the major exception. With their heavy course schedules, time together was limited, but they made the best of it with weekends at Kevin’s apartment, and occasional Sunday-morning drives into the countryside, sometimes just to rubberneck and stop for a meal at a roadside diner, and sometimes to hike trails in the nearby Organ Mountains. As the weather warmed they picnicked along the river bosque, window-shopped the touristy stores in old Mesilla, and explored some of the abandoned historical sites, like the adobe ruins of Fort Selden near the village of Radium Springs. On those rare occasions when Erma felt a strong motherly need to check in on them, they’d share a thrown-together weeknight dinner with her, capped with a bottle of wine and good conversation. It was evident that Erma, who was not one to hide her opinions, thought Kevin was lucky to have captured the affections of such an intriguing, intelligent, and strikingly beautiful girl.
During school breaks and holidays, Kevin went home to the ranch and Isabel back to Mescalero. Kevin’s parents, kept abreast of his involvement with Isabel through Erma’s occasional phone conversations, never pried. They met her once during an unannounced, impromptu weekend trip to Las Cruces, when they arrived at Kevin’s apartment and found her there still in her PJs. The chance meeting started out awkwardly but ended up very pleasantly with Kevin, his parents, and Isabel having lunch together at Matt’s favorite Las Cruces hamburger joint. During Kevin’s next telephone call home, his mom told him Isabel was classy and his dad pronounced her a stunner.
Fearing another explosive reaction by her parents, Isabel said nothing about Kevin to them. They were bursting with pride about her upcoming graduation and the proclamation the tribal council planned to issue on the day she was to receive her degree. Her mother had a big gathering in the works, with plans to invite almost half of the tribal membership. Along with Isabel’s many aunts, she’d been working on it for months.
With Kevin scheduled to be commissioned in the army, and Isabel required to take the state nursing board exams before she could practice, neither of them spoke about future plans together. Kevin didn’t want to discuss it until he either survived Vietnam or managed to avoid it, which he had no desire to do in spite of Dale’s warning. But with the conflict dragging on and getting uglier by the day, like many others on campus he’d grown unhappy about the war and the government’s policies. In spite of his mixed feelings, he had no choice but to honor his commitment to serve.
He figured Isabel had also sidestepped any talk of a shared future together because of her commitment to her tribe, which naturally had to come first. But the idea was never far from his mind that no matter what the difficulties ahead might be, eventually they’d be able to work something out as a couple.
In April they went to the Aggie team rodeo and watched Kim Ward and Todd Marks compete. Both had made it to the national collegiate finals the last two years and were returning again. They were the stars of a talented team, and highly touted to lead the Aggies to a national title.
Kevin usually ran into them once or twice a year on campus. They were still a couple and planning to join the pro circuit after graduating. Kevin had a slight pang of remorse about not sticking with rodeoing, but not enough of one to question the decisions he’d made. Once upon a time he’d competed on their level, but not anymore. They were extraordinary to watch, and he was proud to have once competed in the same arena with them.
After the final event, Kevin dropped Isabel at the dorm. She gave him a quick kiss before jumping out of his truck and waving goodbye. It had been a week since they’d been together, and he’d been hoping she would spend the night with him, but no such luck.
She’d been very quiet on the drive, with her eyes straight ahead and her expression thoughtful. It had been going on for a couple of days. He didn’t think anything was wrong, but he couldn’t be sure. There were times when she simply turned inward and everything else seemed to become miscellaneous static. He didn’t know how she did it, but until she resurfaced she was almost unreachable.
Maybe it was just that and nothing more. At home, he settled down with his textbook, a compendium of some of the greatest war battles in history, and picked up where he’d left off with the fall of Constantinople in the middle of the fifteenth century.
***
Isabel’s roommate had gone out to spend a half hour in the backseat of her boyfriend’s car, and she had the place to herself. She undressed, stood naked in front of the mirror and turned sideways. Soon she’d start showing. If she didn’t take action now, Kevin would soon be able to tell that she was pregnant.
If she told him, he would want to marry her—of that she was certain. And when he proposed, her resolve would most certainly weaken and she’d say yes. That would be disastrous for both of them.
The Last Ranch Page 42