by Erin R Flynn
She tapped her fingers on her water glass. “Some are worried about you because of that. Iolas said you went through something major that day, but he didn’t know what and you wouldn’t talk about. The fairies who were there are the ones worried. I guess your aura and mood went too extremes, even with the charms you wear.”
I glanced around and saw the place wasn’t packed, but busy, and our conversation wouldn’t easily be heard. But still, I put up the new barrier Lageos had taught me to muddle what we were saying instead of blocking us, which would draw attention if anyone noticed.
“That has nothing to do with this but—well, that’s not true.” I frowned. “It’s part of why I can’t ask the fairies about this. I can’t ask them about anything. Talk to them about like—they compare me to Meira, or this one wants me checked out, and they haven’t found the royal healers yet. Or they have questions they want to pester me with or push me into—”
“Okay, so this has many levels,” she cut in, reaching over and patting my hand. “Tamsin, your aura is so stressed, I’m waiting for your head to explode. Tell me what the problem is today and I’ll help. You thought to come to me and I’m sure you were right.”
“It’s so stupid,” I whispered, using my other hand to rub my forehead. “It’s so trivial with everything else going on.”
“Maybe, but whatever it is makes you feel more alone and cornered, so just get it out we’ll handle it like we always do. I’ve heard you say that so many times.”
And I’d gotten that from Mel, which was also at the middle of my pain and hurt. I nodded. “All my potions in class keep blowing up. Ever since I got back from spring break. This new section is—they all blow up, Katrina.” I sighed when she blinked at me. “I know it’s stupid. I’m sorry to even bug you with this, but I know you wouldn’t—I can’t be lacking again with something.
“I’m tired of being the idiot who doesn’t know stuff. I’m so behind on everything that I just can’t take one more thing I have to be coddled on. And I know I shouldn’t listen to all the stupid talk, but it’s getting to me because I worry they’re right. I was doing fine. I aced last semester. I don’t know what happened. It’s like a switched flipped and nothing is working. My magic is literally blowing up in my face.”
“That is exactly what happened,” she cut in when I ramped up to ramble some more.
“Which part?” I asked.
“A switch was flipped.” She bobbed her head when I raised an eyebrow. “You started making tier ten crystals over break. You’re too powerful for introductory Potions 102 recipes.”
“What?” I gasped.
“You’re too powerful. Think of it like taking a driving course with those little cones for beginners and here you come with a huge bus of horsepower flooring it the whole time. You have no chance of making it through successfully when it was set up for a slower speed and compact car for beginners.”
I sat back the chair with my jaw hanging open. “Mother fucker. Everyone’s been saying—”
“Yes, I can imagine with how upset you were talking about it,” she said, tearing off another piece of bread harder than needed. “What I want to know is how a teacher qualified for Artemis didn’t put it together? I understand not asking for extra help with all the judgment and pressure on you, but you would undoubtedly ask your professor for guidance.”
I winced. “His thoughts are… Unprofessional. He tries to hide them by wearing a telepathy blocking charm but now that I’ve heard them, I’m careful and—though he’s agreed with the talk in my class, so it’s not solely that he fantasizes about us together.”
“Men,” she sighed, rubbing two fingers over her forehead in an elegantly annoyed gestured whereas I about scrubbed my whole head off. “He should have at least communicated with your advisor or someone if he wasn’t going to help you.”
“He mentioned finally going to his office hours today,” I grumbled, seriously annoyed now that it wasn’t my fault. “But he doesn’t help me in class like he does others. He’s worried he can’t keep it professional.” I studied her. “You’re sure?”
“Yes, and if White wasn’t so overwhelmed with her current piles of problems, I know without a doubt she would have put it together.”
“What now?” I worried.
“The same ones as before, simply new players trying to pressure her besides only councilmembers.” She shook her head when I opened my mouth. “She can handle it and asked for help. Something you didn’t, which shocks me, so talk to me, Tamsin.”
The first round of our food started arriving, so I put a pause on that, but then unloaded everything I’d been thinking about the issue once we dug in. I was wrapping up when the next round arrived and I felt so small and upset, I could barely touch it.
Unheard of when it came to me.
“I’m upset when he takes his focus off of me and now I’m bitching he pays me too much attention,” I whispered as I poked at my first plate. “I’m actually complaining that my lover gives me everything I want. I have to be insane, right? I mean, am I just someone who can never be happy?”
“No, oh, no,” she chuckled, wiping her mouth before taking a sip of water. “I would feel the exact same. He’s being a stupid young man and overcorrecting too much because he’s terrified he’ll lose you again.”
“That’s what his mom said but it’s weeks more of it. I don’t… I feel so guilty all the time, Katrina. It’s like I abuse him. I’m an abusive partner because he’s scared to tell me anything. How he feels or what he wants.” I let out a heavy sigh. “What am I doing? He’s not even my Julian anymore. I’m ruining him. Why did we even get back together?”
“Because you love him and that man adores you,” she said gently. “You are far from ruining him. He is doing this all to himself and will figure it out. Give him some more time. You are putting everything in human standards. We act a bit more slowly as supes because we live longer. Men are just as stupid though, so let him figure it out. You have nothing to feel guilty for.”
“It’s all I feel and I’ve been avoiding him because of it.”
“He’s only going to get more clingy and needy if you do that.”
“What a mess,” I sighed. “I don’t know what I’m doing with any of this. I feel like my life is potions class.” The truth of what had been going on hit me hard, leaving me blinking at my food and fighting tears. “That’s why I couldn’t tell anyone. It sounds so stupid.”
“No, it truly doesn’t, and this one is not your fault.” She smiled when I looked at her. “Tamsin, this probably won’t be surprising, but you’re not perfect.”
I blinked at her before smothering a giggle and smirking. “I’ve heard rumors, but I thought that just crazy. You have proof of this slander?”
“Smartass,” she whispered, taking another sip of water. “There are times several of us have told you not to be silly or you’re being a twit. You’re fairly good at accepting that and truly reflecting on it, taking what’s said by trusted people to heart.”
I winced. “Sometimes even the ones I don’t trust.”
“Yes, well, again, you’re not perfect. The bad stuff is easier to believe. So I say this reminding you that I have criticized you in the past—this time, it’s not you. This one is not on you. It’s people in your life needing an ass kicking. Some of it was bad timing with White. It’s too much on your shoulders to make this seem so much more, and you immediately chastise yourself about that.”
I sat with that for several minutes as we ate. “So what now?”
“Now, you leave it to an adult. I will handle this. All you have to do is tell me the rest of what is on your shoulders as I can see there is lots more. Or when you’re ready.”
I mulled that for a couple more minutes and nodded. I was ready. I did need to talk with someone I trusted and I definitely trusted Katrina.
So that’s what I did. I spent what normally was my lunch, and even ditched runes, talking to her. I started with what happened at the Ta
ylor house that had the fairies worried. I admitted that as much as it felt good to help a couple of abused kids get free, it had torn open some old wounds I wasn’t ready to deal with. Especially with meeting Lageos and realizing that wasn’t supposed to have been my life.
I was struggling. A lot. It was time I admitted that. In less than two years, this was the second time I found out I wasn’t what I thought I was. I thought I was human, but I was a fairy. I thought I was a fairy, but I was actually a fairy who was part demigod?
For real?
I confessed what Neldor kept thinking and how it terrified me. I barely knew what to do with my magic most days, but the idea of someone binding me was so petrifying that my body practically went numb.
I told her all the details about what happened with Mel and how I felt horrible for putting Izzy in the middle. She basically lost Mel too and she hadn’t done anything wrong. I was upset at Mel for that too. I understood she was dealing with her PTSD and very serious, very valid issues but… Izzy was innocent in this. Mel dealing with her traumas shouldn’t cause Izzy some.
“Feel better?” she asked me gently, hours after we’d sat down and I’d finally gotten pretty much all of it out.
“I feel less weighted and alone,” I answered. “I don’t know about better yet. I don’t know how to fix a lot of it and some of it I know I can’t.” I realized how horrible that sounded. “Thank you for listening, Katrina. Really. I needed to talk.” I gave a sad chuckle. “I bet you’re sorry you texted me about my auction.”
“No, I’m supremely glad I did. I had an inkling to contact you and I thought to call you later, but then I found myself texting you. We normally talk about auction items, but I messaged you when I knew you were in class. I think fate gave you a hand on this one, darling. Even the universe is admitting you’re handling too much on your own.”
“Great. Can they make it stop?”
“No, but I will make sure to help.”
I had no idea what that meant, distracted with paying the bill while she pulled out her phone. She might have invited me, but I’d eaten eighty percent of what we’d ordered, so her paying was ridiculous.
Plus, I owed her several more meals and a huge present for hours of being my therapist.
She had me take us to the hotel housing the light fairies which I didn’t understand, but I obliged. Katrina clearly had a plan and I didn’t so… Yeah, she could be the boss.
Until she walked right over to Iolas and smacked the Light Guardian right upside the head in front of everyone. All the Dark Guardians that were visiting as well to work on whatever.
“You are all idiots, but I only know you well enough to smack,” she greeted.
“Katrina, it’s—”
“This cannot wait as you have all risked the safety of your heir, but also my friend,” she blasted.
Oh boy. Maybe her plan wasn’t a good one after all. Every fairy went dead quiet, and I wanted to melt when all eyes turned to me.
“Your Highness?” Iolas asked quietly.
Katrina stepped in his view, blocking me. “I told her I would handle this as she didn’t feel comfortable coming to all of you, which is the main part of your failing here.”
“With all due respect, Ms. Calloway, but this is fairy business,” Taeral tried to interject.
“No, not this time,” she argued. “Not when I’ve tied my fate with all of you. Lots of us have now. Or I should say we have with Tamsin. The rest of you were supposed to come in and help her, protect her, but—”
“We have, Katrina,” Iolas objected.
“Have you?” she threw right back. “I was filled in on several things today that upset me greatly.” She stared down Taeral without fear. “One of which is your prince. His interaction with Tamsin needs to be limited. Now.”
Taeral frowned and I realized our mistake too late. I darted over to her, but the fairies who were sharp were faster, half a dozen of the Light and Dark Guardian brass slowly looking at Neldor—who I hadn’t even realized was there—in horror.
I grabbed her wrist and updated her mind locking tattoo, but it was too late. The damage had been done and now others knew Neldor’s idea of binding my magic.
“Tamsin, I’m so sorry,” Katrina rasped, realizing what had happened. “I never thought—I was so angry that—”
“Fairies are exceedingly nosy,” I mumbled. “It’s fine.”
But it wasn’t. I was terrified again and wanted to run. Grab Katrina and run. The only thing that kept me from doing it was the ones who seemed to have figured it out all liked me.
Or so their thoughts said, but those could be wrong.
“It will never happen,” Iolas warned Neldor. “Do not even speak such an idea.”
“If you do, you will not be the prince to many of us anymore,” Taeral added.
He didn’t even flinch at the threat. “I would never. I cannot help my thoughts.” I felt his eyes on me but I couldn’t meet his gaze. “And I’ve tried to speak to you on this topic several times. You refuse to.”
“Do you blame me?”
He didn’t reply immediately. “I suppose not, but now is not the time to discuss this.”
“Agreed, but we will be discussing your interactions with the princess as many of us are upset by them,” Iolas warned. “And we’re at our limit with it. This is the final straw.”
“Agreed,” several said.
Holy fuck, I had not seen that coming. Okay then, maybe Katrina’s plan still had some merit?
15
“Good. Now, onto the main reason my friend came to see me today, and you’re all idiots,” she continued. “It was one thing when she was on her own and trying to figure out what she needed to do to hide she was a fairy. That was a struggle, but now she’s not the only fairy. It should be the easiest thing for her and yet she’s been risking herself for about a month now, and none of you even knew.”
Nope, I hated the plan again. I felt like a kid in trouble as I hugged myself and stared out the window as if I wasn’t avoiding meeting anyone’s gaze.
But Katrina wasn’t remotely done yet.
“You’re all so busy plotting how she should handle Faerie and wake fairies and help fair folk and possibly be queen of all of you and all she can do for you, but have any of you for one second thought of what you can do for her? Have you?”
“Of course we have,” Taeral defended, his tone tense and cold. “The princess is our main priority and we have been diligent in—”
“So you know the classes she’s in? You’ve looked over the coursework to make sure there’s nothing in it that would out her as a fairy?” she challenged.
“I personally spoke with Dean White and she explained the problems Princess Tamsin has had and how Professor Richardson is handling the situation with physics, yes.”
“Well, at a school with magic, that could be the only problem. Of course,” she drawled.
“Dean White is fully capable—”
“Yes, she is,” Katrina interrupted him. “But she is not a fairy. I would think the fairies who say they wish to protect their heir actually do it. Plus, you are all aware of the problems Dean White is currently facing.”
“I’ve seen her class list and nothing on it is troubling, Katrina,” Iolas muttered. “The curriculum at Artemis is basic for a fairy. A fairy helped found the school, just as others have all of the supe colleges, but we did not fully attend there as our education is accelerated.”
I could feel the anger from Katrina without even having to look at her. “And you wonder why she did not feel she could come talk to any of you. Shame on all of you if this is how you make her feel. I’m insulted and I didn’t even attend a school with such low standards compared to yours.”
“You’ve been struggling in another of your classes at Artemis besides physics?” Neldor asked, his tone incredulous, as if completely sure that couldn’t be possible.
As if only a moron could as a fairy.
“Yup, just another area
I’m lacking,” I whispered, hugging myself tighter. “Except I wasn’t, and apparently I could have outed us all because I didn’t want you to treat me like I’m a fucking moron again. Or give anyone else here another reason I’m not like you all. Maybe another reason to freak out. It’s just always such a blast.” I flinched at my unintentional pun.
“This one wasn’t on you, darling,” Katrina said gently. “Let me lead you idiots to the water quickly as letting you get there yourselves is making this worse for her. Tamsin is taking potions.”
“I knew that,” Iolas verified, several other making confirming noises. “Fairies don’t practice much potion magic, but there’s no harm in her learning what other supes do.”
I snorted. “Apparently there is.” I glanced over at Katrina. “Did you know that about fairies? Is that how you figured it out?”
“No, I didn’t.” Steam about came out of her ears as she stared down the others. “It’s wonderful that no one here thought to tell you that about fairies. You’ve known you’re one not even two years and they all know that. How caring of them to make sure they check what you need, not simply what they need from you.”
“You’re right, and we should have made sure—” Taeral started.
But Katrina still wasn’t done.
“And why don’t fairies do much potion magic?”
“Our magic is stronger and we can do with our will what most potions do,” Iolas muttered. “We don’t need to mix ingredients and add spurts of magic.”
“Oh no,” one of the fairies groaned, probably figuring out what happened.
“And what happens if that strong magic makes introductory potions for beginners like they do in Potions 102?” she practically purred.
There were a few beats before the rest connected the dots, and then the room was filled with cursing in Faerie. Not that I could speak Faerie, only read it because of magic, but I recognized it, and I knew when people were swearing in just about any language.
But them all reverting to Faerie, the language of fairies, which I didn’t know, truly helped my current mood tons. Yeah, I totally felt like one of them then.