by Amo Jones
“Oh, nothing too important.” His hand glides down the inside of my thigh, dipping under the water. His fingertips glide over my folds. “On second thought,” he growls, vibrating against my back, “this is more important than talking.”
I giggle, then his finger slips inside me and I’m lost again.
THANKSGIVING PASSED AND THEN CHRISTMAS came. I always love this time of year, the time where the Christmas spirit is floating around between the fresh pine smell and all the colorful bright lights.
“Miles!” I yell. “Pass me the angel.” He looks down to the angel and then back up to where I am, standing on a small ladder and needing to put the angel at the top of the tree. “Miles!”
He shakes his head. “I don’t know if I should touch it. What if I go up in flames?”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” I walk down the ladder just as Little J comes crawling into the living room. “Hey, buddy, your daddy is useless.”
I walk over to Little J and scoop him into my arms. It wasn’t long after Raze’s and my ‘talk’ in the bathtub last month, when I decided I needed to get in contact with Amy and the baby again. The sooner I did it, the better, because I hated being away from the little guy. Raze admitted the reason he pulled away from Amy during the pregnancy and then Little J was because he was so angry at Miles. They also spoke about “Lucky Hundred” and when Miles found out that it was Raze. It turned out Miles knew the second he met Raze, but he kept it to himself. It also turned out Raze had to give Ikea the formula to Schyronide in order to keep me out of her reach, but he says her future has only just begun and that she’ll get hers one day soon. He made a point of saying it would be very soon.
Little J laughs, drool coming out of his little mouth. He’s seriously the cutest little kid ever.
“Naw,” Miles says, taking Little J from me and placing a tentative kiss on his head. “Don’t listen to Aunty Puddin’. She’s just mad because she knows she chose the wrong man.”
I scowl. “Miles, don’t get him to call me Aunty Puddin’!”
“Why not?” He feigns shock. “I think it’ll be cah-uuute.”
I pick up the angel and climb back up the ladder as he bounces Little J on his hip. “Tell me,” I instigate, peeking down at him as I place the angel on the top of the tree. Perfect. “Why puddin’? I mean, Melissa used to watch comics as a kid, and I remember the whole Harley Quinn to Joker reference, but she would call him puddin’.”
He pauses, peeking up at me from under his lashes before a sly grin tugs up his lips. “Exactly.” He winks, his face straightening as Amy walks in.
“I’ve got to feed him.” She smiles at Miles.
Miles hands him to Amy and then walks toward me, taking a seat on the bottom of the ladder. I jump off and stand in front of him.
“Because Harley was always more obsessed with Joker than he was her. I mean,” he says, adjusting his words. “Don’t get me wrong. They were both crazy about each other, but there was always more when it came from Harley. She flipped a switch when it came to Joker, and she just knew….” He looks up at me. I sit down on his knee, my arm curling around his neck. He smiles up at me, his eyes dropping to my lips. “She just knew he was it for her. So much so that it drove her to insanity,” he whispers, his arm around my waist tightening. He laughs, shaking his head. “Joker was always crazy. But Harley? The love she felt for him is what fueled her crazy.”
“But,” I tilt my head, my hand coming to his cheek, “you were always crazy too.”
He shook his head. “Not like this. Not the kind of crazy I feel when I know you’re in danger. That’s a whole new level. I’ve always been unhinged, but I was in control. It’s why Raze and I work so well. We would handle business elegantly.” He pauses. “But when it comes to you,” he looks up to me again, “there’s no way I’d be able to handle anything elegantly.”
“I love you,” I whisper, kissing his forehead.
“I love you, too.” He grins, leaning his head back on one of the steps. “Still think you chose the wrong man.”
I laugh, throwing my head back just as Raze walks in, with Joker, Angel, Viking, and Soulless not far behind him. I pause. “Hi.”
“Get the fuck off his lap.” Snappy. Raze walks toward me and tugs me up by my hand. I wink down at Miles before cuddling into Raze’s side. Wrapping my arms around Raze’s strong waist, I glance up as he looks down at me. “Come on. We need to talk.”
“What?” I ask, being dragged onto the sofa. The rest of the guys walk in and scatter around the sitting room except Miles, who stays on the ladder, and I look to Raze. “Business?”
He nods.
I shake my head. “Nope. We are not doing this.” I go to launch off his lap, only for his grip around my waist to tighten. “It’s Christmas fucking Day,” I hiss, looking pointedly at all of them. “We are not talking about this shit until after Christmas.”
The front door swings open. “Honey, I’m hooome!”
Raze rolls his eyes. It was a different look for him, and Miles chuckles from the ladder. Melissa walks in carrying a large platter, with Hella following behind her, and then Beast, Meadow, Frost, Ella, and Hannibal closely behind. I was expecting them, so it isn’t a shock. The rest of the boys have their own plans for the day, but I invited the whole club anyway, much to Raze’s unease. He gave in, like he always does when it’s something I’m set on.
“I mean it, Raze.” My shoulders square as I stand to my feet and look around my room full of mentally unstable men. “This shit can wait until tomorrow.” Then I walk out. “Try to ruin my fucking Christmas,” I mutter under my breath. When I approach Melissa, my scowl changes instantly. “Hey!” I squeeze her before hugging Meadow and Ella. Ella walks away from Frost and heads straight for Raze. I watch her retreating back then turn to Frost with my eyes wide. “Trouble?”
He rolls his eyes, pushing his floppy hair back, his jaw setting. “There’s always something with her.”
Beast looks to Frost and shakes his head.
“You bang?” I ask, eyebrow quirked.
He scoffs. “Definitely fucking not.” A scowl pulls across his face. “A princess can’t handle my dick. Only a queen can.” He winks at me, his eyes dragging up and down my body.
“Okay, Casanova, get in the living room before I rip your eyeballs out.” He and Hannibal walk down to where Raze is. Amy gallops down the stairs with Little J on her hip, smiling at Meadow and Melissa. We have two kids under the same roof. Terrifying.
“Oh!” I say, inching toward Ivy. “Hello, beautiful! You get your looks from your mama!” I grin at Beast.
His eyes narrow, and then he smirks. “Not even gonna deny that shit.”
“So,” I begin, standing straight, “when’s it your turn?” I ask Hella and Melissa. She coughs, banging on her chest. Hella grins.
She takes a drink of her bottled water quickly, evil eying me from above the rim. “Nope, not anytime soon. I’m happy to play aunty.”
“Yeah.” Hella smirks, walking toward the sitting room. “We’ll see, baby.” Her eyes narrow on his back as she flips him the bird. “I saw that,” he growls.
Shaking my head, Melissa laughs and Beast runs his knuckles over Meadow’s face. Ever the gentleman to his girl. Fuck my life, I chose the wrong brother. “You know where I am, baby,” he tells her, and then he follows the rest of them.
“Sheesh,” Melissa huffs. “I can almost smell all the testosterone in that room.”
We all crack up laughing before I nudge my head toward the kitchen. “Let’s drink and cook!”
Amy and Meadow follow us in, talking about the newest diapers on the market, no doubt. I try not to be bitter about them being happy, and now that I’ve had time to heal—not thoroughly, because I don’t think you can ever heal completely from losing a child—I’m slowly starting to realize that maybe it just wasn’t my time.
“I already started on the roast. It’s been cooking all day. We just need to do salads, sides, and pudding.”
>
“And we do all this… while drinking?” Melissa asks, her eyebrow cocked.
“Yes.” I grin, turning around and pulling vodka out of the cupboard. “Grab the eggnog.”
“Nope.” Melissa shakes her head. “I don’t do eggnog.”
“I know,” I say, sliding the vodka and orange juice toward her. “That’s what this is for. And for the record, I never understood why you can’t do eggnog—especially with the amount of dicks you’ve had down your throat.”
She slices me with a glare, and Meadow and Amy laugh from the dining table. “Since when do you like eggnog, anyway?” she shoots back.
I shrug. “It’s not bad.”
“It tastes like cum.”
I burst out laughing. “Exactly why I don’t understand how you don’t like it.” Meadow and Amy giggle. “Do you girls want a drink?” I ask them.
Amy nods her head, but Meadow shakes hers. “I’m still breastfeeding.” And that sets off their next conversation. My grin drops.
“Hey.” Melissa brings her hand to my arm. “Are you okay?”
I smile sadly. “Yeah. Just….”
“Iris.”
I’m about to respond, when Ella storms into the kitchen, flicking her dark mane over her shoulder. “Hey! I like your hair!” I tell her.
She shrugs. “Thanks. Felt a little defiant.” She snatches the vodka, pulls out a glass, and then turns to the freezer, pressing her glass against the ice dispenser.
“Ella?”
“Hmm?” she mumbles, her back to me, before she swings around, twisting the lid off the vodka and pouring some into her glass. Some being a lot.
“You okay?”
She doesn’t bother with the orange juice. Tipping the vodka back, she places her glass onto the table when it’s drained. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be? I mean, I start college soon. I’m young. I’m not tied down. I… I….” She pauses, her hands coming down to the counter. Her head drops between her arms. “I’m totally not okay.”
Rounding the kitchen island, I lean on it and refill her glass before bringing it to my lips and shooting it back. “Frost?”
She exhales with a hissed “Yes” then looks to me. “I hate him. I hate him. He’s bossy and controlling, so, you know, I thought he liked me a little….” She trails off.
Oh no.
“Frost doesn’t like people, honey.” I pat her hand. “He will ruin you if you let him.”
“Truth!” Melissa says, shooting back vodka. My eyes snap to Melissa. She could have been a little more sensitive about it, considering how fragile Ella is looking. But she’s Beast and Raze’s kid sister, so there’s gotta be something more to her. I don’t think she’s as soft as she makes herself out to be, but for whatever reason, she keeps her hardness hidden.
Melissa rolls her eyes. “Okay, okay.” She rounds the kitchen island and stands near me. She looks to Ella and exhales. “Frost is a psychopath, honey.”
“I thought he was a sociopath?” I ask, looking at my sister.
Melissa shakes her head. “No, they’re different. I only know this, because we both got drunk one time and he spilled a bit of beans.
I nod, leaning on the kitchen island. “He told me a little too. What’s the difference?”
Melissa snatches the vodka and looks up at Ella, who is staring wide-eyed, waiting for us to elaborate. “A sociopath has somewhat of a conscience. A psychopath?” She quirks her eyebrow, pouring more liquor into her glass. She looks to Ella. “Has none.”
Ella sucks in her breath. “It’s all a figure of speech though, right? I mean, I would call Raze that all the time as a kid.”
Melissa shakes her head again. “Nope. He’s been diagnosed since he was a kid. He told me a story,” she says, her face falling. “But it’s not mine to tell. Just know, there is a very thin chance, if any, that he would ever ‘like’ anyone. They don’t feel normal human emotions. They have no empathy, and they’re cold. You put all that in someone like Frost? He’s every villain’s nightmare. He’s the worst. A cold and calculated killer.” The air thickens, a long pause hanging between us.
Talk about intense.
I laugh, waving Melissa off and looking to Ella. “But he won’t hurt you,” I lie. He would hurt anyone if he truly wanted to. To hell with the consequences.
“Huh.” Ella stares off into the distance.
“Anyway,” I say, walking back to the other side of the bar. “We need to get started on this food before we get too drunk. Enough about psychopaths.”
We get far too drunk, burn the apple pie, and manage to burn the roast’s vegetables too. Luckily, the ham is saved. Now, I’m curled up in Raze’s lap outside on the patio, watching Melissa do cannonballs into the pool. She’s had way too much to drink, and I can see Hella is a second away from dragging her home. We’re the perfect family.
“Babe,” Raze says, kissing my head. “We need to ta—”
“No. Not right now.” I know he wants to talk about the person who tried to ram me off the road. We’re still no closer to knowing who it was, but I know Raze won’t rest until he’s found. It hurts my head to even think of all the stuff we have to deal with. So for now, I just want to not worry about it.
He squeezes me into him more, and I know he’s struggling with me telling him no. For a man who has been raised to not feel human emotions, he’s coping with it well.
Amy walks over to us, with Miles behind her. Miles refuses to have anything other than a co-parenting relationship with Amy. I guess it’s a good thing, because at least they’re both civil about it for Little J’s sake.
I reach out for him, and Amy places the little monster in my arms. Leaning down, I blow raspberries into his neck before placing him on Raze’s lap. Pain flashes over his face, but he pulls Little J into him anyway. I know he’s grown on Raze. It’s hard not to when he’s that cute. Even someone as emotionally challenged as Raze struggles with Little J’s cuteness.
“We’re going to take him back to my place. He’s tired and it’s been a long day.”
I nod. “Don’t forget his presents.” I may have gone a little crazy when purchasing everyone’s Christmas presents. After months of fighting over Raze giving me my own card to access the accounts, I gave in and spent a huge amount on Christmas decorations, food, and presents. That’ll teach him for pushing the issue around this time of year. The house looks like a reindeer took a shit all over it. Tinsel is hanging over doorframes and up the stairwell, and there are Christmas lights hanging in different areas of the house. I love it. Christmas makes me fuzzy.
Surprisingly though, Raze didn’t put up a fuss. He just shrugged and left me to do as I pleased. So I got nosy and wanted to know exactly how much money was in his account. After the seventh digit, I lost count and almost fainted. Miles had come into Raze’s study, seeing me on his computer. When he saw my shocked face, he rounded the table and looked down at the screen. “Ahh,” he said. “You’ve found the riches!”
“Miles,” I answered, “this is a lot of fucking money!”
Miles shrugged. “Raze is a very wealthy man, puddin’.”
After that, I went with it.
“You know….” Melissa starts, walking up to us and drying her hair. I hadn’t noticed, because I was too spaced out, but Amy and Miles already left.
“What?” I ask, leaning back into Raze.
“One of us needs to get married. Mom is getting itchy.”
I shrug. “Take one for the team then.”
She laughs. “Nuh-uh.” Taking a seat beside us. “It will fill Hella’s head more about wanting ten kids.”
I scoff, and Raze shuffles underneath me. Looking back to Melissa, I prompt, “He wants ten kids?”
She nods. “No lie. He wants a whole Brady bunch.”
“Fuck that.”
“Right? So anyway, sorry, but it’s going to have to be you two.”
I scoff again. “No, it’s not.”
Raze chuckles from behind me. “Why not?”
> I whip around to face him. “What?” We’ve never talked about marriage. Hell, I was pretty certain Raze didn’t believe in it at all.
“Don’t act surprised, babe.” Raze smirks, lifting his glass to his mouth. He shrugs. “There was no one before you, and there sure as fuck will be no one after you.”
Melissa is grinning so hard her face looks like it’s going to split. I look back at her with a scowl. “You!”
Melissa shrugs, standing and snatching her clothes off the ground. “You’re welcome.” Then she walks away. Bitch.
I swing my legs over and straddle Raze’s lap. Cocking my head, I wrap my fingers around the back of his neck. Searching his eyes, I ask, “Are you serious? She’s gone now, so you don’t have to—”
He laughs, throwing his head back. “You and I both know I don’t give a fuck what she thinks or says.” He leans forward, catching my bottom lip between his teeth. “Yes,” he growls so hard my chest flutters. “If there ever was a girl I was going to marry, it’d be you.”
I can’t help it. My smile splits my face in two. “Ever the romantic.”
He pulls me into him more, laughing and kissing my head. Meadow and Beast took Ivy home early, but they stayed longer than what we assumed they would. Beast is fiercely overprotective, and any little sign of discomfort from his little girl makes him drop to his knees. I’m not going to lie; the man is in deep shit where she’s concerned, because she is adorable. Soft blue eyes, dark lashes, dark hair, identical little dimples in each cheek—like Meadow’s, and yeah, he has a problem.
“Okay,” I breathe. “I’m ready to talk.” He searches my eyes then nods, taking my hand and pulling me to my feet.
“Come on.” We walk inside the house, through the sitting room, and past the kitchen, until we’re at the bottom of the stairs. We’re about to go upstairs when the front door opens and Soulless walks in.
I relax a little. “You scared the shi—”
He draws his gun and points it at both me and Raze.
RAZE PUSHES ME BEHIND HIM and narrows his eyes. “What the fuck are you doing?”