‘My dear Anna, if you really are a prude I don’t want you to help it. There’s so little true modesty left these days that I find it quite delightful at the start of a relationship.’ With a crooked smile, he added, ‘Though you may not be quite so modest by the end.’
She hardly recognised her own voice asking, ‘And when will that be?’
‘Maybe never.’
Looking away, she knew it was more than she’d expected and less than she’d hoped for.
But how could she hope for anything? He had promised her nothing, offered no commitment. All he’d said was, ‘I want you.’
With her full agreement they had made a conscious choice to become lovers for one night. Beyond that nothing had been decided.
He turned her face back to his with the pressure of a single finger against her jaw. ‘Having second thoughts?’
Was she?
No. Whatever happened in the future, if she was fated to live the rest of her life alone, she was going to spend tonight in his arms.
By way of answering his question she raised herself on tiptoe and, for the very first time of her own volition, kissed his lips.
When he stood savouring that light caress, making no attempt to deepen the kiss, she ran the tip of her tongue along his lower lip and bit him delicately.
Making a soft growling noise in his throat, he gathered her close and began to kiss her with a masterful thoroughness that seemed to melt every bone in her body.
When kissing was no longer enough, he drew away a little and, in one easy movement, untied the belt of his dressing-gown and shrugged out of it.
She caught her breath.
Oh, but he was magnificent! The epitome of masculine beauty. With wide shoulders, narrow hips, and long, straight legs, his body had both symmetry and grace.
On his chest was a light sprinkling of golden hair which veed down to a taut stomach, and in the lamplight his clear, healthy skin glowed like oiled silk.
As she gazed at him, unable to tear her eyes away, he teased huskily, ‘Let me know when you’ve seen enough.’
Feeling herself starting to blush, she stammered, ‘I—I’m sorry.’
‘Don’t be sorry. When you look at me like that it makes me feel like a god.’
He drew her close, naked flesh to naked flesh, and, his hands on her buttocks, moulded her to him, moving erotically.
His body was firm. He used it to entice, to encourage, to invite, while he looked into wide grey eyes filled with the acceptance of the inevitable.
Tomorrow she might have regrets, but now all she could feel was a breathless anticipation, a hunger that cried out to be appeased.
Reading her need, he bent his head and kissed her. Then, his lips still clinging closely, he lifted her high in his arms. He carried her across to the bed, pushed aside the duvet and laid her down.
She expected him to join her, but he straightened and walked back to where the lamp was. She thought he was going to douse the light and leave only the fireglow, but instead he carried the lamp over and placed it on the bedside table.
Caught in its golden radiance, she asked faintly, ‘Why have you brought it over here?’
‘Did you expect everything to happen in the dark?’
‘Well, I…’ She had hoped the darkness might hide her blushes.
‘Not a bit of it, my dear Anna. I want to look at you while I make love to you, see what I’m making you feel.’
His words sent an involuntary shiver through her.
Stretching out beside her, he bent his head and ran his warm wet tongue around one of her nipples. When it grew firm beneath his erotic administrations, he took it into his mouth and suckled sweetly, while with a thumb and forefinger he teased the other waiting peak.
She gave a shuddering gasp.
Raising his head, he asked, ‘Don’t you like what I’m doing to you?’
‘Yes,’ she admitted, adding breathlessly, ‘but I’m not sure I can stand it.’
Laughing, he told her, ‘You’ll need to stand a great deal more than that, believe me.’
He resumed his teasing, but this time his spare hand began to circle her flat stomach before moving to stroke the smooth skin of her inner thighs, his fingers tangling in the dark silky curls.
With his hands and lips and a skill she found almost frightening, he dragged from her gasps and moans and shudders of ecstasy, taking her to the very brink time and time again, without allowing her to tumble over.
If his aim had been to make her beg, he succeeded.
Eyes closed tightly, she whispered, ‘Please… Oh, please…’
He drew back, and for one dreadful moment she thought he was going to leave her. Then, like a precious gift, she felt his weight as he fitted himself into the cradle of her hips.
There was no more thinking after that, just a brief discomfort, then a mindless, engulfing whirlpool of delight that caught her up and carried her along until she was drowning in a climax of sensation.
Lying spent and exhausted, little quivers of ecstasy still running through her, she felt the weight of Gideon’s head on her breast and, with a surge of love and gratitude, held it to her.
His lovemaking had been both tender and considerate, as well as powerful and passionate, and she had found him deeply satisfying as a lover.
Transformed by this unique and intimate experience that two people shared, she was fiercely glad that she’d chosen not to play around, that she’d kept herself for this one man.
He was everything she’d ever wanted, the man she loved, and, though he might not love her, she rejoiced that he thought her beautiful, and that his pleasure in her had been as great as her pleasure in him.
CHAPTER EIGHT
FOR a few moments, while his heart-rate and breathing gradually returned to normal, he remained motionless. Then with a suddenness that took her by surprise, he lifted himself away and lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling.
She glanced sideways at him and in the lamplight saw that his expression was stony, his whole body tense. He looked the very antithesis of a happy, satisfied lover.
Her euphoria abruptly fading, she wondered if she’d disappointed him in some way. Taking her courage in both hands, she asked, ‘Gideon, what’s the matter? What’s wrong?’
‘It was your first time, wasn’t it?’ His question sounded for all the world like an accusation.
‘Yes, but I didn’t think…’ She swallowed hard and tried again, ‘I didn’t think it mattered.’
‘Of course it matters,’ he told her curtly. ‘If I’d known you were a virgin—’ He broke off.
‘You wouldn’t have made love to me?’
‘Probably not. But by the time I became aware of the fact there was no turning back.’
Suddenly close to tears, she muttered, ‘I’m sorry if you’re disappointed… I should have realised you’d prefer an experienced woman.’
Hearing the desolation in her voice, he said in a more kindly tone, ‘I’m not disappointed. And it has nothing to do with preferring an experienced woman.’
‘Then what has it to do with?’
‘It doesn’t really matter,’ he said dismissively. ‘I suggest you forget the whole thing.’
‘I can’t when I don’t understand what’s wrong. I need to know what I’ve done, or failed to do.’
‘You haven’t done anything, apart from omitting to tell me that you were a virgin.’
‘I don’t understand why my being a virgin has made you so angry…’
‘It was the last thing I’d expected.’
‘I fail to see why,’ she muttered.
After a brief pause, he said, ‘My dear Anna, there can’t be many beautiful and passionate women who are still virgins at the age of twenty-four.’
Her cheeks growing hot, she objected, ‘You make it sound as though it’s something to be ashamed of.’
‘Well, I didn’t mean to. In fact, quite the opposite. When I was young and idealistic, I thought that when I cho
se a wife I would like to be the first, and hopefully the only man in her life. Though as I got older,’ he went on drily, ‘I began to doubt the feasibility of finding such a woman in this day and age. So you see, I was more than a little—’ He hesitated, as though trying to decide on a suitable word, before going on, ‘—Startled to find I’d seduced a virgin.’
‘Well, I wasn’t trying to hide it,’ she said defensively. ‘I would have told you the truth if you’d asked me. Though, to be honest, I thought it was only too obvious. And I had made it clear that I didn’t like the idea of casual sex…’
‘I know you’d said so.’
She glanced at his face, and what she saw written there left her in absolutely no doubt. ‘But you didn’t believe me!’
‘No,’ he admitted. ‘I thought that though you appeared to be modest, and you blushed very prettily, you were simply playing the role of an innocent… I gave you full marks for acting ability,’ he added sardonically.
‘You were blaming me for not telling you I was a virgin,’ she pointed out with some bitterness, ‘but if I had told you, you probably wouldn’t have believed me about that, either.’
‘You have a point there.’ He reached to extinguish the lamp, leaving only the flickering fireglow and the gathering shadows.
Thoughts chaotic, she pursued, ‘But I don’t understand why you should think I was acting. If I was…sexually liberated, why should I want to hide it?’
‘Why indeed? Now you must be tired—’ his voice held a gentler note ‘—so I suggest you stop thinking about it and get some rest.’
It was sound advice, but though Anna was exhausted her thoughts refused to switch off, and she found it impossible to sleep.
After giving her more pleasure than she could have possibly imagined, Gideon’s subsequent disclosures had left her feeling wretched and forlorn and hopelessly confused.
Why had he presumed she’d been play-acting? And why had he said that her being a virgin was the last thing he’d expected, as though he’d had good reason to think otherwise?
There were so many unanswered questions, so many unsolved puzzles…
Several times he’d spoken as though he presumed she was familiar with Hartington Manor. He’d also seemed to think that she knew a lot more about his father than she actually did…
Left with a growing conviction that he suspected her of something, Anna wondered what it might be.
But her brain was growing confused and weary, unable to think clearly… She sighed.
Hearing that sigh, he reached out and pulled her to him; then, his body half supporting hers, settled her head on his shoulder.
Though it was comfort of a sort, it didn’t ease the ache in her heart or mitigate her sense of rejection, and for a while she held herself stiffly in the circle of his arms. Until gradually, lulled by the warmth of his body and the steady beat of his heart beneath her cheek, she began to relax.
‘That’s better,’ he murmured and, drawing her even closer, began to stroke her hair.
His touch was curiously tender, balm to her wounded soul, and after a while some of the hurt began to ease. But when she finally drifted off to sleep she was still wondering what it was he suspected her of.
She awoke knowing the answer. Somehow, while she slept, her subconscious had gathered together the various pieces and fitted them together to make a logical pattern.
Opening her eyes, Anna saw that the pearly light of morning was filtering into the room, and a weak and watery sun was trying to struggle through a thin blanket of grey cloud.
During the night a warm front had moved through and a thaw had set in. She could hear the drip, drip of melting snow falling from the eaves, and on the window sills what had been opaque white drifts were starting to turn translucent.
In the grate the fire was burning brightly, suggesting that at some time it had been replenished.
Though no longer lying in Gideon’s arms, she was close enough to feel the warmth of his body, and the length of one hair-roughened leg against the smoothness of her own.
She turned her head and was startled to find that he was wide awake and watching her, his brilliant green gaze narrowed and intent.
With his corn-coloured hair rumpled, a golden stubble adorning his jaw, and those amazing dark brows and lashes, he looked attractive enough to take her breath away and set her pulses racing.
‘Good morning.’ His voice was neutral, neither friendly nor unfriendly, the greeting hardly that of a lover.
But then he had never meant to be a lover, she reminded herself bleakly, except in the most basic sense of the word.
Thinking what he did of her, he had simply used her, and when he’d discovered he was mistaken he’d been angry, blaming her as much as himself.
She moved away abruptly, and, sitting back against the pillows, her dark, silky hair tumbled around her shoulders, pulled the duvet up to cover her nakedness.
He sat up too and, as though reading her thoughts, said carefully, ‘I’m sorry about last night.’
‘Which particular bit?’ she asked coldly. ‘Seducing me? Suspecting me of deceit? Or apportioning the blame when it was too late?’
‘All three.’ He sighed. ‘I shouldn’t have blamed you, when by rights the blame was mine alone; nor should I have seduced you, and I ought to have had the sense to realise that, sexually at least, you were as innocent as you appeared. But I had good reason to believe—’
‘That I was one of your father’s girlfriends,’ she finished for him.
For a moment he looked taken aback; then, his eyes hooded, he asked, ‘How did you work that one out?’
‘You said that my being a virgin was the last thing you’d expected, as though you had cause to think that… And earlier you’d mentioned that Sir Ian had had a series of relationships, all with girls young enough to be his daughter, and I fit into that category…’
Gideon raised a dark brow. ‘Is that all? It hardly appears conclusive.’
‘More than once you’ve spoken as if you thought I knew him personally, and several times you’ve asked me how much I’ve seen of Hartington Manor, as though you believed I’ve been here before—’
‘And you haven’t?’
‘Of course I haven’t. The first time I ever set foot in the place was when I followed you in on Christmas Eve.’
The look on his face suggested that he didn’t believe her.
‘But after last night you must know I’ve never been one of your father’s girlfriends,’ she cried.
‘My dear Anna,’ he said coolly, ‘I never thought you had.’
As she gaped at him, he added, ‘I’m afraid your deductions, clever as they were, weren’t quite accurate.’
‘Then what had you in mind when you started to say, “I had good reason to believe”…?’
‘What I was about to say, if you’d allowed me to finish, was, I had good reason to believe you’d lived with your boyfriend.’
‘Oh,’ she said blankly.
‘Perhaps you recall telling me that he wanted you to move in with him?’
‘Well, yes…’
‘You gave me the distinct impression you intended to. But I presume you changed your mind?’
‘Yes.’
‘Why? Didn’t you love him?’
‘I thought I did.’
Sensing her reluctance to continue, Gideon prodded, ‘You said he promised that you were, and would be, the only woman in his life?’
‘Yes.’
‘But you didn’t trust him? You thought he might not keep his word?’
She shook her head. ‘I did trust him.’ Flushing a little, she went on, ‘It’s just that at the time I’d never considered any relationship other than marriage.’
‘So what did you do when he proposed living together?’
‘I told him I’d like a chance to think about it.’
‘What was his response to that?’
‘He handed me a key to his flat and said he was tired of all t
he shilly-shallying. He’d give me until the following afternoon to move in my belongings, or we were through…’
‘Go on,’ Gideon said inexorably.
She bit her lip, then continued unwillingly, ‘I spent a sleepless night trying to make up my mind, before deciding that in still holding back I was being stupidly old-fashioned. I told myself that once we were together I’d make him so happy that he’d never want our relationship to end, and one day he might even change his mind about marriage.
‘My own small flat was rented. The only things I had to move were clothes, a few personal possessions, and the books and manuscripts I’d managed to collect. The rent had been paid until the end of the month, so I decided to leave everything where it was for the time being, except for the things I actually needed.
‘I was far too excited to wait, so as soon as I’d swallowed a cup of coffee, I packed some clothes and my toilet things, and took a taxi to his place…’
Agitated now, she began to twist her hands together. Realising she was still wearing the ring Gideon had put on her finger the previous night, she checked the nervous movement.
Then, spurring herself to finish, she took a deep breath and went on, ‘I thought I’d surprise him. It was just breakfast time, and I kept imagining how pleased he’d be to see me so early. I let myself in quietly. Both the living-room and the kitchen were empty, so I guessed he would still be in bed…’
‘And was he?’
‘Yes. But he wasn’t alone. He was making love to another woman. Or, rather, she was making love to him. Her back was to me and I saw her long dark hair…’
Some of the hurt and shock and repugnance Anna had felt at that moment came through.
‘What did you do?’
‘I picked up my things and walked out.’
‘If what you say is true, you had a lucky escape.’ There was a thoughtful silence then, his voice even, he queried, ‘So when did all this happen?’
‘About a year ago. Just before I came back to Rymington and opened the shop.’
Gideon frowned. ‘Then I take it that later you and he got back together again?’
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