“I’m okay,” he said out of habit.
“You know what I think?” She ran her finger down the center of his chest. “I think you’re so used to shutting off this part of yourself that you’re not even sure if you’re okay with it or not.”
“I thought you were a teacher, not a psychologist.” He kissed her again, thinking about what she’d said. “I guess you’re right. I’m used to keeping my feelings about work to myself, or sharing them with Jon when we’re at the breaking point. I’ve never had anyone else to share those feelings with.” He ran his fingers through the ends of her hair. “I’ve never been with anyone like you before.”
“You’re always willing to talk to me about my feelings and about my past. I want you to feel the same freedom with me.”
“You’re right. Let’s anchor and we’ll break out that bottle of wine I brought and talk.”
As Cole anchored the boat and settled it for the evening, Leesa went down below to retrieve a blanket and the wine. They cuddled up on the bench beneath the starry sky with their wine.
They talked about his meeting and the frustrations that grew out of seeing such a clear and easy path to a patient’s recovery not being followed because of roadblocks such as overbearing parents or, with adult patients, fear of treatment or worries over needing time off from work to recuperate. As he spoke, he felt weight lift from his shoulders, and with that lifting came a modicum of guilt.
“I didn’t realize how much I’ve been keeping inside, but I also don’t want you to be a dumping ground for my irritation about work,” he admitted.
“I don’t feel like you’re dumping on me at all. When you’re in a relationship, you can’t just share the good things, or when something bad happens, there’s no foundation, no building blocks of smaller frustrations to learn and grow from. There’s not enough strength to support it.”
“Is that what happened with you and Chris?” he asked. He’d wondered what their relationship had been like. He couldn’t imagine a day without Leesa, and the thought of a man dating her for almost two years without making her his own with a ring and a wedding date was incomprehensible enough, but to leave her during such a traumatic time in her life? That was unforgivable.
“I had a long time to think about that when I was in Towson. We had it pretty easy, without any real hardships to speak of, and even though we were both teachers, we basically lived separate lives. It was easy, convenient. We didn’t talk about work, and after being with you, I realize that we didn’t talk about much, really. It sounds like a shallow relationship, but when we were dating, it didn’t feel that way. We started as friends, and I don’t think I ever realized that there was no passion between us. One night he asked me out, and we were friends, so I said yes. After that it became comfortable, and I know this sounds bad, but I didn’t have any point of reference to fall back on. I had never felt passionate about a man before the way I do with you. Remember, there was just me and my dad, so I never saw my father shower a woman with affection. Well, besides me, I guess, but that was a father-daughter relationship, not a lover. And when my friends would talk about their stomachs quivering or their heads spinning over guys, I just figured that I didn’t have that with Chris because we were friends first.”
She gazed into his eyes and knew that even if she had felt passion for Chris, it wouldn’t have been anything like what she felt with Cole.
“I never knew that anything could feel as powerful and all consuming as this does until us, either.” He pulled her in closer. “I’m not used to sharing the details of my workdays, so if you ever feel like I’m shutting you out, please tell me. I never want to do anything that makes you feel unimportant, because, Leesa, you’ve already become the most important part of my life.”
She looked at him through her thick eyelashes with so much love that he felt his insides go soft.
“If ever there was a perfect moment, it is right here, right now.” Cole kissed her. She tasted of sweet wine and hot desire. The blood from his head rushed south. It was always like this with Leesa when they were close. He intended to talk, but the minute their mouths came together, he wanted to touch, to taste, to devour her.
She kissed him hungrily, and he broke the kiss just long enough to set their wineglasses to the side. When he gathered her in his arms again, an invitation beckoned in the smoldering depths of her eyes. Every time he saw that look, his heart turned over in his chest, and he knew that feeling would grow only more intense with every minute they spent together.
“I feel like we have years to make up for,” he said before snaking his hand around to the back of her head and taking her in another deep kiss that opened the cap on his desire and sent it surging forth. Her hand fell to his thigh, squeezing as it inched higher.
His tongue swept over the seam of her lips as she opened to him. He traced the swell of her lower lip, over the sweet bow of her, earning a sexy sigh before claiming her mouth again. The way she clung to him, kissing him like she never wanted to stop, taking his breaths as her own and arching against him, spurred him on. He loved knowing what his kisses did to this overly cautious woman. His hands slid beneath her skirt, and he lifted her onto his lap. She straddled him effortlessly, gazing into his eyes, so beautiful in the moonlight, a rosy blush on her cheeks, her eyes heavy with desire.
“Leese,” he said as she ground against his arousal. “I’m falling hard for you. So hard.” He rocked his hips to emphasize his point, earning a sweet giggle as her head fell back and she opened up to him.
He fumbled with the buttons on her shirt, getting frustrated because his thick fingers were no match for the tiny buttons. He tore them open, sending the buttons pebbling against the deck. They both laughed, their eyes connected, and in the next breath, carnal need took over. He pushed her blouse off and tossed her bra to the deck, filling his palms with her luscious breasts and lowering his mouth to them. He sucked hard, and she cried out, digging her nails into his shoulders as he moaned with pleasure.
“I love your breasts, your body. You’re incredible,” he said as he lavished her other breast with the same attention.
Her hands slid down his biceps, squeezing as he sucked harder and grazed his teeth over her taut nipple. She dropped one hand to his lap, stroking him through his slacks. He tangled a hand in her hair and brought their mouths together again in a demanding kiss as she worked his zipper and set his erection free. She sucked his tongue into her mouth, driving him out of his fucking mind, then pulled abruptly back, her eyes dark as a river.
Without a word she slid from his lap to the deck and hooked her hands in the waistband of his pants, tugging them down. He lifted his hips, helping her take them down past his knees. She licked her palm, and her eyes locked on him in an erotic dance of seduction. She wrapped that hand around his cock and squeezed before stroking him slow and tight. His head fell back as she lowered her mouth to him, and he had to look. Had to see her. The sight of her lips wrapped around him, her hand stroking him, just about pulled him over the edge. He couldn’t help fisting his hands in her silky hair and guiding her efforts as she licked and sucked and blew his fucking mind.
“Leese. Stop. I’m going to come.”
She grinned, her lips curling around his shaft, her eyes filled with wickedness. She held his stare as she quickened her efforts, taking him so deep the sensitive tip of his rigid length bumped the back of her throat. Seeing her love him with her hand and mouth, her breasts bare, her hair framing her beautiful face, stole the last shred of his control.
“Leese,” he warned.
She brought her other hand into play, perfecting her actions as she stroked his balls, squeezing just hard enough to make him come unglued. His hips bucked and—holy fucking hell—she didn’t slow, didn’t pause, just drank in everything he had to give. When the last of his orgasm pulsed through him, she swirled her tongue over his glistening head and then licked his shaft clean.
He sank down to his knees in front of her, gazing into her lu
st-laden eyes.
“You own me,” he whispered as he laid her gently on her back and loved her in the same eager way she’d loved him. Bringing her pleasure over and over again, tasting her desire, feeling it in the intensity of her release, until they were both too spent to move. And there beneath the moonlight, with the sounds of the sea surrounding them and the scents of their lovemaking hovering in the air, Cole felt his heart become hers. It wasn’t fast and hard or shocking and scary. It was an effortless filling of his soul, a lifting of his emotions, and a complete and utter surrender.
Chapter Sixteen
SATURDAY BROUGHT BRIGHT skies and a shift in the energy between Cole and Leesa. She’d felt things changing between them over the past week, but out on the water all alone, without the world breathing down her back or the threat of a stranger saying something that would dredge up her past, she was finally able to take a step back and see their relationship more clearly. Feel it more deeply. She was falling in love with him, and he was falling in love with her. She’d never fallen in love with Chris, and she had no measure of love beyond that which she felt for her father and closest friends.
This was stronger. Bolder. More present in every movement, every glance, every thought. And it thrilled her and scared the daylights out of her at once.
They were anchored far from the marina, having sailed for much of the morning. They’d just finished lunch and were lying on the deck in their bathing suits. The sun beat down on Cole’s bare chest, bringing his sculpted physique to a delicious bronze color. He propped himself up on one elbow, casting a shadow over her face, and she opened her eyes and smiled at him.
“Hey there,” she said as he came in for a kiss. God, how she loved his kisses. Each and every one was so much more than a peck or a hello or goodbye. Every kiss, even the tender ones, was filled with emotions that were new and exciting, fulfilling and tantalizing. She felt restraint in his kiss the same way she felt it in her own body, because they both knew that when they kissed, it was an easy tumble into an entanglement of their naked bodies. Being intimate with Cole was like nothing she’d ever experienced before. He filled all the places she’d never known were lonely. Not just her heart, but her mind and certainly her soul. This scared her, because he was willing to risk so much for her. He was at the pinnacle of his career in a small town, where everyone loved him, and she worried that he didn’t realize how an accusation could change a person’s life. How being associated with her could change his. She hadn’t realized how a sentence, a handful of words, could change a person’s life either, until she’d gone through it herself.
“Your lips are smiling, but your eyes speak of trouble, my beautiful girlfriend. Care to share your thoughts?”
“How can you be so in tune to me every minute of the day?” She lifted onto her elbow, matching his position and tracing her fingers over the muscle in his arm.
He placed his hand on her hip and clutched her heated skin. His hand was big and strong, and that simple touch made her want to forget her worries, wrap her arms around his neck, and kiss him until the world disappeared again.
“Leese? Talk to me, angel.”
She blinked away the fantasy—for now—and knew she owed him the truth, even though she felt like she’d said it a hundred times already. Somehow that wasn’t enough. It wasn’t just his career on the line. It was his heart—and hers.
“I’ve been thinking about how it feels to be out here with you. It’s magical. Like nothing else exists.”
He tightened his grip on her hip. “And that causes you to look worried?” He moved closer, bringing their thighs together and making it difficult for her to think.
“Yes,” she managed, feeling him getting hard against her. She should just shut up, because telling him the truth would ruin the moment, and she was loving the moment.
“I didn’t know magical was bad. Want me to whip up a squall, or maybe a tidal wave, so you don’t have to enjoy the serenity of the sunshine and the sea on a Saturday afternoon, alone with a guy who adores you?”
She dropped onto her back and sighed. “I feel like you’re putting your life on hold for me. You should be working, or—”
“Lying with the woman who made me realize that I was biding my time until I met her?” He brushed her hair from her shoulder and pressed his lips to the spot he’d bared. “Leese, I want to be here. I told you I work a lot of hours, and you’ve seen that that’s true, but this…being with you, this is what I want. You’re what’s been missing in my life. Is it wrong to want to enjoy us on a Saturday instead of working?”
“Cole.” She didn’t even really know why she was pushing him away, but she couldn’t stop herself.
“Leesa?”
“You shouldn’t put the other parts of your life on hold for me.” She shifted her eyes away, and he drew her chin toward him, forcing her to look at him.
“I’m not putting anything on hold. I’m just starting to live my life. There’s a difference.” His tone was serious, and his eyes pinned her in place, making her heart race.
“Don’t you see, Cole? Out here I’m fine. There’s no one here to worry about, just you and me.”
“Again, I’m not seeing the issue.” He sat up and rested his forearms on his knees.
She sat up beside him, feeling her heart swell and a fissure form. “The issue is that when we’re alone, everything is amazing, but back there.” She pointed toward the harbor. “Back there, my past hovers over every step I take.”
He folded her into his arms, his eyes dark and serious again. “I told you I can handle that. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”
“I believe you. That’s the problem.” She drew in a deep breath. “I can’t let you put your career at risk when I’m carrying so much baggage.” She pulled from his arms so she could see his face more clearly, and she pressed her hands to his cheeks. “I’m falling in love with you, and you don’t put someone you care about in harm’s way.”
“Do you know what it does to me to hear you say that? To know you’re falling as deeply for me as I am for you?” He smiled, and it made her worries deepen.
“I know, but I can’t…”
“What are you saying? You want to break up with me because of what might happen?”
She heard hurt in his voice. “No. I don’t want to break up with you at all. But I think I need to go back to Towson and try to, I don’t know, find some closure. I can’t get Andy out of my head, and if he needs help and doesn’t get it, I’ll never forgive myself if something happens to him.”
Cole’s arms circled her again. “Angel, you had me so worried. I’ll go with you.”
She shook her head. “I thought about this all morning as every breath we took brought us closer together. God, Cole. Another week and I’d be ready to marry you.”
“Again, not seeing an issue here. I’d marry you tomorrow—and I don’t give a rat’s ass if we’ve only known each other for a few days.” He gazed into her eyes and she felt her resolve slipping away. “Leesa, don’t try to tear us apart because of some sense of responsibility. We can figure this out together.”
“I’m not tearing us apart. Or at least I don’t mean to. But I don’t even know if I should, or can, pick up my life and move here.”
He pressed his lips to hers, and she soaked in his strength. In the moment, as their lives seemed to fall into sync so quickly, she knew without a shadow of a doubt what she had to do.
“I have to go back, Cole. I need closure, a resolution beyond the charges being dropped.”
“What more do you hope to accomplish? I’m not sure I understand what you’re seeking. Do you even know what you’re looking for?” He stood and paced, looking devastatingly handsome and hurt, and that made her ache more than she already was at the prospect of leaving.
“To be honest, no. I don’t know what will give me the closure I need. But I know I can’t live like this. Do you know that every time I hear you say my name I long to become Leesa? A waitress withou
t a past?”
“Angel.” He gathered her close again.
She couldn’t stop the tears from slipping down her cheeks. “I miss me, Cole. I miss hearing my name, and I miss teaching. I miss my students. I miss the way they looked up to me, knowing that I was helping them. I miss the girls from the Girl Power group. I miss my life.”
She was sure on some level that probably felt like a dismissal of their feelings, but she couldn’t stop the truth from pouring out. “I miss the freedom of walking around in public without fearing that someone will say, ‘Aren’t you that teacher who…?’” She couldn’t bring herself to finish the sentence.
He held her close and wiped her tears with the pads of his thumbs. “I understand. I’m so sorry. What can I do? How can I keep that fear from taking over?”
She shook her head. “You can’t. I’m not sure anyone can. This is something I need to do. I ran from my past. I packed up a few things and left my life upended back in Towson with the hopes of...God, I don’t even know what I thought when I came here. That a few weeks away would make everyone forget? Or that I could become someone else? I sure as hell never expected to find you.” She lifted her eyes to his, and tears streamed down her cheeks, unstoppable, unwanted, taking a piece of her heart with each warm slide.
He pressed his hands to her cheeks, and she half expected him to tell her good riddance, because she was such a mess. That thought brought more tears, and she pulled from his grasp and buried her face against his chest. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“You don’t have to be sorry. When will you go? How long will you be gone?” He held her so tight that she knew this was killing him as much as it was hurting her.
“I don’t know. As long as it takes, I guess. I need to talk to your parents to see when they can do without me at Mr. B’s. God, I feel so bad for doing this to them, to you.” She slammed her eyes closed against the truth. “To us.”
Surrender My Love (Love in Bloom: The Bradens): Cole Braden Page 16