Cole furrowed his brow. “I don’t understand. You guys don’t sound like the rest of them. You don’t sound dazzled by him.”
Gail laughed. “Well, he’s our father. It’s hard to really believe that your own dad is some kind of superhuman being.”
“But if you don’t think he is, then why stay here?” said Cole. “Why be part of this?”
“This is our family,” said Rebecca. “This is where everybody that we love lives.”
Rusty nodded. “Yeah, most of the ‘special children’—the ones of us that are grown up, anyway—we’ve stopped thinking of Jimmy as some kind of messiah. But, um, we stay. Mostly. Donna and Angela left a few years back. They went together. But no one else. I know you wouldn’t agree, but I think that there’s a lot of benefit to the celibacy. It really does cut down on a lot of problems that other people have.”
Rebecca nodded. “There aren’t jealousies, here, you know? And there aren’t little pockets of people in tiny family units. We’re all close to each other. Because we’re all tied to Jimmy. He’s the center of our family. It’s not a perfect family, of course, but we love each other a lot.”
Cole chewed slowly on his bite of sandwich. He had never thought about it that way before. Not the celibacy thing, that was clearly idiotic. But the idea of family, of loved ones? He could understand why his brothers and sisters might have wanted to preserve their ties to the farm for that reason. He’d grown up here, in a very communal atmosphere, and he’d spent his adult life very decidedly alone. He often missed the closeness, the togetherness.
Gail smiled at him. “We always thought that you were out there… being normal. We thought that was what you wanted. But then Rusty saw the news stories about you.”
“I didn’t believe it,” said Rebecca. “I didn’t believe you’d kill.”
Cole looked into his sandwich. “You guys aren’t going to drop this, are you?”
The two girls stared at him, concerned expressions on their faces. They didn’t say anything.
“Did you come back to do more killing?” said Rusty.
“No.” Cole shook his head. “Of course not.”
“Why did you do it?” said Gail. “Please try to explain it to me.”
Cole wasn’t hungry anymore. He put his sandwich down. “I don’t know if there’s an explanation. Gail. I was trying to do something, and those people weren’t cooperating, and I got angry. And then if one of them didn’t work, the mate had to go too, because I needed them…” He gazed down into his plate. “I was trying to make a pack. I was lonely. When I couldn’t get wolves to submit to me, I killed them.”
“Because you were frustrated with them?” Rebecca asked. She sounded a little horrified.
“I guess so.” He raised his gaze to meet hers. “Which sounds worse, little sister? That I killed them because I was angry, or that I killed them because they weren’t useful to me?”
Rebecca’s eyes got bigger.
Rusty cleared this throat. “You know, if you’re trying to convince me that it’s a good idea to let you out of that room, you’re not doing a very good job.”
Cole turned on him. “You know who taught me how to kill. You all were here. You watched it. You remember.”
Now none of them would look him in the eye.
That was what Cole thought. He picked up his plate, dumped the remains of the sandwich in the compost pile, and placed the plate in the sink. He gripped the edge of the sink and stood there for a minute, head bowed, back to the three of them. “It’s good that you’ve decided that he’s not infallible, or that he’s not some kind of messiah. But you think he’s a good man, and he’s not.”
“You pushed him too much, Cole,” Rebecca said softly.
“No, it wasn’t my fault,” Cole said.
“You were the oldest,” Rusty said. “He didn’t know how to handle teenagers yet. He screwed up. I think he knows he did. I think he’s even sorry about it, not that he’ll ever admit it.”
Cole squeezed his eyes shut. “No amount of being sorry or admitting it will make much difference at this point. It’s not going to bring Tasha back to life, is it?”
“Cole,” Rebecca said, “that was so long ago. Rusty and Gail were just kids. They hardly remember it.”
Cole turned around. “I don’t trust him. I know you guys still love him and respect him, but I think he’s a monster. He didn’t have any respect for Tasha. He didn’t have any respect for my mother. And I’m terrified of what he’s going to do to Dana.”
“I thought she wasn’t your girlfriend,” Gail said.
“I care about her,” Cole said. “She’s the closest thing to a girlfriend that someone like me will ever have. If he asked me to make a choice between her and… and anyone else, I’d choose her, do you understand?”
Rusty stood up. “Look. I’ll talk to Father when he wakes up. I don’t see any reason why you can’t see her. Maybe we can even get her out of the punishment room down there. Try to be reasonable, though, Cole. You need to talk to me and not to Father. I’ll work with you if you don’t do anything rash. You think you can do that?”
Cole swallowed. Then he nodded.
* * *
when Cole was seventeen…
Cole tried desperately to free himself from the ropes that tied him up in the old cow barn.
Tasha was next to him, huddled up, trying to cover her nakedness.
It made Cole sick. “What did he do to you?”
“Nothing,” said Tasha. “He barely spoke to me. He took me here and made me get undressed and then he tied me up. I didn’t know why. I guess that if you’re here, it’s because of what we did.”
“Yes.”
“But I don’t understand. How did he find out?” Her eyes got big. “He isn’t really omniscient, is he?”
“No, it was Julia. She saw us.”
“Julia.” Tasha shut her eyes. “What does she care? She already has Jimmy wrapped around her little finger. Why would she tell him?”
“I don’t know. I don’t understand Julia.”
Tasha bit down on her lip. “I guess she thought that he needed to know. I guess I knew I shouldn’t have done it. Now Jimmy’s angry with me. I didn’t want to make him angry.”
“Stop that,” said Cole. “He’s not what you think he is.”
Tasha gazed at him thoughtfully. “You’re sure of that?”
He grimaced, tugging on the ropes that still held him fast. “Yes.”
She smiled. “So, you’re sure of things now.”
“I’m sure that he’s not good,” said Cole. “You ran away from someone who abused you. You tried to escape, but you ended up here. With Jimmy. And he’s no better than your stepfather.”
Tasha looked down at her naked body. She shivered. “That’s not true,” she whispered.
“It is,” said Cole. “He’s disgusting. All of this stuff he’s got going here, it’s just his excuse to sleep with a bunch of different women.”
“No,” she said. “It’s not. There’s something about him. You don’t understand.”
“There’s nothing,” he said. “Look at me.”
She slowly raised her eyes to meet his.
He looked deeply into her eyes, trying to pour his certainty into her. “There’s nothing about him. He’s nothing. You don’t need him.”
Tasha started to cry.
Shit. He wished he could reach for her, but he was tied up.
She leaned into the post, surrendering to the sobs, and she stopped trying to cover her body.
Suddenly, he could see everything. Her pert breasts topped with tiny, pink nipples. Her flat stomach. The wisp of hair between her legs.
He was hard again.
He flinched.
He looked away.
“If there’s nothing about him, then why did I feel like there was?” she sobbed. “Am I stupid or something?”
“No.” He didn’t look at her. “It was his fault. He took advantage of you. He knew you were
vulnerable. He preyed on it. That’s what he is… a creature of prey.”
“That’s what we all are, Cole. He bites all of us, and he makes us wolves.”
“No, we’re not like him,” he said.
“You are,” she said. “You’re like him, only younger and nicer and—”
“I’m not.” He turned to look at her again.
She still hadn’t covered herself.
His gaze darted back and forth between her face and her bare skin. He kept trying not to look at her, but she was so uncovered and so pretty, and he couldn’t help it.
Tasha laughed, low in her throat. “You’re just like him, Cole. You’re a guy. All guys are the same.”
Cole’s jaw twitched. “No, I’m not.”
“You want me, don’t you?”
He turned away again. “I don’t mean to. It’s only that I can’t help…” He took a deep breath. “When I see you like that, my body reacts. But that doesn’t mean I want it to.”
She laughed again. “Tell yourself whatever you want, Cole.”
“It’s the truth.”
“Look at me.”
“No.”
“Do it.”
He wanted to, anyway. He felt ashamed of himself for wanting to, but he did. He looked at her. Her wrists were tied. Her ankles were tied. He let his gaze travel over her nude body, taking her in. She was beautiful. She was dirty. She was imprisoned. She was frightened. And she was still beautiful. It confused him. It disgusted him. It turned him on.
She licked her lips. She spoke in a breathless voice. “If you got yourself untied, what would you do to me?”
“I’d untie you.” His own voice was unsteady. He was still staring at her.
“Would you really?” she said. “You wouldn’t do things to me? You wouldn’t take advantage of the fact that I couldn’t run away?”
“No.” His voice cracked again. He tore his gaze away from her.
“I don’t believe you.”
“Why are you saying that?” he said. “It’s like you’re teasing me, like you want…”
She was quiet for a long time.
So long that Cole didn’t think she was going to say anything at all. He didn’t know what else to say etiher, so he went back to wrangling with the ropes that bound him up. He wasn’t having a lot of luck. He felt flustered from his exchange with Tasha. His cock was still rigid and pulsing. It distracted him.
“I do want things,” Tasha finally said quietly. “I think about things. Sexy kinds of things. I want to do stuff with a guy. I want a guy to do stuff to me. But every time it happens in real life it’s not the same. It’s painful. Humiliating. So, I don’t know what I want. Jimmy made me think there was another way, but now… now, I see it’s all the same.”
He cleared his throat. “I don’t think it… I don’t think it has to be like that. I think it can be…”
“No, Cole, you don’t know. You’re a virgin, aren’t you?”
He didn’t say anything.
“It’s bestial is what it is,” she said. “It’s always about a man pushing a woman down and taking her. Mounting her. Lowering her. Whatever happens, the woman always gets fucked.”
* * *
“Brooks,” said Ursula’s shrill voice over the phone, “I want you to go. Go back to the south branch headquarters and get some sleep.”
Avery stood at the edge of Hunter’s Moon Farm, next to the open gate. The sky was lightening in the east, a ribbon of purple appearing over the mountains. The area around the farm was full of SF vehicles and agents. There were enough people here to keep things going smoothly without him, and he knew that.
“You think Gray’s getting some sleep, King? How can I leave when she’s not safe?”
“How can you save her when you’re not at your best?” said Ursula. “You think she’d want you forcing your way in there when you haven’t slept? No, she’d want you sharp.”
“I don’t know.”
“Listen, Brooks, nothing’s going to happen. I’m in charge until the higher-ups kick in, and we both know that could take until this evening. They’ll talk, they’ll make decisions. We’ll act accordingly. And you can be part of it, when you come back after getting some rest.”
He sighed. She was right. There wasn’t anything for him to do here. Ursula had ordered that the SF block the two exits from the farm—the main gate and one on the other side of the property. They were also to keep their eyes on the farm and the people there. Anyone leaving the main area on foot or by vehicle was to be detained and taken into custody.
Avery didn’t need to be there for that.
“Okay, King. I’ll go back to headquarters and sleep for a few hours.”
“Good,” she said. “Because I’m relying on you to, and I need you to be capable of doing whatever is necessary.”
Avery hung up the phone. He started for a car, which he’d use to take back to headquarters. He checked out with the guy that was in charge per King. He was Brady Davis, one of the other trackers from the northeast branch, a good guy who he’d been friends with for years.
“Hey,” he said. “We’re going to get Gray out of there. Don’t worry.”
It reminded him of back when Dana had first been captured by Cole Randall. Of course, they hadn’t known that she was captured at the time. They’d only known she was missing. The last that Avery had talked to her was when she’d told him that she’d figured out the link between all the murders.
When she finally showed up days later, having escaped from Randall, Avery had talked to her. He remembered seeing her wrapped up in blankets in the medical wing at headquarters. The look she’d given him had torn out his heart. Her eyes had been so hollow. He didn’t know what had happened to her, but he found himself utterly wrecked by it.
It was the first time he’d seen Dana as a woman—fragile and delicate—not just as his no-nonsense partner.
Of course, that was because she’d been mated to Cole Randall, but he hadn’t known that back then. Neither did she. They didn’t know that her status as an alpha made her more attractive to every lone wolf out there.
Even now, his stomach was in knots worrying about her. He’d be worried about her regardless. He knew that. She was his partner and his friend. He cared about her. If her safety was threatened, no matter what, he’d do anything to help her.
But it was different now that he’d shared her bed a few times.
Maybe more than a few times.
Whatever. The thing was, it made him crazed. He was half out of his mind with worry for her.
He didn’t know if he’d be able to sleep under the most normal of circumstances.
But factor in that fucking conversation he’d had with Cole Randall earlier in the day? Well, he was afraid he was going to turn that over and over in his brain until it drove him insane.
I didn’t figure she’d tell everyone what we did after I snapped his neck, whispered Cole’s voice as he slid behind the wheel of the car he’d take back to headquarters.
What did you do? What did she let you do to her? Avery thought.
And then he tried not to think it. Because he wasn’t sure he wanted the answer.
He knew the answer, anyway. He knew.
Of course he knew.
When Cole had been locked up in headquarters, Dana had been sneaking down to see him, ostensibly to question him about a case. Somehow, during at least one of those sessions, she’d ended up topless with the bastard.
So, if Dana was willing to go that far when they were in headquarters, then it would have been nothing for her to take the matter to its conclusion far away from everyone else, in Cole’s own house.
But she wasn’t mated to him anymore, protested a voice in his head.
That was why he didn’t want to think about it. The biggest reason why, anyhow.
He didn’t want to think about Dana letting that bastard screw her. He definitely didn’t like the thought of that. Not one bit. So, that was bad.
; But it was worse to think about the fact that they hadn’t been mated when she did it.
“So, I won’t think about it,” he said out loud. He gripped the steering wheel, stared straight ahead, reached down, and turned on the radio full blast.
The car shot down the road, rolling between vast green fields of crops.
She wanted him even though they weren’t mated, whispered a voice in his head.
“Shut up,” he muttered.
He didn’t like to think of her wanting him at all. But as long as she’d only done it because of some weird, wolf-pack thing, it was tolerable. Because then she hadn’t really meant to do it. She wasn’t really responsible. She was a victim.
But if she’d done it of her own free will, without the push of the animal within her?
Well, that was infinitely more disturbing.
It meant that Dana had genuine feelings for Cole. Well, genuine lust, anyway.
How could she do that? How could she be attracted to him? He was a murderer. He’d captured her. He’d mutilated her. Avery had seen the angry scar on her stomach. He’d felt her cringe away from him when he’d accidentally brushed it.
It wasn’t normal or healthy to consent to sexual activity with the man like that.
It meant that there was something sort of, well, wrong with her.
But that wasn’t the worst part of thinking that she’d had sex with Cole.
The worst part was that it meant that his own feelings for her—his own lust—might not be caused by the wolf either.
Dana wasn’t an alpha anymore. Cole had told him that.
Avery still wanted her.
He couldn’t see her, of course. Maybe if they were close, he’d lose his attraction to her. Maybe he had to smell it on her or something before the feelings would go away.
But Avery wasn’t sure he believed that.
He was thinking that the way he felt about her wasn’t going to go away.
Which meant that he was falling for a woman that would consent to sleep with Cole Randall—who embodied everything that Avery hated. And that situation made him sick to his stomach.
* * *
Bad Moon Rising (Cole and Dana) Page 13