‘Not even Marianne?’ she taunted.
‘Especially Marianne!’
Alexandra looked at him suspiciously. ‘Why do you say that?’
‘Because Marianne means nothing to me, she didn’t long before our marriage broke up. She’s married to some other poor idiot now and I hope they’re happy together.’
‘You don’t care for her?’
‘No,’ he said simply.
‘But you said—you said—’ her voice broke. ‘I hate you!’
‘I hope you do,’ he accepted with a sigh. ‘Your hate I can take, it would be your love that would break me.’
‘I don’t love you!’
‘Good, let’s keep it that way. I’ll see you some time Thursday or Friday.’ He turned to re-enter his study.
‘I hope you never come back!’ she shouted at him childishly.
He looked up at her. ‘Oh, I’ll be back. I may even dance at your wedding when the time comes, but until it does stay out of my way. I’ve never taken another man’s wife and it may be the only thing that will save you.’
‘From you?’
He nodded. ‘From me. Goodnight, Alex.’
She didn’t correct him over the use of her name. ‘Goodnight,’ she said huskily before running up to her room.
CHAPTER FOUR
SHE called Roger the next morning and apologised for running out on him. They arranged to meet for lunch at a restaurant in town, Alexandra knowing that she had to talk her uncertainty over with Roger. He wasn’t going to like it, but it would at least explain her strange moods towards him of late.
‘So you don’t want to marry me?’ He paused in the eating of his meal, the restaurant they had chosen quite busy.
Alexandra looked around her self-consciously, hoping no one else could hear their conversation. ‘I’m saying that I’m unsure, and if I’m unsure it’s best to wait.’
‘Does your living with Dominic Tempest have anything to do with this uncertainty?’ he asked crossly.
‘I’m not living with him!’ she burst out, her face fiery red. ‘Why do people keep saying that,’ she snapped.
‘Who else has said it?’ Roger asked suspiciously.
‘Just Gail.’
‘She probably said it because she’s noticed the change in you too.’
‘Don’t talk rubbish, Roger, I haven’t changed.’
He shook his head. ‘I’m not the one talking rubbish. Do you imagine yourself in love with Tempest, is that it?’
Alexandra gave up all pretence of eating. ‘How can you even suggest such a thing? You know I can’t stand the man.’
‘I also know that it’s since you’ve been living with him that you’ve changed towards me. I made a move on Sunday evening that I admit was a little stupid, but once upon a time you would have shrugged off a situation like that. Heavens, it wasn’t the first time I’ve tried to go a bit too far. So why make such a big thing out of it this time?’
She sighed at his lack of understanding. ‘I’m trying to explain it to you, Roger, but you just won’t listen.’
‘I am listening, it just doesn’t seem to make sense.’
‘It doesn’t make sense because you won’t let me finish,’ she snapped impatiently. ‘I’m uncertain about marriage between us because I reacted so violently about Sunday night. Don’t you see, if I was in love with you I would have wanted you to make love to me, whether we were married or not.’
He put his hand over hers, squeezing gently. ‘You wouldn’t, Alexandra. You’re much too innocent for that.’
She looked at him eagerly. ‘Do you really think that’s the reason? Really?’
He smiled at her. ‘Of course it is—you aren’t the type of girl to enter into an affair, and we both know that we can’t marry for another six months. What if we should make a slip-up? It would ruin everything.’
Alexandra was scarlet by this time. ‘We’ve never discussed this sort of thing before. I—it—’
‘It’s embarrassing, I know. But it’s something we should have talked about, made our feelings clear on the subject.’
‘That’s a bit clinical, isn’t it?’ she asked huskily.
‘Maybe, but it would save a lot of trouble in the long run. I love you, Alexandra, and I want to make love to you,’ Roger said earnestly. ‘But I want you for my wife, and I can wait until then.’
So could she—that was the trouble. There was none of the desperation she would have expected, none of the tense excitement she had felt when Dominic Tempest had only looked at her.
But that could have been due to his age and experience. Dominic was every woman’s challenge, the unattainable, and for a while yesterday she had been tempted to accept his challenge. But Dominic wasn’t reality, Roger could give her that, and she had nearly given him up!
‘Oh, Roger,’ she choked, ‘I’ve been so stupid. I don’t know what came over me.’ Except Dominic Tempest, and he wasn’t even worth thinking about. She would simply ignore anything he said to her in future.
‘Nerves, darling. It’s only natural.’
She laughed. ‘We aren’t getting married for months yet.’
‘So we’ll go and look at rings on Saturday?’ he persisted.
‘Just to look,’ she warned. ‘I couldn’t possibly get engaged while Gail is in hospital. We’ll have to have a party, and we can’t do that until she gets home.’
He couldn’t hide his disappointment. ‘But that’s weeks away!’
Dear Roger! How could she have possibly have doubted she loved him? ‘Never mind, pet, perhaps Gail will have the baby early.’
‘I hope so.’
She laughed. ‘So does she!’
‘My mother and father have—well, they’ve suggested that they convert the top of the house into a self-contained flat for us.’ Roger looked at her hopefully.
Alexandra felt her heart sink. She liked Roger’s parents, but she didn’t want to live with them. They were inclined to spoil Roger and she didn’t think marriage would change their attitude. She felt her uncertainty returning.
‘Do you think that’s a good idea?’ she asked evasively.
‘Well, I— Look, shall we get out of here, go to the park where we can talk more privately?’
‘Yes,’ she agreed gratefully, ‘I think that’s a good idea.’
She waited in the reception area while Roger paid their bill and then they walked the short distance to the park. Alexandra smiled at the antics of the young ducks on the pond as they clambered all over their quacking mother.
‘Aren’t they cute?’ she mused.
‘Yes.’ Roger was preoccupied. ‘Let’s sit on that bench over there’.
She did as he asked, knowing he was anxious to get back to the question of the converted flat, and she didn’t know how she was going to say no without stepping on too many toes.
‘You don’t like the idea, do you?’ he said suddenly.
‘Oh, Roger, it isn’t that. I just—’
‘We all thought it was the ideal solution,’ he cut in. ‘We obviously can’t afford a house of our own.’
‘You’ve already discussed it with your parents?’ She couldn’t hide her dismay.
‘Well, they did suggest it yesterday, but as you know I didn’t get a chance to talk to you about it last night. The idea is to convert the very top floor of the house into a flat for us. It will need a lot of work to make it self-contained, that’s why they’re suggesting it now.’
‘But we agreed we were going to rent a flat for a while, until we can afford to buy a house of our own.’
‘That could be never,’ Roger scorned. ‘It will be years until I’ll be earning that sort of money.’
‘But living with your parents! That’s almost as bad as living with Gail and Trevor. We wouldn’t have any privacy.’ She knew Roger’s parents, they might make the flat self-contained but no doubt they would more often than not expect them to dine downstairs with them.
Roger’s mouth tightened. ‘Of cour
se we would—the flat would be ours. Much better than renting some scruffy dump that will probably be damp, because on the money I get that’s about all I could afford.’
Alexandra knew he was talking sense, but she also knew that they weren’t his own words, they were obviously the facts his parents had put forward in their argument. She could see the sense of what was being said—but she wouldn’t live with her in-laws!
‘We have months to think about this, Roger,’ she insisted.
‘Not really. As I said, the work on the conversion would have to start soon.’
‘But not yet,’ she said lightly. ‘Let me think about it, Roger. It’s a serious decision to make.’ And one she didn’t even want to make.
‘Okay.’ He seemed satisfied with this. ‘Are you visiting Gail this afternoon?’
‘Yes, I have to take some things in to her.’ She grimaced. ‘She wants her knitting.’
‘From the house?’
‘Mm, she gave me a list of things to take to her.’
‘I thought Tempest had taken your key away.’
Alexandra blushed as she remembered the circumstances behind him doing such a thing—and the reason he had given it back to her. ‘He changed his mind. After all, it is my home.’
‘Would you like me to come to the hospital with you?’ asked Roger. ‘I’d like to see Gail.’
She laughed. ‘I’m sure she would like to see you too, anything for a new face.’
‘Charming!’ He pulled her to her feet. ‘Come on then, let’s go.’
They stopped off briefly at the house to pick up the things on Gail’s mammoth list.
‘We’ll probably have a heatwave,’ Alexandra joked to Gail, ‘with all these cardigans you keep knitting the baby.’
‘I hope not,’ Gail grimaced. ‘It’s already hot in here, I don’t think I could stand a heatwave as well. I’m sure they’ve got the heating on, and it’s the middle of summer!’
‘It’s for the babies, not for you.’
‘Well, I’m baking.’ She sprayed some perfume on herself. ‘They say I’m here to rest and yet they wake me up at six o’clock with a cup of tea, the morning routine and doctors’ round stop you sleeping in the morning, and then they keep feeding you and giving you cups of tea and throwing vitamins down you at odd hours of the day.’
‘And in the afternoon you get people visiting you and keeping you awake,’ Alexandra finished with a laugh. ‘I think we should go, Roger.’
‘Don’t you dare,’ Gail threatened. ‘You’re the only thing that’s keeping me sane. I’d much rather be at home.’
‘We would rather have you there too,’ Alexandra said gently. ‘I’m at home all the time now, couldn’t they let me take care of you?’
‘Trevor’s going to talk to Dr Jenner about it, but I hope I can, and soon.’
‘I’m perfectly capable of looking after you, and I don’t like having to stay at Dominic’s.’ Even more so after yesterday.
‘Trevor says he’s gone to London.’
‘Has he?’ Roger looked surprised. ‘You didn’t tell me that, darling.’
Alexandra shrugged. ‘I didn’t think it was important.’
‘But you’re all alone there now.’
‘Hardly alone—Dominic has lots of servants. Besides, he said he’d be back before the end of the week. I’ll hardly know he’s gone. Maybe we’ll have Gail out of here by then and I can move back to care for her.’
‘But Dominic doesn’t usually leave until Wednesday,’ Gail said thoughtfully.
Alexandra grinned. ‘Maybe I drove him away,’ she teased, hoping they wouldn’t guess that was what had actually happened.
‘I doubt it,’ Gail laughed. ‘He’s probably had an urgent call from the studio.’
Alexandra looked sharply at her sister. ‘You mean he may have gone away on one of his wild assignments?’ She couldn’t keep the fear out of her voice.
‘No, I don’t think so. He would have said so. No, it was probably just something to do with the programme.’
It had nothing to do with the programme and everything to do with her. All the more reason for her to get back to the sanity of living with Gail and Trevor. She certainly didn’t want any more scenes with Dominic like yesterday, it unsettled her too much.
‘That’s probably it,’ she agreed. ‘It seems to keep him pretty busy.’
Roger looked at his watch. ‘I have to leave now, but I’m glad to see you’re feeling better,’ he said to Gail. ‘See you tonight, darling?’
‘I’ll come with you now, before I get thrown out.’ Alexandra stood up too. ‘You get some sleep now, Gail, and I’ll be in again tomorrow.’
‘These damned doctors and their rest,’ Gail mumbled.
Alexandra laughed. ‘Get on with your knitting. The baby should have about fifteen matinee jackets by the time you’re finished.’
‘Stop teasing me. I have to do something to pass the time.’
‘Well, you will have these babies.’
‘Baby! It’s going to be the singular—I hope.’
‘Knowing your luck …’ Alexandra teased again.
Gail pulled a face. ‘That’s all I need.’
Alexandra bent to kiss her sister. ‘See you tomorrow, love. And give my love to Trevor.’
‘They appear to be looking after her,’ said Roger once they were outside.
‘Oh, they are, but it’s an awful long time to just sit there waiting.’
‘Mr Tempest left rather suddenly, didn’t he?’ Roger remarked casually.
Alexandra looked away. ‘Urgent business.’
‘It must have been, he didn’t say anything about it on Sunday. He leads a really strange life, doesn’t he, never knowing from one day to the next whether he’s going to be sent to the far ends of the earth.’
‘Not this time,’ she denied quickly.
‘No, but he does go away a lot.’
‘You sound envious,’ she said, watching him closely.
He looked really boyish at that moment. ‘Well … He does lead a pretty exciting life. Any man would envy him.’
‘I’m sure your father wouldn’t be pleased to hear that, it isn’t the way he would expect a budding lawyer to talk. You’re supposed to be very staid and respectable, not longing to rush off to troubled places. Besides, it isn’t the sort of job a man with views to marriage should be thinking of. It’s only because Dominic is totally selfish that he’s managed to make a success of it for so long. If he ever loved anyone but himself he wouldn’t be able to do it.’
‘You’ve just managed to convince me that you still hate him,’ Roger grinned.
‘Did you ever doubt it?’ She hoped he hadn’t, but she certainly had, she still did! He might be miles away, but she could still feel the way he had looked at her, the way she had reacted to him, and still be disturbed by the fact.
Roger hugged her to him. ‘Only for a while. You have to admit he’s a handsome devil.’
‘Yes,’ she agreed abruptly. ‘But I’m sure that too many women have thought that in the past for him to be interested in someone as naïve as me.’
‘I should hope so,’ he said indignantly. ‘You’re my girl. Shall we go out tonight or would you like to come over to my house?’
Remembering the threat of the converted flat Alexandra thought it better if she didn’t see Roger’s parents for a while; she knew how Mrs Young manoeuvred people without them even being aware of it. Perhaps if she didn’t see them for a while they might forget about it.
‘Why don’t you come over to Dominic’s?’ she suggested. ‘We could have more privacy there now he’s away.’
He had a wicked look in his eyes. ‘Is that a good idea?’
‘Roger!’ she gave him a reproachful look.
‘Will he mind us being there?’
‘He won’t know. And he did say that as long as he doesn’t keep tripping over my friends I can have over who I want.’
‘Hey, that’s great, we can have a party
.’
She frowned. ‘I don’t think we should do that, it wouldn’t be nice in his absence.’
Roger grasped her forearms. ‘But that’s the ideal time. It doesn’t have to be a real party, just invite a few of the gang over.’
‘Let me think about it, maybe tomorrow night.’
He kissed her briefly on the mouth. ‘You’ve got a lot to think about.’
More than even he knew! ‘I’ll see you later. Come over about eight-thirty.’
Charles provided her with tea when she returned to the house. This brief period of time gave her chance to try and sort herself out. She had allowed Roger to talk her out of cancelling all thoughts of marriage, but what would happen when Dominic returned and his magnetism began to work on her again?
She really shouldn’t allow him to get to her like this, it would all be a game to him. But he had taken it seriously enough to have to leave for London a day early! It gave her a strange thrill to be able to unnerve him like that, quite flattering really.
But it shouldn’t be! Why should she be flattered because a selfish devil like Dominic Tempest had momentarily found her attractive? She could answer her own question. He was a well-known television personality, worldly and experienced, and he breathed excitement.
That was what had temporarily blinded her to the stupidity of such an attraction, had made her forget her dislike of him, the dislike and anger she had felt towards him most of her life. But she didn’t dislike him any more, and that was something she didn’t want to probe too deeply.
Charles showed Roger into the lounge that evening with all the stiff politeness he could muster. He apparently didn’t approve of his master’s young guest entertaining a man here. Alexandra was surprised at his attitude, considering Dominic’s morals. But perhaps it was one rule for Dominic and another for her. Well, Charles needn’t have worried in that direction; Roger was only here for a drink and a chat, quite innocent compared with Dominic’s behaviour.
‘He’s a real little watchdog, isn’t he?’ Roger grimaced at Charles’ retreating back. ‘He more or less gave me the third degree on the doorstep!’
Alexandra laughed, standing up to pour Roger a drink. ‘He’s just being protective.’
Fear of Love Page 6