by Cindi Madsen
Then he’d walked into his empty, empty house, thinking how her laughter would never bounce off the walls again. How there’d be no late-night chocolate milk or hours spent in his bed, both awake and asleep.
Misery ebbed in and out with every beat of his heart. How the hell did I let this happen again?
Mom waved a hand in front of his face. “Hey. Are you purposely being vague to drive me crazy? I thought you two were…well, it looked like you were together again. You both seemed so happy.”
He worked to keep his voice even. “She told me she couldn’t promise she’d stay.” I should’ve seen it then. Should’ve put a stop to everything before it turned into this. “She’s flying back to Nashville today. Has some big meeting with record execs tomorrow, and, unless they’re deaf and blind, I have no doubt she’ll have a recording contract within a few days. So, I’ll see about hiring someone else before the next group of kids comes in, but you, Cory, and I will be stretched thin this week. Sorry about that.”
He turned to go, nearly tripping over Oscar, which earned him a hiss.
“You let her go?” Mom said from behind him, and the spot between his shoulder blades tightened.
He slowly spun around. “Let her? Mom, I can’t compete with a record contract. And this land, my horses, even the camp…” Until he’d mentioned the camp, he didn’t realize how much it meant to him. Probably because Sadie’s being here had allowed him to relax long enough to see the changes in the kids instead of just the stress of running the place. The alternative camp had been his dad’s legacy, but it was his now. He put a hand on his chest. “It’s everything I am. I’d never leave it behind, and that means I could never make her happy. She’s destined for bigger things.”
“Did you at least tell her how you feel?”
Clearly, Mom could see that he’d fallen back in love with Sadie. He hadn’t dared to even think it, but the knowledge that he did love her washed over him, shoving the ache deep into his bones. And he found himself opening his mouth to admit the thing he’d never told anyone. Not Cory. Not Dad. He’d expected people in town to find out, but Sadie must not have admitted it either—well, except to Quinn. He had no doubt Sadie had told her what’d happened. He’d proposed. Like the lovesick fool that he was. “I asked her to marry me.”
Shock flickered across Mom’s face. “You asked her to marry you? When? Last night?”
“Six years ago.” He remembered the silence in the truck after he’d asked her. He hadn’t really planned it—didn’t even have a ring. He’d just looked across the cab and known she was the one. So he’d asked her to marry him. She’d started to cry, and he’d instinctually known that they weren’t tears of joy. “She took off for Nashville right after. I’m not going to be the schmuck who gets left for that place twice.”
Mom’s mouth opened and closed a few times before she got any words out. “I didn’t know.” She hugged him, and he sighed. Now she was upset, too, and treating him like he was a little kid who needed consoling.
“I’m fine, Mom. It was a long time ago.” And I’d be over it if I hadn’t gone and reopened the wound so it’d have to heal all over again. He gently patted her back. “Now I’ve got to get back to work.”
At least today would be busy with rodeo prep and the ride to the river. Saddles would need to be checked, and he still had to gather all of the fishing gear. Of course, when he got to the barn and saw Shadow, he realized it didn’t matter how busy he was. He’d still see Sadie every place he looked.
…
Sadie’s entire family had decided they were dropping her off at the airport, and from the grim looks on everyone’s faces, you’d think she was going to a funeral, not on her way to the biggest opportunity of her life.
I’ve got to be careful. Building it up too much will just make it worse if it doesn’t work out. And that was what she wanted. For it to work out.
It should be what she wanted, anyway.
Sadie hugged Grandma first.
“Don’t forget about us once you’re a big fancy star,” she said with a smile.
Tears pushed in on Sadie’s eyes, and suddenly everything seemed so final that the grim expressions made sense. Even though she was planning on coming back, she knew the next few years might be a whirlwind, and she worried about not being there for her family. She’d never even learned how to make rolls the right, non-lumpy way. Or the amazing fudge frosting for the brownies.
Not that she thought she’d have a lot of time to bake. Or that she could eat any of those things anymore. Her smallest jeans no longer fit, and even the next size up was getting snug.
The smile on her face was hard to hold onto as she turned to Mom. “I thought we’d have all this time, and now it’s gone,” Mom said, wrapping her arms around Sadie. “I should’ve known it’d only be a matter of time before someone saw you were as amazing as I know you are.”
“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. It’s just one meeting, I’ll only be gone for a few days, and then we’ll take it from there, depending on what happens.” Sadie said it for her benefit as much as Mom’s. “Either way, I promise to visit more. This isn’t our last opportunity to talk. Okay?”
Mom started to pull away, but then she hesitated. “I know I don’t say it enough, but I’m so proud of you. Most people would’ve given up, but you just keep brushing yourself off and hitting it again. I don’t know if I could’ve done it.”
Sadie nodded, her throat too tight to talk.
“But you know I’ll be proud no matter what happens, right?” Mom ran her hand down Sadie’s hair. “I never wanted you to make my mistakes, but I’m afraid that somewhere along the way, I gave you the impression I’d only be proud of you if you became a big star or made a lot of money. For all my griping and complaining, I’m happy with how my life turned out. I’ve got my parents, I’ve got you, and while my job’s exhausting, I like what I do. The real secret’s finding joy in whatever path you end up on. Whichever one you take, I’ll always be on your side, and I’ll support you however I can.” Mom squeezed her hand. “I love you, Sadie.”
Her heart expanded and constricted all at once. She’d needed to hear that so badly right now, yet it made it that much harder to say good-bye. “Love you, too, Mom.”
She pulled her in for another motherly hug. “Now you be sure to call once you land, and keep us updated on the meeting, okay?”
Sadie nodded, blinking and taking deep breaths to try to fight the urge to cry.
Grandpa stepped up for his good-bye last, and then no amount of blinking or breathing held the tears at bay. She hugged him with every ounce of strength she had in her. Now she was thinking about Mom’s talk of paths, and she was only more confused. “I’d be crazy to turn down this opportunity, right?”
“Oh, don’t ask me. I’m just an old horse rancher who’s never even been on an airplane and has no desire to live around so many people. But your voice would sure sound pretty on the radio. I know that much.” He pulled back and squeezed her shoulder. “You need me to carry your luggage inside?”
She sniffed and wiped the tears from her cheeks. “No, they’ll get mad at you if you leave your car.” A quick tug on the handle of her suitcase extended it to hip height. “I can just roll it, anyway.”
She glanced off in the distance, at the blue mountains set against a clear sunny sky. For some reason, all she could see was Royce. This was where he belonged, and this past month, she’d started to think she might, too.
Just having fun. That was all we were doing. If things were different, if he wanted more… But that was a dangerous line of thought, one she couldn’t indulge in without getting hurt—and her heart already ached so badly she wasn’t sure it’d ever recover. So Sadie took her last breath of Wyoming air for a while and headed into the airport.
Hopefully on her way to all of her dreams coming true.
Chapter Sixteen
“What did you do to your hair?” Nolan asked the second Sadie met him outside the studio S
aturday morning. His scowl deepened as he lifted a section and tugged it closer to his face. Once he released her hair, his gaze moved to her stomach. “Looks like someone’s let her exercise and diet slide.”
Actually, she’d been working her ass off on the ranch. Yes, she’d put on a little weight, but she’d also gained muscle—a more athletic than skinny body. Not that Nolan would believe her. She ran a hand through her hair. “It’s fresh. Different.” Me.
“The execs don’t want different. They want tried and true.” He opened the door and ushered her inside like the gentleman he wasn’t. When she’d first looked for an agent, she had visions of someone who’d love her voice and get her and be, like, a music cheerleader. She’d quickly learned that wasn’t how it was. While Nolan was known for being a shark when it came to negotiations and getting his clients the best deals, he also did that whole I’m-making-you-better-by-pointing-out-your-flaws-so-we-can-fix-you thing.
Despite his telling her she’d need a thick skin to be in this biz, and the pep talks she’d given herself reiterating the same thing, his words always stung. Over the years, she’d gotten accustomed to it, but after feeling pretty good about herself and being away from it all, she was surprised at how much it ate at her now.
Biting back a comment about his gut, she forced a smile on her face and focused on what was important—singing her best and impressing the record exec.
She met Linda Call, who told her how much she’d enjoyed hearing her sing in Louisiana, which was like a balm to her singer’s soul and helped her remember why she was doing this in the first place. She loved singing onstage—loved the music and the energy of the crowd and that moment when she connected to them and they connected to her.
After a few more minutes of polite small talk, she was ushered into the studio. Of course her brain chose that moment to relive her last awful performance onstage. Panic rose up as she stared at the large microphone, and her throat went bone-dry.
Think of something else. She reached for a good singing experience and came up with the night she’d sung around the campfire. When she lingered on the memory, she started thinking of the faces glowing in the firelight—faces she missed so badly a pang went through her chest—so she redirected her thoughts to the pureness of music sung that way. To how big her voice had felt in all that open space.
Then she went bigger scale, back to the buzz of the audience in Louisiana and nailing the cover she’d been given to sing, and how that had led her to this moment right now. This awesome opportunity that she needed to take hold of and use to show that she deserved to be here.
I can do this, I can do this. She stepped closer to the microphone and nodded to show she was ready, then took a deep breath to center herself. The song she usually liked to start with was Carrie Underwood’s “Do You Think About Me.”
The music started up, and despite her trembling hands, she hit the first notes—with less volume than usual, but the sound was pure. She closed her eyes, trying to focus on letting the song flow out of her. Only as she sang the lyrics, she found herself near tears. Royce clearly didn’t think about her the way she thought about him, but she knew he had to feel something. They had history. Sure, there were some bad memories mixed in there, but most of them were good.
Apparently, good wasn’t good enough.
Nolan and Linda stared at her through the thick glass between them, and neither looked impressed, which only made her voice shakier. Made the tears press down harder.
“I’m sorry,” she said as she finished. “I just need a quick water break, if that’s okay.”
A wide-eyed girl who had to be fresh out of high school brought in bottled water. Sadie imagined it was what she’d looked like when she’d first come to Nashville, dreams shining in her eyes. It sucked that each year had jaded her more and more.
Shake it off. No more living in the past. This is your future, so grab hold of it and show it who’s boss. By the time she stepped up to the microphone again, she was ready. No more nerves or shakiness or thinking about Royce. For the better part of the morning, she went from one song to another, taking requests as Linda or Nolan threw them at her, and she managed to get a few smiles and nods out of them as well.
By the time she and Nolan settled across the desk from Linda, she felt like she’d at least given it her best.
I just hope it’s good enough.
“Don’t worry,” Nolan said, scooting forward in his seat. “She’ll lose ten pounds by the end of the month, and she’s just between hair extensions. Usually it’s platinum blond.”
Linda looked her over. “You know, she might be able to pull off red. I’m thinking lots of volume with extensions. Bright red, super-sexy image. With your face, and after some hard work on your body, we can do a provocative photo shoot and get some buzz going. Make the guys stop and drool a little, you know?”
Of course she wanted to look sexy, but where was the sexy line? Did that mean her needed-to-be enhanced cleavage hanging out? Half naked? She thought of all the people in Hope Springs looking at the photos and then covering up their kids’ eyes. What about Mom, Grandpa, and Grandma? She’d always hated how girls had to be straddling guitars or shot with bedroom hair for CD covers while guys got to go with simple and fully clothed.
If the deal goes through, I’ll let them know I have lines I don’t want to cross.
Linda sat back in her chair. “I’m also thinking a little less twang. We want to appeal to the largest audience, both country and pop fans.”
Sadie must’ve wrinkled her nose, because Linda gave her a placating smile. “Once we get you established, you’ll have a little more wiggle room on the look and songs. I hate it as much as you do, but singers are a dime a dozen, and despite what the American people say, they care about weight and looks as much as they do the music. Stick with me, and I’ll make you a star.”
Linda obviously had the ambition, which meant she’d work like crazy to get Sadie on the radio. If she was going to work hard enough to stay ten pounds lighter and hold back the twang that tended to come out when she really let loose, she wanted someone who’d be working hard, too. And Sadie wasn’t totally opposed to red hair—she could make it work, she supposed. Quinn would probably go crazy over the bright hue.
Red hair. Less country. Ten pounds off, so no more bread or pastries.
Funny enough, as she was sitting there, it wasn’t a country song that popped into her head. It was Pink, singing about how she’d be a pop star. All she’d have to change was everything she was.
The image of Royce staring down at her, desire in his eyes, suddenly came to mind. Then she heard his voice. You were perfect the way you were. The way you are now.
Of course, he had been staring down at her in his too-large shirt, and they’d been about to have sex.
A toxic mix of longing and regret burned through her, and she shook her head, telling herself to snap out of it. A hundred women would line up to take my place right now. I won’t make the mistake my former bandmates made. I can deal.
Linda and Nolan were going over a few stipulations, things she knew she should pay better attention to, but which went in one ear and out the other.
“So, let’s talk contract,” Nolan said, and Linda leaned her elbows on her desk and steepled her fingers under her chin.
“Let’s.”
Nolan grinned, and Sadie wondered why she had to work so hard to do the same.
…
Sadie paused near the display of chocolate muffins in the airport coffee shop and then passed them by with a sigh. She’d only been on her stupid diet for three days, but the sight of pastries made her slightly bitter at life, and the heavenly scents of French fries and pizza filling the air weren’t helping, either.
I’ll just ask Quinn to pull over somewhere I can get a good salad before we head out of town. If she tried to order a salad in Hope Springs that wasn’t just a side for steak or fried chicken, people would stare at her as if she were on the verge of lunacy. Sheila
at the diner would probably even put a hand to her forehead and ask if she was feeling all right. I’m gonna have to try to stay away from Grandma’s amazing cooking, too, or I’ll undo the past few days.
Sadie had spent most of Sunday and Monday looking at apartments and filling out applications. Having so much to do had been good, because whenever she’d slow down, sadness would creep in, and she’d spent last night in her hotel room crying herself to sleep. “Weepy mess” was the best way to describe her lately, and she hated it. It was ridiculous, but no matter how much she told herself to stop, her emotions refused to listen. She knew it was just the transition period and the past month catching up to her. It’d happened the first time she’d moved to Nashville, and eventually she’d gotten over it, so she’d get over it again.
After a ten-minute wait at the baggage claim, she gathered her suitcase and texted Quinn that she was heading outside.
A silver Mercedes coupe pulled up in front of Sadie, and she was going to frown at the driver for blocking Quinn’s way, but then she realized it was Quinn.
Sadie met her at the back of the car. “Holy crap, girl! Did you boost a car on your way here?”
“Figured it was the fastest way to get us to Hope Springs,” Quinn said with a grin. “You like it? Daddy said I needed a new car to impress clients, and who am I to argue? The company’s even paying for it.” She bumped her hip into Sadie. “So, how’s life now that you’re on your way to being super famous?”