“I bet I know what your guilty pleasure is,” she teased, and hearing the word “pleasure” from her lips almost undid me. I had to shift positions on the couch, hoping she wouldn’t notice.
What was wrong with me? I couldn’t carry on a normal adult conversation about embarrassing cooking shows without my body going haywire?
“I think it’s The Great British Baking Show,” she said with a sly smile.
Shit. Did I admit it? I hung my head. “Yes.”
I looked up, one eye closed as if I might be able to make myself invisible. She was laughing softly, her cheeks pinking and those coffee eyes glittering. “Me too.”
We talked easily, and it was nice to see Mike at home, away from the worry and stress of her office. The two times I’d visited her there, she’d been stiff and formal, and had looked almost worried the whole time we’d spoken. At home she laughed easily and moved with a liquid grace that sent my nerves singing with the desire to move closer to her, to touch her. Soon, she rose and went back to the kitchen.
“Finn!” she called, and Finn remained where he was, totally engrossed in his tablet. “Hey, Finn,” she tried again. “Your jobs await. C’mon. Garlic bread.”
Finn looked over and sprang to his feet to join her in the kitchen. I followed. “Can I help?”
“The rest is Finn’s job,” Mike told me, pointing at a pot of boiling water and a frozen loaf of garlic bread.
Finn broke spaghetti noodles in half and stirred them into the water, resting a wooden spoon across the top of the pot and then turned to me. “It won’t bubble over if you do that,” he said, pointing at the spoon. “Bet you didn’t learn that on that British Bakery Show.” He snickered.
“Hey,” I laughed. “We’re keeping that on the down low. That was shared in confidence.”
He shook his head as he pulled open the garlic bread and set it on a cookie sheet. “Eight-year olds aren’t the best at keeping secrets, you know.”
“Great,” I said. “You could try, though.”
“Meh.” Finn lifted a shoulder and Mike and I both laughed.
Dinner was good—the food, but especially the company. I tried not to let myself make too much of it, but it was so easy to imagine myself here, as part of this little family. Especially when Finn asked if I would tuck him in. Mike nodded her approval and I followed the little guy back to his bedroom, which was plastered with super heroes. After he’d brushed his teeth, I tucked him into his Batman bed and sat on the edge. “Batman, huh?”
He nodded. “I’m most like him.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yep. He doesn’t have any actual super powers but he’s really smart.”
“That makes sense,” I said.
“I think I do have super powers though, actually,” he said, lowering his voice to a whisper.
I stifled a chuckle. “Really?”
His serious nod wiped the smile from my face. “Pretty sure I have super hearing. And also,” he paused for dramatic effect. “Soon I’ll be able to fly. I can feel it.”
“That’s impressive,” I told him, envious of his belief in the possibility that he might still become something amazing, the certainty that the future would be more exciting than the present. I’d felt that way once. Part of me felt that way now, actually, about Mike. “You have another super power, too, I think.”
“I do?”
“You know sign language, right?” I thought about that day on the hike, when he’d said “deer,” his hands next to his head.
He shrugged. “I used to know more. I don’t use it as much as I did before. I used to be quiet, so I needed it to talk.” He was very matter of fact about something Mike had told me had been an extremely stressful and difficult time for them both. The blessing of being eight, I guessed.
“Well, you should practice it. It comes in handy.” I thought for a minute. “What if that was our secret language? Just you, me, and your mom? That way we can practice so we don’t forget, but most other people won’t be able to understand.”
Finn stared at me for a long minute. “You know sign language too?”
I nodded. “Learned it for a friend,” I told him. “She was deaf.”
“She couldn’t hear at all?”
“She could, actually,” I said, picturing Rebecca’s beautiful face. “She had something called cochlear implants. She couldn’t hear perfectly, but she could hear most things. But she liked to sign.”
“I do too,” Finn said.
“So what do you think? A secret language?” I asked.
“A secret language,” Finn said, smiling. Then he raised his hands and signed. “I like that.”
I signed back. “Me too.”
“Mom says you have super powers too,” Finn said out loud, surprising me. “So we’ll be alike.”
“I don’t have super powers, Finn.” I shook my head.
“Yep, you do. Mom says your super power is making everyone around you feel like things will be okay.”
A little jolt of pleasure ran through me. I hoped I made Mike feel that way. “Is that really a super power?” I asked.
“Well, it’s not a very good one,” Finn conceded. “I mean…you can’t fly, can you?”
I shook my head.
“We could work on that together.” Finn was resolute, and I didn’t contradict him. “Will you be here when I wake up?”
“I doubt it, buddy. I have to get back home.” I wasn’t looking forward to the drive back up the mountain. I figured I might actually get a hotel room for the night. “I’ll see you again soon, though, okay?”
“Okay.” Finn stretched up and threw his arms around my neck, and I pulled his little body into me, my hands feeling huge on his thin back.
“Good night, Finn,” I whispered, something in me close to breaking. I stood and tried to pull myself together a bit, but found Mike in the doorway when I turned to go. I laughed to cover whatever strange emotion was probably written all over my face.
“I’ll be out in a sec,” she said, entering the room and going to kiss Finn.
I took a seat on the couch and wondered what was next. I didn’t dare to expect too much, but it was hard not to hope.
Chapter 10
Michaela
Seeing Chance with my son caused something inside me to loosen, to unwind, and I knew it was a dangerous feeling, but I couldn’t help it. This was what Finn should have had all along—a strong certain man to tuck him in and hug him every night. A man like Chance who could show him it was okay to love The Great British Baking Show and still be the sexiest man to ever walk the Earth.
I came out of Finn’s room to find Chance sitting on the couch, looking thoughtful, and took a seat next to him.
He turned to me, those light ocean eyes finding mine, and a tiny smile tugging up the corners of the full lips. He was so handsome, and I had to restrain myself when I was this close to him. I could smell him, some mix of the mountains and spice, and if I let myself, I could remember what it had felt like to be in his arms. I’d been overwhelmed when I’d been that close to him, completely undone by his strength, his confidence, his sheer size. I wanted that again, but I knew it was complicated. We were essentially co-workers.
“What are you thinking about?” I asked him, knowing that was probably not the right thing to ask.
He laughed, a breathy low rumble that pulled at something inside me. “I was thinking about how nice your life is. This house, Finn… How warm and comfortable.” He dropped my gaze. “I thought…” he trailed off, took a breath and looked at me again. “There was a time when I thought I’d have all this by now.”
I felt my eyebrows draw together in confusion. “What do you mean?”
He leaned back into the cushions and seemed to be thinking about something, maybe deciding what to say. “I was engaged once,” he began. “Over two years ago now. To a woman I met in graduate school.”
A little zing of jealousy went through me at his words, and I forced myself to settle in, to listen. “What
happened?”
He found my eyes then, and there was something so sad and tortured there in the depths of that smoky blue that I found my hand on his leg before I’d even had a chance to think about it. I rested it there on his knee, sensing he needed comforting, that whatever had happened, it hadn’t been good.
“She died,” he said quietly, and then he cleared his throat and seemed to regain himself slightly. His voice came out stronger. “She was in a car accident,” he said. “A really bad one.”
“Oh Chance, I’m so sorry,” I breathed.
His head bobbed and he swallowed back the emotion I could see on his face. “We got a chance to say goodbye,” he said, as if that made it better somehow. “She was…amazing.”
“I’m sure.” I squeezed his knee and his eyes met mine.
“I’m sorry,” he said, shaking his head to throw off the somber mood. “I don’t normally talk about her.”
“What was her name?”
“Rebecca.”
“I’m so sorry for your loss,” I said, but the words were totally inadequate.
“Yeah, thanks. I just…there was a time back then when I pictured all this for us, you know?”
“All this, huh?” I looked around my tiny house. I was glad it was dark. In the glaring light of day, the place didn’t exactly scream of luxury. Single motherhood was paying the bills, but it didn’t provide a lot of cushion for finery.
“All this,” he confirmed, and his eyes didn’t leave my face. We sat there for a long moment, our eyes locked and my heart threatening to escape my chest. My hand was back where it belonged, in my own lap, but I wished I could touch him again. I wished for so much more than that.
“I should go,” he said, standing.
I stood too, and suddenly we were facing each other, standing too close.
“Thanks for dinner,” he said, not moving.
I felt my head nod, but my eyes were glued to his. He reached a hand out and smoothed a piece of hair away from my face, and I leaned into the warmth of that touch without thinking about it. His strong hand cupped the side of my face, and my eyes slid shut. He was warm and strong, and so, so close. And a second later, he stepped nearer, and I could feel heat radiating off his chest. I pressed myself into him, my head dropping back as his chin angled down. I opened my eyes to see him staring at me intently, his eyes dark and deep as he leaned in and kissed me softly.
Sensation lit in my spine and shuddered down my limbs, leaving a burning tingle throughout my body as Chance’s lips moved over mine, gently at first and then rougher. My tongue met his, and I felt my body wrap around him, pulling his warmth close and using his heat to fill all the cold lonely spaces inside myself. It was a kiss, but it also felt like a promise, a commitment. I knew I couldn’t ask any of that from him, but in that moment I took it, banishing the loneliness and fear that lived inside me for those long hot minutes when I was connected to this man.
After a few minutes, I pulled back, stepped away. “I, uh…”
“Hey,” he said, catching my hand and pulling me near again. “You’re incredible. But I know this is complicated. I’m not asking for anything.”
I stared up into his eyes for long silent seconds. “Okay,” was all I could manage.
“I should go,” he said again.
“Why don’t you stay?” I said. “I mean, it’s late to drive. You’ve had some wine. Stay here? I have a guest room.” I hoped I wasn’t being rude suggesting the guest room. I would have liked to pull him down the hall to my room and ignore every single warning bell blaring to life inside me.
He smiled and released me. “That would be great,” he said. “If you’re sure.”
“It’s fine,” I told him.
“Will it be confusing for Finn?” he asked. “To see me here in the morning?”
I thought about that. It would be, but he’d also be happy. “A little,” I said. “I don’t know, I mean… It doesn’t seem like an issue.” I probably did everything wrong as a parent, but I went with my gut on most things, and tried to take cues from Finn.
“Okay,” Chance said.
I walked him down the hall to the guest room and said goodnight, and then went to my own room to stare at the ceiling. There was no way I could sleep knowing the hottest man I’d ever met was just down the hall, and probably wouldn’t turn me away if I slipped into his bed.
Eventually, somehow, I did fall asleep. The stress and worry I felt over Jeff’s extravagant ski resort eventually beat me and I slipped into an exhausted sleep, alternately dreaming of Jeff and Chance. Some of those dreams were definitely more pleasant than others. When my alarm went off, I woke to the scent of bacon, and for a split second I panicked. Finn knew how to use the stove, but he was one-hundred percent not allowed to do so without me being right there. I bolted out of bed, pulled on my robe, and was halfway down the hall when I saw the guest room door standing open and the entire previous night came back to me.
Chance was here.
At my house.
And I was wearing a Minnie Mouse robe and had morning breath.
I quickly turned around and ducked back through my bedroom door, slightly panicked. It was a work day. I was going to have to take a shower at some point—but the knowledge that Chance was here, up, in my kitchen—it made me want to run out there, to spend as much time with him as possible. I felt giddy and strange…and excited.
My shower probably ranked somewhere on the Guinness list for fastest ever, and when it was done, I threw on a wrap dress and twisted my hair into a knot. I dusted my cheeks with blush, curled my eyelashes and swiped on some mascara. After brushing my teeth, I was back in the hallway, taking a deep breath to ready myself to see Chance Palmer making bacon in my kitchen.
But I was unprepared for the scene.
Not only was Chance Palmer in my kitchen, cooking bacon. He had Finn standing on a chair at the counter, and was talking him through pouring batter into the waffle iron. Finn’s face was scrunched up in concentration as he poured the batter, and Chance leaned over him, smiling. The smell of bacon wafted around us and there were strawberries cut in a bowl on the island. The coffee pot was full. Oh, and also? Chance. Wasn’t. Wearing. A. Shirt.
My heart flew into my mouth and I nearly choked on my own shock and the sudden rush of blood to every lady part I had. The man was glorious. He was handsome with his clothes on, definitely. But I’d honestly never been this close to a man as hot as Chance Palmer. And he stood in my kitchen, every muscle in his torso looking like it’d been sculpted from hot man-clay, and that crazy “v” of his abdomen drawing my eyes into the waistband of the dark jeans he wore slung low and taking my mind in directions it hadn’t gone in a very long time.
“Mommy!” Finn spotted me standing there, mouth agape, and called to me.
Chance’s eyes popped up, and he undoubtedly noticed my total inability to behave like a normal woman getting up for work in her own house. “Hey,” he said, that voice low and rumbly and absolutely not helping with my current state.
“I, uh,” I reached a hand to my hair for no real reason whatsoever, and then turned around, as if they might be addressing someone behind me. Blood rushed into my cheeks and I was certain my entire body had turned pink. “Um, hi.” There. One sort of appropriate word.
Since I’d met Chance, I’d transformed from a completely pulled together and professional single mother to a babbling mess. This was not progress. So why did I feel so much better around him?
“Coffee?” Chance asked. “I don’t know how you take it.”
If you’re handing it to me shirtless, I’ll take it however you want to give it to me.
Gah, shut up brain. “A splash of milk. Touch of Splenda.”
He nodded and filled a cup, then dribbled milk and opened a Splenda packet. I couldn’t help my fascination with the way the muscles in his back rippled as he moved around. It was incredible. “Thanks,” I managed, when he handed it to me.
“Sorry about…” Chance wa
ved a hand to indicate his half-naked body and I nearly melted into a puddle. “I’ve only got the one shirt, and I’ll stop by the Palmer offices down here today on my way home. I didn’t want to get bacon grease on it.”
“Sure, I…yes.” Oh God. I was a puddle. I only looked like a capable woman.
“You look nice, Mommy.” Finn looked nice too. He was glowing under Chance’s attention, and I worried what might happen there. It was one thing for me to have a completely misplaced infatuation that would certainly end in several pints of ice cream and a box of red wine. But my kid? He needed me to protect him from stuff like that. And this had probably gone too far now for me to be able to protect either one of us if something went off the rails.
“Thanks, honey.” I finally found the ability to move and speak, and kissed the top of Finn’s head as I took a seat across the island from where he was still tending waffles. “This is a nice surprise,” I added, catching Chance’s eye.
“I hope it’s okay. Finn said he doesn’t go to school until almost nine, so I thought we had time.”
“It’s fine,” I said. He didn’t need to know that Finn was usually at before care at seven-thirty. I could be late one day. I sipped my coffee and watched the show, daydreaming about what it would be like to have a guy who looked like a movie star make my breakfast and hang out with my kid every morning. “I’ll be right back,” I told them after a few minutes.
Back in my room I called Eva to let her know my change in plans. “Aha, okay. I wondered,” she said. “And hoped you weren’t sick or anything.” There was something strange in her voice, and it sounded like she might say something more, but I was too eager to get back to the table to wait to hear it.
“Nope,” I said briskly. “Totally fine. Just having a lazy morning. I’ll be in soon.”
I went back to the kitchen, and took my seat at the table.
“These are from a recipe on The British Baking Show,” Finn told me, a very serious look on his face.
“Really?” I asked, gazing past him to Chance.
Chance shrugged, eyes twinkling. “I might have done some research on Mary Berry’s waffle recipe after a particularly enthralling waffle episode.”
Love Redefined Page 9