When she emerged, he was dressed, too, and hoping they could talk, but again, he was tongue-tied. Stuck, really. That was how he felt: stuck. In what, by what, he wasn’t sure.
“I’ll see you at eleven fifty in the kitchen,” she said, grabbed her tote bag and rushed out of the room.
Xander might not know if he loved her, but he sure felt like he hated himself at that moment.
* * *
Lily sat in the lobby, sipping her second excellent cappuccino, trying not to think of the humiliation she’d just endured.
I love you.
I...don’t. Sorry.
Fine, he hadn’t said that. But the “Lily, I...” followed by nothing said as much.
She knew this already. Why had she jumped his bones? Why had she blurted out the true depth of her feelings for him?
Because you love him. And you’re not hiding anymore. This is me. I’m a passionate person who loves hard and if I feel it, I’m gonna express it.
Tears stung her eyes and she blinked them back.
She’d tried to be so tough last night, telling him she was looking forward to finding her guy and settling down soon. She’d been hoping to make him realize she wasn’t going to be around forever, that some other man would snap her right up.
But he hadn’t even reacted. And so she’d changed the subject and tried to move on from thinking about romance to just focusing on the contest.
But the high of making it to the final round was so profound that she’d felt like Wonder Woman for a while there, floating up to their room in a haze of happiness and pride. She’d been named a finalist with Xander beside her, Xander helping her. That made it all the more sweet.
And in the shower, all she could think of was how badly she wanted him in there with her. She’d planned her little daylight seduction right then and there. And she went for it.
So had he.
Until she’d come out with the I love you.
Cripes.
“Hi, Lily!” said a female voice.
It was Kerry, the other contestant besides Kyle in the final round. Kerry was in her late twenties or early thirties with dark pixie-cut hair and black framed eyeglasses. She had a tattoo of a pink cupcake on her shoulder. Lily recalled that her assistant was a woman who looked a lot like her, her sister probably. “How amazing is this?” Kerry said. “Almost three hundred entrants, and it’s down to three of us. I can’t even believe it.”
“I know. I can’t, either. I came here hoping and praying but not expecting.”
Kerry smiled. “Ditto. Although I think what’s-his-name expects to win.”
“Ugh,” Lily said. “He’s from my hometown. He’s good but he’s not exactly the nicest guy.”
“Well, then I hope it’s one of us. Ladies unite!” she said with a grin. “What do you plan to do with the money if you win?”
Lily explained about Lily’s Home Cookin’ and hoping to get that business off the ground without having to take out a loan.
“What a great idea!” Kerry said. “I love it. I live an hour from here in the opposite direction or I’d definitely order me some Lily’s Home Cookin’.”
Lily grinned. Kerry was a sweetheart. “So how about you? What are your plans?”
“I really want to open a small casual café where moms can bring their kids and the little ones can run around. I’ll have a train set on a table, and dolls and trucks and Legos and blocks. A reading nook. I love to cook but my real love is baking, so I’ll have amazing pastries and maybe offer some light kid fare, like grilled cheese. I know I do that really well.”
Lily laughed, recalling their elimination round entrée. “Right? Do you have a child?”
“Samantha,” Kerry said, a wistful look coming over her face. “She’s two and a half and the love of my life. Her dad took off on me, but left me with the best part of himself, so hey, I’m happy. My mom’s watching her for me while I’m here.”
“Aww, that’s really great. My assistant is the love of my life but he just thinks of me as a friend.”
Kerry gave Lily a “you’re crazy” expression. “Uh, I saw with my own eyes how that incredibly hot guy looks at you, talks to you and acts around you. He’s a man in love. Trust me.”
Sarah seemed to think so, too. Why was Xander the only one who didn’t see it? “Well, he doesn’t want to be, unfortunately.”
“Ah, good thing is that you can’t stop progress. He’ll come around.” She glanced at her watch. “It’s eleven thirty. I’m gonna go freshen up for the big moment.”
Can’t stop progress. Hadn’t Lily herself said that recently?
“See you soon,” Lily said. “Thank you, Kerry. And good luck.”
“To you, too, sweetie,” Kerry said.
Lily finished her cappuccino, staring out the window, wondering if it could be true, that you really couldn’t stop progress. Thing was, was there progress with Xander when he kept taking a giant step backward?
Sigh.
* * *
The final round was a chili cook-off.
Lily seemed really excited about that, all signs of her earlier distress gone. She had a smile on her face and fierce concentration in her eyes, and Xander knew she was full speed ahead on winning this thing.
That was just one of the things he loved about her. Her determination. Her drive. She might be hurting, but she was going to be named Northwest Montana’s Best Chef.
“You’ve got this,” he said, squeezing her hand at their station. He wanted to ask if she was okay, if they were good, but this wasn’t the time to talk about them. They had to concentrate on the contest.
“Let’s do it!” she said, those beautiful green eyes flashing with spirit.
I love you, too, he thought. And almost said it right there.
I love you, Lily Hunt. I flipping love you!
Holy hell. He loved her!
Minutes later, he had to table that incredible revelation to focus on being Lily’s assistant. He chopped and diced, he handed over the packages of meat and beans, he found the right pots and pans and utensils.
Kyle Kendrick boasted up a storm at the station in the middle, snapping at his assistant, who Xander hoped would tell him to shove it and walk out on him. But unfortunately, she kept taking his unnecessary criticism. Hopefully, she’d get sick of it soon enough.
“Ow!” shrieked the woman on the far right station. Kerry, her name was. “Burned myself a bit.”
“You okay, Ker?” Lily called over.
“I’ll live!” Kerry called back.
“Can I concentrate here? Jeez,” Kyle complained.
“Oh, shut it, Kyle,” Kerry announced with glee. Her assistant, also with short dark hair, clapped. Xander almost clapped, too. Kerry’s assistant wrapped the burn in a Band-Aid, and Kerry was on the move again, dashing between stirring pots and pans.
Finally, time was up. Lily’s chili smelled amazing. Looked amazing. Tasted amazing. She had to win this. She had to.
The three judges took their bites. Made their notations.
Hal appeared again in the front of the stations, the three judges beside him, ready to announce the results. “In third place, Kyle Kendrick!” Hal announced.
Kyle’s mouth dropped open. “There has to be a mistake. Third? No.”
“Third,” Hal said, consulting his clipboard. Kyle glared at him and stared at the judges. They each nodded.
“This blows. I’m outta here,” Kyle said. He stalked off, leaving his assistant just standing there.
“You deserve better,” Xander said to her.
The blonde shrugged and sighed and went racing after Kyle.
“In second place...” Hal began.
Xander held his breath. He grabbed Lily’s hand and squeezed, hoping he wasn’t cutting off her circulation.
“Lily Hunt!” Hal continued.
What? There has to be some mistake. Second? No.
Jeez. Now he knew how Kyle felt.
He looked at Lily, who attempted a smile. “Hey, I tried, right? Second out of almost three hundred is pretty darn good, right?”
“And our winner, Northwest Montana’s Best Chef, is...Kerry Atalini!” Hal said.
The judges began clapping. So did Lily. In fact, she ran over to Kerry and gave her a big hug.
“Congrats, Kerry. I can’t wait to visit your café and eat an amazing chocolate croissant while I watch the little ones play trains,” Lily said.
Kerry hugged her back. “Thank you, Lily. Can we keep in touch?” They exchanged email addresses and cell phone numbers, and then Lily was back over at their station.
Kerry was presented with her check for ten thousand, and Xander could feel the absolute wistfulness coming off Lily.
“I wish you’d won,” he said. “You’re the best chef in the world.”
Lily squeezed his hand. “At least Kyle didn’t win.”
“True.”
“Let’s go home,” she said. “I need home.”
He nodded, and they thanked Hal and the judges, then left the kitchen and headed to the elevator.
When the door of their room shut behind them, Xander planned to grab Lily in his arms and tell her he loved her, that he’d been bursting with it ever since the start of the chili cook-off. But as she packed her things, the words wouldn’t come again. They were stuck behind something.
What the hell? he wondered. Tell her. Say it!
If he said Lily, I... and couldn’t get anything out beyond that, she’d have every right to punch him in the stomach.
“Ready?” she asked, overnight bag slung over her shoulder.
“You okay?”
She nodded. “I really am. I’ll apply for a loan on Monday morning. There’s a chance I’ll get it. Of course, the bank may say I’m too young and untried and don’t have enough work history under my belt. But I have a solid business plan. So we’ll see.”
“I’ll front you the money, Lily. I believe in you and I’d be honored to invest in your business. You can pay me back in French dips, filet mignon in garlic butter and cooking lessons.”
Her mouth dropped open. “You’re going to just give me ten thousand dollars?”
“Yes. I am. For the reasons I just stated.”
And because I love you.
But again, the words wouldn’t come.
“That’s incredibly generous of you,” she said. “Beyond generous. That you believe in me means the world to me, Xander. But I can’t—and won’t—take your money. I might be the Rust Creek Falls Cinderella with my makeover, and I definitely believe in Prince Charming, but I’m no princess and I plan to rescue myself. Know what I mean?”
He stared at her, speechless for the moment, but not surprised.
This is why I love you.
So why couldn’t he say it?
Chapter Fifteen
On Tuesday afternoon, Xander was in the barn, doing his favorite chore—cleaning out the stalls—when his mind was full of its own muck. He hadn’t spoken to Lily since Saturday night, when they’d returned from Kalispell. The ride home had been on the quiet side; Lily had been clearly tired, and they hadn’t talked about them. Or the most memorable experience he’d ever had in a chair.
He closed his eyes, remembering. Lily in that tiny white towel. Straddling him.
I’m no princess and I plan to rescue myself...
“Hey, Xander,” a male voice said.
His brother Knox. “Ran into Lily in town coming out of the bank this morning. I don’t think I’ve ever actually seen someone kick up their heels, but she truly did. I asked her if she won the lottery and just deposited it or something, but apparently she applied for a business loan yesterday and was approved today.”
He grinned. Go, Lily. Yeah!
“She’s starting her own personal chef and home-cooking kit business,” Xander said. “Was I that focused at twenty-three?” He shook his head, full of admiration for Lily.
“Your plan at twenty-three was to date as many pretty women as possible,” Knox reminded him. “So no. You were not.”
Xander laughed. “Yeah, I guess so. I kept underestimating Lily because of her age. Do you know that because she didn’t win the ten grand in the cooking contest, I offered her the money myself and she turned it down? Said she’d rather get a loan and take care of herself.”
“She’s awesome. No way around it.”
Xander nodded, leaning on the rake. “I kept thinking she was too young for me. But maybe I was just using it as an excuse.”
Knox rolled his eyes. “Duh. Of course you were. You got burned in Dallas and understandably wanted nothing to do with falling in love again. I get it. But then you did fall in love again. And you can’t handle it so you’re costing yourself the best thing that will ever happen to you. The woman you love.”
Xander stared at his brother. Knox was always on the intense side, but he was talking straight from the heart right now. “I do love her. I really do.”
“So go get her. If she’ll have you.”
You can’t live in the past, she’d said.
I plan to rescue myself, she’d said.
What she’d done was rescue him. From himself.
He loved her. With all his stupid, guarded heart, which now felt stretched open wide. He tried to think about Britney and Chase, smiling their fool faces off at the carnival. But all he pictured in his mind was a pair of flashing green eyes, those freckles and that glorious red hair. He tried to picture his mother in her yellow apron and himself waiting by the window. Again, all he saw was Lily, stirring that pot of chili, adding the green chilies and the extra cayenne pepper to infuse the food with home.
To him, Lily meant home. She was home.
Knox grabbed the rake out of his hand. “Almighty Lord, Xander. Go. Run.”
“I have a stop to make first,” he said, heading out of the barn. At the door, he turned back. “Knox?”
“No more excuses. Go!”
“No more excuses,” Xander said. “I just wanted to say...thank you.”
The ever-serious Knox Crawford nodded, then broke into a smile.
* * *
Cloud nine would be a lot better if Xander were up here with her, but she was so dang happy she found herself skipping from room to room of her house.
I got the loan, I got the loan, I got the loan! Lily’s Home Cookin’ is coming your way, Rust Creek Falls, so watch out! Or better yet, get yer bellies ready!
She turned on the radio on the kitchen counter, swaying to her favorite country station while putting together her very first Lily’s Home Cookin’ kit. She’d run into Viv Dalton in Daisy’s Donuts when she’d taken herself for a celebratory iced mocha latte and had told her all about the loan and her new business. Viv had been so excited for her and said she’d put in an order right then. A home kit for beef bourguignon. Viv’s husband loved the intensive, time-consuming dish, but they were both so busy right now, and if they could make the meal together without having to shop and prep for it, that would be ideal.
Exactly what Lily hoped many, many, many residents of Rust Creek Falls would think about her service. Lily had almost walked right into Xander’s brother Knox on her way out of the bank this morning, and he said he and his family would keep her in business for years.
Which made her wonder. How was she going to see Xander every day, maybe—very likely, actually—as a customer, and not go crazy?
Stop thinking about him! she yelled at herself. Focus on the beef bourguignon. She had her little containers all ready to go—the chunks of succulent beef, the bacon, the chopped, sliced and diced vegetables, even the flour and oil. As she snapped the lid on the last container, the tomato paste, she couldn’t wait t
o sketch designs for her own labels.
She packed up her cooler bag, included the red wine necessary to make the beef bourguignon, and added a bottle of champagne that Lily had gotten as a gift from one of her clients so that Viv and her husband could celebrate with their meal. She thought about what Viv had said earlier, that she shouldn’t really be ordering something so fancy when business was so—But then she’d stopped talking and looked distracted and uncomfortable, and Lily realized that Viv’s wedding planning business, which she operated with her friend Caroline Clifton, might be in financial trouble or having some setbacks.
Huh. Maybe that was why Viv had been so quick to agree to a million-dollar payout from Max Crawford if she married off all six Crawford brothers! Not that anyone wouldn’t take that deal, but Viv had sure run with it and now the whirlwind of dates made total sense. Viv needed that money.
If this Rust Creek Falls Cinderella had a fairy godmother, the closest to it would be Vivienne Dalton herself. After all, it was Viv who’d suggested Lily throw herself into the dating pool for a Crawford. Viv who’d arranged the date with Knox. Which led to her date with Xander in the park.
Tears stung her eyes even though she was smiling at how Viv had believed in her ability to hook a gorgeous Crawford when she’d been a tomboy with tomato sauce on her shirt and flour-stained baggy jeans.
I owe you, Viv, she thought, reaching into her wallet for Viv’s check and ripping it up. Lily grabbed her phone and sent Viv a text.
I’m dropping off your beef bourguignon kit in ten minutes, as discussed. Oh, and I ripped up your check—this special meal from Lily’s Home Cookin’ is on me. You’re my first official client!
Wow, really? Thanks! Viv texted back.
No, thank you, Viv, Lily thought with a smile. I might not have ended up with love, but thanks to you, I found it.
With ten minutes to kill, Lily eyed the Rust Creek Falls Gazette on the kitchen table and sat down to poke through it. Ooh, she could check apartment listings! She turned to the Apartment and Condos for Rent section, glancing through a few possibilities. But there was a small house for rent, zoned for business and residential use, right in the center of town off North Broomtail Road.
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