“OK at the moment,” Hannah said. “The praying helps a little. More than nothing, but to be honest, not much.”
“I wouldn’t expect it to,” Fr. Xris said. “Prayer is talking with God. Eventually you learn how to listen, in the sense of how to open yourself to thinking like God wants us to think. You don’t literally hear him speak. But you do things like recall verses of scriptures, or think of things you know but have forgotten. There’s more, but it’s difficult to describe without experiencing it. But until you get practiced at that, it’s just you talking to God, and that’s mostly you. So how much comfort could you get talking to anyone? This isn’t really a situation in which words help.”
“Yeah,” Hannah said. “But sitting around doing absolutely nothing is even worse.”
“It is.”
“How do you get through something like this?”
“Any way you can. No matter what you do, or don’t do, the problem will pass. Whether we live or die, it will happen in the same amount of time whatever you do. You could spend the whole time screaming and the time would still eventually pass. You can worry more or worry less, but you can’t fail at waiting. There’s no need to worry about that, at least.”
“Yes, but how do you get through it without it sucking?”
“In some sense, you can’t. To be in a situation where you might die is to be unable to forget that you’re going to die. That can’t be pleasant, in the normal way of things.”
“It’s not just that I’m going to die some day, it’s that I might die today.”
“That your life might be shorter than you thought it would be?”
“Yeah. There’s so much I haven’t done.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t do it.”
“Huh?”
“I don’t mean that the things that you want to do aren’t good, I only mean that they might not be goods that are meant for you.”
“But doesn’t God want every good thing for us?”
“In the sense that God wants to give us all of the good which we can receive, yes. In the sense that he’s made us to receive all possible goods, no. We’re limited and finite. We can receive some goods but not others. I love spicy foods, but I know people who hate them. I can see the value in them, but this goodness is not something given to all.”
“That’s hard to accept.”
“It is. Lots of true things are.”
“Is that supposed to be comforting?”
“Only in that it means that your experience is what it should be. If it should be easy and you find it hard, that means that something might be wrong. If it’s supposed to be hard, it’s actually a good sign that you find it hard. It means you might be doing it right.”
“That’s better than nothing.”
“Indeed, that’s the whole point of Christianity, if you understand it properly. God knew that suffering was a risk in making something, rather than not making it. Even so, this was better than nothing. That is, even if there would have been no suffering if God hadn’t made the world, this was better. Sometimes that’s hard to see, but we are promised that some day we’ll understand what is now unfathomable.”
Hannah thought about it.
“In the meantime,” he said, “would you like to play cards? Sometimes distracting yourself is the easiest way.”
“Yes!” Hannah said.
They played for a few hours, and finally it was time to go to bed. Fr. Xris considered checking in on Freia, but he was quieter in checking on her than the time before, and found she was asleep, so he retired to his own room, said the last office of the day, and went to sleep.
* * *
Fr. Xris awoke to the general staff alarm which the captain had set.
He had time to shave, which he was grateful for, and was not the last one to show up. That was Katie, but since she was the most important person there, Belle wisely decided not to complain.
“It’s time to flip around and kill our momentum,” Katie said. “The nav program will automatically do it unless we intervene.”
“Let it be,” Belle said. “I suppose we’re too far away to pick up anything, but can we try scanning for the slipstream just in case?”
“Sure,” Katie said, “but I’d have had to have miscalculated wildly to find it here. We’re about eight thousand kilometers away from where it should be.”
“If it doesn’t hurt, we have nothing to lose,” Belle said.
“Fair enough,” Katie said.
“Kari, start the scan.”
“Aye Aye, Captain.”
The silence was very heavy.
“Waiting is surprisingly hard, given that it takes no effort,” Fr. Xris observed.
“It’s kind of ironic,” Belle agreed.
“Scan completed, Captain. Nothing.”
“No harm done,” Belle said. “Kari, why don’t you just have the computer continuously repeat the scan and notify us if there are positive results. There’s no reason to initiate it by hand.”
“Already working on it, Captain,” she said.
“How long do we have until we can apply thrust?” Belle asked.
“About 25 minutes,” Katie said. “After we killed the cruise engine, I had the ship turn so the ablative shield was going the direction of our vector, which is basically parallel to the slipstream.”
“Aren’t we going towards the slipstream?” Jack asked.
“We were going at point-two C when we left the slipstream,” Katie said, “and we never did anything to kill that momentum. Even though interstellar gases are much less dense than the space dust in the slipstream, we still don’t want to take that broadside for too long, so I pointed our main ablative shield in the direction we’re going.”
“Any chance we could get to Xan even if we don’t find the slipstream then?”
“Oh, we’ll get there one way or the other,” Katie said, “but the question is will we get there in several weeks or in a hundred years.”
“Right, of course,” Jack said. “Sorry, I had a hard time sleeping last night.”
“You weren’t the only one,” Kari said.
“Let’s get something to eat and reconvene in twenty minutes,” Belle said. “It won’t do us any good to sit around here worrying.”
Breakfast was very tense. The minute of truth was fast approaching, and most people found they didn’t have much of an appetite. Fr. Xris ate well, though, and tried to rally people’s spirits.
“So why are you so cheerful,” Jack eventually asked him. “You do realize the situation we’re in.”
“That we could spend the rest of our lives lost in deep space? Yes, I realize that.”
“But do you realize how short that would be?”
“You mean because we only have a few months of food left before we have to resort to eating each other? Yes, I realize that.”
“And that doesn’t bother you?”
“I try not to let things bother me which haven’t happened yet. Doing that just makes it harder to do anything now, and doesn’t make them any less likely to happen. As the founder of my religion put it, do not borrow tomorrow’s troubles: sufficient unto the day are its own evils. I’m here in pleasant company, and so I’ll enjoy it. And if tomorrow I’ll be dead, then tomorrow I’ll be dead. Some things shall be and some things shan’t: I’ll do what I can, but not what I can’t.
“Look, either God has all things well in hand, in which case there’s nothing to worry about, because the unpleasant stuff has a purpose, or else he doesn’t, and even the pleasant stuff is pointless. If you’re not worried when things are going well, then don’t worry when they’re going badly. Do everything that it’s in your power to do, but there’s no point in trying to do the stuff that isn’t in your power, and at the end of the day, that’s what worrying is.”
“But I can’t help being scared.”
“I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with anticipating certain evil. Jesus wept in the garden of Gethsemane before he was crucified
. I’m just saying that there’s no point in anticipating uncertain evil, since it might not happen. I mean anticipating in the sense of feeling it before it gets here.
“And besides, I don’t just have faith in God, I also have faith in Katie. She’s very good at what she does.”
“At least one of us has faith in me,” Katie said.
“You’re not helping my case,” Fr. Xris said.
“I think it’s time to go back to the control room,” Belle said.
Everyone filed out and went.
After they had taken their places, Katie said, “the program has been spooling up the cruise engine and will fire the thrusters as soon as we’re in position. After that, we should hit neutral velocity perpendicular to the slipstream in forty five minutes. If I got the calculations right, we have at least a 15% chance of landing within 2 kilometers of the slipstream.”
“If we don’t?” Belle asked.
“Then we turn the nose parallel to the slipstream—actually, we need to do that anyway, I’ll add it to the program—and then think up plan B.”
“OK,” Belle said, “More waiting. Let’s try not to kill each other. Anyone want to play a game of whack-a-mole bowling?”
(Whack-a-mole bowling is a virtual game which, as the name implies, is a cross between whack-a-mole and bowling. You roll the bowling ball down the lane which has a ramp at the end. The ramp launches the ball into the air and towards the holes with the virtual moles in them. Some moles are worth more than others, but based on color, not the arrangement.)
“I’ll play,” Fr. Xris said.
“What the hell,” Katie said, “so will I.”
“I don’t think I can,” Jack said.
“I’ll give it a shot,” Biff said.
“So will I,” Kari said.
They went to the lounge and played the game. At first Fr. Xris was the only one who gave the game more than a little bit of his attention, but after a few minutes, it started to serve its purpose for all of them.
When the game had just reached a four-way tie, the notification for the cessation of thrust came.
“Is the scanning program running?” Belle asked Kari.
“Yes,” Kari said. “Nothing.”
“What was that you were saying about Katie being good at what she did?” Jack growled.
“For all you know,” Fr. Xris said, “we’re only four kilometers away from the slipstream.”
“For all you know,” Jack said, “we could be and might as well be a million kilometers away because we look in the wrong direction, or run out of maneuvering fuel trying to find it.”
“It’s not all my fault,” Katie protested. “There was uncertainty in the recordings of our initial thrust.”
“If this ends up killing us, it was my responsibility,” Belle said firmly. “I knew the risks when I took us out of the slipstream. We all did, and no one had a better idea. If we’re going to die, we’re going to die like men and not go out squealing like drowning rats.”
“By the way,” Fr. Xris said. “What are we scanning with?”
“It’s narrow beam of visible light using the spectral lines of hydrogen to get reflections in order to determine density,” Katie said. “Why?”’
“Well, I know that it’s not real common for ships to travel in slipstreams, but wouldn’t it make sense to scan with a broad sweep in radar? If we saw a ship travel past us, it would tell us where the slipstream was, wouldn’t it? And if we have nothing better to do, the more time we look the more likely that there’s be a ship to see, no?”
“The Doppler shift on a passing ship would be pretty high, I think,” Katie said. “I’m not sure if anyone’s ever tried using radar on objects inside of a slipstream from outside of it. Everyone’s got radar stations inside of the slipstreams. Let me do a quick search on whether there any papers on it... I’m not turning up anything. Actually, come to think of it, it would depend tremendously on our angle to the object. But I suppose we could fire off the radar and then turn every sensor we have to pick up flashes in its spectrum and plot where they are. We have a fair amount of overlap in our various sensors up to ultra-violet.”
“What the hell,” Belle said. “It’s better than sitting on our thumbs. Let’s do it.”
“And Jack,” she added, “stop scowling or go back to your quarters. The only way we’re getting back into the slipstream is by being creative and willing to fail.”
“Yes, Ma’am,” he said.
“Give me a few minutes to get this configured,” Katy said.
“How’s Freia doing,” Belle asked Fr. Xris.
“She was asleep but breathing when I checked in on her this morning,” he said.
“And how are the passengers holding up?”
“They’re scared, of course, but they’re waiting.”
“I wonder what Stan is up to,” Belle said.
“Last I saw,” Fr. Xris said, “he had finished fixing the engineering robot—Spark.”
“What is Spark up to?” Belle asked.
“Running a thorough check of the energy spill-off. I don’t want to accidentally melt it down while we’re using it.”
Belle sent a text inquiring about Spark’s status.
Belle burst out laughing when she got the reply, then shared the joke with the crew.
“He estimates that he’s got 1 hour, fifteen minutes, twenty three seconds of work left to do, but that there is uncertainty of up to five hours, twenty three minutes, and six seconds.”
The precision in its description of its imprecision was just too absurd in the dire circumstances, and the laughter was catching. Soon everyone was laughing.
Several people joined in with minor jokes that in other contexts would have been met with polite smiles, but because of the sudden release of tension, evoked huge peals of laughter.
When the laughter finally died down, Belle was the first to speak.
“I needed that,” she said.
“We all did,” Jack said.
“I just need a minute or two more, Captain,” Katie said.
“Of laughing or to get the radar set up?” Belle asked.
This provoked another chorus of laughter.
“Both,” Katie replied when she caught her breath.
“Biff, did the robots finish putting out the fires in the cargo hold?”
“Yes,” he said.
They occupied themselves with a few other tasks until Katie was ready.
“Go for it,” Belle said.
“Going for it,” Katie replied.
Everyone held their breath as if there might be immediate results. Oddly, there was.
“This is weird,” Katie said. “I’m getting a lot of hits on regular radar. I’m checking... none of them seem to have any Doppler shift... And they’re all small. I mean, tiny. Like space junk tiny. What the hell?”
“Could it be from us, somehow?” Belle asked.
“Too far away,” Katie said. “I’m plotting where it is... Oh this is really weird. It’s in a big U shape, ahead of us, and kind of tilted, like the bottom of the U is pointing towards is. It’s big, too. The closest pieces are only a few dozen kilometers away, but the furthest pieces are like a thousand kilometers away, but mostly in front of us, not away from us...”
Everyone was silent, pondering the mystery.
“Space junk!” Katie shouted. “It’s space junk!”
“Please explain,” Belle said.
“Where would space junk come from around here?”
“A ship, obviously,” Belle said.
“And who is the only ship around here?”
“Us,” Belle said, “which doesn’t seem to do us any good. There are the pirates, too, but they’re drifting a lot further away from the slipstream. Unless that’s spray from when our missiles hit them?”
“Not spray from us hitting them,” Katie said. “Spray from them hitting us. Remember how they got in? Then tunneled their way through our hull. They used a large drill bit. What hap
pened to the pieces of our ship that it scraped away?”
Belle’s face lit up.
“They were thrown all around in a circle. But how did that produce a U?”
“We weren’t traveling in the center of the slipstream. The shavings were moving slowly, and the ones closest to the outside of the slipstream ended up leaving the slipstream about the same time we did. Since neither of us changed their momentum parallel to the slipstream, they’re very close to us. The shavings that were further away from the edge of the slipstream left it later, and so they’re further along. Hence the U shape. That means that we can plot the location of the slipstream from the U!”
She jumped out of her seat, grabbed Fr. Xris, and kissed him hard on the mouth.
“I’m sorry,” she said, “but I’d have done that even if you were a woman. You’ve saved us!”
He held onto her biceps to make sure she couldn’t dive at him again.
“I believe you,” he said “But all the same, go for the cheek next time. And I’m pretty sure that it’s you who saved us. I didn’t know what the U means. Either way, why don’t we hold off on the celebrations until we’re back in the slipstream?”
“Good idea,” she said, and despite his grasp she dove at his face but, complying with his request, kissed him on the cheek. She then pulled away and all but jumped onto her console.
“Slipstream, here we come!” she said.
“This will take a minute or two,” she added, “but don’t worry. This time the uncertainty should be measured in meters.”
Belle smiled, then looked for something to do in order to set an example for her crew. She turned to Fr. Xris.
“Once the celebrations are done, if the best Stan could do fixing spark is still missing critical functionality,” she said, “would you mind assisting Katie again to work on fixing the second main engine? It would cost us a lot of time to stop ourselves using only one engine. And of course it would give us a back-up in case anything happens to the other engine. Stopping is very important when going into a solar system, since if you don’t stop, you crash into a star. At that point, it doesn’t even matter that you were going at point-two c.”
“It would be my honor,” Fr. Xris said.
Katie pretended not to notice, but a small smile escaped onto her lips before she recaptured it.
A Stitch In Space Page 19