by K. A. Linde
I knew that we had issues. That, together, we were both a daydream and a nightmare, but I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t go back to how things had been. Not when I knew what was right in front of my eyes.
“Come with me, Natalie,” he commanded.
Our eyes locked, and something crashed down between us. Joy and ecstasy and sweet, sweet relief. Climax hit us both at full force. He dropped his head into my shoulder, and I nearly cracked my head open on the wall behind me.
Then he pulled out of me and released me to my feet. We were both panting. Our chests heaving. I felt like, at any minute, I could collapse into a puddle of goo. Still, I dragged his lips back to mine and kissed him, tender and sweet.
“Maybe we should have make-up sex more often,” I joked.
He chuckled and shook his head. “All sex is good sex with you.”
“I think we’re disproving your hypothesis,” I said cheekily. “Perhaps the standard view is best for your happiness.”
“You’re best for my happiness, Natalie Bishop.” He kissed me thoroughly. “Just you.”
Natalie
32
Ten days.
Sometimes, a minute felt like a lifetime.
Sometimes, time flew.
Like a butterfly.
And when you tried to hold on to it too hard, you crushed its delicate wings.
Day one, Penn took me sailing. Not just him sailing, but he actually made me do it. I was abysmal. Truly. I had some upper body strength from swimming, but it was hardly what it once had been. He didn’t mind that I failed. He helped, and then he made me do it again. I almost got the hang of it by the time we were out in the bay that afternoon, having a picnic on the water.
Getting the boat back into the dock was another story.
Day two, we ordered my favorite pizza, crowded into the library, and wrote all day. My new story flowed out of me like a sieve had opened in my brain. I still wouldn’t let him read it. But the book was on submission. Any day now, I could hear if someone wanted to buy it. From experience, it usually took months before everyone said no. I didn’t get my hopes up.
The third day was a Saturday, and Penn insisted he take me out on a real date.
“Let me spoil you,” he said with a charming smile that I found impossible to say no to.
I got dressed up as best as I could with the little clothes that I had. But he didn’t seem to mind that I was wearing a recycled dress he’d seen a dozen times this fall. His eyes lit up, and I could tell he was reevaluating whether or not we should leave the house.
“Come on,” I said with a laugh, ushering him toward the door.
He opened my car door and helped me inside before driving me into East Hampton. He chose a fancy seafood restaurant with an ocean view. The prices were astronomical, but he told me not to look at them.
Growing up broke hadn’t prepared me for that decision, and I skimped. He ordered extra on top of my order, giving me a look that said he knew I’d done it. And he was right, the food was the best I’d ever had in my entire life.
A pianist played classical music on a grand piano. At the end of the night, Penn held out his hand, and just like that perfect moment in Paris, he swept me out onto the small dance floor and twirled me around the room. I felt like a princess in my cheap dress and knockoff heels. More beautiful than I’d ever felt when Katherine played dress-up with me.
It was that look in his eyes that did it.
Day four, we woke up late. Really late. We’d had a late night that included a bubble bath and most of the surfaces in the house.
After we ate brunch, Penn grabbed a fleece blanket, his notebook, and a threadbare copy of The Great Gatsby, and he insisted we head down to the beach. I took my own notebook and followed him with interest.
I laid my head in his lap. The sea breeze kissed my skin. The waves lapped up to the edge of the beach. Penn read to me about Daisy and Gatsby’s great love. Fitzgerald’s incredible prose in Penn’s mouth was like having sex for a lover of words.
On the fifth day, I had to deal with the decorators as they rushed to the finish line for the mayor’s party on Saturday, which coincided with my last day of work. I was in a daze of happiness, even as we stood on a precipice. The halfway mark. There were now fewer days together than apart.
I fell asleep in his arms with Versailles playing in the background, and he didn’t wake me. Just stroked my hair until the episode ended and carried me to bed.
Day six, election day.
Penn had voted early, and I’d voted absentee in South Carolina. So, we sat around the living room and halfheartedly watched the election results come in. I was no lover of politics, except in the instances in which certain issues were life or death for me. Penn had grown up with a mother in the political sphere, and Lark had been working on campaigns for years. His interest ran deeper than mine, and it was actually interesting, hearing his side of it.
We popped open a bottle of champagne when it was announced that President Woodhouse had won reelection.
The day after the election, I woke up in a tangle of limbs. My head pounded from all the champagne we’d consumed the night before. I took a long, hot shower and blew my hair out before Penn even surfaced from the bed.
“Morning,” he said, kissing my cheek and then disappearing for his own shower.
I tugged on yoga pants and a sweatshirt before brewing a pot of coffee. Penn gratefully took his cup and drained it, piping hot.
“You’re insane.”
He grinned. “For you maybe.”
I finished mine without scalding myself, and then he put Totle on a leash and dragged me outside for our daily walk on the beach. Our fingers were locked. Totle bounded along, taking in every sight and sound. Sniffing and peeing on everything. The little ball of energy nearly pulled Penn’s arm out of its socket as he tried to take down a bird on the beach.
It was brisk, and we hustled back inside the house, trying to keep up with the puppy and get warm. Penn unleashed Totle and let him fly inside. But he grabbed me around the middle and tugged me close. My cold nose grazed his. Our lips met.
I was already trying to sneak my cold hands under his jacket. He was squirming to stop me from freezing him.
A voice cleared behind us.
Our heads whipped to the side in surprise. No one was supposed to be here. The decorator wasn’t due until that afternoon.
And then my jaw dropped.
My stomach with it.
“What exactly is going on here?” Mayor Kensington asked.
Natalie
33
Penn and I jumped apart as if we’d been burned.
“Mother,” Penn said in shock. “What are you doing here?”
“What am I doing here?” Leslie Kensington asked. She straightened her shoulders and managed to look down on her son who was a half-foot taller than her. And she did it with ease. “I think the correction question is, what are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be teaching a little class or whatever it is you do over at the university?”
He gritted his teeth. “I’m on sabbatical to finish a book.”
“And you thought diddling the help would be a better use of your time?”
I winced at the statement. That must have been exactly what it looked like to her. I hadn’t thought about Penn’s mom at all. She was my boss, and I hadn’t considered what would happen if she found out about us. Mostly because I had never even met the woman. We’d never even spoken.
“That is not what is happening here,” Penn said defensively.
“Oh, you’re not screwing the help…again?”
“It’s not like that with Natalie.”
She shook her head in dismay. “Where did I go wrong with you and your brother?” Then her eyes darted to me as if she had remembered someone so insignificant was in the room. “And you…”
“I am so sorry, Mayor Kensington. I didn’t know that Penn was going to be staying at the house while I was here. I see now that I
should have reported that information to you,” I said reluctantly.
“Well, I’m sure I know why. The way he was groping you before.”
I bit the inside of my cheek. “We actually know each other from a few summers ago. It wasn’t a whim.”
But it was. And the look of anger and revulsion on her face made it all come into sharp clarity. I was trash. Dirt under her feet. Just the help. And she would never accept that I was anything more to her son than a phase.
“This was not how I wanted you to find out about me and Natalie.”
“How did you want me to find out?” the mayor asked. “Should I have walked in on you humping?”
“We’re together. We’re dating.”
Mayor Kensington actually tilted her head back and laughed. “I have never heard something more absurd.”
“I’m remembering why I didn’t tell you,” Penn said with a bite in his tone. “Why I don’t tell you anything. Why you’re not even a part of my life.”
“Yet you’ll take my money and house without a second thought.”
“I don’t need your money, and I stayed here to get away from you.”
“Not this old business,” she said on a sigh. “Must we discuss your poor little rich boy routine again?”
I felt like backing into the wall and disappearing entirely. No wonder Penn had never really discussed his mom. After seeing Court and hearing about their history, I hadn’t known what to expect with his mom, but this…this was just cruel.
And she was so popular in New York. She’d worked as a judge and then a state legislator for years before becoming mayor two years ago. Her approval rating was through the roof. She was tough on crime and an excellent leader. I didn’t know what the people of New York would think if they saw her now.
“Talk about whatever you want,” Penn said. “But Natalie is not some passing fancy. She’s not just some girl who happens to work for you.”
“She’s white trash from nowhere,” the mayor spat at him.
I cringed at the hate-filled words.
I hated them more because they were true.
Penn’s eyes rounded in horror. “You have no right to speak to her like that.”
“I’m telling you the truth because, doubtless, she’s lied to you about her upbringing.”
“What is wrong with you?” he asked.
“I checked her out before the job. We did a thorough background check. She’s a poor girl from Charleston. Her father is military, and her mother runs some kind of magic shop.” The mayor shuddered.
“Natalie never lied to me about anything. I already knew all of that.”
“Well, the only reason she’s even in this house is because of her recommendations. You deserve someone better than that.”
“Someone like what? A society girl? A brainless, shallow idiot who only cares that I have the right last name and the right amount of money? I don’t know how to say it any more plainly, I would never be interested in someone like that. So, what I deserve in your estimation doesn’t matter to me.”
“Not every woman of class is a brainless idiot. You just like to slum it.”
My jaw dropped. “You don’t need to keep insulting me!”
“Telling the truth is insulting you now?”
When she fixed her eyes on me, I knew that it wasn’t a good sign. I’d remained quiet through most of the conversation. Too in shock to know how to respond to his mother’s abuse. But I couldn’t let her keep going on like this.
“Mother, can we just speak in private about this?” Penn asked.
“We have nothing further to say to one another,” she said flatly. She seemed to realize that she wasn’t getting anywhere with her son. They’d likely had the same argument over and over again. A lose-lose situation at its finest. “And you.” She pointed her finger at me. “You are in breach of contract.”
“What?” I gasped.
“You’re sleeping with my son!”
“Mother, you know that has nothing to do with Natalie’s work,” Penn said plainly. “You’re only upset because of me. Let’s talk about this reasonably.”
“There’s nothing reasonable about you anymore, Penn. You’re not my employee, but she is. So, stay out of this.”
“I assure you that all the work has been done to your standard. I’ve been here the entire time. I’ve made every appointment. I’ve hit every deadline. The decorator should be here in a matter of hours to discuss the final plans for the deck. You might not like that I have been with Penn, but I still got the job done.”
The mayor narrowed her shrewd eyes. “Pack up your things and get out of my house.”
“But—”
“You’re fired,” she said flatly.
“Mother, why are you doing this?” Penn asked in anger.
She just kept her eyes on me. “Now.”
I swallowed and fought back tears. Fired. I was…fired. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I didn’t know what to do, what to think. I could just stand there and stare at the mayor in horror as those words rang over and over again in my mind.
“You’ll get no recommendation from me. In fact, I’m going to contact the agency and request that you be removed. I’m sure other people would like to know what kind of person they’re hiring.”
Tears welled in my eyes at her words. Harsh, horrible words. Not just cutting me out of this job. Cutting me out of…all jobs,
“You don’t have to do this,” Penn said. “She only has a few more days left.”
“Haven’t you done enough?” his mother said with cold, furious eyes.
I didn’t wait to hear his response. There was nothing I could do here. No point in arguing because it was clear that the mayor had made up her mind. She hadn’t become such a successful lawyer, judge, and politician by wavering in her decisions. This was over. I was fired. And I had to pack up and leave now.
I turned on my heel and all but ran to the master bedroom.
Raised voices filtered toward me, but I couldn’t exactly hear what was being said. I assumed it wasn’t pretty. That it was a fight they’d had a lot, and this was just icing on the cake.
Speaking of icing…
I was going to need to pick some up.
Icing fixed everything. A whole tub full.
I swallowed back the tears at that thought and grabbed both of my suitcases out of the closet. I opened them on top of the bed and began to furiously pack my measly belongings into them.
I didn’t even waste my time trying to fold it all to my usual standards. I just haphazardly tossed things inside and hoped it would close.
Fired.
I was fired.
My hands trembled as I dug my shoes out and threw them into the bag. Then I couldn’t stop it. Tears. Fuck, I didn’t want to be this weak. To cry over a lost job. But, god, it was a job I was good at. And it gave me the room to write when I wanted and see exotic places. It got me out of Charleston and away from my family. It was the perfect job while I waited and waited and waited to catch my break in writing.
Now, it was gone.
And I felt something snap inside me.
Suddenly, I was on my knees in front of the bed, the suitcases splayed out before me. Tears rolled down my cheeks in rivers. Sobs racked my body as I let it all out. My hands clutched the duvet cover.
I wanted to scream and scream and scream some more. But I couldn’t do that with the mayor still down the hall. I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction.
The world wasn’t ending. I knew that. I rationally knew that I could figure out what to do from here. But it felt so grim. I’d just fallen off a cliff at the edge of the world, and I was spiraling down. The terror wasn’t in the landing; it was in the free fall. In not knowing where I was going to land.
And right now, I was tumbling over and over again with no end in sight.
Suddenly, I felt arms around my middle, and a soft voice in my ear said, “Shh.”
He turned me into his arms and held me pressed again
st him as the tears continued. He kissed my hair and rubbed my back as he rocked me back and forth.
“It’s going to be okay,” he murmured placatingly.
“You don’t…know that,” I said through my hiccups.
“I do. I know that you will be. That everything will be okay.”
“I just…lost my job. I lost…everything.”
He kissed my hair again. “I know. I’m so sorry, Nat.”
“I don’t even…have a place to stay.”
“You can stay with me,” he said easily.
“Won’t your mom be…mad?” I asked, trying to gulp in oxygen as I felt hyperventilating coming on.
“I don’t give a damn what she thinks.” He pulled back enough to look into my red, puffy face. He wiped away the streaks of tears and planted a kiss on my lips. “I want you to come back with me. We can figure this out together.”
Part V
Some Things Are Better Left Unsaid
Natalie
34
I had two suitcases to my name.
A name that now meant nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
It had meant a lot of things over the years—military brat, prized swimmer, star university student, elite vacation home watcher—and now, it held no value. Because just as with all of those other cloaks I’d put on, I had to take this one off too. Had it viciously ripped off. Leaving me naked and struggling to remember who I even was anymore.
The one cloak I wanted to wear—writer and acclaimed author—was still such a distant, impossible thought that it was nothing but a shadow. Not a real thing at all. Just a dream for a silly girl to cling on to when everything fell apart. And even now, it felt far-fetched as I stood bare, hoping to steal another cloak.
I stumbled into Penn’s apartment on the Upper East Side, pushing one of the suitcases in front of me. He was carrying the other one while holding Totle’s leash. We’d barely spoken on the drive over. He’d turned on music from one of his playlists on his phone, and I’d drifted through delirium as I stared out the window.