“Can I hold him?” Brian asked in a near whisper. I laughed because I knew he was attempting to be quiet for Brice’s sake. But the truth was, we were in a public place and there was no need for the controlled volume. At any given time, someone nearby could break into loud laughter or yell something out.
“Don’t worry about being quiet, he sleeps like a log,” I said as I held Brice higher in my arms to give Brian a better look.
I could see and feel Brian’s heart soften as he gazed at Brice and bit his bottom lip.
“He’s about a year and a half now, right?” he asked without taking his eyes off the baby.
“Yes, nineteen months to be exact! He has your eyes, your eyelashes, and obviously your complexion. He reminds me so much of you in so many ways. You just wouldn’t believe it. His mannerisms sometimes…it’s unbelievable. I tried to run, but every time I looked around, there you were. Right there with me,” I said, feeling like I had said just a little too much.
Being in the presence of Brice and Brian together filled me up so much. I could just imagine what it would be like to be a family—living, loving, and being together all of the time.
Brian looked a little uneasy and I wasn’t sure if it was what I said or because he was finally laying eyes on his only son.
“Do you still want to hold him?” I asked. Brian looked like he could cry.
“Yes. Do you think it would upset him? I mean, he doesn’t really know me. I don’t want my first encounter with him to be a scary one. I want to hold him, but maybe I should wait. Let him wake up first and see me. I would hate to take him now and then he wakes up throwing a fit. Let me give him some time.”
“Good idea, Brian,” I said, tripping over the words in my mind. I had planned this visit with an agenda. Yet, seeing Brian’s softened demeanor in the presence of his son had derailed me. I needed to focus on my agenda, but I didn’t want to interrupt the moment. Brian’s eyes washed over Brice with a warm and curious gaze, taking him in from head to toe. I let them be for a moment, leaving Brian with the questions that were undoubtedly running through his mind and leaving Brice in the peaceful rhythm of his slumber.
Suddenly, Brian sat back and sighed hard, then raked his hands down his face. His long tongue rolled across his bottom lip, making it glisten with moisture. He sighed again. Deep in thought he sat there tucking and licking his beautifully full lips, something I remember him doing when concentrating or just thinking really hard about something.
“What is it, Brian?” I asked, unable to take his penetrating silence a moment longer.
Brice stirred, found a new position, and continued his slumber. Brian seemed to be pulled in by Brice’s very breath. He threw his head back once again.
A pretty caramel-colored waitress with a short natural hairstyle approached our table and stood for a moment. The atmosphere told her we needed a minute and she smiled, nodded, and walked away. After a while, she came back with water for both of us. Not a single word was spoken, but all was certainly understood.
“How do we do this, Shelly? How do we fit all of this into our lives right now? I want be a father to Brice and I want to be able to spend time with him. I want to do for him and have no problem with giving him what he needs.”
What about what I need? I thought, but didn’t dare say it out loud. I was so happy that he was finally on the same page as I was. I knew Brice was the key.
“Brian, all of that is possible. I know I ran before, but I realized that it wasn’t the right thing to do. I never wanted to deny Brice an opportunity to have a real relationship with you. At first I assumed that you didn’t want that, but when you found me I realized I was wrong. It still took a while for me to come around, but now I’m here and I promise you I’m not going anywhere. We can work it out and be the family that we are supposed to be.”
“Family? Shelly—”
“Yes. A real family. I know we’ll have to take things slowly and that it’s going to take work and patience.” I couldn’t believe I was on my way to having what I’d always craved, Brian and Brice as a part of my life, together at the same time. “Also, Brian, I’ll make this lost time up to you, you’ll see. I’m going to be closer now so it will be easier to work things out. I’ll be moving back to Brooklyn.” When I said Brooklyn, Brian’s eyebrows creased.
“Shelly, I think you misunderstood me.”
Just then the waitress returned. I ordered a chicken salad and tea, and Brian told her he needed more time. As I was about to continue, my cell phone rang. My parents’ home number appeared across the display. I pressed the button along the side of the phone to make the ringing go away. I’d call him back when I was done with Brian. Things were going too well.
“That’s my dad, but I can call him back,” I explained to Brian. I needed to keep this conversation going.
“Shelly, I’m about to get married. I’m sorry if I’ve misled you. When I asked, how should we do this, I was referring to our arrangements with Brice.”
Those words stopped me dead in my tracks. Did he think he was getting Brice without me? Did he really and truly think that was even possible? I told him nearly two years ago and I’ll say it again—it’s all or nothing! The change in his expression told me he knew there was a definite shift in my attitude. I started shifting Brice in my lap and fumbling with my napkin.
“Actually, Brian, I don’t understand. I told you long ago that it was all or nothing. You came after me. I know it took a while for me to come around, but I did. You wouldn’t have contacted me if you didn’t want it all. You knew the rules,” I said through tight lips. A faint knocking began at my temples.
“Shelly. All I ever wanted was to be there for Brice. He’s my son. I want to do right by him. I didn’t have my father in my life for long and I don’t want my son to grow up with a void. People do it every day. You don’t have to be a couple to raise a child together.”
My phone rang again. It was my father and I silenced it once more. I had more pressing issues to deal with at present. Brian sat back in his chair and sighed hard again. My hands were getting sweaty and they had already begun to shake. The waitress brought my salad and tea to the table and walked away. I attempted to empty two packets of artificial sugar into my steamy cup and spilled it all over the table, almost knocking the hot cup over in the process. My jumping stirred Brice awake and he began to cry. My nerves appeared to be frying. Brice shifted in my lap once more and whimpered his way back to sleepy land.
I was still trying to determine my next move when Brian ordered a coke. His ordering something gave me the notion that I had a little more time, though not much.
“Brian, listen. I told you…” I had to stop and breathe. “You aren’t married yet. What’s more important to you, your son or being with her? She doesn’t have your child, Brian, I do! We come as a package, Brian. Take it or leave it.”
“How can you say something like that to me, Shelly? You can’t be—”
My cell phone rang and I held my hand up to Brian. It was my father again. Brian’s head was buried in his hands and I hit the silencer again. My father was persistent, relentless. I figured maybe I’d better answer him. It must have been of some importance since he refused to lay off of my number. Besides, I needed to maintain control of the flow of the conversation. Answering my father’s call gave me the necessary pause that I needed to calculate my thoughts. I looked at the phone, then at Brian with his head in his hands, then back at the phone before snatching it open. I flipped open the cell phone so violently, I thought I’d broken it.
“YES!” I yelled into the phone. “What is it, Daddy? I’m sorry…It’s just that I was in the middle of something important… Yes…Why…Because I’m not going back, that’s why…Please, Daddy, can this wait? Okay. I’ll be right there.”
The timing wasn’t right, but I knew I had to leave. I could tell that Brian was temporarily relieved by the disturbing phone call. I needed to deal with him, but I also had to handle Daddy. I knew that sooner
or later, I would have to deal with my father about my decisions. It was now or never. I started getting Brice’s things together. Brian realized that I was leaving, produced his wallet, and placed thirty dollars on the table.
“Brian, I’m sorry, but I need to take care of something. I’ll call you so we can finish this.”
Just then a brilliant thought scrolled through my mind, one that would surely give me some leverage in my fight to get what I wanted from Brian.
“You know what, Brian? I’d rather not bring Brice along with me to handle what I need to handle. Here.” I stood and handed Brice to Brian. “You two can get to know one another. I’ll come by and pick him up a little later. This will be great for the two of you. Everything he needs is in his bag. He’ll be hungry when he wakes up. If you have any questions just call me.” To say that Brian was shocked was an absolute understatement. I moved fast to avoid allowing him a fair chance to object. This way I could plot my next move while making it hard for him to resist my game plan.
“Shelly, I can’t do this. He doesn’t even know me yet. I can’t keep him with me. You have to take him with you. Once he gets to know me, then it will be fine. You can’t leave him.”
“What’s the matter, Brian? You don’t want him? He’s yours. You will be just fine,” I said before turning to leave.
Brian called after me during my entire exit and finally Brice woke up crying. I snickered as I picked up my pace and sauntered my brilliant self right out of that restaurant.
Chapter 6 Brian
I rang my mother’s bell non-stop. By the time she came to the door she was cursing. I couldn’t help but laugh.
“Boy, you better stop playing games. The only reason I even came to the door was to cuss you out and slam the door in your face. You’re lucky it’s you. Somebody else would have gotten it good,” she said, her fist held up for emphasis.
“You are funny, old lady,” I said as I kissed my mom on her fluffy cheek. “Where’s he at? Let me at him!” I said jokingly. “Don’t let me find him hiding in the closet or under the bed. I done told you, no company when I’m not at home.”
My mother’s frame bounced as she laughed and shook her head at my joke.
“Boy, even if there was someone here, there wouldn’t be anything you could do about it. I’m grown, boy, and don’t you forget it. Now where did you get that child from?”
“Ma, meet your grandson, Brice Cabrini.” My mother’s jaws dropped open and she instinctively reached for Brice. To my surprise, my son went right to her.
“Come here, sweetie. Come to Grandma, honey,” her words were coated with sugar. “Are you hungry, honey?” She directed her next question to me with a glance, then continued looking directly at Brice. “What did he have to eat?” Mom wrapped him in her plump arms and hugged him tight. “You are so precious! Come on. Let’s see what Grandma has in the kitchen.”
My mother carried a willing Brice to the kitchen, leaving me to find a place for his baby bag and stroller. There was an instant understanding between my mother and Brice. He seemed to feel comfortable with her at first sight. There’s something to be said about a love so strong it puts even the unfamiliar at ease.
When I joined my mom and Brice in the kitchen, he was smiling and eating chocolate pudding.
“Where on earth did you get chocolate pudding from, Mom? You don’t usually have kids around here.”
“That’s for me. I got to have my snacks, you know.”
“Are you even supposed to have that with your diabetes? That’s not too sweet for you?” I asked.
Without words my mother cut off my questioning and changed the conversation while continuing to dote on her grandson. The sight of the two of them seeming so familiar with each other felt good.
My cell phone vibrated on my waistband and I snatched it off, hoping it was Shelly. I wasn’t ready to give Brice up so quickly, but I did want to know where the hell she was and ask her if she had completely lost her mind.
Unfortunately, it wasn’t Shelly, it was Lexie. I was on edge when I answered the phone. We still hadn’t discussed the scene from the other night when Lexie found Brice’s picture in my pocket. I still had lots of explaining to do. The problem was, I wasn’t sure exactly what or how to explain. Being new to all of this
Renee Daniel Flagler
baby-daddy life and having Shelly for a baby-mama, I just didn’t know what to expect.
“Hey, baby,” I said into the phone a little too nervously.
It caught my mother’s attention and she glanced at me with a look that told me she understood. Leaving Mom and Brice, I walked out of the kitchen so I could talk to Lexie in peace. At least as much peace as I could muster up in this tense time of turmoil.
“What’s up? Are you having fun?” I asked.
“Yes. I suppose you knew all about it,” she asked dryly.
Dry is how all of our conversations have been since the other night. Neither of us wanted to take the lead and steer the conversation in the direction of our pink elephant, but we knew the issue wouldn’t mark the end of what we had, so we just allowed the tension to flow thickly around us. Sooner or later the pink elephant would come charging at us, no longer tolerating any form of neglect.
“Well, phase one is complete. That was the part of the shower that was held at the restaurant and deemed appropriate enough for our parents to attend. Apparently they have some kind of bachlorette adventure awaiting me tonight, and they’ve allowed me to come home and get myself together for it. When I got here you weren’t home, so I just called to touch base with you in case you weren’t home before I left again.”
Lexie was begging the question but wouldn’t ask. I decided to give her the answer she was looking for but wouldn’t admit to.
“I’m at my mother’s house right now. I have a few stops to make and I’ll be by later. What time are you leaving to go on your bachlorette adventure? I’ll try to make it home before you go.”
“Okay,” was her dry reply before our conversation met a drawn-out pause. After a few more moments of silence and breathing, Lexie continued, “Ask your mother if she enjoyed herself at the shower today. And let her know I loved the gift. I’ll talk to you later.” Click!
I just flipped the phone closed, stuffed it into my pocket, and cupped my hands around my temples. How do I succeed in having my son and peace in my home?
Chapter 7 Lexie
Just as I hung up the phone with Brian, I heard a barrage of knocks against my condo door. I was sulking and wanted a little more time to sulk. The tense situation between Brian and me was taking a toll on the state of my emotions, especially during a time when I was already on an emotional roller coaster because of the wedding plans. I needed answers but wasn’t sure if I actually wanted them. The loud, ridiculous knocking continued, distracting me from my thoughts.
“Girl, open this damn door!” Brooke yelled from the other side. “Open this sucker up before we break it down!”
“POLICE! Open up!” Dionne said in a deep voice that resembled a man’s. I assumed it had to be at least three people knocking on that door, and possibly kicking it, too, from the way it sounded.
I purposely took my time and tried to muster up some excitement. I didn’t want them questioning me, so I made an attempt to hide my true feelings so I wouldn’t spoil anyone else’s mood. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath and released it with a sigh, rolled my neck, and got my attitude in gear before opening the door. Brooke, Dionne, and Ava spilled through the door, laughing and carrying bags and big plastic cups in each of their hands. I furrowed my eyebrows as I wondered what could possibly be in those bags.
“These are your digs for tonight, girl,” Brooke said as she placed her drink down on my glass console table and began to rummage through her bag. When she looked up she paused, looked me up and down and frowned. “Cute, but it’s just not going to work for tonight.” She put her index finger to her lips, scrunched up her nose, and said, “Okay, the jeans are okay but lo
se the shirt.”
Just then, Dionne and Ava burst out laughing, knocking into each other. I rolled my eyes just trying to imagine what these ladies had in store for me tonight.
“Wait a minute. What are you all up to? Something just doesn’t seem right. And Ms. Ava, does hubby know you’ve been throwing them back all day?” I said, imitating someone taking a shot of liquor.
“Girl, right now hubby is having fun with his little babies,” she said, referring to their two adorable daughters. Tonight is my night—oh, I mean, your night,” she amended as she laughed and held up her drink.
“And what are you all drinking?” I asked, examining the plum-colored liquid whirling around in their cups.
“Pomegranate martinis. Don’t worry, yours is coming. Let’s get you dressed first,” Brooke said as she took another sip before approaching me. “Come on now, reach for the stars,” she said. Brooke started cracking up as she grasped my flowing T-strap shirt at the waist to pull it up over my head as if I were a child.
“Brooke, I don’t need you to undress me. I mean, I am a big girl now. If I’m grown enough to get married, then I should at least be able to take off my own clothes.”
“Girl, hush and go with the program,” Dionne said as she pulled another shirt over my head. “Now put your arms through.”
I did as I was instructed, shaking my head and laughing. These girls were a mess and I wasn’t about to fight. I just stood in place like a little girl waiting on my next directive. Meanwhile, they worked around me like a well-oiled machine, making a fuss of my clothes and pinning things to my shirt. I realized then that even if I had worn a look of despair, there was a good chance that they would never have noticed. Their high spirits helped alter my mood.
“Okay, now you are ready. Go look in the mirror,” Brooke said then stopped abruptly. “Oh, now wait, Dionne, we forgot the topper.”
In Her Mind (Mountain High Valley Low ) Page 3