by K. A. Linde
I shook my head and brushed past him.
“Where are you going?”
“Didn’t you hear Katherine? We’re going out.”
“Natalie…”
“Penn, just save your breath. I don’t need an apology or the everything wasn’t a lie speech. You’re here for the weekend. I’m here until November. We can be amicable, but don’t push your luck.”
Natalie
8
“When you said out, I thought you meant the beach or something,” I said with my jaw nearly on the ground. “Not a yacht.”
Katherine laughed and linked arms with me. “Welcome to our world.”
We walked off of the dock together and onto what had to be the largest boat I had ever stepped foot on. It had to be the size of most houses…or bigger. Certainly nothing like the dinghies my sister, Melanie, always went out in with her friends back home.
“This is incredible,” I murmured. “Did you guys rent this for the day?”
Rowe laughed behind me. “No.”
“This is Lewis’s yacht,” Lark answered for him.
“Why on earth would you stay at the house when this yacht is only a twenty-minute drive away?”
“His father needed it for most of the weekend, but this afternoon was free on the schedule. So, we’re taking it out for a spin,” Katherine said. “Now, stop worrying about everything and enjoy yourself.”
I snapped my mouth shut to keep from asking the million other questions poised on the tip of my tongue. I wasn’t here to investigate them. I was here to enjoy myself. But it was in my nature to be inquisitive. It was part of my writer’s curse to ask questions and get all the details. It was what had made me remember Penn’s face. I never forgot a face. But it also sometimes kept me apart from a group. It made me an observer instead of a participant. I didn’t want to be that person right now. I wanted to live in this moment. When else would I have the opportunity to step foot on a mega yacht anyway?
We walked down a hallway and then into an elaborate foyer that was nothing like the Titanic but reminded me of it nonetheless. I piled into the elevator with Katherine and Lark, and they waved at the boys as we were whisked upstairs. It felt totally surreal to be in an elevator on a boat.
But it was even more surreal when I stepped out onto the deck and saw the Atlantic clear before me. A swimming pool glittered invitingly, and Katherine was already stripping down to her bikini to get in. I ditched my bag and removed the flowy blue dress I’d put on over my bathing suit.
“Come on. Get in. We don’t have to wait for the boys,” Katherine said, walking into the pool.
A butler appeared then from out of nowhere. “How can I help you?”
“Mimosas!”
My stomach lurched at the thought, but Katherine was twirling her finger in the air. “For the lot of us and keep them coming.”
“Of course, miss.”
My stomach roiled uncertainly as I moved toward the swimming pool. I was still hungover, and things that didn’t make that better included swimming pools, boats, and alcohol. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.
Then, the guys appeared.
I turned around to see Penn and Lewis laughing. That smile on Penn’s face was electric. It completely lit him up from the inside out.
It felt like some strange parallel universe. The Penn I knew had smiled for me, but it had gotten twisted in my memories. I’d remembered him more somber. I’d envisioned him more insidious. All of our good times together had gotten tangled up with the bad aftermath. And it was hard to disentangle the Penn I knew and the Penn I’d imagined after the fact. It was even harder to reconcile him with the person standing in front of me, staring at me as if I were his next meal.
I blushed and turned away, walking confidently into the pool. I didn’t need to look at him like that or think about him like that. I absolutely didn’t need to think about what Amy had said earlier…because I was not going to have sex with him or think about having sex with him. Because I didn’t trust him nor was I sure that I even liked him.
And still, my eyes ventured back to him as he stripped out of his polo to reveal the six-pack abs underneath. My eyes trailed lower to the perfect V that cut into his flesh and moved lower and then lower. His swim trunks were cut, and I could just make out an outline. And, holy shit, I was staring.
“Natalie?” Katherine said.
I whipped my head in her direction. “Hmm?”
“Mimosa,” she said, passing me the drink.
“Thanks.” I didn’t even want the drink but anything to keep from looking at Penn. I wandered deeper into the pool toward the waterfall that flowed from the Jacuzzi and into the pool. The water beat on my shoulders and kept me focused as both Penn and Lewis stepped into the pool.
“Rowe, come on,” Lewis called.
Rowe flipped open his laptop and promptly sat down. He flipped Lewis off.
“Get your ass in here,” Katherine said.
“I don’t want to burn.”
Lark scoffed. “I’m the redhead.”
“Yeah, well, I’m blond.”
“I thought we promised, no work this weekend,” Penn reminded him.
Rowe looked up at him with a sigh. “Honestly?”
“If he doesn’t want to come in, he doesn’t have to,” I spoke up for him.
Rowe pointed two fingers at me and grinned. “Let’s keep her.”
The others laughed and went for more mimosas. It was in that second that the boat moved. I lurched forward, nearly losing my drink and my stomach. But Penn was there somehow. His reflexes were outstanding. I hadn’t even seen him reach for me, and now, my wet, naked body was nearly pressed against his.
“Are you all right?” he asked.
My eyes flicked up to his. No wonder I’d lost control around him last time.
I jerked back. “Fine. Just…still recovering.”
“Are you sure you want to drink?”
“God, Penn, leave her alone,” Katherine said. “She’s a big girl.”
Penn held his hands up. “I was just trying to be helpful.”
“It’s fine,” I said. I didn’t want to argue with him all day. It was exhausting, and anyway, he had kept me from face-planting into the water.
“Uh,” Rowe said, “someone’s phone is going off over here.” He pointed at my bag.
“That’s me.”
I made a hasty retreat from the pool and stumbled a step before gaining my sea legs. Not that I could feel the boat moving that much, but it wasn’t the same as walking on the ground. I dug through my bag and pulled out my phone. Amy had called twice, and now, she’d sent a text.
You hung up! I wanted to hear the rest about Penn. Call me back.
I bit my lip as I grinned. Then, I snapped a picture to show her exactly where I was. Her response was almost immediate.
You bitch!
How dare you!
I cannot believe you are on a yacht without me. Are we even friends?
I giggled. I loved her so much.
Okay, fine. Have a good time. But I need all the deets after! And just…please sleep with him, so I can live vicariously through you.
I’m not sleeping with him! But I’ll call you later to dish. xo
After I put my phone on silent, I went back to the party on the boat. Penn had put some music on, and Katherine was already complaining about it. I didn’t know the song, but I liked it. I liked his obscure choices. But he just rolled his eyes and turned on “End Game” by Taylor Swift to make Katherine happy.
“My reputation precedes me, I know,” Katherine said with a laugh and then started dancing in the pool.
To my surprise, I fit right into their little group, and the afternoon passed like a dream. Mimosas and culinary masterpieces that they all clearly took for granted. We danced and sang and laughed, and I never wanted it to end. I could get used to this life. Even though I knew it wasn’t my own.
I leaned against the railing and watched the sun sliding lo
w on the horizon, bathing the coast in yellows, oranges, and pinks. It was stunning, and I wasn’t ready for the day to come to a close.
“Hey you.” Lewis sidled up next to me.
“Hey.”
“You seem distant. What’s going on under that intense gaze?”
I shrugged. “Nothing. Just not ready to go back. Today has been so much fun.”
“I feel like that every time I come out here. Sometimes, I wish I could work from the yacht and not have to be in the city.”
“Really?” I asked in surprise. “I thought you all loved the city so much.”
“Don’t get me wrong. New York is my home. But this feels like a great escape.”
“Then, maybe you shouldn’t bring your work here.”
“Ah, but it’s so equipped for it. Did I tell you that my father’s suite has a built-in library and study with a private room attached for an assistant?” He grinned. “Or bodyguard, depending on who he’s dealing with.”
“Is your father in the mob?” I asked with a laugh.
He chuckled. “Sometimes, it feels like it.”
“Well, I’d never be opposed to seeing a library.”
I leaned my hip into the railing and smiled up at him. He really was incredibly handsome. And it was hard not to smile around him with his easy demeanor and charm. If I’d met him first, I might have even been interested. But that wouldn’t be possible now. He and Penn were best friends. Not a good idea by any stretch of the imagination.
But especially not because I couldn’t seem to stop comparing them in my head. Lewis’s easygoing ways. Penn’s intensity. Lewis’s strong jaw and quick smiles. Penn’s penetrating looks and magnetism.
Okay, I needed to stop. It wasn’t like I was going to hook up with either of them. So, this compare and contrast was going nowhere.
“I’d be happy to show you,” Lewis said.
He gestured back inside, and I followed him down two floors and into his father’s private suite. It didn’t occur to me until we were there that this probably looked really bad to everyone else. Why else would I go alone to the private cabin?
I doubted anyone would guess it was to see his father’s library collection. Only a writer would go to see someone’s library and not consider the enormous dark, wooden bed in the other room.
“I am thoroughly impressed,” I told Lewis as I scanned the walls covered in books. I couldn’t imagine what his house must look like if this was just on his yacht.
“Yeah. My dad is a bit of a collector. Comes with the publishing side of the business, I think.”
“He has good taste. Dickens, Wilde, Austen…oh, and one of my personal favorites, Huxley.”
“Brave New World?” he guessed. “Let me guess you love the symbolism?”
“I do.” I slipped the book off of the shelf. I leafed through the pages, remembering all the joy this novel had brought me when I first read it in high school.
“That’s one of Penn’s favorites, too.”
I snapped the book shut. “Of course it is.”
“You know, he’s not a bad guy.”
“I’m sure he’s not,” I said as I replaced the book on the shelf.
“I hear the sarcasm in your voice,” Lewis said. He plopped down into a chair and crossed his leg at the ankle. “You have to get to know him. I don’t know what happened with you in the past, but he’s not the same guy he was.”
“Maybe he’s not,” I said carefully. “Why are you defending him?”
“He’s my best friend. I’ve known him my whole life. He’s had a lot of ups and downs. He’s had it harder than you’d think.”
“I don’t need his sob story.”
Lewis chuckled and reached for me as I moved to step past him and out of the room. He grasped my hand and tugged me closer to him. “Don’t get all heated. I’m not saying you have to fuck him or anything. I’m saying you don’t have to glare in his direction every time he says something.”
“I don’t glare,” I said softly.
Lewis arched an eyebrow. “Don’t you?”
“And here I thought you were coming on to me,” I said. “But maybe you’re coming on to me for Penn?” I couldn’t keep the laugh from escaping my lips.
Lewis stood, and for a second, I thought he might kiss me. He had this look in his eye that I’d seen before on a dozen guys. But then it vanished, and he smiled. “I was just showing you the library. Come on. Let’s catch up with everyone else.”
He was the first out of the room, and I followed him in confusion. Lewis was a bit of an enigma. In fact, all of them were. I couldn’t seem to put my finger on who any of them were beyond what was showing. On some level, I thought that they were really being themselves because they were together. But they never seemed to relax completely. As if secrets and lies were so ingrained in who they were, they could never escape them.
We were almost back to the swimming pool when we came upon Penn standing alone on the deck. His eyes landed on the pair of us, and something passed so swiftly across his face that I didn’t even catch what it was. But Lewis nodded at him and then hastily moved past.
Penn held out his hand, as if to stop me.
“What?” I asked. Venom was in my voice, and Lewis’s comments in the library came back to me. Maybe I did glare at Penn when we were together. I sighed and met his gaze, trying to keep the anger out of my tone. “Did you need something?”
“What were you two doing?”
“I wanted to see the library.”
Penn’s eyebrows jumped up his face. “Is that so?”
“Yes. Lewis was kind enough to show me.”
“Mmm,” he murmured.
Obviously, he didn’t believe me. Whatever. I didn’t have to answer to him.
“What are you doing over here?”
“I was thinking.” He shifted his gaze back out to the sea and seemed to disappear for a moment. The look was so familiar from our brief time in Paris that I sucked in a breath in surprise.
“About what?” I whispered, entranced by that faraway look.
“Do you know what eudaimonia is?”
My eyes narrowed. “You-da-what?”
He shifted to the side and laughed at my comment. “I’ll take that as a no.”
“No,” I agreed. I couldn’t figure out why in the world he was even talking to me about this.
“It’s a Greek term for happiness or well-being. It’s more accurately translated as human flourishing or prosperity. In ethics, we use it to describe Aristotle’s idea about how ethics contributes to happiness and that the goal in life is to reach eudaimonia.”
I stared blankly at him. “You lost me.”
He nodded. “I’ve seen that look on my students’ faces. There aren’t a ton of us anymore for a reason.”
“Is that what you teach? Aristotle?”
“Ethics mostly. That’s where my research interest lies.”
“Interesting.”
I surprised myself by leaning against the rail next to Penn. I should have stepped back and ignored this conversation. I didn’t need a philosophy lesson in the middle of an incredible day. I could just walk away from this. But, somehow, I couldn’t. I wanted to know more. I wanted to hear him speak about his passions. It was what had enticed me in the first place. And even knowing how this had ended before didn’t get me to back up.
“So…happiness?” I prompted.
“See, for some people, the past is a dark place. It’s everything you knew you shouldn’t be but were anyway. Until you find a way to achieve happiness and then abandon your past. To achieve a happier, more fulfilled life.”
His eyes bored into mine when he said it, and I read him loud and clear. Who he’d been before in Paris wasn’t who he was now. He was trying to be different, better than he had been. Of course, I had no proof of that fact. But he wasn’t trying to force his opinion on me here. He was giving me a lesson.
“Are all of your classes like this?” I asked with a hesitant smile
.
He laughed and shook his head. “No, my job is much more boring than being with you.”
I opened my mouth to respond but then closed it. I didn’t know how to respond to that. I didn’t even know how I felt about that…or Penn. This trip had been confusing.
Before I had to come up with something to say, Katherine appeared then. “Natalie! There you are. Come on. We’re all in the hot tub.”
“Sure,” I said.
My eyes darted to Penn, who looked solemn and reserved. Charming one moment and blank the next. Which one was an act for my benefit, and which one wasn’t?
“You coming, too, Penn?” Katherine asked with a quick, vicious smile.
“Yeah. I’ll be there in a minute.”
I looked back at him one last time before following a chattering Katherine to the hot tub and trying to forget about her talk with Penn. And how easily I had slipped into such deep conversation with him. And how irritated it made me that I’d fallen for it…again.
Penn
9
“Do you concede yet?” Katherine asked.
She draped her lean body across my bed back at the cottage. She had changed out of her bathing suit but was only clothed in a red silk nightie. She was clearly trying to woo me to her side with all of this display, but I’d never liked things that weren’t a bit of a challenge.
“Hardly,” I said. I turned my back on her, snatched up my notebook, and then sank into a chair. “We’ve just begun.”
“She disappeared with Lewis down below for, like, a half hour. What do you think happened?”
“I think she looked at his library.”
“Oh, is that what they’re calling it nowadays?” Katherine quipped.
I rolled my eyes. “She’s a writer. She actually had an interest in the library, Ren.”
“Whatever.” Katherine twirled her left hand in the air. The diamond caught the light, and she frowned at it. “I think she’s not going to let her little heart out on the line again.”