She drank sparingly at home, always mindful of the kids. He drank beer if he was mowing the grass on a hot day, or entertaining his teammates, but for the most part they drank iced tea or water. One glass of wine and she’d be ready to nod off for a nap.
Maybe that was exactly what they needed.
An ice bucket and an assortment of glasses sat on a tray beside the television. Langley retrieved two wine glasses and held them, waiting for her to pour. She filled them midway and set the small bottle on the tray.
She raised the glass to her lips and took a sip. “It isn’t bad. I might learn to like it.”
Langley took a drink and controlled the grimace. “Maybe I need to do some research and learn about wines. The brochure for this place said they’ve won awards for theirs.”
Trish stretched out on the bed and kicked off her shoes. The sundress she wore clung to her slender shape and emphasized how thin she was now.
Maybe there was something more going on. Maybe she was sick. Worry gave him a punch to the gut. He looked down at the wine in his glass and swirled it.
“They’re having a tasting in…” She glanced at her wrist. “An hour. You can try out several and find one you like.”
“Maybe. You plan to go, don’t you?” At this point he wasn’t sure she wanted to be in the same room with him.
“Yes. You said they dress for dinner.”
“Yeah. I brought dress pants and a sports coat. I’m hoping not to have to wear a tie.”
“You can stick it in your pocket just in case, and put it on if they insist.”
“You’d tell me if there was something wrong with you, wouldn’t you Trish?”
She looked up surprised. “Why would you think there’s something wrong. Langley?”
“You’re thinner than you usually are.”
She took a sip of wine and held it in her mouth for a moment before swallowing. “I have three children under the age of five, one of whom learned to sleep through the night just two weeks ago, and I work fifty hours a week. By the time I get around to eating, I’m too tired to care about food. I’m more interested in sleeping.”
Ask a stupid question. “I’ll be home for the next three weeks. You can sleep as much as you want.”
“Do you plan on being Mr. Mom for the next three weeks?” she asked. “I don’t have any vacation or sick days left to stay home with you and the children.”
“I can handle them. Besides, it will give me a chance to connect with Tad and Anna again, and win Jessica over.”
For the first time he saw compassion in her expression. “She hasn’t been around many men since you’ve been gone. My dad came out for a few days, and your brother Jason came out for a week with Karen. They’re the only two men who’ve hung out at the house. She’s only seen you on a computer screen. You’re bigger in person, and your voice is deep.”
“How’d she do with your dad and Jason?”
“It took her a while, but she eventually let them hold her. But she’d eye them like they were some kind of alien life form she was trying to figure out.”
“Sort of like she does with me.” He’d tried not to let it get to him that she didn’t want him getting close, but it did. She was his daughter, and he loved her. “If I’m there alone with all three of them, she’ll get used to me.”
She finished her wine and set the glass on the nightstand. “Be my guest, Mr. Mom. If it gets to be too much for you, I’ll still have to pay the daycare center, whether they go or not. You can drop them off if you need to take a break.
“I’ll write you out a schedule and put in some things we do when they’re driving me crazy and need a distraction.” She went into the bathroom.
At least she hadn’t said he couldn’t handle it. And why did he get the feeling she was enjoying the thought of him having all three kids by himself for days on end?
He supposed the old adage payback’s a bitch was true. Hey, he was a SEAL. He could handle anything. as long as he knew he would eventually come out on the other side.
Perhaps that was what was wrong with Tess. She didn’t see an end to the constant sameness of her days and nights, raising three kids by her lonesome.
While he dropped in every once in a while to be fed, clothed, cared for, and have sex. Why should she want him around when all he did was add to her workload?
He’d been ragged out from the deployment. and had slept most of the first two days at home. But after nearly a week home, now would be a good time for him to show her he was determined to pull his weight in their relationship.
Chapter 7
They went downstairs for the tasting, and were directed outside to a covered patio. In the shade, the air remained gentle and caressing.
Langley counted fourteen couples who’d converged on the patio for the presentation. A tall, well-dressed woman of about thirty came out and introduced herself as Janelle Ladenburger, one of the owners of the vineyard.
“Welcome to Ladenburger Vineyards. I’ll be doing a tour of the winemaking process later, around eight. But until then, I’d like to introduce you to some of our wines, and help you open your senses up to a wonderful smelling and tasting experience. Because breathing in the fragrance of the wine is as much part of processing its flavor as drinking it.”
He listened carefully to her spiel about the wine having legs, which was how the liquid clung to the bowl of the glass when it was tilted. The more legs, the more alcohol it contained.
Holding a white napkin beneath the bowl she demonstrated how the color changed with the type of grape from which it was made and the age of the wine.
Then there was the body of the wine, how it felt in your mouth, and whether it was dry or sweet.
She demonstrated how to swirl it in the glass, much like he’d done upstairs in their room. She encouraged them to stick their noses into the glass and breathe in the scent to pick out the fruit, earth or spice notes of the brew.
Trish looped an arm through Langley’s, and leaned in against him. Her soft breast pressed against his upper arm, and her breath brushed warm against his ear as she whispered, “You’re listening so intently. Do you think there’s going to be a test at the end of the presentation?”
His body quickened with need. Had she nestled up against him like that upstairs, he might have been able to persuade her not to come down for this. He’d have given it a shot. “I’m used to giving my entire attention to whoever’s speaking, which right now happens to be you.”
Trish’s eyes fastened on his face, and maybe she read some of what he was feeling, because her cheeks pinkened for the second time today. She rocked back, but didn’t release his arm or move away. Instead she buried her nose in the glass and inhaled deeply.
Langley felt some relief, knowing she wasn’t entirely immune to him. Where there was a spark, there remained a possibility of igniting a blaze. He didn’t mind wooing his wife. Maybe if they had to work a little to get back to where they’d been before this last deployment, it would bring them closer. That’s what he wanted.
When she released his arm, he slipped it around her and rested a hand along her hip to keep her close. He studied her profile, the rounded curve of her cheekbones, and how the smattering of freckles across her nose somehow enhanced its delicate shape.
“You’re supposed to be breathing in the aroma of the wine and trying to figure out what notes you smell,” Trish pointed out.
“What do you smell?”
She poked her nose into the glass and closed her eyes. The delicate fan of her lashes rested against her pale skin. Her brow tightened just a hair as she concentrated. If only she’d lower that glass just a second, he might be able to steal a kiss or two.
“I smell grapes, of course, but there’s a hint of black cherries, and a floral scent, like rose petals…and a little hint of caramel.”
Mrs. Ladenburger slipped up next to them. “That’s very good…”
Trish’s eyes flew open. She extended her hand. “Trish Marks, and th
is is my husband, Langley.”
“It’s nice to meet you both.” The two women shook. “The caramel scent you smell is the oak barrels the wine has been fermented in.”
“I always think certain bourbons smell like caramel. Is it aged in oak barrels too?” Trish asked.
“Yes, most of it is. You have a good nose. What do you think of the flavor of the wine?”
Trish looked into her glass. “I haven’t tasted it yet. Just breathed it in.”
“Try it, and let me know what you think.” Mrs. Ladenburger wandered on.
Bourbon was a man’s drink. Who the hell had she been around who drank bourbon? A sudden rush of jealousy made his tone a little sharp. “Since when have you been going around sniffing bourbon?”
Trish narrowed her eyes. “My dad drinks bourbon. You know that. I’ve always noticed the smell. I’ve tasted it, but it’s much too strong for me.”
The territorial rush eased as quickly as it arose, and he felt like an idiot.
Trish took a step away from him and withdrew her arm. “Just when do you think I’d have time to fit a man into my schedule, Langley? And what makes you think I’d even want to?”
Right now, he supposed that probably included him. His gaze drifted out into the vineyards. “Do you want to try any more wine?”
“No.”
“Then I suppose we could dress for dinner.”
“Yes.”
He didn’t attempt to touch her as they wandered back into the lobby. He set his untouched glass on the front desk, and followed Trish to the elevator. She stood back while he unlocked the door and slipped past him into the room.
“If you don’t want to be here with me, Trish, just say so, and we can load up and go back home.”
“That’s not what I want, Langley.”
“Then what is it?”
“I want something you can’t give me.”
He didn’t have to ask what that was.
“I know I said I didn’t want any more children but…” Her throat worked as she swallowed. “I can’t have any more children, Langley.”
Every time she said it, he felt like his feet had been kicked out from under him.
The doctors took out her uterus to save her life, and he wasn’t there. He’d been out of touch for two weeks, in fact, and when he finally got to talk to her, she said she was fine.
“You should have told me when it went down, Trish.”
“A SEAL’s wife doesn’t bother her husband with unnecessary stress while he’s deployed,” There was a touch of bitterness in her tone.
She set the wine glass on the dresser. “I needed you, the kids needed you, and you weren’t here. I know I shouldn’t be angry with you. But I am, Langley. I’m so angry.
“I could have bled to death waiting for the ambulance, and you weren’t there for the children. The ambulance attendant had to ask a neighbor to come over and stay with them until the hospital could contact my mom. One of the other SEAL wives, Gloria Talbert, Lester’s wife, came to stay with them until Mom could get here.”
He sat on the foot of the bed, cradling his head in his hands.
“I wasn’t feeling right before you left. I wasn’t bouncing back. I was still bleeding from Jessica’s birth.”
Tears streaked her face. “I needed you. Why can’t you be here just once when I need you?” She slumped onto the bed beside him.
He reached for her and held her tightly against him. “I’m here now, Trish.” God, he felt so useless.
Her shoulders shook as she wept. His own eyes stung.
“I thought I was going to die, Langley, and they’d be alone, shipped off to my mom’s, or yours, to grow up without either of us.”
“But it didn’t happen, Trish. We’re both here. If anything had happened, they’d have sent me home on emergency leave to care for the children.”
“Would they?” There was doubt in her expression.
“Yes, they would. If something happened to you, Trish, I’d give up the teams. I wouldn’t leave them without a parent. I swear it.”
She seemed to calm a little once he said that. What he did was important, it saved lives, but he wouldn’t abandon his children. They had to come first. He admitted it would be a struggle for him, because he loved what he did, was driven to do it, but he’d give up everything for them.
“When I’m gone, you and the kids are the first thing I think about when I wake up, and the last thing I think about before sleep. The four of you are my talisman against all the things I have to do during my deployments. I love you, Trish. I love the kids. You have to stop keeping things from me. You have to stop carrying them alone.”
She drew a deep breath and fought to regain her composure. “I don’t want to distract you by dropping things on you when you’re in danger. If something were to happen to you…”
Jesus, they had to stop this. “I’ll make a deal with you. I’ll share whatever I can when I’m downrange, and you share whatever you need to with me. This distance, this festering silence, is destroying us. If I’d known you were sick, I’d have requested emergency leave and come home, honey. I can’t do anything about it now, but I’d have done whatever I had to to get home. You have to believe I would have.”
Tears rolled down her cheeks, and she turned her face against his shirt. He rubbed her thin back and shoulders, offering her what comfort he could.
Trish was his rock. She didn’t crumble at trouble. But this had hit her hard.
He had never been out of touch during an emergency before. But then they’d never faced a life-threatening emergency before. Everything could change forever in just a second. He knew that better than Trish. He had believed his wife and kids were insulated from that to some degree. But they weren’t.
After a few moments, she seemed to regain her composure and rose to go into the bathroom. She had a wad of tissue in one hand and a wet washcloth in the other when she returned. She blew her nose.
He was relieved when she sat back down beside him. She rested her elbows on her knees and held the washcloth against her eyes, her voice muffled behind it as she said, “I’m sorry I’ve been a bitch to you since you got home, Langley. Sometimes things just get to be too much.”
“I know.” It was so hard for him to express how he felt, even to her. It was like letting a weakness show when he needed to be strong. He drew a deep breath and dove in. “When you’re lying alone in bed at night, I’m doing the same somewhere else, feeling the same way, honey. There are times I want to hear your voice so much I don’t think I can stand it.”
“Really?” Her tear-washed eyes finally rose to his face.
“Yeah, really.” He couldn’t allow himself to think about those times, the close calls, and what had triggered them. He cupped her cheek. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you, Trish.”
“I know.”
She finally sounded like she believed him, and he relaxed a little.
“I know the things I deal with here are nothing compared to what you deal with every day when you’re away, Langley. And I know I should suck it up and move on. You’d think after nine years I’d be able to do that. There’s certainly nothing I can do to change it.”
Having someone close to him nearly bleed to death was exactly like some of the stuff he dealt with. If it had been him, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to handle things as well as she had.
“Sometimes it’s not so easy to lay down the pain, honey. I know that. And nine years of being alone half of every year… There’s nothing I can do to give you back that time, Trish.” He laced his fingers, hands clasped between his knees. “Because of your job, you know better than anyone what could happen to the kids without one or both of us. That weighs on your mind.”
“And it doesn’t yours?” she asked.
“I’ve always depended on you to be there for them, Trish. I’ve never even imagined a world where you weren’t there.”
He raked his fingers through his hair. She had to imagine a world without
him every time he hopped a plane and went wheels up.
The full impact of how close a call it had been for her was finally sinking in. His throat closed and he had to swallow several times. “We probably need to have a backup plan, and hope and pray it’s never needed.”
But he couldn’t allow himself to dwell on what happened to her. If he did, he’d never be able to get farther away from her and the kids than a trip to the market.
She sounded calm when she said, “I think a backup plan would be a good idea.”
“I have three more years in my enlistment, Trish. I can’t just resign. But I could transfer out of the teams.”
“I’m not asking you to leave your team.” Her hair fell forward, obscuring her expression as she concentrated on smoothing her skirt against her leg, over and over again, in a self-soothing gesture that caught at his heart and gave it a squeeze.
She looked up. “I know how hard you’ve worked to get where you are, how hard you work to stay there. I know you’re living your dream. I won’t be responsible for your unhappiness.” Her blue eyes held resolve. “And I don’t expect you to be responsible for my happiness, Langley. I know I have to find it for myself.”
Something in her tone hollowed his stomach. What, besides the kids, had he ever given her to make her happy? At the moment, he couldn’t think of a damn thing.
She leaned forward. “Tell me one terrible moment you carry, Langley.”
Saliva pooled in his mouth, and he swallowed. How could he dump such painful memories on anyone but the men he worked with, who understood? But then they never discussed what happened in combat, because so much of what they faced ended in death. If they thought too long about it, they’d have to face their own mortality.
There were memories he’d carry for the rest of my life. Things he’d never forget. Things that sometimes tormented his dreams.
“There was this young PFC, a Marine named Michaelson. His unit was attached to ours for a time. We were going into villages looking for intel on a guy, a real murderous asshole, and trying to gain cooperation from the locals so we could find him.”
Breaking Point: A SEAL Team Heartbreakers Novella Page 6