by Moxie North
“Rain, I get it. I really do. You’re not pushing me. Trust me, if you were, I’d be pushing back. I’m not weak or unsure of myself. I’ll tell you if you step over the line.”
“I appreciate that. That being said, all you have to say is ‘come here’ and I’ll be in the car.”
“No, really, talking to you has actually helped. I think that I just needed to touch base with you. Have a good time with your family. Thank you for calling me. I’ll see you on Monday.”
“Okay, sleep tight. Call me if you need me.”
“I will.”
Rain waited until she ended the call. It was something he was sure that he would always do in the future. He couldn’t be the one to hang up. She didn’t seem mad that he had called. Answering was a good sign considering she could have let it go to voicemail. Maybe she really did need to hear from him. Calling must have been the right thing to do.
Now the urge to run back to Seattle was gnawing at him. His bear wanted her scent again. The animal did not like the idea she was distressed, and to calm him, he needed physical proof of her health and well-being.
“Son?”
Rain turned to see his dad leaning against the doorway to the kitchen.
“Yeah, Dad?”
“Anything you need to talk to me about?”
Rain sighed and ran his hands over his face. “Not yet.”
His dad pursed his lips and nodded, turning back to the other room.
Rain’s dad wasn’t one to push, but was always there if you needed him. His mom would be the same. But right now it was about self-control. Keeping himself true to the words he’d said to her. That he was there if she needed him, anytime.
Just because his family didn’t know he had found his mate and she didn’t know that she was his One, didn’t mean he wasn’t going to be there for her anytime she needed. Giving her space was making her miss him. That was something that he hoped was the mating drive showing her that they were meant to be together.
Chapter 20
Monday seemed so far off. Rain had texted her and said goodnight after he’d called. She fell into a sleep that had her dreaming of mountains, streams, and trees. Not totally unusual considering where she lived. Still, it made her think of Rain when she woke up. He was definitely a trees and earth kind of guy.
After she’d finished talking to him, she had felt a little silly for telling him about what the other women had said. Then she remembered what he said about strength from others making you stronger, not weaker, and she didn’t feel as silly.
On Sunday morning, she woke up to a good morning message from Rain. She didn’t respond to that one because she knew if she did they would get into a long conversation either via text or over the phone. Her gut told her she wouldn’t be able to just ignore him if he started talking. Her desire to know what he was thinking and how his night had been confused her.
She didn’t consider herself overly selfish, but she wasn’t one to delve into other people’s lives either. Yet, Rain wasn’t other people. That was becoming clear. Her dream came back to her, and her mind went to what Rain might be like in the woods. He’d be at home she was sure, blending into the scenery, being at peace. It was a strange thought that her gut told her was true.
Right before lunch she got another text that included a picture. It was of two babies, gummy mouths open, drool trickling down their chins.
She laughed out loud when she saw it. These must be his niece and nephew. From what she could see, they looked adorable, but it was hard to tell. The picture was ridiculously close almost as though they had grabbed the phone and taken the photo themselves by accident.
Sending a text back, she told him they were too cute to be related to him.
He sent back a thumbs up emoji. This was easy communication, casual and noncommittal. Her mind moved back to Rain’s theory on strength. The connection between them seemed to be melting together like two hot pieces of metal.
Once those separate pieces were fused together, getting them apart took a violent act. That thought was scary and permanent in her mind. That funny feeling in her stomach though, it had the opinion that two people melded together were stronger.
Quinn kept herself busy as best as she could. There was a call she needed to make, had needed to make, but avoiding it was her goal for the time being. Her mother expected a weekly call, if not more. Normally she called on the weekends to fill her in on her classes, her groups, and her work.
Not that much changed from week to week. She would give her mom a rundown of the boring life she led and in return her mom complained about whatever person at work was pissing her off, or who wasn’t pulling their own weight.
Her mom had a complicated relationship with men, always had. She disliked them in general, but didn’t think anything about hooking up with them short term. She had learned over the years to use them and dump them before they could impact her life in any way.
And she always made sure to never rely on them for anything, especially money, attention, or love. It was always just about sex for her. That’s what she taught her daughter not only by example, but in long lectures on the reason you should never let your guard down.
The revolving door of men was one of the reasons that Quinn didn’t date. What was the point? When she needed sex she either took care of herself or found a willing short term partner. She had a very clear speech that she gave before any sexual encounter.
It was one that informed the willing participant that they would engage in intercourse for one evening. Protection was mandatory, the time was open to negotiation and after that there was no need to contact her or have any other communication with her that wasn’t school related. There wouldn’t be a next time.
Most guys found this odd but were thrilled to be getting their rocks off without any drama.
Now that Rain had turned her down, she realized that speech wouldn’t work with him. If there was a first time with him, there was going to be a next time, and a next, and a next.
He wasn’t joking about not turning back. She could feel it, like a truth that rested in her bones. Rain was going to be a one woman man. She just wasn’t sure that she could be that woman for him. He was going to be a lawyer. He’d be busy, have responsibilities to his job and his family. He already said that he’d be moving back home once he was done with school.
Quinn wanted to see the world and travel. Her social worker’s salary wasn’t going to get her far, but it was a start. Hell, she’d be thrilled with her first trip to California. Someday she wanted to see the Grand Canyon and visit an ocean she could dip her toes into without getting hypothermia. Rumor had it that there was there was water like that the further south you drove.
Disneyland was on her list of things to do. She also wanted to see the Redwoods. For some reason she knew that if she ever got to hug one of those trees, her connection to the earth would multiply. It was silly and a little flaky, even for her. The semi-arid climate of her youth made the idea of rich thick forests almost mythical.
With her attempts to not think about Rain, she got online Sunday and surfed the web for a while. She found some new hair colors to try. Rainbow was an option. Then because she was weak and couldn’t resist, she Googled Rain’s family. There were so many items that came up she almost slammed her laptop shut.
Instead, she forged ahead and clicked the first link. The family had its own Wiki page. That surprised her. There were links to all of their businesses, the individual websites, pictures of strong capable looking men and women that had the same good-looking gene that clearly dominated.
The genetics fairy must have dumped all her best sprinkles on them. It wasn’t fair for that many people to be so handsome.
Closing her laptop, she lay down on her bed and checked her phone. No new messages. Knowing that she could spend the rest of the day snooping on his family, she closed her eyes and thought of him instead. She fell asleep and napped for maybe the third time in her life. Her mind was so busy it was the
only escape. Her dreams were the same. Trees, Rain, animals in the woods, blending together in a green and brown kaleidoscope of nature and man.
Waking up to the twinkling twilight outside, she checked her phone again. A simple message of, I hope you had a good day, was waiting for her.
Shit, that was nice. Just a small gesture that he was thinking about her. Nobody had ever cared what kind of day she had. Whether or not it was hard or tiring. Quinn had always just dealt with her daily aches, pains, and problems herself.
Now there was someone who wanted to know how she was. She’d see him tomorrow and that made her nervous for a number of reasons. Her feelings for him were changing, morphing by the moment. Each little gesture was a surprise and that was a little sad. Was this how women were roped into all those emotions and relationship stuff?
Still, there wasn’t any dread in it or worry. Just excitement and that weird little flutter deep in the center of her. She had that other little tingle too, damn him. That one she was more than acquainted with.
How was she going to spend time with him when all of her so-called friends, and probably her mother, didn’t think he was someone who was good for her?
Quinn was never one to care what others thought. It shouldn’t matter and no one else should get a vote. It didn’t mean it couldn’t make for an uncomfortable senior year.
Not wanting tomorrow to be any weirder than it was already going to be, she sent him back a text, asking him what his plans were for the day.
He said his family was all coming over because he was there. They were having a big BBQ dinner and then he’d be driving back to school.
She replied telling him she was cleaning her room, then maybe catching a movie on her own. Extra butter with no outside judgment of course.
He thought that was a great idea and asked her about her schedule for the week. She only hesitated for a moment before sending him her classes, her meetings, and her free time. Fuck all of them. She thought he was cute, and so far, he was sweet beyond all of her expectations. Until he did something that made her uncomfortable or crossed a line, she was going to play this out. Screw anyone that was going to try and ruin this for her.
Quinn went about her day. She kept up her texts with him until there was a lull that she attributed to his dinner with his family. She went to a movie. It was a long, slow, subtitled affair that she wouldn’t subject anyone she liked to.
It was a quirk to enjoy movies that you weren’t sure what the ending meant. French films were good for that. German too. A stereotypical clown walking down a lonely beach in black and white with no explanation or context was something you could ponder for an eternity.
Her awareness that it was late and that he could be back in his dorm and hadn’t texted or called was hard to ignore. She kept checking her phone to the point she annoyed herself and tossed it in her bag. She went to bed thinking that she kept hearing her phone chime, but dismissing it as her brain playing tricks on her. When it did go off and she convinced herself that it wasn’t a hallucination, she jumped up to grab it.
Then she paused to give herself a mental slap because acting like this was ridiculous. It was Rain, telling her good night and asking to meet her for coffee before her first class. She texted yes with a smiley face and hit send. Grabbing her headphones she plugged them into her laptop and pulled up a streaming music site. She wasn’t willing to risk being plugged into her phone straining to hear past the music. She closed her eyes and focused on the gentle ocean sounds drowning out her feelings.
Rain was feeling better than when he had driven out of Friday. The time with his family was as grounding, as it always was. His mind couldn’t help but slip into the vision of Quinn included in the family events. Laughing with his mother, thumb wrestling with Cassie, because that seemed like a reasonable possibility. It would be perfect.
His mate safely protected in the center of his family, his clan accepting her as one of their own. Now he was texting with his mate, and she was asking him questions, talking about their week like they were a couple arranging their schedules. The connection they had soothed his bear. Even far apart the link between them was there.
There wasn’t a moment during the weekend that she wasn’t in his thoughts. His family was excited to see him. He was surrounded the minute they all arrived at his parent’s large cabin home. They chatted all at once, kids ran around, adults imbibed, and it was a general party atmosphere without a good reason for a party. Rain could feel his parent’s eyes on him, his father especially.
They were watching, feeling him out. Their animals were surely picking up the change in him. His clan was hyper-aware of each other. Their continued survival meant they had to maintain their clan and to do that meant being very involved in each other. They hovered more than normal and he could feel different sets of eyes trained on him. Sideways glances and the overall sensation of concern thickened the air everywhere he went.
He didn’t mind. It was a clan connection that calmed him and his bear. Knowing your family was watching your back wasn’t intrusive, it was comforting. It just made him more aware that his mate wasn’t with him. It did have him pondering the connection he already felt with her. It was strong, so intense that it took his breath away. And they hadn’t even bonded yet.
Bonding between shifter mates meant biting each other, not only to mark the other person, but to seal them together in blood and soul. With humans, it was only a one-way bite, but no less strong. He knew the second his bear tasted her blood his level of sanity might slip. His desire to protect and care for her might be more than he could handle. Still, it was a craving that he felt deep inside him.
As far as his family was concerned, there was very little he could tell them right now. He could feel the anxiousness of his bear rising, a shifter needed their mate. When they finally found that person, the desire to be with them was overwhelming, like an appetite that couldn’t be fulfilled. He was denying his animal that connection because he didn’t think she would accept them. Or more to the point, it was too soon for him to even know what she might agree to. It was fair for him to assume that she would react with scorn and disbelief.
He told her if she let him in, it was going to be forever. To a normal college girl, that would be terrifying. At least he guessed that it would. Who wanted to be told that a new person you had a connection with wanted the rest of your days too? His human side could easily see how crazy it sounded and it was that challenge that he didn’t know how to overcome.
He’d been contemplating just telling her. Blurting it out and seeing how she dealt with it. Cash hadn’t told him that it was a horrible idea. He even shared how some of their cousins had managed to land their mates with that exact technique. Not that it was advisable, just that in their cases it had worked out okay. Luckily.
That wasn’t so much a technique as it was a clusterfuck. Then again, Cash reminded him that the Fates wouldn’t have chosen this woman for him if she wasn’t able to accept who he was. It was their human nature that kept them from being honest and open with their mates. Most likely, if they’d listened to their animals, things would have gone smoother. Cash tried to convince him that trusting the Fates was the only way to go. Cash was usually right.
Growing up, The Fates, the universal plan for all shifters, wasn’t like Santa Claus or the Easter bunny. It was a constant source of comfort and direction for the clan. Nobody second-guessed when things happened because the elders would tell them it was all part of the greater plan. The plan was for the continuation of their species and so far the Fates had guided them safely through the years.
So you had to find comfort in the security of a force that wanted nothing more than your happiness. As a child, Rain loved the idea that his mate was out there. That she was waiting for him and he would find her and his future happiness. Now his faith was wavering. His bear wanted him to trust that the universe had chosen Quinn out of all the women in the world because she was exactly what he needed.
Quinn was
a fighter, trying to make the world a better place without knowing the outcome of her efforts. That wasn’t something that Rain thought he could do. Exert a ton of effort on something that he can’t evaluate and assess a level of completion or value added results. But she was all about the hope and drive to make a change. In comparison, he’d been coddled with his belief that his life was already mapped out for him. Quinn had to claw and climb her way to whatever happiness she desired. Would she be willing to put the same effort towards a man she’d just met?
She was bright. She was flamboyant without even trying. Not in a flashy way, not in an attention grabbing way. It was purely her personality, her life force shining through. Everything about her spoke of life, burning vibrant and hot. He needed that spark in his life. He realized that his world had been very monotone and bland up until now.
He had a wardrobe that consisted of maybe a half dozen colors. Clothes were not how he expressed himself. They covered his body and provided warmth and protection. He had regimented study times that he didn’t have to compromise with other responsibilities. She had to fit in studying and earning her education between work and her social activities. He knew she didn’t need anyone else to fulfill her goals.
The determination to succeed no matter what was etched into her. He knew that he needed her more than anything to see his future plans work out. She would be able to reach her goals without him. He didn’t doubt her ambition or her eventual success. He needed her more than she needed him.
That was a fact that aggravated his bear. But as a man, he could see that as of right now, Quinn’s world could exist without them. Their job was to convince her that being with them would enhance her world, not keep her from living it the way she wanted. She could travel, support her causes, and help the children that drove her to working so hard to accomplish her goals.
He told his bear on the drive back to Seattle and that they would try this week to tell her the truth about themselves. Find a way to give her a reason to trust that he wasn’t someone to be afraid of, or someone to be hesitant to trust.