OtherSide Of Fear (Outside The Ropes #3)

by Ashley Claudy

  “They’ll make the drop off on time. They’ll drive straight through so it’ll be there by Thursday. The earlier packing will give everyone extra time,” Gage explained.

  “Do they have checkpoints?”

  “They do,” Gage drew out his response, and his hesitance put me on guard.

  Rusnak was losing his patience. “What are they?”

  “Everyone will know their role when they need to, that’s all that matters. You took care of your part, your way, and I’ll take care of my part.”

  The look that flashed in Rusnak’s eyes was dark and his voice dropped as he leaned forward on the desk. “I need to know your plans in case something happens. I don’t want a repeat of the last time I left a big shipment to you. I won’t go back to prison.”

  “That went bad because you didn’t follow what I said.” Gage’s voice was just as challenging as Rusnak’s.

  I tensed in the chair, ready to spring into action if this standoff went to another level.

  “No, you didn’t follow your plans.” Rusnak broke his stare down with Gage and glanced to me. “I know why, but I don’t want to take chances this time. You need a back up in case something happens. In case you’re not around.”

  “And why wouldn’t I be around?”

  My stomach churned.

  Rusnak shrugged, throwing off the tension and smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Never can be too prepared. Never know what may happen.”

  “That’s a risk I’ll take.” Gage stood and Rusnak and I both raised to our feet, too. “I prefer to keep it to myself till it’s time. It’s been the strategy that worked for my father and it works for me.”

  “Your father was loyal and did what he was told.”

  Gage paused, “He was.”

  Rusnak took in a breath. “Tomorrow then. We’ll talk more tomorrow.”

  “Why burn the boat?” I blurted the question before Gage could start moving towards the door.

  Both men turned their full focus on me. Gage stepped close, probably to usher me away, but I planted my feet. Rusnak’s eyes held a smile somewhere in that hazel hell.

  “Why burn the boat tonight, and draw attention to it, to him? What if they investigate his death?”

  “It won’t point back to me.” Rusnak’s shoulder lifted. “It’ll confirm their suspicions though. That boat is filled with drugs the FBI had previously confiscated, and there are enough clues to point to his death being related to that. We want them to find him because we planted answers to what they’ve been asking about.”

  “Shadow?” My heart was pounding, pulsing adrenaline through me, feeding my nervous energy. I didn’t dare look to Gage, but I could feel the heat of his glare.

  Rusnak’s features sharpened as he stepped around his desk and leaned on it with his arms crossed. “So many questions about things you don’t need to know about. Things you shouldn’t want to be involved in. What happened to that girl that wanted nothing more than to escape?”

  I shrugged, trying to play at being calm, confident. “I’m in now, and I want as much information as I can get.”

  “Information can be power, the most absolute form of power when used right. But it can also be a ticking bomb in the wrong hands.” He tilted his head, looking me over. “But yes, Shadow. They’ll think that was Viktor, and it gets them off our back.”

  “So you did this for Shadow? Who is he?” I kept pressing for whatever information he would give.

  A knock at the door interrupted us.

  “I won’t arm you with that.” Rusnak pushed off his desk to go to the door.

  Cherry was on the other side.

  Gage didn’t wait to hear what she had to say. He pulled me out the door with one last question to Rusnak, “Your car will take us home?”

  “Yes,” he stepped back, gesturing for Cherry to step in as we passed. “He’s expecting you.”

  ***

  “What the hell was that?” Gage rounded on me the second we walked in the apartment. His anger drained just as quick, and he leaned against the wall, pulling me to stand in front of him. “Babe, you have to let it go. I know you wanted revenge, wanted to do something about all of them, but with everything that happened with Anthony and Viktor, you have to realize that’s not possible.”

  It was a vine twisting and pulling me down. “Why? It’s not fair that they get away with everything.”

  His hands went to my face. “It’s us getting out together or revenge on them. I don’t think we can have both.”

  It took all of a second to decide. “I want us.” I wrapped my arms around his waist, and immediately felt better and worse. “I want you. I don’t want you getting hurt.” Tears of frustration burned my chest and eyes. “I just hate that that’s the only option. That—”

  “They’ll destroy each other eventually. It may not come from us, but they’ll get there’s. Look what happened with Viktor.”

  His hands were so soft against my cheek, neck, shoulders, trailing to my waist as he laid even softer kisses on my lips.

  I turned my head, breaking away. “Rusnak doesn’t really trust you. Do you think he meant anything by you not being here?” I wish I could cut off my thoughts, every one of them hurt. There was no safe place in my mind. But Gage’s touch helped soothe the pain of them.

  He dropped his forehead to mine with a sigh, “I never know what he means half the time. It could be something, or it could be his way of trying to scare us—to scare you. He said knowledge is power, but he uses fear.”

  I brushed the stubble on his chin and brought my lips back to his, wanting to surround myself in him and forget myself completely, forget my fears. Because there was nothing else we could do, not here, not now.

  He pulled back, gripping my hand. “We’ve had a long night, and we’re going to have an even longer one tomorrow.”

  I nodded, fingers itching to go back to touching him.

  His head dipped closer to mine, his hand grazing the skin on my stomach. “And we’ve got to pick up Dexter from the airport in the morning.”

  I nodded again and pushed myself against him, breaking my hand free of his so I could touch him with both, use them to read his body, to feel his heart.

  He looked down at me with hooded eyes. “This might be our last night here alone.”

  I had already thought it, but hearing it out loud bruised me and made me need him even more.

  “I don’t want to spend it sleeping then, not yet.” I brought my lips to his neck, and he pulled me back down the hall to the bedroom.

  I stopped thinking about tomorrow.

  ***

  Dexter carried a large duffel over one arm and passed the baggage claim turn styles. It didn’t seem like he spotted us yet, so Gage called his name.

  His head popped up and he smiled, but it was only half a Dexter smile. He looked different, no longer the lean quick body I recalled. He was bulkier, but his tight sleeves gripped around muscles, and he walked more like Gage, like he owned his body and knew how to use it.

  His smile dropped completely when he looked down at me, and I froze, not knowing what to expect from the man who always had a smile, but not today, not for me.

  He stopped in front of me and spoke before I could.

  “I’m still pissed at you.”

  “Dexter,” Gage started, but I raised my hand to stop him.

  “I know. And I’m sorry.” I owed him that at least, but I dropped my eyes from his angry gaze so I didn’t see him move, but then I was surrounded in his warmth.

  He squeezed me in a Dexter hug that I had wanted more than I cared to admit. I wrapped my arms around him too, squeezing him back just as tight. Squeezing my eyes shut to keep the tears from coming. I knew now that these hugs were numbered. Only a few days left to take them.

  “I should have taken you to the psychiatrist that day instead of the gym.” His voice was thick and wavering. His cheek was slick with tears as he gripped
me tighter.

  41: Goodbye

  HIS EMBRACE PRESSED INTO MY HEART TILL it cracked, the tears leaking out. I had missed him. I would miss him. I didn’t want to let him go, nor the memory I had in my head of his family. Little Felix with his chubby cheeks, and head full of curls, and a smile to match his fathers—who I would never get to see again. And that hurt the worst. Never. It was so final. So crushing.

  Gage cleared his throat from beside us. “Let’s go.” He started walking ahead of us, and then turned around, stepping in front of Dexter. Some sort of emotion pulled on his lips and made the muscles of his jaw flex. But it wasn’t his typical anger, it was broken, and his voice came out thick. “She’s not the one that needs to apologize.”

  Dexter met his brothers gaze head on, without any humor. “I’ve told you in a hundred different ways I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to let her—”

  “Not about her, about this. Getting wrapped up in all of this. God damn it Dexter, I can’t be here for you all the time.”

  Dexter’s jaw flexed, mirroring the same hard lines that were in Gage’s. “I didn’t come to you this time. I would’ve taken care of this myself.”

  Gage sucked in air, silencing the reply that was on his lips, lightning in his eyes. He breathed out like it was fire. But without speaking, he turned and walked down the busy hall of the airport leading to the garage we had parked in.

  ***

  Gage walked out of the bathroom, wearing his sweatpants over his gym shorts and black Under Armour shirt. He glanced to me as he adjusted his hat on his head. “Why aren’t you dressed?”

  “I thought I’d stay back, let you two go alone to talk.” I sat on the edge of our bed, looking up at him.

  He took the two steps that separated us and placed his arms on either side of me. He leaned down, close to my face, so close the smell of our mint toothpaste washed over me. “No, you’re coming with us. I want you with us.” He pecked the corner of my mouth like that would ease the demand in his voice. “Now get dressed.” He pulled away and went to the closet for his bag.

  “It’s only the gym. You can go without me,” I called after him.

  “I’m not leaving you here.”

  “Gage, I really think you two need to talk.” I stood and followed him.

  He turned towards me, slinging his gym bag over his shoulder with a sigh. “And we will babe. Now get dressed.” When I just stood there, he stepped forward and reached his hand out to my arm. Then added in a soft voice, “Please.”

  I shook my head and took a little step closer so I could feel his warmth. “I know what you’re doing. You can leave me here. I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”

  His breath hitched as he breathed in. “Maybe I just want you with me.” His other hand rose to cup my cheek, pushing my hair back at the same time. “Maybe I don’t want to be away from you.” His head dipped down to my forehead. “I want you close to me, always.”

  I closed my eyes and breathed him in, turning my head so our noses touched, so my lips brushed his skin. And I brought my hand up to cup his, to hold him in place, enjoying the warmth of him. But I knew it was important to let him go. “I will be. Baby, we are going to have forever together, but you and your brother, you only have this day. Go be with him. Talk to him. I’ll be fine here.”

  “Forever?” Gage’s lips brushed over my cheek, pressing to the skin just under my ear as his arms wrapped around me. “God Regan, I want forever with you. I’d do anything to have that.”

  His words, body, touches, lips, all wrapped me in a warm comfort. It felt like home. But a creeping sadness persisted in the corners, tugging at my heartstrings. He was willing to do anything, he’d shown that, was continuing to show that, but I feared the sacrifices he was willing to make and their effect on him.

  “You already have that.” I pulled back slightly in his arms, cupping his face so he’d have to look me in the eye. “No matter what happens, we are forever. All right?” I continued when he nodded, “But right now, you need to set things right with your brother. This might be your only chance.”

  He dropped away with a groan. “Fine. You’re right. But don’t go anywhere. And don’t let anyone up. Don’t do anything. We’re only one block over so call if anything strange happens.”

  His drop dead serious tone gave me a chill, but I tried to cover it, dismiss it.

  He met my eyes. “You know I have the doorman watch out for you. He’ll call me if anything happens.”

  I wasn’t sure if he was accusing me of trying something or just being protective. “Do you think anything will happen?”

  He shook his head, slow and steady. “Not really, not with everything going down tonight. It’s so close.”

  I let out the breath I didn’t even know I was holding. “It is, so close,” and I meant more than the drug shipment. “You should go. We really don’t have much time left.”

  His lips crashed into mine before I even finished speaking. The kiss was dangerous, washing me in his fears, passion, need. It felt too big, too deep, like I could drown. Until I kissed back, until I reached up and pulled him closer, then it became something else altogether. Then I was swimming in his love, his hands keeping me afloat and safe. And I didn’t want it to end.

  But he pulled away with shallow breaths and shaking palms as his fingers slid into my hair. “You’ll be here when I get back.” And despite the strain on his voice, it sounded like he finally believed it.

  ***

  They returned from the gym with a weight off of them it seemed.

  “Come on, admit it, I’ve gotten better. I almost had you,” Dexter’s voice held that smile I was used to but hadn’t heard this morning. He pushed on Gage’s shoulder as they came through the door.

  Gage looked down on him, still the larger of the two. “All right, you’ve gotten better. But you never had me, not even a little.”

  “Uh-uh,” Dexter pulled off his tennis shoes, his light eyes meeting mine. “He just doesn’t want to admit it in front of you. You’ll have to come next time and see for yourself. Although you may not want to witness him getting taken down.”

  I stood against the entranceway to the kitchen and crossed my arms. “Sounds like you two had a good workout. I made some lunch if you’re hungry.”

  Dexter was quick to pass by me into the kitchen, already loading the sweet potatoes and chicken onto his plate. “Thanks Rea, this looks great.”

  Gage flashed a sly smile at me, and that let me know everything I needed to know. They were at a good place, and that eased my heartache. It had been important.

  “Thank you,” he mumbled low and squeezed my hip, placing a kiss on my neck as he passed by into the kitchen.

  ***

  “Fuck, you should have woken me up sooner.” Dexter rubbed the heel of his hand over his eye after slipping on his seatbelt.

  I didn’t bother responding and focused on breathing down my own nerves as we pulled out of our parking garage. Dexter had slept most of the afternoon, but we let him, knowing he had jet lag and would have to stay up tonight.

  “So we’re going to load the trucks now, will mine be the last truck?”

  Gage gripped his leather gloves on the steering wheel. “No. We’ll get you loaded first, so you can get on the road sooner. You, Sam, and Cherry will have the longest drive.”

  I had known the plan, Dexter knew it too, but they went over every detail all over again on our way to the dock. I kept reminding myself, we just had to get through tonight and make sure Dexter got back safe, and then it would all be over.

  By time we arrived, the drugs were nearly all hidden away inside mattresses and couches that were to be loaded onto the moving trucks. Everyone knew their role, doing their job with little conversation in the dark cloudy night.

  Rusnak was nowhere to be seen, but I didn’t go look for him. I worked with Dexter, lifting items into the back of the largest U-Haul truck, the one he would be driving.

&nbs
p; “What’s going on with him, Rea?” Dexter’s voice was low as he nodded to where Gage was standing, directing another person.

  I walked to the back of the truck and laid my end of the heavy mattress on the floor, leaning it against the side. Dexter pushed it the rest of the way in, but stood, blocking my way out.

  “He hugged me today. He actually hugged me and told me he loved me.” He shook his head, lifting his hands up in question.

  I wiped my hands on my leg, trying to play off the way his words hit me. “You know he loves you, and it’s been a while since he saw you.”

  He grabbed my arm as I tried to pass. “No, this was different. I know he loves me, but he’s never said that to me. He doesn’t show it that way. This was different. All of this is different.” He gestured around the truck, eyes glowing wild in the dark. “Is he in some sort of trouble? Should I be worried?”

  “Yeah, you should be,” it was Gage that answered. He walked up the ramp, into the back of the crowded truck with us. “But not about me. You should be worried about yourself and your family, so you don’t have to take these risks again.”

  Dexter dropped my arm and turned towards Gage. “I told you, I’m done. No more gambling—”

  “I’ve heard that before.”

  “But this is different. I’m going to get Leona back, I’m going to do better.”

  “Leona left you?” I knew she was in Baltimore with family, but I didn’t realize it was to get away from him.

  Dexter dropped his eyes to the floor. “Yeah, but I don’t blame her. And after this, I’m going to prove to her I can do better for her and Felix.”

  Gage nodded, shoulders deflating as he let out his breath. “I hope so. But first, get this done. Finish packing.” He looked directly at me, nodding off to the side. “I need to talk to you for a minute”