Perhaps I was getting used to them after all. Then a suspicion reasserted itself. Maybe it wasn’t the pills that had been making me sleep. Perhaps it was something else entirely?
Consumed with doubt again I sat up in bed. Why wasn’t the pill working? Then I remembered – Tom had left me water on each occasion I had taken a tablet. Perhaps he had added something else?
Panic surged up inside me along with that sickening nausea that accompanied it. I was unsure what to do. I couldn’t trust anyone. Tom could be very persuasive and I had no doubt he had given Tina a very reasoned argument as to why we had problems. Maybe he’d even laid all the blame my way in order to ensure her help. It didn’t matter either way. I now couldn’t confide in her.
The urge to run was strong. But I knew I couldn’t go anywhere that night, just in case the medication did suddenly kick in.
I got out of bed and crossed the room to the dressing table. There I picked up my mobile phone and looked at it. Who could I call? I had to tell someone how I was feeling. I thought about Valentina, but realized that was impossible. Rufus’s loyalty was to Tom and so would hers be. I’d have to tell her everything or she would think I was losing my mind. The twists and turns of my life went back too far and I couldn’t share that shame with anyone.
Then I thought of Becki. I hadn’t spoken to her since we had been at Paula’s flat, though I’d sent her a text telling her about Melody being ill.
I dialled her number as I sat down at the dresser.
‘Hey,’ she said. ‘Hadn’t heard from you in a while. How’s Melody now?’
‘She’s better … Becki I …’
‘What’s wrong?’ she asked.
I told her about Tom’s ‘surprise’.
‘And now he’s gone, suddenly my pills aren’t making me sleepy.’
‘Charlotte,’ she said, ‘Tom can’t be trusted. What if he’s been slipping you Rohypnol?’
‘No. It couldn’t be that, I just crashed asleep each time.’
‘No memory loss?’
‘Just sleep. Waking groggy. That’s all.’
‘I can’t believe he tricked you into moving there,’ she said. ‘Every move he makes is just … creepy.’
I couldn’t disagree. Even groping me in the purple dress had been too intense.
‘I’m feeling a little tired now,’ I said. ‘Maybe the meds are working.’
‘Try and sleep. But call me tomorrow,’ she said.
I hung up but brought the phone to the bedside. Then I climbed back into bed. I was sleepy now, but nothing near the dramatic ‘blacking out’ of the previous few nights.
I closed my eyes and drifted down.
Then, I thought I heard a movement. Someone was in the bedroom. I tried to open my eyes, but the medication was doing its job now. I fell into an anxious dream, where I was convinced Tom had come back to the Manor, late at night, and was standing over the bed watching me. In the dream I yelled at him to leave me alone. But Tom remained silent, frowning, intense and utterly terrifying.
Chapter Forty-Nine
The next day I woke feeling more clearheaded than other mornings. The residue of the dream left me with a vague discomfort and phobia. But I knew it was just stress and was all in my imagination.
I texted Becki to say I was okay.
If you have any doubts, you should leave, she replied. Glad you’re OK xx
I pulled on my robe and went into Melody’s room. She was awake but playing with her hands. I stared down at her. My beautiful girl was so sweet and innocent, so oblivious to all the turmoil in her mother’s life. I could tear her away from her home but on what basis? Had Tom drugged me? If so, why? There was no motive. He had me there, sleeping beside him. I’d even had sex with him.
Perhaps I was paranoid and just reading into things. In the cold light of day my panic the night before seemed ridiculous. As for the antidepressants it was more than likely that my body was just getting used to the medication.
Tina came in the room, fully dressed and ready to work.
‘She never woke,’ she said. ‘She’s such a good baby.’
‘I guess now her illness is settled she’s catching up on sleep,’ I said.
‘Did you sleep well?’ she asked.
‘Yes. Took a while.’
‘I expect you’re missing Tom,’ she said.
I nodded then picked Melody up and held her close.
‘My beautiful girl,’ I whispered, kissing her forehead.
I looked up to see Tina smiling at me.
‘Everything’s going to be okay, Charlotte,’ she said. ‘You already seem so much happier here.’
I didn’t correct her, but I let her take Melody and left them, while I returned to my room to shower and change.
Tom rang me later and I had to ask, ‘Did you come back here? Late last night?’
‘No, of course not,’ he said. ‘What’s this all about? Are you okay?’
I didn’t answer his question and found an excuse to hang up instead. It had to have been a dream, but it was so vivid: I’d been certain someone had been in my room.
The days passed quickly as we all settled into a routine at the Manor. I registered at a local gym. I went out shopping locally with Tina and Melody and we bought Tom’s toiletries for the Manor. Then on Friday, I took the train into London and made my way to Louise Clark’s office for our agreed meeting.
At her offices I was hurried in ahead of schedule.
‘I had a cancellation,’ she said. ‘How are you? How have the pills been?’
‘Tom surprised me with a sudden move to Surrey,’ I said. I was blunt because I wanted to see how she reacted.
‘He what?’
I told her how the week had panned out.
‘I suppose you didn’t know he planned this?’ I said.
She was frowning. ‘I would have advised against such a sudden change. Especially going back to the Manor. With his history there.’
I was quiet for a moment, then I said, ‘The pills have been okay. They made me very tired at first but that’s settled down.’
‘That can happen. What about your anxiety?’ she asked.
‘Tom’s been in London all week. He comes back for the weekend this evening. I haven’t been anxious much in his absence.’
‘Oh good. Then the medication is working,’ she said ignoring the obvious reason for my lack of anxiety. ‘I’d like to keep you on them a little longer.’
I took the next prescription and waited for her to ask another question.
‘So how are you and Tom getting along now?’
‘He’s been in touch every day, obviously. I’m a little nervous about his return. We had sex last weekend. I … couldn’t say no.’
‘Charlotte, you must say no if you don’t want to. That’s important for his therapy and for yours. Tom recognizes that he is … controlling at times. It’s important that you fight your corner with him. Do you understand?’
It could have been my imagination, but I wondered if Louise was trying to tell me something else. I studied her face, but her expression was blank and gave nothing away.
‘I can’t see you again,’ she said. ‘But I’ll recommend someone to you.’
‘Why?’ I said.
‘It’s okay for me to help a couple in joint therapy but in this case, I feel you should both have separate treatment.’
‘Okay,’ I said. ‘I only came because Tom wanted me to speak to you.’
‘That’s what I mean, Charlotte. You have to start doing what you want. Not just what Tom does.’
I left her offices and made my way out onto the street. There I found Stefan and Tom waiting with the limo.
‘I thought I’d surprise you, darling,’ Tom said.
Of course – he had known I would be here.
‘Stefan will drive us home together and we’ll be back in time for afternoon tea.’
‘Good morning, Stefan,’ I said.
‘Mrs C …’ he nodded.
> Tom’s chauffeur no longer met my eyes; instead, he kept them turned down as though he had to examine his shoes for blemishes. I don’t know why but his refusal to look at me made me wonder if Tom talked to him about our problems. It didn’t seem likely but the thought made me uncomfortable.
Tina was already packed for her weekend in London when we arrived home.
‘Stefan’s heading back now,’ Tom said. ‘He’ll drop you at the flat.’
‘See you Sunday, Charlotte,’ she said as I took Melody from her.
‘Have a nice break,’ I said.
I put Melody in her pram for her afternoon nap, and then I wheeled her through the hallway and down to the kitchen. The house was huge to me still and I wondered if I would ever get used to being there. Despite the years of living in a two-bedroom apartment in London, Tom was perfectly at home there. I supposed that was because I had never been brought up in such ostentatious surroundings and didn’t take them for granted as Tom did. Beyond being pleased with the new decor, I doubt he even noticed the splendour of his childhood home.
Afternoon tea was waiting for us both as we entered the kitchen. We sat down at the large rustic table and Sara served us hot tea, smoked salmon sandwiches, scones with butter, jam and thick whipped cream and there was also a selection of cakes to choose from. It was an overwhelming amount of food.
Sara left us alone, and Tom reached across the table to hold my hand.
‘I missed you,’ he said.
I smiled at him but didn’t respond.
‘Melody’s grown too!’
‘She’s much more alert now,’ I said, ‘and I think the smiles aren’t just wind anymore.’
Tom laughed. ‘She changes by the week at the moment.’
Sara came back into the kitchen.
‘I’m going now if there’s nothing else?’
‘That’s fine,’ said Tom. ‘We’ll see you Sunday evening.’
I’d expected Tina to go away for the weekend but not Sara, even if she was off duty.
I tensed up when I realized that Tom and I would be alone for two nights again.
‘Just think,’ he said as though reading my mind, ‘we’ll have this place all to ourselves.’
‘What about the groundskeeper?’ I said.
‘Old Freddie has gone to visit a friend. He does take the occasional weekend off, and we rarely see him even if he’s around.’
‘Oh,’ I said.
‘How did it go with Louise?’ he asked.
‘Fine.’
‘More pills?’ he asked.
‘She did give me another prescription.’
‘Another week’s worth until she sees you again no doubt,’ said Tom.
‘I’m not seeing her again.’
Tom put down his sandwich and sat back in his chair. ‘Charlotte, I thought we agreed to give this a shot.’
‘You don’t understand. She said she can’t see me again as she’s treating you.’
Tom frowned. ‘But I agreed with her that it was okay.’
‘She has obviously changed her mind. She thinks it would be unethical.’
Tom sipped his tea and nibbled his sandwich. He was very quiet.
‘Darling, just excuse me a moment, I have just remembered I have some work to do. A couple of phone calls to make. Then I’m all yours for the weekend.’
He kissed me, then went off to the Manor office in the west wing. It occurred to me then that I’d been in the house a week and hadn’t even looked in the office. Or thought about tending to the expenses.
The Manor’s expenses had been shifted temporarily to the finance office at Carlisle Corp while we hadn’t been there. Yet, if I was living in the house, I knew I should be taking on the duties that Mrs Tanner had taught me. At least until we found a new housekeeper. Instead I’d been leaving most of the running of the estate to Sara without thinking. No wonder she wanted to get out of there for the weekend! She must have been exhausted.
I tidied up the plates, putting the cakes and scones away and covering the remaining sandwiches with foil. I put them in the fridge with the intention that we’d eat them later.
Pushing Melody’s pram I made my way over to the office to see if Tom was finished and to take a look at the estate emails, just in case there was something I needed to attend to.
As I approached, I saw that the office door was open and I could hear Tom having a heated debate with someone on the phone.
‘I told you what I wanted, and this does not help me in the slightest!’
The call ended as I reached the office door.
‘I need to check the emails,’ I said.
‘Leave it,’ he said abruptly. ‘It’ll still be there in the morning. Let’s go for a walk.’
He took over pushing Melody’s pram and we went back towards the kitchen and into the grounds through the back door while I followed.
***
Tom was a little distant that evening. I was sure it was my fault. I must have said or done something wrong, but couldn’t pinpoint what it was. He cheered up when he spent time with Melody though, and enjoyed feeding her before her final change.
‘She’s adorable, Char,’ he said. ‘I love her so much.’
‘Me too,’ I said.
Our daughter was delightful. It was the only thing I was certain we both agreed on.
Eventually I took Melody upstairs, bathed and changed her, and sat in the nursery until she drifted off to sleep with the musical, animal mobile slowly spinning above her cot. Then I went downstairs and joined Tom in the huge lounge.
He was sitting in one of the chairs by the fire. As I passed his chair in order to go to the one next to him, he pulled me onto his lap and wrapped his arms around me. Then he cuddled me to him. I rested my head on his shoulder and tried to relax.
‘Are you hungry?’ I asked after a while. ‘I can fetch the sandwiches and some cake.’
‘Okay. I’ll find us something nice to drink,’ said Tom heading towards the wine cellar.
I went off to the kitchen, returning shortly with the tray of food, which I placed on the coffee table.
Tom had already uncorked the wine and he held out a glass to me.
I took it and sat down, opposite him now.
We ate, and then finished the bottle of wine. After that Tom took my hand and led me upstairs to our room.
‘I need you, Char,’ he said. ‘But Louise told me to let you lead everything.’
I was trembling as I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth. It was ridiculous that the thought of having sex with my husband of twelve years would strike such terror in my heart. When I came out of the bathroom, I found a glass of water and my jar of pills by the bed.
‘I think we should just cuddle,’ Tom said. He was already in bed.
I went into the walk-in wardrobe and pulled a nightgown from one of the drawers. Then I took my clothes off in there and changed.
I came into the bedroom and got into bed. Tom held out the water and pill to me. I couldn’t really refuse without revealing that I was nervous of drinking water he’d brought me.
I took the pill, swallowing it with the least amount of water I could.
Then Tom pulled me to him and wrapped his arms around me. Within moments I was feeling woozy, unlike every time I’d taken the medication when Tom wasn’t around.
‘No … you’ve …’ My words were slurring.
‘Sleep, Charlotte,’ Tom said. ‘I’ll watch over you.’
***
He’s definitely drugging me!
I woke with this thought in my head, even as I stumbled blearily from the bed and into the bathroom. I was nauseous too. I splashed water on my face, then came back into the bedroom. Then I noticed Tom wasn’t in the bed.
I picked up my phone and checked the time. It was 6.30 in the morning and the room was still quite dark, with no light peeping around the curtains. I turned on the bedside lamp, and then I noticed that Tom’s side of the bed didn’t appear to have been slept in.
I glanced back to my side, and saw that Melody’s monitor wasn’t there.
I pulled on a robe and left the room, hurrying down to the nursery.
I opened the door and found Tom fast asleep in a chair with a blanket thrown over his legs. I checked in the cot and found Melody asleep and well.
I put my hand on Tom’s shoulder and shook him gently. He jerked awake.
‘Charlotte?’
‘Why are you here?’
‘She was restless. I was worried. And you were so fast asleep …’
‘Tom. What did you put in my water?’
‘Your water? What do you mean?’
‘Every evening when you weren’t here, the pills only made me a little drowsy and not straight away. You drugged me, didn’t you?’
‘Good God! Why would I do that?’
‘I don’t know, but you did it.’
‘Charlotte. Have you heard yourself? That’s insane?’
‘So is drugging your wife.’
‘I swear to you I didn’t!’
Melody began to cry a little. I glanced in at her. It was half-hearted and her eyes were screwed up in sleep.
Tom was on his feet when I looked back at him.
‘Charlotte …’ he reached for me.
‘Don’t touch me.’
Tom went away and left me in the nursery with Melody. A few moments later he came back holding his mobile phone out to me.
‘It’s Louise. She wants to talk to you.’
I took the phone.
‘Hello? Charlotte?’
‘Yes,’ I said.
‘What’s wrong? Tom says you’re having a meltdown.’
‘He’s been drugging me,’ I said.
‘Charlotte, explain why you think this?’
I told her about the way the medication had been affecting me, but only when Tom was around.
‘Is there anything you were doing differently just because he’s home?’ she asked.
‘No. Of course not. Though … he might not be putting it in the water, it could be the wine he gave me—’
‘Wine? Charlotte have you taken the pills after alcohol?’
‘Erm …’
The Stranger in Our Bed Page 24