by London Casey
“Fuck that,” I said.
“We’re not calling Ivan until we have the sixty-five,” Trev said.
“At least we have a start,” Cash said.
“This is not for Ivan,” Trev said.
He then went to divide the cash up between all of us. He did so with a sick smile on his face.
“What are you doing, Prez?” Trent asked.
“Enjoying the fucking outlaw life,” he said.
“Christ,” Jasper said.
“Hey,” Trev said. “This is for us. My share is going to Duke for taking that bullet. I’m going to go check on my very pregnant old lady, try to fuck that baby out of her, and then I’m going to call Carlo and see what he wants to do next. I’m guessing those slimy Hell Five fucks are all over that bar.”
“Do we need protection here?” Hudson asked.
“Favors have been called in,” Jasper said.
I didn’t bother asking what that meant. I just listened to the words being slung around the table. Hell Five started this little spat and we just dumped gas on the fire. That was okay though. It was needed.
Ivan wanted his money back, with blood, and he’d get it. This was about earning trust with the Russians and about showing power with our enemies.
Trev ended the meeting and asked to see me privately.
He kicked out Jasper’s seat and told me to sit.
“That’s for the VP,” I said.
“So much respect,” he said and grinned.
“I’ll stand, Prez.”
“How you feeling today?”
“I feel fine.”
“You’ve been raising some kind of hell around here since that night you tried to slit Cash’s throat. Still don’t want to talk about it?”
“Nothing to talk about, Prez.”
“You gonna ease up on the clubhouse?”
“I do what I do.”
“Can’t argue that, Duke.” Trev stood up. “I trust you. You’re patched in and at the table for a reason. Don’t spend that money on something bad for your health.”
I laughed. So did Trev as he walked toward the door.
“Hey, Prez,” I said.
“Yeah?” He stopped and looked back at me.
“I took that bullet because of your family. I would do it again. And for anyone here. I went through some dark shit somewhere else. I saw things nobody needs to hear about. I did what I felt was right, even if it wasn’t.”
“That’s why I trust you. Brother.”
Trev left the room and I stood there, alone.
I walked around to the head of the table and looked down it. The way Trev looked at the table. I put my fists to the table and shook my head.
The club had been through hell and back. I had been through hell and back. Yet we were all still standing. And we would continue to stand. No matter what happened.
I made it two steps away from the table when my cell began to ring.
It was Belle calling.
For some reason, I damn smiled.
“Hey, sweetie,” I said.
She quickly cut me off. “Hurry! Help! I think Jim tried to kill himself again!”
twelve.
(belle)
I left Maggie’s place with a smile on my face. She swore to me two things before I left. First, she could never go near her ex again. That was tongue-in-cheek, but I made my point clear that Maggie was only hurting herself. If she was in it for the fun, fine, but not to let her ex control her.
I was a total hypocrite as I said it though.
I let Duke into my house. I let him touch me, kiss me. I wanted him to press me against the wall and have me, knowing it was purely physical and nothing else.
But I didn’t have to let Maggie know that.
The second thing was that I needed her to show up and clean Jim’s house. I told her to charge as much as she wanted, but Jim needed his place clean and he needed the company. I always knew there was a little flirty thing between Jim and Maggie.
So, yeah, I was smiling as I left, ready to go home and stare at my cell phone for hours, wondering if I should call Duke and try to make sense of something between me and him. Not that there was a future, but at least to settle the past. Was that so much to ask for?
Apparently so, because the second I entered the house, I knew something was wrong.
I saw the bathroom light on Jim’s side of house pouring out into the hall. And I saw something on the floor.
A pill.
I dropped everything and started to run. I spun around into the kitchen and ran through the living toward the bedroom. I did a crazy jump move over the coffee table, my eyes locked to the open door. My heart raced. My mind frantically tried to prepare for the worst. I thought by having Duke talk to Jim it would have helped. Maybe there was a good reason why Duke and Jim never spoke since they came back. Maybe this was why. Maybe I caused Jim to…
I hit the brakes and slammed my shoulder against the doorway. Jim was on the bed, on his left side, right hand tucked under his head, left hand outstretched.
I saw the pill bottle in his hand and I knew it was empty because he had it upside down.
The first thing right then I should have done was call an ambulance. Instead, I reached for my phone. My mind saw Jim and thought of Duke. Not that Duke had any medical training, I just wanted someone to come save me. To come save Jim. To fix all of this goddamn mess.
When Duke picked up, I yelled, “Hurry! Help! I think Jim tried to kill himself again!”
“Jesus Christ!” Duke bellowed. “How? Where is he?”
“The pills.” I stepped into the room. “The bottle is empty. He’s on the bed. I don’t know if he’s sleeping…”
“I’m on my way,” Duke said. “Get him help. I’ll be right there, sweetie.”
The call went dead.
I hesitated for a few seconds before my body kicked in again. My mind screaming Save your brother!
I grabbed the pill bottle out of Jim’s hand and dropped to my knees next to his bed. I did the same as before, jamming my fingers into his neck to check for a pulse. There was a pulse. I inched forward with my knees and opened my mouth to say his name when I felt something crack against my knee.
I inched back and looked down.
I saw a crushed pill, next to my knee.
I got down closer to the floor and saw a whole bunch of pills in the carpet and under the bed. My hands were shaking as I tried to grab them and count them. That was stupid because I had no idea how many pills were actually in the bottle.
I fell back to my ass and grabbed the pill bottle and started to fill it back up.
“Jim?” I called out. “Jim?”
He waved his right hand. His right eye slowly opened a little. “Belle?”
“How many pills did you take?”
He grinned. “Enough.”
I slammed the pill bottle on the nightstand and stood up. “Fuck this. I’m calling the police. And an ambulance. You’re going to go to the hospital, Jim. They’ll pump your stomach and then put you on suicide watch. Is that what you want?”
He groaned and rolled to his back. He forced his eyes open and looked at me. “I didn’t drink. Okay?”
“I don’t give a shit, Jim. How many pills did you take?”
“A couple.”
I shook my head. I had my phone in my hand again. Jim waved his hand at me, grabbing for my wrist. I pulled away and walked toward the bedroom door.
“Please,” Jim said. He started to shake his head. “Please, Belle. I’m not… I won’t die tonight. I just feel numb. No doctors. Belle…” He looked right at me, tears in his eyes. “Why couldn’t I get to Bill faster? I was reaching… and then Duke pulled me out…”
“Shit,” I whispered.
This was the position I constantly faced. Stuck between hell and whatever level was beyond that. Jim couldn’t handle therapy and becoming a joke to what had happened in his life. He was still breathing, sobbing, mumbling words.
I m
ade the risky decision to wait until Duke got there.
I covered my mouth when Jim reached for me and called for our dad. Hearing him moan Dad like he used to do when he first got home tore my heart into pieces. I had to get out of there. I walked to the hallway and picked up the pill on the floor. I noticed a handful more on the bathroom floor. The only thing that made sense to me was that Jim must have had some kind of panic attack. Some sort of PTSD attack. So he went to the bathroom to get a pill. He had anxiety medicines to take but he went for the pain killers. To knock himself out. He twisted off the cap so hard pills went flying in the air. Then he took a few and walked to his bed with the bottle in his hand.
At least that’s what I hoped happened.
I walked outside to the porch, feeling lonely and angry.
I didn’t ask for any of this shit.
I remember the morning I came home from Niles’s house to find Jim passed out in bed, hungover, and my father on his hands and knees on the kitchen floor, unable to breathe. If I had been two minutes later, he would have died. But I was able to get him help, which saved his life for another year.
When I heard the rumble of the motorcycle, a sense of relief went through me. I couldn’t believe I was relying on Duke to help me. But there he was, flying up the driveway. He jumped off his ride and started to bolt toward the porch. He took the stairs two at a time and his right hand touched my hip.
“Christ, sweetie,” he said. “Where is he?”
“Bedroom,” I said.
“Did you call an ambulance?”
“No. I don’t think he OD’ed. But there were pills everywhere. If I call…”
I lost it. I broke down into tears.
“Shit,” Duke said. He threw his huge arms around me and hugged me. “Sweetie, it’ll be okay.” He kissed the top of my head. “I need to check on him. If he’s down, he’s got to get to a hospital. I could call in a favor to keep it off the record…”
He broke away from me and I grabbed at his hand. I felt the roughness of his palm, the calluses on his fingertips. I wondered how many people he had hurt and killed with those fingers.
Then I looked up to his eyes.
“Duke, thank you.”
“Always, sweetie,” he said and broke my hold on him.
I couldn’t help but follow him inside to see what he was going to do.
When he got to the bedroom, Jim was back to sleeping. Duke looked left, right, and then grabbed the trashcan in Jim’s room.
He looked back at me. “You might not want to watch this part.”
“Why?” I asked.
Duke didn’t respond. He grabbed Jim by the hair and pulled him to the edge of the bed.
“Goddammit, soldier,” Duke yelled. “What the fuck are you trying to prove? You don’t fucking drag others into your hell. Not your goddamn sister. You understand me?”
“Duke?” Jim asked.
“Time to get that shit out of your body.”
I stood in shock as Duke forced his fingers into Jim’s mouth. Jim heaved and then his stomach started to empty. I turned my head and couldn’t watch. But I heard it. The sound of Jim getting forcefully sick, heaving, groaning, and crying.
“Stop being a fucking asshole!” Duke yelled.
I looked and saw Duke coming at me. I jumped out of the way as he walked right by me. I chased after him as he walked to the bathroom and cleaned up the trashcan and his hands. He then grabbed a washcloth, wet it, and rushed right by me again.
By the time it was all said and done, Duke had Jim face down on the bed, a washcloth next to his mouth, and the empty trashcan next to the bed. He then took a chair from the dining room table and sat next to the bed.
He stuck his fingers into Jim’s neck and looked back at me. “He’s fine.”
“You sure?”
“I’m not a doctor, sweetie, but I’ve seen crazy shit. He probably took one or two more than he should have.” Duke took his fingers from Jim’s neck and grabbed the pill bottle. “These are strong but not the strongest. That’s a good thing. I’m sorry you had to go through this.”
“I’m numb,” I whispered. “To everything.”
Duke rose up and walked to the doorway. There was just inches between us. I blinked fast and a tear fell from my eye. Duke was there to catch it, spreading it across my cheek.
“There’s a million things I could say right now, Belle,” he said. “But none of it would matter or would be true. I hate that part of everything. And there’s a million things to say to your brother and none of that will matter or be true. It’s like staring down a river and you can’t stop flowing. What’s at the end? A little slide into a new current or a fucking waterfall?” Duke leaned in and gently kissed my lips. “Go upstairs and sleep, sweetie. I’ll be here.”
“All night?” I asked.
“I’m going to sit with him for a little bit. I have plenty of my own demons next to me. Why not add in the regret?”
“Duke…”
“Get some sleep. It’ll be okay. If anything happens, I’ll take care of it. I promise.”
I started to inch back but stopped. I grabbed tight to Duke’s leather cut. I moved up to my toes and planted a kiss to his lips. It felt good to steal one from him. Like I had some kind of power over him.
Not a chance in hell, Belle. He’s always had your number.
I went upstairs, changed, and climbed into bed. I had a long t-shirt on, panties, no bra. Who the hell sleeps in a bra? I figured I’d wake up to find Duke gone. Or sleeping on the couch.
I never thought in a million years I’d wake up with Duke in bed with me.
**
I was mid-dream when I felt something touch my face.
“Hey, sweetie, it’s me.”
I thought I was still dreaming. A dream I had quite a bit. One where Duke would show up, home from war, never changed, never leaving.
Then reality hit me and I remembered what had happened with Jim.
My eyes popped open and Duke’s face was right there.
“It’s okay,” Duke whispered.
“What time is it?” I asked.
“It’s late. Really late. Jim is fine. Okay? I just wanted to check on you before I take off.”
“Take off?” I asked. “Can you stay? See Jim in the morning?”
I saw the hesitation creep across Duke’s face. I propped myself up and wondered how much like crap I looked like. Messy bed hair. No makeup. Half asleep.
“Sweetie, I shouldn’t do that.”
“You can sleep on the couch. Or one of the bedrooms up here.”
“That’s the problem,” Duke said.
Our eyes locked and I knew what that meant. Together. So close. The flames of temptation already ignited. If he stayed…
I moved forward and kissed him. I was desperate, longing to be touched, loved, made to feel important.
“Stay,” I whispered, knowing that with one word I was sealing my fate for the night and beyond.
Duke was everything bad, just like before, only worse. He was vicious, brutal; he’d been shot and had shot people. Hell, he was a murderer in many different ways. But in that moment he was still my Duke. The man I loved. The man I still…
Duke kissed me back. He was on his knees, on the floor next to my bed. His left hand touched the back of my head, holding me there. This wasn’t about one quick kiss and ending it. This was going to go the distance.
Almost a year.
That’s what rang through my mind as Duke’s tongue cared for my mouth.
Almost a year since another man touched me. And even then… it wasn’t the same. Myself and Niles were so far on the outs, I was basically getting favors from him. He was long checked out and I honestly couldn’t blame him.
Duke touched the bottom of my shirt and lifted. His fingertips grazed the side of my panties and my body jumped. I let out a sigh, still kissing him. His mouth closed over mine again. He bumped into the bed, growling, his hand sliding up my shirt to my ribs. The sheer gr
ip and strength of him was enough to get me off. Seriously. A man so powerful, a man who could handle any situation, even when I called him into the mess that slept downstairs.
As his hand moved up even more, I had to break the kiss. I felt like a virgin as I looked down, watching his hand climb over my left breast, under my shirt. That rough touch of his, cupping my warm and large breast. I sucked in a breath, shivering, my nipple became wildly hard. His fingers rolled over my nipples one at a time. But then kept going. His fingers poked through the top of my shirt. Up my neck, forcing my head back. My lips shuddered. I wasn’t sure whether to be turned on or maybe scared.
Duke took his hand from the back of my head and grabbed my shirt.
“Off, sweetie,” he ordered.
Using those outlaw hands of his, he took my shirt off. I then rested on my back, my breasts exposed, both nipples hard, trying to control my erratic breathing. It was so fucking hot to just be lying there in front of him like that.
I was his meal…
That’s what I thought. It made me gush between my legs even more. My toes curled tight around the sheet. The truth was that I was shaking with fear that I wouldn’t be good enough for him. What we had before was young and fun. But he had gone off to experience so much more than me. In fact, besides Duke there were only three other guys in my life.
Duke stiffened his back and towered over me. His eyes gazed down my body and back up. The sheets were still covering the lower half of my body.
“Fuck me, sweetie,” he said as his eyes met mine. “You’re more beautiful than ever.”
“Stop,” I said. My hands fumbled with the sheets, wanting to pull them up. “I haven’t been taking care…”
Duke leaned over the bed. He grabbed my hands, taking full control against me. He put my hands to the bed. His mouth hovered over mine.
“You keep your fucking hands on the bed,” he said. “Grip the sheets. You can only move your hands to grab my head. Scratch me as hard as you want, sweetie. Do you understand me?”
I swallowed hard. “Duke…”
“You are more beautiful than ever in your life, Belle. I’m telling you that. That’s all that matters. My opinion right now. Because it’s my cock that’s rock hard as I stare at you. Because it’s my mouth watering for your sweet pussy. And that’s exactly what I’m going to get. Right fucking now.”