“Better?” they said.
“I think so,” I said.
“Though it pains us to ask this,” they said, “you became aroused by Buddy’s display?”
“That would be putting it lightly.”
“And though it perhaps breaches matters of good taste,” they said, “did you act on these feelings of arousal?”
“I touched myself beneath the covers after he entered the shower,” I said, which was a lie. In truth, I had taken him in the shower, and he had cleaned every area unreachable to me. It was not the first time; we were practically strangers. It was just something we did once in a while.
“Do you value your life?” they asked.
“Certainly,” I said. “I’d like to accomplish many things before I die. I’d like to see a solar eclipse or perhaps the northern lights, and/or hunt a grizzly. There are others, but I don’t imagine you’re interested in them.”
“Does it worry you that, in light of these new revelations, you might be charged with aiding and abetting the perpetrator of this . . . ?”
“Those who charge me would be mistaken,” I said, and I was being truthful again. “He clearly led a double life. It’s not so rare. But let me just say this, atrocity aside: the Buddy I knew was smart, intelligent, playful, funny, mischievous, playful, easy-going, sensitive, playful, and considerate.”
“What time did he exit the shower?”
“Nine-fifteen.”
“What time did he leave the apartment?”
“Around ten-thirty.”
“And the . . . , excuse us, was committed at eleven o’ clock. Did you have any more interactions with him in the forty-five minutes after he left the shower and before he left the apartment?”
“Yes,” I said. “He dressed, put on his backpack, and stood beside the breakfast table where I sat watching television.”
“Do you remember what program you were watching?”
“It was the news.”
“And what was being reported?”
“Something certainly paling in comparison to the atrocity,” I said. Seeing that my use of the word really was affecting them, I just couldn’t help myself anymore. “I apologize for using the word ‘atrocity,’” I said.
“Try to remember. Maybe something he was watching set him off.”
“They were reporting a story about a cat stuck in a tree. This happened in the ghetto, I think, and no fireman would try and save it because they feared the people who inhabited the ghetto. So for several days, and without the fire department’s help, the ghetto-dwellers fed the cat by means of a long pole. ‘And for the time being,’ the reporter concluded, ‘the cat is fat and happy on its perch.’ The story was going to be continued the following day.” This was a complete lie. I could not remember what I was actually watching.
“Did he say anything to you while you sat at the table?”
“Yes,” I said. “Yes, right before he left, he stood over me and put his hand on my shoulder and said—”
But before I could begin, the door opened once again, and another one of them came in. He was dressed like the others—nicely, in a crisp suit—and he whispered in the ear of the person nearest to him. Then the person who received the initial message whispered in the ear of the one closest to him, and so on and so on until the entire room sat up very straight and began to fidget.
“We apologize for interrupting,” they said, “but we have just received word that a lynch mob has broken into the jail and done unto Buddy what he has been clamoring for all day. Please continue, but do make it brief. We’ve lined up interviews with several mob members.”
I was not ready, at that moment, to begin considering what all of it meant. Buddy was a fine acquaintance, but was he something more? It was difficult to know. We were roommates, and then we were not. I ate several pieces of cheese. I took a long swallow of water. I looked down at my lap, where my inky fingers clutched the inky towel. I looked out over the restless crowd. They seemed to require something more. So I took a deep breath and said, “He put his hand on my shoulder and said, ‘Goodbye, dear roommate, I’m leaving this place, striking out for new country, settling the outer banks. Goodbye good roommate, I’ll remember the long lost ribbon in your hair, playing gourd and hatchet in the gazebo long ago, oh roommate of mine. Though we didn’t even know each other, didn’t know each other’s minds. It’s such a shame, that we might have lived for so long together and been ignorant of each other. I am feeling so mournful, so solemn, sweet roommate. I want to believe in the future, but I can’t see beyond my watch. I want to bite from the essence, the true root. I want to ride through the city in a caravan at dawn. I want the drums to encircle me, the vultures to wheel over me. I want the bitter bile of betrayal to flee from me. I want the warm expansive language of joy to radiate around me. Recall, oh roommate, that fine fellow down the hall who used to show his skin to anyone who’d cross their eyes. Recall that evening sun that set golden, golden, golden, then red in the west. Recall how we once shared this dim corporeal property together. Goodbye my sweet devil with flies in your eyes, you who saw everything as it should be instead of as it was. May there be some noble path shining somewhere for you; may the Lord keep a nice nasty watch over you. And to all my sweet darlings plunging from rooftops, to all my good ghosts forever ascending fearless: goodbye.’ Then Buddy left for the atrocity.” This was a bald lie, but it felt right somehow. As right as anything could, anyway, given the circumstances. Buddy had actually said nothing that morning, had really just abandoned me there at the table.
Contemporary Country Music: A Songbook
Title: SUPPORT THE TROOPS
Lyrics: could it be john walking though that door / at long last our son is home from the war we all still strongly support it is him isn’t it / come give us a kiss and a hug all around / don’t forget me john I’m your sister and I love you / did you see the banner we hung across the lawn the one that said welcome home john we are proud of you the whole state of alabama is proud of you / that uniform is as pristine as the day you left us john it sure is spiffy / I kind of expected it to be speckled with our enemies’ blood john why not / oh of course they let you wash it I wasn’t thinking john forgive me / what was it like over there all we had were our imaginations / we understand you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to but did you get the care packages we sent / your mother worked so hard on those packages john in fact it cost us a fortune to ship all that food even though I tried to explain to her that it wasn’t as if there weren’t grocery stores where you were there were grocery stores weren’t there john / did you get the letters I sent john did you get all those letters from my classmates there were a lot of them / you must have been busy john but we were hoping you would write once in a while but I’m sure you were too busy defending and spreading freedom but none of that matters because you are home and the army can’t legally force you to return for another tour and now you have some pocket money and college is waiting if that’s what you still want to do / john wants to eat everyone gather around the table while we say a long and thankful prayer
Title: WE DON’T HAVE MUCH MONEY BUT WE HAVE A FAITH CALLED JESUS
Lyrics: before we all devour we have to give thanks to the man who is responsible for all of our business here who knows when you are sleeping and given to idleness and when you are supremely alert / we don’t have much money never had much money / you could say that economic factors forced you into war but that would deny your individual choice dear john you understand you strong independent man son of mine / I guess you picked up the habit of not praying but just ask your sister she prays by her bedside every night and expects results so I don’t think you can walk in here having forgotten all religion and expect us your dear family to understand when you deny the fact that jesus lord is upon you even when you least expect it / there are some principles which we all share surely you haven’t forgotten the power of shared principles john you know you always carry the blood and beliefs of those w
ho made you don’t you john / I had a good day at school today yes we know honey but john is just freshly home from the war / here john have a piece of this steak you know how poor we are so it isn’t everyday we eat steak but here take a piece of this and put it in your mouth it’s tender isn’t it / john likes that steak you can tell he likes it when he smiles that way / have another piece john you are too thin what did they feed you over there / you did not eat fear john is making a joke come on everyone laugh at john’s joke / it’s been a long time since we laughed in this house but we can laugh again with impunity because our boy the thing we made from scratch is here in the flesh and hungry
Title: THE WORLD IS FULL OF MANY PEOPLE THOUGH WE REMAIN PROUDLY IGNORANT OF WHAT THEY DO
Lyrics: yes john you can smoke in here your mother quit this year and I pretended to quit at least on account of your sister’s asthma but go right ahead let me get the ashtray / something has been bothering us john now correct me if I’m wrong but your mother and I were thinking that the people you were trying to spread freedom to are people who don’t actually want it and correct me if I’m wrong maybe I was born yesterday but I don’t see how any person wouldn’t want to be free we here in this country take it for granted but you can bet if someone wanted to step in and say no more freedom for you I would cut off his head and run for the hills where a man can still live free / I understand if you don’t want to talk about it but it’s just bewildering to me to think that there are certain people out there in this world who don’t want what we have / all this is just to say that we know how tough the job must have been trying to give something to people who don’t want it or maybe I have it all turned around I do all right john / well we can talk about this later right now is time for basking in your glory and not much else so I’ll just drop the whole thing but I think we’ll have to stay there a hundred years so these people will finally realize that they actually do want the thing they don’t think they want right now let me have a drag of that don’t tell your mother
Title: TECHNOLOGY IS OVERWHELMING BUT FUN
Lyrics: we could go sit in the family room and watch television together if you want to john / no you do what you want we’re just happy to have our son home our hearts can begin beating again / yes we have a computer here john / but how are you really are you feeling well you don’t look as good as we expected but granted we remember you as you were a year ago when your second deployment began but really we still imagine you as the same boy you were for your senior portrait come see it look at it we’re still displaying it proudly on the mantel / you want to go on the computer rather than talk to your family well if that’s your decision not one of us can stop you / yes we bought a computer we were influenced by all those advertisements which suggested that if we did not purchase a computer we would be dooming your sister forever because she would be retarded in terms of her peers what was I to do in the face of such an argument / yes just log in under the family name here it is / I didn’t know you had a personal website that’s very interesting john / why didn’t you write if you had a page that was devoted to yourself and your life it would have been as easy as typing out a message and clicking the send button but I know you were busy with your business killing the enemy / mom and dad don’t like the computer they feel that the second coming is nearby / I’ve never seen you so interested in something john I like it when you smile john it is wonderful to see your hands work overtime even at the computer which is a lonely pursuit
Title: DON’T FORGET ABOUT YOUR BUDDIES AT THE BAR
Lyrics: no john we realize that you need a place to go a man needs a place where he can kick back and unwind / where are you going well I suppose that really isn’t any of our business but since we have you here since you are under our roof again we just want to know where you’ll be so we can sleep better tonight of course your father will be up late drinking coffee and cleaning that rifle of his and thinking man thoughts but that’s just what he does he is a man and a proud parent and jealous sometimes but a man’s got to do / maybe he can come with you no all right john we understand you want to relax with your buddies or maybe you need to be alone hopefully there will be a band playing and you can have a few drinks / if you need a ride john call me I just got my learner’s permit / take the ford yes john she still runs good she’s american made after all / we are so proud of you you will never know the extent of our pride and our gratitude that god spared you out there in the desert he truly works in mysterious ways and I don’t begin to understand his plan but your safe return all tells us that his plan is at the very least sympathetic to a family’s fears / I know a lot of your buddies didn’t make it and what about their families but still the point remains that you were spared for some purpose and so our faith remains as resolute as ever / have a good night john / goodbye john / I don’t think many of us will get any sleep after all but you should unwind it’s only fair I think you should relax a little you seem a little tense we love you
Title: EVERY MAN MAKES MISTAKES IN HIS LIFE AND AS LONG AS HE ACKNOWLEDGES THEM HE IS FORGIVEN
Lyrics: hey john welcome back you’re looking good have a shot / have another its great to see you see that piece of ass over there what do you say we go hit her up for a little mano a mano / john tell us a story / the last time you were in here you’d just gotten back from your first tour and my god what a story how one night you lined a whole family up because you just knew deep down they were holding terrorists and you just lined all of them up and pretended that you were going to kill them but instead you fired a few shots in the air and then took them inside and gave all of them the old alabama slammer that was a good story honestly john because we all were thinking that it was going to end in bloodshed but you found a way to work off some steam another way and any time bloodshed can be diverted you’ve done a good job / you don’t have to tell another story if you don’t want to john but you know nobody’s got loose lips around here we’re all friends here have you listened to the band yet they’re not bad they play here all the time why don’t we just kick back here’s another shot on the house relax and unwind I know that’s what you came here to do
Title: OCCASIONALLY WE REQUIRE THAT OLD-TIME MOUNTAIN MUSIC
Lyrics: well john it isn’t as if I can just kick the band off the stage just because you don’t like what they’re playing I mean it’s what the people want look at them they’re having a good time / it isn’t people having a good time that makes you angry is it john I mean look at them they’re drunk and happy and blowing off a little steam / everyone has to blow off a little steam once in a while you wouldn’t disagree with that would you john / I realize you like the old-time sounds a little more than this contemporary stuff but listen for a moment they are singing songs about real people and their problems I mean maybe they gloss over some of the bigger issues at play I admit and it does seem that every other song they sing is about learning lessons which maybe you would disagree with because you never struck me as a lesson type of man but still / I know you came here tonight because you remember that we used to have an old-time band here on this night but you’ve been gone a year and we run a business john and nobody showed up for that old-time stuff so I’m sorry the band is almost done with its set hey did you get a look at that baby over there sitting all by herself I know you aren’t exactly in as good a shape as you used to be but I’d bet good money she’d take you home that spiffy uniform holds a lot of clout around here you know
Title: HANG ONTO YOUR SMALL-TOWN VALUES WHEREVER YOU GO
Lyrics: nice to meet you john yes I love that uniform I was admiring it from across the bar I’m twenty-two you want me to guess your age well I don’t think I should what if I get it wrong and guess too young and then offend your pride or what if I overshoot it and you feel like an old man no I’m not going to do that / no I’m not saying I oppose the war necessarily but I’ve been getting my degree at the community college and one of my professors well he brought up some issues that I wasn’t aware of about the war no I’m
proud of what you’re doing as I said I support the troops / you should really think about giving college a try I’m not suggesting it would change your mind you haven’t really told me what your opinions are I feel like I’m doing all the talking but think about college its been the best experience of my life my young life anyway I expect to have even better ones once I get out of this town / small towns are a little poisonous don’t you think me I’ve always pictured myself in Nashville because I like the music so much that comes out of there no I don’t know the old-time stuff as much as I should but I think I’d like it if I gave it a try do you have any recommendations / no well do you want to dance with me not sure well have a nice night and thank you again for all that you’ve done without you who knows I might not have even been alive to go to college the whole country might have been up in smoke though one never knows the indirect consequences of any action my professor told me that yes I’ll leave you alone
Title: AS GRANTED BY THE CONSTITUTION EVERY CITIZEN HAS THE RIGHT TO BEAR ARMS
Lyrics: no john all the pawn shops are closed and wal-mart wouldn’t sell you a gun with that beer on your breath no not even in that uniform I think you should just have a coke or something let me get you a coke at least the band went away I don’t personally even like them but you can relax now that they’re gone / I would john but I have to wake up early tomorrow no a long drive does sound good there’s really nothing like a long nighttime drive to really blow off some steam but I think you’ve probably had too much to drink to really enjoy your drive and frankly I’d worry about your safety and with you just getting home and all / can I call your home who can I call who will be up / I woke everyone in your damn house up but your sister’s coming to get you she’s a good-looking girl / she’s going to be a knockout in a year or so you watch you’ll have to shadow her unless you want the boys climbing all over her but she’s on the way now you just sit back and relax
Something in My Eye: Stories Page 2