by Lisa Olsen
I’d managed to shock him, but he recovered quickly, his face shuttering closed again. “What you going on about now? I’m not on drugs.”
“I saw you.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I saw you meet with that dealer in the parking garage. I saw you take something.” I held his gaze, daring him to deny it. It was so tempting to catch hold of his will with mine and compel the answer from him, and I had to force myself not to when he shook his head.
“That wasn’t drugs, you nit,” he snorted and if I hadn’t seen it with my own two eyes, I might’ve believed him. “What were you doing there at that time of night anyway?”
Uh oh. “It’s not important. What was it then if it wasn’t drugs? I saw you give him money.”
“So what if I did? I bought stims is all, nothing wrong with that.”
That brought me up short. “Have you been taking stims this whole time?” I gaped at him, the pieces clicking into place. No wonder he was so jittery and agitated all the time. “Rob, that’s not good for you. They’re not designed for long term use.”
“You’re making more of this than there is. I ain’t mainlining heroin, I need a pick me up from time to time is all.”
“From time to time or every day?” He avoided my gaze and I chased after him. “Rob, are you taking stims every day?”
“It’s not that big of a deal, I can handle it.”
Of course he was able to stay up so late and get up so early. It wasn’t his special metabolism at all. “Why would you do that? There’s nothing so important you’d need to risk your health like that to carve out a couple extra hours in your night.”
“Easy for you to say, you ain’t the one being put to bed like an infant,” he snorted. “How else am I to keep up with all the demands put on me? How else am I to keep up my strength?”
“What demands? Rob, if setting up the business is putting that much pressure on you, then forget it. Nothing’s more important to me than you.” I reached up to touch his cheek, but he shook his head, pulling away from my hand.
“I ain’t a quitter. You’re counting on this and I ain’t about to let you down.”
I could see he wasn’t about to give it up no matter how much I insisted I’d rather have him healthy and whole than the security business. “Fine, how about you lean on Lee a little more then? Let him pick up some of the slack.”
“Lee don’t know his arse from his elbow when it comes to business,” he scowled. “He’s been less than useless.”
“Okay, but that doesn’t mean you have to do it all yourself. Maybe the three of us should sit down and hammer out a workable plan? I know he’s worried about you and what you’re going through. He said you’ve been afraid of something. Can you tell me what it is?”
Just like that his anger kicked up a notch again. “Afraid? What kind of bollocks is that?”
“He only meant…”
Rob grabbed me by the arms, fingers digging into my flesh. “I don’t need you broadcasting my private business to the world. It’s none of his fucking business what I do.”
I ignored the pain, trying to talk him down from another stim-fueled outburst. It was obvious he wasn’t in full control of his emotions anymore. “He only said it because he cares about you. We all care about you,” I said gently.
Instead of being soothed, Rob gripped me by the throat with bruising strength, his words erupting in a snarl. “Don’t you go on talking to others about something you know nothing about.”
My eyes flew wide in shock more than anything else. Sure, it hurt, but the act itself hurt more than any physical pain. I wasn’t a delicate flower though, and my hand shot up to grasp his wrist, hard enough to make him let go. Before I had a chance to ask him what the hell he was thinking, he staggered back, his face crumpled in agony that had nothing to do with my hold on his arm.
“What have I done?” he breathed, fear creeping into his voice. Looking down at his trembling hands, he backed away, too heartsick to look at me.
All of this happened in the space of a few heartbeats and as soon as I could draw in a full breath I started toward him. “Rob, it’s okay.”
“No, it fucking hell ain’t.” He turned and fled down the stairs and I could guess what he was doing from the racket he made in the closet.
“You’re leaving?” I asked from the doorway, watching him toss a few clothes into his black duffel.
“I need to go.”
“That’s not what I want. Now that everything’s out in the open, we can start to fix this.”
He shoved his clothes in so roughly I thought he might tear a hole in the canvas bag. “I can’t be around you when I’m so out of control. What if I’d hurt you?”
“But you didn’t,” I said softly, moving slowly, the way I’d approach a wounded animal.
“But I could’ve.”
“But you didn’t,” I insisted, stilling his hands with mine. “Running away won’t solve anything.”
“You’re right, a stake though the heart might be a better solution,” he muttered, looking away and I dipped to meet his gaze.
“Hey, don’t even talk like that. Look, you got yourself into trouble, don’t make it worse by refusing to accept help.”
His hazel eyes swung up to meet mine, hooded with remorse. “How can you say that after how I done you wrong?”
“Because I happen to love you. And I claimed you, remember? That makes you my responsibility.”
“You didn’t choose this.”
“I chose you. All of you.” I pulled him down to sit beside me on the bed. “And I’m not running away at the first hint of danger. If anything, I’m relieved you’re on stims.”
His brow puckered in confusion. “How can you say that?”
“Like you said, it’s better than mainlining heroin or sleeping with Laveda.”
“Is that what you thought?”
“I didn’t know what to think,” I admitted honestly. “Half the time you were making things up to me with sex, I started to worry what it was you were trying to make up for.”
“I’ve fed from her, but it wasn’t more than that.”
He’d been feeding from Laveda? That was an image I didn’t need pinging around in the back of my brain. I could understand why he’d turn to her if he was in need, her blood would satisfy him more than most, but that didn’t mean I wanted to hear about it. But since we were in the confessing mood… “I should tell you, I had to give Carter some of my blood. He was shot up pretty bad and I only did it to save him. But I swear to you, it wasn’t like it is with us, not at all.”
“Carter’s in town?” he blinked.
“I guess we haven’t had much of a chance to talk lately.”
“Apparently so.” He didn’t seem angry though, just down, his shoulders slumping as he sank down beside me.
“And I’m ready and willing to tell you anything you want to know. All I ask is you do the same. We can’t keep secrets from each other and expect to stay close, that’s as much my fault as it is yours. Just promise me you’ll stay so we can work things out.”
“You’ve so much on your plate already, you don’t need my mess mucking things up.”
“What I need is you. So the sooner we get you back on track, the sooner life smoothes out for both of us.”
Rob was silent for long seconds before he picked up my hand and a tiny knot unfurled in my stomach. “I don’t deserve you,” he said simply.
“Do you love me?” I countered and his head canted to one side.
“Course I do. You know I love you heaps, yeah?”
“Yes, I do. I love you too, that’s all that matters. We’ll get this worked out as long as we don’t forget that.”
“That might be simplifying it a bit. Life ain’t all sparkle wings and faerie stories. Things don’t always go smooth as we’d like.”
“I know, that’s why I want to be here for you. I know you can get past this, I have every faith in you.”
He was the strongest willed man I knew.
Finally, I saw something come into his eyes that’d been lacking this whole time – determination and a spark of hope. “Just knowing you’re still mine gives me more strength than you know.”
“Hey, I’m not that easy to get rid of,” I chuckled. “But to be totally clear here, you’re still mine too, right?”
His forehead came to rest against mine. “I’m yours, for as long as you’ll have me.”
It was music to my ears, and my lips found his in the next instant, making a promise to each other with a gentle kiss. “Then no more talk about running away unless you’re planning on taking me with you, okay?” At his ready nod, my heart soared lighter, daring to try and brighten the mood. “Good, or I’ll have to keep you chained to the bed. Laveda’s already offered to loan me her cuffs again.”
“Laveda talked to you?” Rob bristled, and I inwardly cursed my glib tongue. His moods were still far too erratic for teasing, I could see that now.
“Relax, she kept her promise, she didn’t tell me a thing. Why else do you think I was so full of questions?” He seemed to accept that and I forged on. “Now then. Step one has got to be to stop taking the stims. You can see that, can’t you?”
“Yes,” he agreed with a long drawn out breath.
“So where are they?”
Rob reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out two tiny vials of the bitter milky liquid, depositing them in my outstretched hand.
“Is that all of it?”
“No.” He bent to slip his hand between the mattress and the box spring, pulling out two more. Without being prompted, he went to the closet and retrieved another, handing them all over.
“Thank you,” I said, my hand closing around the glass vials. “Now, we can start by cutting back to half doses and wean you off of it…”
“No, I don’t want them,” he interrupted, his face resolute. “Get rid of it all.”
“Are you sure? It might be bad to quit cold turkey.” I’d stopped all at once, but I hadn’t taken them for nearly as long as he had.
“I’ll manage.”
“Alright then.” I dumped them all out into the bathroom sink and rinsed them for good measure before I tossed them into the trash. Elsewhere in the house I heard Lee come inside and settle in to his bedroom. Rob watched me the whole while, not saying a word even after we returned to the bedroom.
“Don’t worry, we’ll get through this,” I said with an encouraging smile as I sat on the end of the bed.
His hand came up to stroke the bluish marks at my throat from his choking grip, marks I knew would haunt him for far longer than they stayed on my skin.
“If I ever try to hurt you again…”
“You won’t.”
“But if I do, I want you to promise you’ll stop me, no matter what it takes.”
“I won’t need to.”
“You’ve the strength and skill to put me down if needed. Promise me if I ever do you wrong like this again, you’ll…”
“I’ll take care of it,” I stopped him, leaving it vague as to what I’d do if I ever found myself in that position again. As much as I loved Rob, I wouldn’t stay in a relationship that turned abusive. Anyone might make a mistake and snap under the influence, but if he did it again, he wouldn’t have to be the one telling me to go.
“It kills me to think I might’ve…”
“Hey, a cup of blood and I’ll be good as new. It doesn’t even hurt.” It wasn’t him, I got it. The sooner he got off the stims, the sooner I’d have my old Rob back and it would all be in the past.
“Still, I’m so fucking sorry.”
“I know.” I rose to meet his embrace and we clung to each other, finally finding the peace that’d been missing between us those past weeks.
Later we lay in bed together, just holding each other. Without the stims, he fell asleep much earlier than he had been, well before the rise of the sun. There were duties to see to, and my enhanced hearing could pick out the persistent beep of the voicemail reminder on my cell in the study above, but I stayed there with him until I felt the sun’s drugging rays hit the house. For the first time in a long while, I felt confident I’d wake to find him lying there by my side and I wouldn’t have had it any other way.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Not only was Rob by my side when I woke up, he stayed asleep for hours after sunset, only waking to shuffle into the kitchen for a mug of blood and a kiss before going back to bed. I figured it was to be expected and tried not to worry overmuch. With as long as he’d been burning the candle at both ends, I figured the rest would do him more good than anything else. Still, I decided to work from home, wanting to be there in case he needed me.
Besides, I had other worries to occupy me, as I woke to an anxious voicemail from my mother about Hanna. It seemed my sister had been ignoring her calls and never seemed to be available at work. Ordinarily I’d take that as par for the course, Hanna was always better than I was at avoiding those nosy calls. But seeing as how my own communication with her was hit and miss lately, I decided it couldn’t hurt to reach out to her again.
The call went straight to voicemail and before I sent her a text, I scrolled down in my contact to send one to Mason instead. Have you talked to Hanna lately?
To my surprise, my phone rang instead of chimed with a text, Mason’s silly grin lighting up the display. “No, not really. Why? Is she in trouble?” he fired off right out of the gate before I could even say hello.
“No, nothing like that. She’s just been radio silent lately and I wondered if there was anything I should know about. She’s still not talking to you much either, huh?” It broke my heart to see them both so heartsick for each other and no reconciliation in sight.
“Nope, it’s still icicle city over here. Do you think I should do something about it? Like… show up with a truckload of teddy bears while she’s at work and stick them in all of her cupboards and stuff like that?”
“Hm, I think invading her home turf is probably a bad idea. Maybe you should start with sending her one teddy bear in the mail?”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right. Thanks for the advice, sis. I gotta go kill bad guys now.”
“No killing!” I reminded him and he gave a guilty chuckle.
“Right, of course not. Figure of speech.”
I wanted to say something about Carter and his peoples’ hunt for him, but decided to stay out of it. Mason knew my feelings where the hunter was concerned, and I knew my wishes didn’t carry that much weight in the Order. “Okay, thanks for calling. I’ll let you know how things go with Hanna once I get a hold of her.”
I sent Hanna a text next. You can’t keep avoiding us all. Call me.
Busying myself with the correspondence Maggie had set on my desk, it took me a while to get to my email. I hadn’t gotten one from Bishop in a while, but there was one from Jakob mentioning a small transfer to my personal account, along with the login information for a new, separate offshore account he’d set up with the bulk of Lodinn’s estate.
Checking my own account balance first, I noticed an extra hundred thousand dollars in there. Holy catweasels… That was a small transfer? With trembling hands I clicked on the other link he’d sent, entering in my new account number and password. I stared stupidly at the figure I found there, having trouble translating all those zeros into a number that made sense. It completely boggled my mind. How could one person have such an obscene amount of money? I’d thought Maggie’s inheritance was sizable, but this... I could probably buy my own island and populate it with genetically engineered animal servants if I wanted to.
Maggie found me an hour later, unmoved from where I’d been staring out the window.
“Is something wrong?” she asked, when I didn’t acknowledge her presence in any way.
“I don’t know. I mean, no, it’s not we’re all in terrible danger wrong, but it’s… it’s still troubling.”
“What is it?” she asked, settling in
to the chair across from me. “Maybe I can help.”
“How did you feel about inheriting Marcus’ money?”
“I felt awkward about it, to say the least. Like I said, I’d never asked for nor expected him to do such a thing, and I felt I didn’t deserve it. But then I started to think he’d wanted me to have that freedom, as you said. I haven’t actually touched most of it yet, but I suppose I feel… comforted by it now.”
I nodded, glad she’d been able to come to embrace it. “How do you think you’d feel if it was Jasper’s money you’d inherited? After all the awful things he did to you, would it sour that money for you?”
Her features settled into a determined look. “No, I’d consider it my due after all he put me through.”
“Really?” I blinked, surprised by her answer. “It wouldn’t bother you at all?”
“No, I’d enjoy spending every last penny. Particularly on things I know he’d hate the most. Why?” Her pretty featured clouded in confusion. “That money was from Marcus’ estate, wasn’t it?”
“Oh yes, of course it was. That’s not why I was asking. I found out that Jakob transferred practically a googolplex of money to me from Lodinn’s estate.”
“And that’s a bad thing?”
“No, I guess not. I just feel weird about it. Part of me doesn’t want to have anything to do with it because every time I use it I’ll think of him. I don’t want to keep living in the past.”
“But you’d think of defeating him, that has to be a good memory.”
“That’s part of it. But then I think of how my sister is still suffering because of him and I don’t want to touch it.”
“Perhaps it’s your sister who could benefit from the money if she was wronged the most?”
“If there was a way for me to pass it along to Hanna, I would.” But I knew she’d never take it if she suspected it ever belonged to Lodinn. It set me to thinking though. “I could try and find a creative way to funnel some of it to Hanna and maybe to Rob. There has to be a way to put some of it to good use. Maybe I can establish a fund for his victims?”