Holding On To You

by Anne-Marie Hart

River is almost certain that the car pulling into the parking lot is the police. They've come for him silently he reckons, sirens turned off, just in case he's got a gun in his hand, and he's ready for a showdown. Cowards. What confuses him firstly, however, is the lack of support they bring with them. Surely they would have sent more than just one car, if there was any chance, no matter how slim, of River fighting back? He also doesn't expect them to try and enter the motel room with a key, believing during the brief moment the key is in the lock, that perhaps they've sent the motel room owner in first, as some kind of human shield.

  'You've got me', River shouts. 'I aint moving, so just get on with it.'

  When he sees her standing there in the doorway, the light behind her making her look more like an angel than he's ever seen, his heart skips a beat.

  'Maddy', he says, more than surprised. 'What the hell are you doing back here?'

  'I brought breakfast', Maddy says, holding up the bag of sugary treats, with a huge smile on her face, acting as though the situation she has found herself in - former captor turned hostage, now handcuffed to mattressless bed, while former hostage turned breakfast gatherer stands there in tight jeans, faded top and blonde waist length wig - is perfectly normal.

  River can't help but laugh. 'Yes you did', he says.

  Maddy closes the door and comes into the room. 'What happened to the mattress?' she says.

  'I thought you'd gone', River says, rattling his cuffed hand against the bed frame for emphasis. 'I kind of panicked a bit.'

  'I can see', Maddy says, sitting down on the bed frame. 'Are you hungry?'

  Maddy tears open the bag to reveal the selection of goodies inside. She's also brought coffee, one of which she gives to River. River takes it and then just looks at her, shaking his head. It's been a hell of a strange morning already.

  'I thought you'd given me up', River says. 'I thought you were the police coming to get me. Why the hell did you come back, Maddy?'

  'I don't like eating alone', she jokes, indicating the huge selection of cakes they have in front of them. 'Besides which, I didn't ever go.'

  'And the handcuffs? What's wrong with a note?' River says, jangling it again until his wrist hurts.

  'I did that for a couple of reasons', she says. 'One, I had to make sure you wouldn't run away without me, and two, I thought it was only fair. I mean, you've spent a day in control, deciding what to do, and now it's my turn.'

  'Your turn?' River says.

  'Exactly', Maddy says, licking sugary icing off her lips.

  'And what is it exactly that you want to do?' River says.

  'You're not eating', Maddy quips. 'These are really good.'

  'I'm a little tied up at the moment', River says, waving at her sarcastically with his secured hand.

  'I'll undo it when we've talked', Maddy says. 'I've been thinking.'

  'Oh Jesus Maddy', River says.

  'You know, I've eaten porridge for breakfast for the last ten years, and these things are amazing. I can't believe I've been missing out for so long.'

  'You've been thinking about cakes?'

  'Oh my god, and coffee', she says, taking a slurp of her cappuccino, on the top of which she's sprinkled cinnamon and chocolate.

  'Maddy, where did you buy all of this stuff?'

  'I took the car into town, and found an amazing French patisserie', Maddy says, the sugar making her excited.

  'Did anyone see you?' River says.

  'It was busy this morning, yeah', Maddy says.

  'That's not what I meant', River says. 'Your face is all over the news at the moment. You know someone has put a ransom demand in for you?'

  'No-one saw me', Maddy says. 'The woman in the cake shop thought I was her friends teacher, but she didn't figure out who I really was. I had the wig on and I was careful. I didn't draw any unnecessary attention to myself if that's what you mean.'

  'Apart from buying ten cakes', River says.

  'I've never had cakes before', Maddy says. 'You'd have bought ten as well if you'd never had them before.'

  'We should eat this and leave', River says. 'Just in case.'

  'Ok', Maddy says.

  'Can you untie me now, I'm kind of hungry?' River says.

  'There are things I want to do today', Maddy says.

  'What kind of things?' River says, looking at her suspiciously.

  'I had fun yesterday', Maddy says.

  'I took you hostage. I put your life in danger. I made you change your clothes and do things that you didn't want to do. How is that fun?'

  'The kidnapping wasn't necessarily the part I was referring to', Maddy says, delicately licking the seeped out jelly from around the outside of a donut. 'But even that, I have to admit, was a little exciting on reflection. And as for the rest, you woke me up from myself. I've been fussy uptight Madeleine for too long. I want to be fun exciting, who gives a fuck Maddy. I'm sick of following rules, trying to be perfect and never having any fun. I've been one way for so long I got to a point where I thought I'd never be able to change, but now I know I can, and I want to, and I have you to thank for that. Whatever I was doing before wasn't working. It isolated me from everyone else and only succeeded in making me miserable. Even my own parents thought I was a dick, and they were probably right. I don't want to be miserable anymore. Life's too short to be miserable. Life's too short not to eat cakes and dance.'

  'You want to eat cakes and dance?' River says, trying to keep up with her.

  'I want to have fun with you', Maddy says. 'I want to do the things I've never done before, and I want to do them with you.'

  Maddy smiles. River shakes his head as though he can't quite believe what this girl is saying to him. It's like he went to sleep with one woman, and woke up with someone completely different. Except that they look the same. The same beautiful Maddy.

  'Alright', River says.

  'Alright?' Maddy says. 'Do you mean that?'

  'You want to come with me?' River says. 'Come with me if you think that'll make you happy.'

  'Will it make you happy?' Maddy says.

  'I already told you my secret', River says. 'I've shown you my vulnerability.'

  'Show me another', Maddy says. 'Tell me what you really think.'

  'What I really think?' River says.

  'Yes', Maddy says.

  'Alright', River says. 'Here goes. Yesterday morning I robbed a bank. I thought what I'd find inside there would make me happier than anything else in this good for nothing world. And do you know what Madeleine Parker? I was right too, only it isn't this bag of money that's done it, it's you. When I woke up this morning and I saw that you'd gone, I felt a hole, bigger than all of the others I'd got myself used to over the years, begin to develop inside me, that I thought I'd never be able to fill again. I can't tell you how good it makes me feel to see you back here.'

  Maddy can't stop smiling. 'That's what you really think?' she says.

  'Cross my heart', River says, crossing it with his free hand. 'That's what I really think. You think I've opened your eyes, well I figure it's the other way round too. You've gone and opened mine.'

  Maddy wipes away a tear that's tickling her cheek.

  'You know though', River says. 'This isn't a game. The police'll be looking for us, and pretty soon they'll find us too. I don't know how healthy that is for a burgeoning relationship.'

  'And if we go into hiding?' Maddy says, excitedly.

  'Well that depends', River says. 'How good are you at hiding?'

  'I'm so good at it that some people don't notice me, even when I'm standing right next to them', Maddy says.

  'You'll lose everything you already have', River says, seriously now. 'Can you cope with that?'

  'What do I have to lose compared to what I have to gain?' Maddy says so quickly it's as if she's already thought about it. It's as if she's been thinking about it for the whole of her life.

  'That's not really for me to decide', River says.

  'And what do you have to
lose?' Maddy says.

  'You', River says. 'I don't have anything else. You do though. You have a whole life here. A family, a business.'

  'You don't want me to come with you, do you?'

  'Listen Maddy', River says. 'I want you to come with me more than anything else, but I need you to understand that this isn't a game. If we decide to stay together, you'll have to change your life. You can never go back to the life you leave behind. That may seem like an easy decision to make now, but believe me, it's going to be much harder than you realise. We've had one night together, that's all.'

  'So what?' Maddy says. 'Didn't it mean anything to you?'

  'Maddy, it meant the world to me', River says. 'I just need you to be sure, that's all. For you and for me. I need you to know the rules of the game you are playing, and what it means for your life. This is a one way ticket, and there aren't any refunds.'

  'I made my decision years ago', Maddy says. 'I just didn't take it until now.'

  'You look sure', River says.

  'I've never been surer of anything in my life', Maddy says. 'This morning, when I woke up, it was like the mist had cleared and I could see the truth. I could see what it was all about.'

  'That sounds pretty deep', River says.

  'Deep feels good', Maddy says.

  'Well then', River says, smiling. 'I know not to argue with a lady who's made up her mind. I guess that's us.'

  'Really?' Maddy says.

  'Really, River says, and Maddy leaps towards him almost before the word has left his mouth, hugging him so tightly she squeezes the wind out of his lungs.

  'What do we do?' Maddy says excitedly.

  'The police don't have my name yet', River says when he's got his breath back, 'but as soon as they do, they'll have my picture. When they have my picture, it's game over for me. I can hide here in the US, but only for so long. If I get across the border to Mexico, It'll be much easier for me. I know people there who can help me start a new life. They can help you too.'

  'Tequila and tacos?' Maddy says.

  'Something like that', River says, and smiles, 'but we can't go together, not immediately. Your name will be like a flashing beacon in the night for them. If we cross together, we'll get burnt, no two ways about it. I'll have to go alone, and you'll have to come and meet me there. That's the only way it'll work.'

  'And what do I do in the meantime?' Maddy says, a little deflated.

  'In the meantime, you go back to your old life. You tell them what happened, apart from the bit about where I went and the plan we have about being together of course, and then you begin to wind it down. You tell people the experience has affected you, and you can't readjust. And then you take a holiday to Mexico City, we meet up, and like characters from a fairytale, we live happily ever after.'

  'Just like that?' Maddy says.

  River runs his fingers through her hair and then lifts her chin so he can see into her eyes.

  'Just like that', River says.

  'Do you think it'll work?' Maddy says.

  'Of course it'll work Princess', River says, confidently. 'If it's meant to be, it'll work. If there's anything I believe in, it's that.'

  'How much time do we have?' she says.

  'Now, not much. The rest of today maybe, at the most. The quicker I get to the border, the sooner I know I'll be safe, and the sooner we can be together again. Afterwards, we'll have all the time in the world', River says. 'With you back safely, they'll soon forget about me.'

  'And if you stay in the States, won't it be the same?' Maddy says, hoping for some kind of alternative that will keep them together for longer.

  'There aint nobody here that can help me', River says. 'Besides which, it's too risky to stay. When they get my name, it'll only be a matter of time before they find me. If I get across the border before then, I can have a new name and a whole new identity before the end of the week. You think the Mexican police give a shit about an American criminal? I can start a new life, away from this bullshit place. It was where I was always going anyway. It was always my plan.'

  'Was it always your plan to take me with you?'

  'No, Maddy, of course it wasn't.' River says. 'It wasn't meant to happen that way, but you know what, I'm glad it did. I think you are too.'

  'What if they have your name already?' Maddy says, her eyes looking sad again.

  'If they did, it'd be all over the news, and they'd be here already', River says.

  'I've just got you, and now you're running away again', Maddy says, disheartened.

  'Don't be like that', River says. 'The way I see it, is that we can have all the time we want together now, but I'll be paying for it when they catch me. What would you prefer, a month or two apart now, and the rest of our lives together, or a month or two together now, and then ten years apart when the police catch up with us?'

  There is a long silence, while Maddy thinks. It's a no brainer, but she doesn't want to admit it. Life has become so clear for her over the last day, she doesn't want it taken away, no matter if it's only temporarily.

  'I know which I'd prefer', River adds, lifting her chin up with his free hand again. Maddy's eyes sparkle.

  'And today, if today is our last for a while?' she asks, wiping a tear away from her cheek, and trying to focus on what they definitely have.

  'Then today we have fun, today we do what you want to do', River says, wiping another one away for her with his thumb. 'Come on, you aint supposed to be sad.'

  'I suppose I better release you then', Maddy says, taking the key out of her handbag. She dangles it in front of him, only to snatch it away again, when he tries to reach for it. 'Uhuh', she says, shaking her head. 'Are you going to behave first?'

  Her lips are so close to his, he can feel her breath on him.

  'Probably not', River says, using his free hand to glide up her back and draw her even closer. Maddy puts her hands on his bare chest and kisses him passionately, biting his lower lip and twisting her tongue into his mouth to search for his. She feels tingles run up and down her spine that make her skin feel like it's being electrocuted, and remind her of the incredible night they shared only a handful of hours before.

  'I work better with two hands', River says.

  'Is that right? Maddy says, kissing from his lips, down his neck, to his chest. She holds the key into the air above her and out of his reach, while she descends even further down his muscular body. River stretches up to take the key with his free hand, unlocks the handcuffs finally, and wastes no time in putting them both to good use.

  Javier is not the only one who has arrived to work late, choosing to take the continued absence of their boss as an opportunity for a more relaxed start time. The shop below has been closed as a measure of respect for Madeleine, but work continues above, even if only in principle. Maddy has not been replaced, and neither has there been any direct contact from her father, beyond a circular email that has indicated his desire for the workforce to push on with what Maddy would have expected of them, whatever that might mean. Javier is hoping that what Maddy expects today, might be the last day he is obliged to provide it.

  The TVs have been turned on and tuned in to one of the three twenty four hour news stations, focussing on the story of Madeleine's capture. Currently there is a police press conference taking place, and the two officers present, identified as Frank Giamatti and Indigo Garland by little plastic plaques on the desks in front of them, are answering questions from the assembled throng of journalists.

  'Where is Madeleine Parker being held?' one of them asks.

  'We have reason to believe she is being held here in the city. I'm afraid we can't tell you anymore than that.' Garland says.

  'What can you tell us?' another journalist says.

  'Very little', someone else from the audience quips.

  'Is she even still alive?' someone else says.

  'We are working very hard to find her', Garland says. There are murmurs from the audience that indicate their disapproval.
r />   'Who's paying the money for the ransom?' another journalist asks. 'You are planning to pay it right?'

  'If we have reason to believe the ransom demand is real, we'll pay it.' Frank says.

  'If it's not real, who has it come from?'

  Shivers creep up Javier's spine as he watches.

  'We are in the process of trying to find that out, and will hopefully have some more answers by the end of the day', Garland says.

  There are more boos of disappointment from the crowd.

  'Why did Maddy try and kill herself?' someone asks.

  'That's a personal question that only Madeleine Parker can answer', Garland says.

  'Due to Madeleine's lack of popularity, and the amount of money that is being spent on pursuing her captor, is it worth it?' one of the journalists asks, attracting hateful looks from almost everyone else gathered, to which he shrugs in his defence.

  'Next question', Frank says, angrily.

  'What solid leads do you have that will lead to the robbers capture?' another journalist says. It's someone both of the police officers recognise.

  'Hello Sylvia', Frank says.

  'Hello Frank', Sylvia says.

  'We are chasing up several possible avenues', Garland says.

  'What solid leads do you have inspector?' Sylvia says again. 'It sounds quite possible that you are being chased up avenues, and not the other way round.'

  There is a ripple of laughter in the audience. Garland is about to speak but Frank covers his microphone to stop him.

  'We are working with what we have', he says flatly, answering the question himself.

  'That would be a lot more, wouldn't it, if the pursuing officers hadn't attempted to apprehend the robber in some kind of replica of a scene from a computer game?' Silvia says, continuing to goad them.

  'Those officers did not follow orders and have since been reprimanded', Frank barks back, raising his voice a little. 'I don't find the question at all relevant.'

  'How did he get back into the city to dump the stolen Oldsmobile without police detection?' comes another question from the pack.

  'What police detection?' someone else says, to more laughter.

  'I had my entire police force at the bank where a greater danger was taking place. I had almost forty hostages to deal with.'