Chapter 16 Brian
“Leave the baby here, go back home, and straighten things out with your Fiancée,” my mother said. “I’ll keep an eye on my grandson. Being alone in the house at a time like this will only remind Lexie about all the mess you done brought to her door.”
“Mom! I didn’t bring this mess to her door—our door!” I restated.
“Brian, you don’t realize that that’s how Lexie is looking at the situation right now? That girl Shelly should have never even felt like she could show up like that. She knows what she’s trying to do, and you men are not smart enough to see through the bullshit. Shelly is trying to break up your home so she can move back into your life, and she’s using Brice to do it. Can’t you see that?”
“Well, yeah.”
“No, son, you don’t really see it. That girl figures if she pushes hard enough, Lexie will get tired and walk away. And from the sound of what happened this evening, Lexie seems pretty damn close to doing just that. You need to fix this now if you still plan on marrying that girl in three weeks. Besides, I already bought my dress and it cost me a pretty penny. Come three weeks, I’m wearing that dress, and I can only hope it’ll be to your wedding. Now go!” my mother said as she picked up Brice and shooed me away.
“Ma!”
“Go handle your business, Brian. The two of you have come too far for this. You’ve got your work cut out for you, so don’t go over there getting an attitude if she doesn’t budge right away just because you apologized. You need to convince her that you love her, that you want to marry her, and that she won’t have to keep dealing with drama from Shelly. Shelly is your past mistake, not hers. And you need to put Shelly in her rightful place or you will always have problems with her. I know. I didn’t get to be this age without gaining some wisdom and going through a few things myself. Now go! I don’t want to hear another word. Just go!” she said and turned her attention to Brice. “Come on, baby, let’s get us a snack. You’ll see Daddy tomorrow.”
I stood outside of my mother’s door and tried to think of what I would say to Lexie. She asked me to leave with such finality it scared me. By the time I’d left our house, she had no more tears. For the first time, I felt like things were really over between us. I knew I couldn’t let her go, but I had no idea how to get her back.
After driving around aimlessly for about an hour, I pulled up to my old apartment. Lights were shining through the living room window so I knew my old buddy Lori was home. I wasn’t ready to face Lexie again because I didn’t know what to say to her. I loved her but I wasn’t about to grovel. My male pride just wouldn’t let me do it. I’d called Jeff but didn’t get an answer, and when I drove by his house, it didn’t look like anyone was home. I had dialed Lori’s cell phone to see if it was okay for me to drop by. I really didn’t want to go there, but I had no place else to go. I got her voice mail and hung up, not wanting to leave a message. My mother wasn’t about to let me back into her house because she wanted me to handle my business like a man. Never would she let me use her as a crutch. Since my boy Jeff was nowhere to be found, Lori and my old apartment were my last resort.
When I got upstairs, I had to ring the bell three times before Lori answered the door. When I walked in a sweet fragrance filled my senses. Lori was sporting one of those sports bras and her snug workout shorts clung to her protruding behind, which closely resembled a camel’s hump. Lori was thick but fit, and all of her curves were in the right places. A little voice inside my head told me to leave. Then another voice said it’s only Lori; she’s your friend. Just like one of the boys. Then the first voice told the second voice, Yeah, she’s a friend that you used to sleep with. I opted to listen to the second voice and ignore the first one.
“Hey, B, what’s up?” Lori said breathlessly, as if she had just run a marathon. “I just finished working out. Got to keep the body tight, you know. Find me a man so I can get married like you one day. What brings you by?” she asked as she left me in the doorway. Her firm body was taunting me as she walked away, motioning for me to enter. Her saunter made me remember the things she could accomplish in bed.
The first voice tapped me in the ear and said, “It’s time to go.” I brushed it off once again and headed for the couch.
“Just chilling. I got a lot on my mind, that’s all. I needed a change of scenery. How’s the apartment coming along? You like it?” I asked, trying to take the focus off of me.
“It’s good. I like it here much better than my old place in Bed-Stuy. When you think about selling this place, let me know. I might buy it from you.” Lori snapped her fingers like she’d remembered something and detoured from the kitchen toward the bedroom. “You got a lot of mail here. I figured you’d come by soon enough to pick it up. I’ll be right out with it.”
When Lori disappeared into the bedroom, I scanned the apartment. Lori hadn’t changed at all, which is probably one of the reasons why she still wasn’t married. Men didn’t want to make wives out of home girls they knew too much about. Although Lori was a good-looking girl, she acted much like the average dude. She kept the place clean, but not tidy. The atmosphere and décor lacked the female touch. I was sure that many of her weekends consisted of the guys hanging out here, drinking beer, watching the game, and occasionally indulging in a little weed. Most of the guys had a friend that Lori had slept with a time or two. She didn’t carry herself in a whorish manner, but I knew she’d had quite a few partners. Casual sex with no strings attached didn’t seem to bother her one bit. I had always assumed that she was as afraid of commitment as some men, but now I realize that it’s hard for men to consider a woman like her for any kind of long-term relationship.
Evidence of the occasional weed smoking became apparent when I spied the remnants of a blunt in an ashtray on the floor next to the couch. One thing was for sure, Lori certainly wasn’t wife material for me.
“Here you go,” she said, interrupting my assessment of her lifestyle. “It’s all here.” She plopped down on the couch next to me. “You want a beer?” She handed one to me before I could respond.
“Sure, why not. What have you been up to?” I asked.
“Not as much as you have, planning a wedding and all. By the way, how’s Lexie doing?” Lori asked just before taking a long swig of beer from her own bottle.
“She’s cool,” I said a little too wryly.
Lori threw me a quick but inquisitive gaze then took another swig. I was hoping she wouldn’t ask any more questions. It was obvious that she sensed something in my dry response.
“That was enthusiastic!” she mocked. “Everything alright?”
“Oh, yeah! We’re fine!” I said with lots more enthusiasm. My sudden energy was blatantly unconvincing.
Lori looked at me like she wanted to say ”stop lying.” I finished off my beer and asked if I could get another. I didn’t want to go into details with Lori and just wanted to get away, if just for a moment.
“Hey, B, you didn’t want to invite me to the wedding?”
Damn! Why did I choose to come here? “What makes you think that?” I asked.
“Well you told me about it but you didn’t invite me. Does Lexie have an issue with me? I mean, you are my friend, and she and I got along pretty cool the few times we were around each other. I just figured that since we were so cool, I would have been invited. I mean, if I can live in your house, what’s wrong with me coming to your wedding?”
“It’s not a…well, I didn’t think…I don’t know. I figured that since we’d slept together, it wasn’t appropriate for you to come to my wedding.”
“But, Brian, you know how we do. Did you tell Lexie that we’d slept together before? I assumed that she only knew about our friendship.”
“Yeah, you’re right.” I gave in because I didn’t want to take the conversation any further. “It’s my fault. Inviting you wouldn’t be like inviting Shelly. I’m sorry. I’ll talk to Lex today about putting you on the list.”
“Okay, cool! I have
the perfect dress. I just bought it a week ago. Well, where is it going to be? Since I never received an invitation, and at this rate I probably won’t get one,” she said as she playfully slapped my arm.
“Come on, now, I’m a dude. I don’t retain that kind of information. Some church here in Brooklyn.”
“Which church, fool? There are a lot of churches here in Brooklyn,” Lori said, shaking her head and laughing. “You don’t know where your own wedding is going to be? You should be ashamed of yourself. I’ll just ask Lexie myself.”
“Nah, I was just joking,” I said very quickly, then gave her the information.
“Are you going to stick around for a while? I’m about to throw in a movie.” She lifted her ample bottom off of the couch and starting scanning the DVDs she had scattered in a storage bin near the TV.
“Sure,” I said, getting comfortable. “Let me get another beer first.”
“Go ahead. I know you don’t think I’m going to get it for you,” she said, still scanning the bin. “And bring the chips out of the cabinet over the fridge while you’re in there,” she said over her shoulder.
Reluctantly, I removed myself from the comfort of the couch, dragged myself into the kitchen, and found the beer, chips, and a few more snacks. When I returned, Lori was back on the couch with her feet up.
“I found a good one,” she said, smiling.
“Cool.” I got comfortable again on the opposite side of the couch, put my feet up on the trunk/coffee table and set the goodies nearby.
Lori hit the PLAY button just as I began to swallow a large gulp of my ice-cold beer. Two naked, blond beauties appeared on the screen, licking either side of some black dude’s penis. Lustful moans and cries filled the room, closing in on my comfort zone. Some of the frothy brew that I had attempted to swallow suddenly detoured down the wrong pipe. I gagged violently and propelled my body forward to keep from spitting all over my clothes. A vital but involuntary cough caused the lager to fly out of my mouth, spraying my designer button-down shirt and blue jeans, the coffee table, the snacks, the couch, and Lori.
“Ewww, Brian!” Lori said, trying to contain her laughter. “How nasty! You spit all over my legs. Yuck!” she added for good measure, swatting at the liquid dripping down her legs.
The dude getting his rocks off on TV started moaning loudly as I made an effort to clean myself up. Some beer had splashed out of the bottle when I’d leaned forward during my brief strangling. I thought of what Lexie would say when I finally got home smelling like a brewery, but the sounds of passion emanating from the TV kept stealing my focus. From the looks of it, those ladies knew what they were doing and the brother on the receiving end wasn’t complaining.
Lori had run off to retrieve some towels to clean up with. Returning with a spray bottle of cleaning solution and a dish towel, she swiftly cleaned the mess, wiping me up in the process.
“Damn, B. Can’t handle a little porn anymore?” Lori said, smiling.
“You said you were putting in a movie!”
“This is a movie. What did you expect, Steel Magnolias? You know me.” Lori wiped my shirt with the towel. “You’re going to have to take this off. It’s soaked.”
“I’ll be fine.” I grabbed her hand to stop her from wiping. This was getting to be too much.
Lori kept her other hand on my chest and stared at me. “Brian, are you scared of me or something?”
Scared wasn’t my problem. Now the black dude on the screen was ramming himself into the back of one of the blond bombshells while the other played with her assets in front of him. The images flashing across the huge flat-screen mixed with the sexually charged grunts filling the room didn’t seem to faze Lori. My highly sensitive “sex sense” was ferociously pushing my resolve to dangerous limits. I knew I should have listened to the first voice telling me to leave the moment I stepped through the door.
“Lori, I got to roll,” I said, lifting myself past her attempts to help clean me up.
Lori pouted. “All of this because of a little movie? We used to watch these things all the time and laugh about them.”
“Yeah, that was back when I didn’t have a Fiancé. And we always ended up in bed after we did all of our watching and laughing. Things have changed.”
Lori just stared at me. Was she really missing my point? Whether she was or not, it was time for me to go.
“Am I still invited to the wedding?” Lori asked as I walked out the door.
Chapter 17 Lexie
“Brooke, the wedding’s off,” I said before the damn broke and my tears spilled insistently down my face.
Thinking it and saying the words were so different. The thought didn’t seem real. Speaking the words aloud made them real. The thought of not marrying Brian tore me apart.
“Lex, stop crying. Are you home?” Brooke asked.
“Yes,” I whimpered like a lost child.
“Well, I’ll be right there,” Brooke said before abruptly hanging up. I didn’t even get a chance to respond. I simply dropped the phone and folded myself up into a ball on the kingsized bed I shared with Brian.
My tear-soaked pillow felt cold against my face, but I didn’t have the will to move. I loved Brian more than I realized I could love someone. The thought of living life without him caused physical discomfort. My chest felt bloated, causing my breath to abandon its usual rhythmic flow. Leaving him felt wrong, but staying was too much for me to handle. I could only imagine our problems getting worse. Child support, baby-mama drama to the highest degree, and the thought of Shelly being a permanent fixture in our lives because of Brice was too much to bear.
I’d been hurt before and got over it. I could get over Brian, too. I thought my ex-boyfriend David was different, too, yet he broke my heart and I survived.
The overstuffed down pillow muffled my cries of despair until I felt another presence in the room with me.
“Lex,” Brian called softly.
When I looked up, Brian was standing in the doorway to our room, his expression revealing the comfort he wanted to surround me in. I couldn’t break now. My mind was nearly made up. I had to go.
Brian slowly walked to the bed and sat along the edge. Placing a large, strong hand on the small of my back, he leaned in closer and kissed the back of my shoulder. I moved away from his touch, still lying on the bed.
“Lexie. Babe. We need to talk,” Brian said and sighed.
“Brian, there isn’t much to talk about. I can’t do this,” I said, attempting to make it sound final. I nearly choked trying to hold back the tears.
“Babe, we have to talk. We can’t end things this way. We can’t end this at all,” Brian said, coming closer to me on the bed. “There are plenty of couples out there who deal with children from previous relationships. We won’t be the first and surely won’t be the last. If you break up with me today, who’s to say that your next man won’t come with a child and a baby’s mother? There aren’t many men out here without children. As a matter of fact, there aren’t many women out here who don’t have kids.”
By the time Brian was finished, he was sitting at the edge of the bed again, facing the door. His back was to me and I was facing the other side of the room. I loved him too much to talk about breaking up while staring in his handsome face. I had already turned my tear-soaked pillow over so he wouldn’t be able to tell that I was lying around crying over him. If I faced him, he would see the wiggly red veins traveling through the whites of my eyes and my tough-girl cover would be blown.
“Well, Brian, many women have to deal with it every day, but I just can’t do it. I’m quite sure all of them aren’t dealing with a Shelly Winston either,” I said without lifting or turning my head.
I felt Brian quickly shift his position on the bed.
“When did you become this weak woman? You dealt with Shelly when we first got together. Is this how you planned on being a wife? Bailing at the first sign of trouble? I can’t believe you just want to give up on us and let her win.” Bria
n spoke poignantly, spitting the words out as if they caused him physical pain.
“Excuse me?” I asked, sitting straight up in the bed. Damn the bloodshot eyes and wet pillow, Brian had my attention now. Did this brother just call me weak? I thought to myself. Attitude replaced my sadness. “First of all, who are you calling weak? I’ve never been weak a day in my life! And what do you mean I’m letting her win? This is not a game!” I was so mad my speech was sloppy.
“Well, that’s exactly what it is to Shelly. She doesn’t want us to be together. Why do you think she’s here? After all this time she just comes out of the woodwork with all of the shit she’s been doing lately. She had to have gotten wind of the fact that we were getting married.”
“Game or not, Brian, she is still your son’s mother. You’re officially attached to her for the rest of your life. Regardless of what you think her intentions are. You still have to deal with her. And as long as I am with you, I’ll have to deal with her.” Before I could get another word out, my doorbell rang with urgency.
I jumped from the bed in my powder blue lounge pants and matching tank top and stomped toward the door with Brian on my heels.
“Who is it?” I yelled, then pulled the door open without waiting for a response.
“Damn, girl. It’s me. You knew I was coming. What’s the problem?” Brooke said before looking past me and seeing Brian. “Hey, B! What’s up, big brother?” she said cheerfully, walking past me to give him a hug.
I guess it didn’t matter to her that I was pissed off at him. Maybe it shouldn’t have mattered, but since I was angry with him, I wanted everyone else to give him their ass to kiss.
“What’s up, Brooke?” Brian said, returning her warm greeting as they embraced.
Keeping my position by the door, I held on to the doorknob, waiting for Brian to leave now that Brooke had arrived. Brian completely ignored me while he talked to Brooke.
“You want something to drink?” he asked, trying to play happy host.
“Yeah. Can I have some ice water? It’s hot as me out there,” Brooke said, and fell into a fit of laughter.
In Her Mind (Mountain High Valley Low ) Page 9