by Candace Camp
“I didn’t want it to be true. I thought if I could just find out it wasn’t true, I wouldn’t have to even admit it.”
“I’m not at all sure it is true. If it were, why didn’t he bring proof of it with him today?” He paused. “I don’t dismiss your dream. We Morelands tend toward dreams of portent. Still, it’s not a memory, really. What made you fear it was true?”
“I was standing beside a man, and I felt ill and dizzy. Another man across from us kept talking on and on. I can’t remember his face, but he wore a clerical collar. I think—I think I nodded as he talked.” She stood up and began to pace around the small area. “Maybe when I saw Peter last night, it triggered that memory.”
“Was it Peter you were standing with?”
She hesitated. “I’m not sure, but I think so. I didn’t really look at him, but today, when he was in that room, it came over me again. I felt so ill and scared. It keeps returning.”
“Have you remembered anything more about the scene?”
She shook her head. “No. And it really doesn’t get much clearer.” Sabrina hesitated. “Well, a little while ago, something popped into my head and then was gone. It was so quick, I couldn’t grasp it. Then you came and I forgot all about it.” She sat down, closing her eyes. “I don’t think it was connected to that dream. I think—I think it was something about a boy.”
“A boy?”
“Yes. A child. I—” She sighed and shook her head. “I can’t remember. I don’t suppose it would be much help anyway.”
“You think it was Peter? Lilah said you knew him when you were children.”
“I suppose.” She shrugged. “I don’t know anything about the boy. It was just...an intense feeling, but I’m not even sure what the feeling was.”
“No one has said anything about there being a child,” he mused.
“It didn’t feel at all like that dream. I doubt it’s connected.”
“Probably not.” Alex sat down. “What’s first on your plan?”
“My plan?”
“Yes. For finding out what happened. What you decided to do when you left Broughton House.”
“Oh. Yes. That. I don’t know that I really had a plan, other than to go to Baddesly Commons and see if anything looked familiar. Perhaps they would sell me a ticket. If that is where I lived, then people would recognize me. Maybe they would know what happened.” She straightened her shoulders. “I could go to the church, check their marriage records.”
He nodded, feeling no more happy about the idea than Sabrina looked.
“The vicar would remember if he’d married us,” she went on, pressing her hand to her stomach. “I dread it, frankly. I’m afraid of what I’ll find out.”
“I know.” Alex reached over and took her hand. “But we’ll do it together.”
“Yes.” Sabrina smiled at him. “That will make it much easier.”
There was certainly nothing that stirred Sabrina’s memory about the Newbury train station. It took little time for them to walk all around it. When they questioned the ticket agent about whether he had sold a ticket to Sabrina three weeks before, he gave them an odd look but said only that he didn’t remember.
“What about a young man who resembles her?” Alex asked, which earned him an even more suspicious glance. “Her brother,” Alex added hastily.
“No. Nor her father or mother, either, I ’spect.”
They beat a quick retreat, finding a seat out of sight of the ticket agent. Alex glanced at her, and they began to laugh. “I wonder what that man must have thought of us,” Sabrina said.
“Hopefully there’s not a madhouse close by,” he replied. “But I do hope the train to Baddesly Commons comes soon, before he decides to turn us in as suspicious characters.”
“It’s wrong of me,” Sabrina said, “to be pulling you deeper into this, but I am awfully glad you followed me.”
He slanted a smiling glance at her. “Two is generally better than one in finding something.”
“No, not just because you’re an extra set of eyes or because the ticket agent talked to you more freely than he would have to a young woman. It’s you that makes it better. Just you.”
* * *
ALEX SAID NOTHING, just looked at her for a long moment, then glanced away, but the expression in his eyes warmed Sabrina down to her toes. She folded her hands in her lap demurely and thought about those moments in the train when Alex had taken her into his arms. She supposed that she should feel guilty and sinful, or at least blush, but the truth was, she had found the whole thing glorious and had been very sorry when the conductor knocked on their door.
She thought about this evening. They would have to spend the night at some inn. They would be alone among strangers. The only thing to keep them separated was their conscience. And Sabrina’s conscience wasn’t feeling very powerful right now.
The train to Winchester, which would pass Baddesly Commons on its way south, was announced, and Sabrina pulled her thoughts from the irrelevant and highly improper paths to which they’d strayed back to the matter at hand. They boarded and carefully sat at the opposite ends of the padded bench of their compartment, even leaving the door open.
Sabrina leaned her head back against the high seat and closed her eyes. She was tired, and at least she wouldn’t be able to think about Alex if she were asleep. That hope proved to be wrong, though, for a dream in which she was hurrying through seemingly endless doors, frantically searching for something, ended up with her gazing out a window with a man standing behind her, one arm hooked around her waist.
Though she could not see him, she knew it was Alex. He stood so close she could feel the warmth of his body all up and down hers. He was murmuring something in her ear, but she couldn’t understand it because all she could think of was the desire pulsing through her. He began to kiss her neck, and his hand left her waist to glide up and down her body. There was a growing, insistent ache between her legs. She let out a soft moan, and the noise awakened her.
Sabrina’s eyes flew open. She felt warm and positively tingling all through her body. Had she actually made that noise or had it been only in her dream? She glanced at the other end of the bench, where Alex sat, watching her, an answering heat in his eyes. He quickly looked away.
“I, um, I’m going to take a walk along the corridor.”
He was gone so long Sabrina thought he must have walked through every car in the train—twice—but she was grateful for the time to bring herself back into composure. After he returned, the air was still fraught with tension, and Sabrina avoided giving Alex more than a brief glance. She was grateful when they reached Baddesly Commons and were able to disembark.
The small station was deserted except for a man sweeping up. But he was happy to give them directions to the inn, which was apparently the only one in the town and was located on the main road, a short walk from the train station.
There was, Sabrina decided, probably nothing that was more than a short walk from the station, for Baddesly Commons turned out to be only a short string of shops along a High Road, all shuttered for the night. Nothing about the place looked familiar to her, which disappointed Sabrina but did not surprise her.
The road was dark, but the inn’s lone lamppost acted as a beacon. They walked into the inn yard, and a man came out of the stables beside it.
“Can I help—” he began but stopped as he peered at them in the low light. A beam broke out across his face, and he said, “Why, it’s you. Welcome back, miss!”
Chapter Twenty-Three
SABRINA STIFFENED. “YOU know me?”
“Oh, aye, miss, I’m not likely to forget a girl ridin’ in ’fore full light and stabling her horse. Not to worry, your father and brother came along soon enough, and they sent your animal back. Not a good enough mount for ye anyway, I’d say, for ye had good form.”
�
��Um, well...thank you.” Sabrina wasn’t sure how to respond to the garrulous man’s response.
It turned out there was no need to, for he went on. “I ’spect they found ye, eh? They seemed dead worrit about ye.”
“Yes, we’ve spoken to them,” Alex said.
“Good. Ain’t right for a young lady to be out alone like that.”
“She’s not,” Alex said repressively.
The man nodded wisely. “That’s what I thought—elopin’, weren’t ye? I figured as much with your father in such a pucker.”
Sabrina’s eyes widened and she started to protest, but a little poke in the back from Alex’s finger stopped her.
“Quite right. But Mrs. Mor—” Alex stopped abruptly, then continued, “Mrs. Moore is safe now in her husband’s protection.”
Surreptitiously, Sabrina put her hand into her pocket and grabbed the ring, slipping it onto her left hand behind her back, all the while smiling madly. Alex took her arm, steering her away.
“Why did you say that?” Sabrina whispered as they approached the inn door. “Now we’re in a tangle.”
“I had planned to say I was your brother, but the Dearborns already usurped that. I thought yet another brother would seem peculiar. And I didn’t want to set every tongue in the place wagging.”
“But what about tonight? Do you mean to share a room?”
“I’ll get two rooms.”
“Newlyweds? Oh, no, that won’t cause tongues to wag.”
As it turned out, the inn was small and had only one room available, the host apologizing profusely that the best rooms had already been taken.
“But we have a private room to dine in,” the innkeeper added, beaming. “And there’s no roast beef like my Ellie’s, if you’re feeling peckish.”
“Yes.” Alex smiled stiffly. “Excellent.”
The innkeeper grabbed their bags and showed them up to a small room tucked under the eaves. Its ceiling slanted at a sharp angle up from the low outside wall, leaving only half of the room in which Alex was able to stand without stooping. There was but one window, a single straight chair, a small chest of drawers and a bed, which barely qualified as large enough for two people.
Sabrina glanced around at everything in the room but Alex. The innkeeper, seemingly sensing the tension, said, with a hopeful smile, “It’s small, I know, but you’ll not find a place cleaner than here, and the bed’s soft as a cloud.”
“Yes, of course, thank you.” Alex hustled the man out of the room, closing the door behind him, and turned back to Sabrina. “I’m dreadfully sorry.”
“It’s not your fault. I am sure we’ll do fine,” Sabrina lied firmly.
“I’ll sleep in the chair.” They both turned to eye the narrow chair with the wicker seat.
“There must be another way.”
“Perhaps I could sleep in this private dining room he mentioned,” Alex offered next.
“That would really set tongues to wagging.”
“I’ll sleep on the floor here, then.” When she grimaced, he went on, “I’ve slept in worse places, believe me. The time I was kidnapped by that gang of goddess-worshippers, I was stuck in a dark place with only one high window, and the bed had a mattress an inch thick.”
Suddenly Sabrina could not breathe. She sat down hard on the small chair, her head swimming.
“Sabrina? What’s wrong?” Alex was beside her in an instant, going down on one knee and taking her hand. “What happened? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“I think I have—well, not a ghost. I remembered something. But it’s impossible.” She raised a hand to her head. “I dreamed that once.”
“Dreamed what?”
“A boy on a bed in a little room, with a window high up on a wall. A long time ago. He was bigger than I, older, but he was all alone and scared. I—I think that’s what came into my head on the train, the little flash of memory I couldn’t recall.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I don’t, either. But I... The boy was you. That’s why I thought I knew you when I saw you that first day.”
“But how could you have dreamed—” Alex shook his head. “No, never mind that, I’m accustomed to things that can’t be explained. What happened in this dream?”
“At first the boy was sitting there, leaning against the wall with his knees drawn up and his arms around them, and he was... He was scared, but then he got up and he climbed up to look out the window. It was high, and he put a stool on the bed to stand on it and see out. What?” She stopped as Alex’s face turned almost as white as hers.
“Nothing. Go on,” he replied hoarsely. “What happened then?”
“I’m trying to remember. Oh, I know, he pulled things out of his pocket and sorted through them—a little penknife and some pebbles or marbles or something and a bit of string.”
“Good Lord.”
She looked at him gravely. “That happened, didn’t it?”
“Yes. Yes. I was trying to find a way to escape.”
“That’s all I can remember. I think I must have awakened then. But I wanted to help you, to find you, but when I told Papa, he said—Alex! I remember him! I remember my father! I remember the smell of his pipe and him holding me, telling me not to fret.” Tears glimmered in her eyes. “I loved him.” She curled her hand into a fist and laid it against her chest. “I feel it, how much I loved him. Oh, Alex...”
She went into his arms, and he stood, pulling her up with him. “I’m sorry he’s gone.”
“No, don’t be. I’m not crying because I’m sad.” She pulled back, wiping the tears from her cheeks. “I am sorry he’s gone, of course, and that I won’t see him again, but it’s so wonderful to remember him. To know I had a father and to be able to feel that love again. I was beginning to think I wouldn’t ever remember my life. But this gives me hope! I don’t care that it was only a snippet or that it’s a bit blurry around the edges. I have regained a little piece of myself and that’s wonderful.”
“It is, indeed.” He smiled down at her. “I am very glad to see you so happy.” His eyes went to her mouth, and he leaned forward slightly, his hands coming up, but he pulled back abruptly and cleared his throat. “I’m very glad,” he repeated.
Sabrina decided this was not the time to tell him how much it warmed her to think that the memory connected her to Alex, so she merely nodded. “Well...” She gave a final swipe of the hand across her cheekbone. “I should wash up a bit before supper.”
“Yes, of course. I’ll just...uh, go down to check on that private dining room. Come down whenever you’re ready.”
* * *
THE POT ROAST made by the innkeeper’s wife was every bit as delicious as the man had promised, but Sabrina found she had little hunger for it. She took a few bites of everything, smiling and assuring the woman that the food was excellent, but other than that she ate little, pushing her food about on her plate and sipping her glass of wine. Perhaps it was the excitement and fear, the nerves engendered by her mad flight from London, that made her feel so jumpy, her insides so uncertain.
Or perhaps it was Alex. Sitting here alone with him, enclosed from the rest of the world, she could not keep from thinking about tonight and that small room. The passion between them this afternoon on the train. How would they manage to not give in to their desires in such close quarters? Did she even want to?
Alex was as silent as she. Were his thoughts straying to the same place? She looked at his hands carving the roast and could not help but think of the way those long, expressive fingers had roamed her body a few hours ago.
Sabrina cleared her throat. “Well, now we know I am not from Baddesly Commons.”
“That groom can tell us where they returned your horse. We’re getting closer.”
She nodded. She wasn’t sure whether that thought made her feel pleased or
scared. Whatever it turned out her past had been, she was certain that she had not been as happy in it as she had been these past weeks. How could she have been when Alex was not part of it?
They lapsed into another awkward silence. Sabrina searched for something else to say. “How did you get out of the house undetected?” She frowned. “They didn’t see you, did they?”
“No. What they saw was my mother and I taking a little stroll with you.”
“What?”
He smiled. “I went over the back wall, where they had no one watching. In the meantime, Con pulled them off their post by changing his disguise—including the great sacrifice of shaving his mustache—so that he would look like me. Then he went out for a stroll. They were bound to follow him because Miss Holcutt dressed in your old gown, put on a big hat and accompanied him. The duchess tagged along—to make sure the Dearborns wouldn’t have the nerve to attack them on the street, she said, but in my opinion, she simply wanted to get in on the fun.”
“Lilah?” Sabrina goggled at him. “Lilah pretended to be me?”
“Yes, I was a bit surprised myself.”
“I don’t remember her, so I can’t say for sure, but she didn’t seem the sort to disguise herself and play games with pursuers.”
“She is very...correct. However, I believe her ire was raised. She even offered to go home, change back into herself and tell the Dearborns, when they came looking for you, that you had run off to catch a ship in Southampton. Though I gather the even greater sacrifice was spending twenty minutes with my brother.”
“They didn’t seem to like each other very much,” Sabrina agreed.
“No. Which is a little odd, for Con is in general a more sociable fellow than I, and women usually fall all over themselves trying to get his attention.”
“I’m sure they do—he’s very handsome.”
His eyes lit with humor. “Why, Sabrina, you’ll make me blush.”
Sabrina, realizing the unintentional compliment she had given him, felt a telltale blush blooming on her own cheeks, but she said tartly, “It would be silly, wouldn’t it, to deny what is so obvious to everyone. Including yourself.”