Zoe felt the hair on her arms rise, she willed herself to stay calm and listen.
“Ice continued on, immersing himself in more of the syndicate’s business. I thought I was losing touch with my humanity as Ice became more ruthless.” He stared directly into her eyes, “It was ugly, Zoe.”
She felt her heart break. She tried to swallow, fighting the urge to cry. She nodded her head once for him to continue.
“It was about eight months later that I received word that I should develop an exit strategy. You just don’t disappear. I was watched all of the time. My superiors say that I was lucky because when the time came, I took three bullets and survived.”
“What?” Zoe’s body jerked in surprise. She slid to the edge of the sofa.
He stopped, facing Zoe his body was rigid and his tone demanding. “Did Geno tell you that I had to jump off a two story garage?”
“Oh my God, Tony.” Her voice cracked and she felt her eyes burn with tears.
“It was either that or get dead. I guess Ice didn’t want to die that day. I’m not too sure about Tony, though. I’m not sure I can ever reconcile all that I did with the man I want to be.”
Dear God, this wonderful man was in so much pain.
****
Tony rested his forehead against the coolness of the window pane. His shirt was soaked and he was so tired. Minutes passed, neither spoke. He was afraid to turn and face Zoe, to see the look of horror on her face. He heard her getting up from the sofa. She had been very still during his recitation, focused on his words. He sensed her approach. She gently wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her cheek against his back, comforting him.
Some of the tension melted from his body as they stood in that position. Finally, Zoe took his hand and said quietly said, “Come with me.” He followed docilely.
She slowly undressed him and tucked him into bed. Returning from the kitchen she said, “Here, take the aspirin because you are going to get a killer he headache from the buildup and release of all of those emotions.”
In silence she changed into one of his thermal shirts, used the bathroom, and climbed in bed beside him. She turned into his body and laid her cheek against his chest.
Tony was barely breathing, afraid to say anything that might push her away.
Zoe spoke softly as if she feared she would spook him. “I sense that you worry that Ice is still with you.”
Tony stayed silent, but his body tensed so hard that he felt his muscles contract.
“Those things that he did, the business dealings and beatings, I think you worry that it is still with you. You are afraid that if you don’t tightly leash yourself that Ice will break free. He won’t. He was a part that you played, he isn’t you, Tony. You were immersed in an animalistic world. If you couldn’t acclimate, then you would be dead. It’s a credit to how strong of a man you are that you could adapt and not break.”
He couldn’t form words with so many emotions churning through body. He wanted her to continue so he didn’t pull away.
She rushed to continue.” I know you, and I only see Tony. You are an honorable man. I have had you in my body and it was Tony. Ice is dead. He died when you jumped from that roof. It was Tony who wanted to live. The Ice character you described would have forced a showdown with those men that came that day and he would have gone out in a blaze of gunfire. Dead and soon forgotten. Just another stupid statistic.”
Tony shifted and started to push her away. He couldn’t believe what she was saying. She didn’t get it, deep inside he was a bad man.
Zoe held onto him tightly going nowhere. “No. You need to hear me, Tony. Ice is gone and Tony is here. If you want to make a life with me, you are going to have to let go of Atlanta.” Her grip gentled and she kissed the spot on his chest over his heart.
Tony listened to Zoe’s even breathing, but he couldn’t sleep. He replayed her words over and over, “If you want to make a life with me.” A life with Zoe was all that he wanted. She had listened to his tale of ugliness and violence and wasn’t appalled or afraid of him. She was right. Ice was incapable of feeling love. He had to put Atlanta behind him. He vowed to resume seeing his therapist and talk to Geno and Patty. She was with him and wanted to continue being with him. He had to make sure he kept her safe so that they could start planning for the “us” part. With a deep sigh, Tony drifted off to sleep feeling at peace.
Chapter Thirteen
Zoe’s night had been filled with erotic dreams. She woke early and horny. She slowly moved away from Tony’s warm body, crawling lower under the covers, stroking his golden skin lightly. Leaning in, she took his sleeping cock into her mouth. She licked his length, mesmerized by its texture and the taste. Tony might not be stirring, but his cock knew a wake-up call when one was given. He was getting harder with each stroke of her tongue. She began to massage the skin behind his balls with light strokes of her fingertip. Drawing his sac forward, she opened her mouth wider to suck his balls into the wet heat of her mouth. Tony groaned and threw his legs open giving Zoe greater access to her prize.
Zoe pumped the length of his cock over and over as she kissed the head. She then nibbled on the underside making sure to use just a bit of teeth. She then slid her tongue along the slit.
“Holy Fuck!” Tony exclaimed as his entire body jumped.
“Morning babe,” she greeted cheerfully as she sat up, dislodging the covers from their bodies. She took the opportunity to change positions, burrowing between his thighs. She resumed teasing his cock, turning up the pressure of her sucking, hollowing her cheeks with each up stroke. She could feel his body respond and knew that he wouldn’t last much longer.
Remembering to breathe through her nose, she slowly eased his cock deeper into her mouth. As the head nudged the back of her throat, she ordered her muscles to relax as she swallowed. Tony’s hips rocked forward gently as she deep throated his cock, giving her time to become used to the feel. She sensed that he was holding back, gentling his thrusts. She scraped her nails along his thighs signaling that she wanted more. His thrusts became shorter with a more desperate rhythm. Zoe hummed her approval and moved her hands to grasp his hips, hoping to force him deeper. With a roar, Tony held Zoe’s head tightly to him as his pulsing cock poured come into her mouth. Zoe swallowed each mouthful.
“Damn, Zoe. That is a fine way to start the day,” he told her when he got his breath back. “Now scoot up here so I can kiss that sexy mouth.”
She moved slowly and gave a very satisfied smile as her tongue circled her lips making sure she did not miss a drop of his cum.
They finally got out of bed and then made love in the shower. Zoe made her way to the kitchen for coffee when she heard Tony’s cell ringing in the bathroom. A few moments later he entered, taking the cup of coffee she offered. “That was Patty.”
“Is everything all right?” Geno had been checking in daily, with Patty sometimes joining in. However she rarely initiated a call on her own.
“Yeah, she wants to meet us at a hotel in Bloomington, have a Couples Weekend. We can have some fun, sample the restaurants and maybe catch a band. If you are willing, she offered to take your stitches out, but only if you trust her.”
Zoe couldn’t read Tony’s expression. “Do you want to go?”
“It would be a change of scenery, and Geno could bring us some supplies.”
“What kind of supplies? I thought we have everything we need.”
“Cash. I’m running low and don’t want to use an ATM in the area.”
“Oh, I didn’t think about that. Do I need to get money for us to use? I don’t know how to ask that without making it sound like I’m asking if you have enough money to support us...” No that didn’t sound right either, she had not given a thought to where the cash that Tony spent was coming from. Anxious to qualify her statement, she forged on, “Not that I expect you to support us. Damnit, I’m making a mess of this.” She gave him a pleading look, hoping he would understand what she was attempting to s
ay. She needed to discuss money with Tony, hers and where he was getting his.
“You are so cute when you are trying not to step on my toes.” Tony tweaked her nose. “I know you have money, babe. Geno will probably charge this against your account, so don’t worry about it right now.”
It wasn’t until this moment that she realized that Tony had paid cash for everything. She had allowed that to happen without a thought. “In fact, I should pay you for all of your work and your time, or would that offend you?”
“For now I’m fine. I have money saved. I’ll need to get a job sometime, especially if I go back to school.” He signaled that it was the end of the money discussion by pulling his out his phone. “So are we heading to Bloomington or not, babe?”
“Getting away sounds fun, plus I would like to get my stitches out. I wonder if the hotel has a washer and dryer. We need to do laundry.” Zoe started to list what she needed for the overnight trip in her head.
“I was hoping for a room with cable so I can watch some football but you are more practical. I’ll ask when I call Patty back.”
****
Patty was sitting in the desk chair in Zoe and Tony’s hotel room. There was a bottle of wine chilling in the ice bucket that Patty had thought to pack. The men were running errands that included getting a roll of quarters for the mountain of dirty laundry stowed in the Suburban.
Patty rested her hand on the medical bag that was on the desk. “We can do this now or after you have a glass of wine. Your choice.”
“I pick now.” Zoe tried to appear calm. “Where do you want to do it?”
Patty stood. “Sit here.” She started to unpack her bag.
Zoe sat, telling her body to relax as she concentrated on her breathing.
Patty started to part Zoe’s hair with a comb and clipped it away from her face. “These definitely need to come out.”
“How does it look?”
Patty moved to open the drapes and the sheers for more light. “Looks good.”
“My hair is already growing back. Can you check the other site too? It itches like a bitch.”
“I bet.” Patty put on a pair of surgical gloves and turned Zoe’s away from the desk. “You ready?”
“Go on, let’s get this over with before the guys get back. I don’t want to cry in front of Tony.”
“It shouldn’t hurt. I’ve done this more times than I can count.” Patty’s tone oozed confidence.
“I trust you. It’s my problem or a phobia thing. I have a problem with needles and I associate getting the stitches out with how they put them in. I just don’t want Tony to see me upset. It worries him.”
Patty cleaned the area. “So, you’ve caught on that the Alessi men are tough on the outside but mush on the inside when it comes to those that they love?”
“I don’t know about love.” Zoe started bouncing her foot. Talking about love and their relationship made her uncomfortable.
“Stay still,” Patty scolded. “Who are you trying to fool? Tony loves you. He’s a great guy and he’s getting back on track. What’s the matter? Isn’t he good enough for you?”
“No. That’s not it at all. He is a good man. I mean, don’t you worry that I am so much older?” Zoe dreaded the answer.
“Listen, the age thing is hard to avoid but you can’t help when you were born any more than Tony can. You two fit together like puzzle pieces. Wouldn’t you want him to be in your life every damn day?”
Patty stopped working on Zoe’s forehead and stepped back to stare into her eyes.
Zoe blinked, fighting the threatening tears.
Patty knelt in front of her, her tone softened, “Look Zoe, I had cancer and it changed my outlook on life. I appreciate what I have so much more. It was a terrible way to learn that lesson.” She took Zoe’s hand and held it between both of hers. “You seem to be a good person and Tony cares about you. He told me that, straight up. I know him and he’ll be a good partner. When he gives his word, he means it. He won’t screw around behind your back. In fact, if he is anything like his brother, he’ll drive you crazy trying to make you happy. Would that be such a terrible fate?”
“No,” Zoe whispered.” No, it wouldn’t be.” She gathered her courage to speak honestly with Patty, “I’m afraid. I’ve made terrible choices in my life. I don’t want to do something stupid and end up hurting Tony or myself.”
“Honey, it’s normal for you to have concerns. I think that you need to stop looking backwards and focus on all of the good choices that you have made since your divorce. Put the past to rest and focus on what looks to be a great future.”
Patty continued working on Zoe’s wound and fluffed her hair back into place, then held a mirror for her to examine her hairline.
“Thanks…for everything.” Zoe’s voice was still rough.
“Oh honey, I can tell you are fighting it. Trust him and give this relationship time to grow.”
****
Early Sunday morning the Suburban was heading towards the highway for the trip back to the cabin, when Tony’s cell rang.
Zoe could tell by Tony’s tone that it was a personal call. She was engrossed in the scenery outside of her window, not following his conversation.
“Hey, this is Wyatt. Do you want to do dinner Wednesday night with his family?”
She turned her head from the view to look at Tony. “Sure. Ask what we can bring.”
“He says something chocolate.” Tony was smiling.
Tony continued talking to Wyatt as Zoe fought the wave of nervousness rolling through her body. Meeting Tony’s friends would be fine. Oh God, she hoped it would be fine. She continued staring out the window.
Long after Wyatt’s call had ended, Tony glanced at the now long silent Zoe. “Do you want to talk about your case?”
“What’s there to say? Geno’s following up on leads, nobody can locate Nate to question him, and we are still in hiding.” She continued looking out the side window. She was frustrated and mad at her herself for her behavior. Everyone was working hard to take care of her.
“Are you going to flip out if I say ‘This is how these things go’?” It seems like nothing is happening and then poof, something breaks.”
“You did not just say ‘poof’.” He made her smile.
“I sure did. Is there anything I can do to make this time more bearable?” He gave her his patented dazzling smile.
“Shit, it isn’t like that. I’m getting tired of waiting for the other shoe to drop, to be attacked or shot at again.” She rubbed the bridge of her nose, hoping to relieve the stress that this issue brought on. “I’m constantly worried that someone is going to get hurt or worse, because of me.”
“Zoe, I’m not going to get hurt. Geno might get shot in the ass again, but that is only because he is old and slow.” He took her hand.
“I brought this problem to you. It’s because of me that your life has been upended.” Tears were threatening, clogging her voice.
“Hey, hey there...” His voice softened. “You’re wrong. You are the victim. You didn’t ask to be attacked. I know waiting is hard, but I promise Geno is doing everything he can.” Tony squeezed her hand.
“I know that. I get overwhelmed. I feel like I should be doing something.”
“Hmm, I’ll have to come up with something to help you with that,” he added with a leer.
When they arrived at the cabin Zoe unpacked and Tony went out to cut more wood. After a light lunch, Zoe’s eyes kept returning to the huge tub. Why not have a soak?
She was enthralled by the sheer size off the massive porcelain antique but it was intimidating to be soaking in the middle of the open kitchen. The few times she had used it, she had felt so exposed. Today, the lure of soaking in the luxury of all that hot water overcame her inhibitions. Filling the tub with steaming water and vanilla scented oil, Zoe piled towels on a kitchen chair that she had moved close to the tub, and stripped out of her clothes. Stepping into the deep water made her feel decadent.
She let out an audible sigh while sliding downward into the depths so that only her head was above the water. She closed her eyes, willing her body to relax.
The kitchen door opened and Tony walked in along with a cold breeze. “That looks nice.” He knelt by the side of the tub with a playful glint in his eye and smiled.
“It is. You should join me,” Zoe said.
Tony tore off his coat, boots, and clothes dropping them where he stood. He let a deep chuckle escape and climbed into the tub behind her. They had to rearrange legs for both of their bodies to fit comfortably.
Zoe rested her head against Tony’s shoulder. “This tub is a miracle. Was it here when you bought the place?”
“Are you kidding? I had to burn the bits of furniture that I found in here. I was on my way back from a hunting trip, and I saw this monster sitting outside a house that was being torn down. I stopped to ask about it and the construction foreman told me if I would haul it away, I could have it. Took four cases of beer and six of us to load her into my truck, but it was worth it. You couldn’t find another like this if you tried,” he said with pride.
“This whole place is amazing. You were lucky Wyatt thought of you when it went on the market.”
“I had a set of plans drawn up by a friend, enlarging the first floor, adding a second, and a screened in porch on the back. It will be a lot of work, but I figure I have years to turn it into the home I’ve always dreamed of.” Tony’s face took on a look of wistfulness as he talked about this project.
“I can see why you would want to live out here. You have solitude and yet your family is thirty minutes away. Close, but far enough away.”
“I’d have to get satellite for internet and TV, but that’s no big deal. I was thinking about moving out here after the first of the year. I’d rather live here than that crappy apartment.”
“It would be fascinating, watching the wildlife in the snow and then the changes that spring will bring. I bet the meadow turns a gorgeous shade of green.”
A Change for the Good Page 12