by Xiaolu Guo
He opens door again, smashing it back to me hardly.
“Properly!” he shout.
Later, I go in bookshop and check “properly” in Collins English Dictionary (“THE AUTHORITY ON CURRENT ENGLISH”). Properly means “correct behaviour.” I think of my behaviour with the taxi driver ten minutes ago. Why incorrect? I go to accounter buy little Collins for my pocket.
My small Concise Chinese–English Dictionary not having “properly” meaning. In China we never think of “correct behaviour” because every behaviour correct.
I want write these newly learned words everyday, make my own dictionary. So I learn English fast. I write down here and now, in every second and every minute when I hear a new noise from an English’s mouth.
fog n. a mass of condensed water vapour in the lower air, often greatly reducing visibility.
fog
“London is the Capital of fog.” It saying in middle school textbook. We studying chapter from Charles Dickens’s novel Foggy City Orphan. Everybody know Oliver Twist living in city with bad fog. Is very popular novel in China.
As soon as I arriving London, I look around the sky but no any fogs. “Excuse me, where I seeing the fogs?” I ask policeman in street.
“Sorry?” he says.
“I waiting two days already, but no fogs,” I say.
He just look at me, he must no understanding of my English.
When I return Nuttington House from my tourism visiting, reception lady tell me: “Very cold today, isn’t it?” But why she tell me? I know this information, and now is too late, because I finish my tourism visiting, and I wet and freezing.
Today I reading not allowed to stay more than one week in hostel. I not understanding hostel’s policy. “Money can buy everything in capitalism country” we told in China. My parents always saying if you have money you can make the devil push your grind stone.
But here you not staying even if you pay. My parents wrong.
I checking all cheap flats on LOOT in Zone 1 and 2 of London and ringing agents. All agents sound like from Arabic countries and all called Ali. Their English no good too. One Ali charges Marble Arch area; one Ali charges Baker Street area. But I meet different Alis at Oxford Circus tube station, and see those houses. I dare not to move in. Places dirty and dim and smelly. How I live there?
London, by appearance, so noble, respectable, but when I follow these Alis, I find London a refuge camp.
beginner n. a person who has just started learning to do something.
beginner
Holborn. First day studying my language school. Very very frustrating.
“My name is Margaret Wilkinson, but please call me Margaret,” my grammar teach tells in front blackboard. But I must give respect, not just call Margaret. I will call Mrs. Margaret.
“What is grammar? Grammar is the study of the mechanics and dynamics of language,” Mrs. Margaret says in the classroom.
I not understanding what she saying. Mrs. Margaret have a neatly cut pale blonde hair, with very serious clothes. Top and her bottom always same colour. She not telling her age, but I guessing she from 31 to 56. She wearing womans style shoes, high heel black leather, very possible her shoes are all made in home town Wen Zhou, by my parents. She should know it, one day I tell her. So she not so proud in front of us.
Chinese, we not having grammar. We saying things simple way. No verb-change usage, no tense differences, no gender changes. We bosses of our language. But, English language is boss of English user.
Mrs. Margaret teaching us about nouns. I discovering English is very scientific. She saying nouns have two types—countable and uncountable.
“You can say a car, but not a rice,” she says. But to me, cars are really uncountable in the street, and we can count the rice if we pay great attention to a rice bowl.
Mrs. Margaret also explaining nouns is plural and singular.
“Jeans are pairs,” she says. But, everybody know jeans or trousers always one thing, you can’t wear many jean or plural trouser. Four years old baby know that. Why waste ink adding “s”? She also saying nouns is three different gender: masculine, feminine, and neuter.
“A table is neuter,” she says.
But, who cares a table is neuter? Everything English so scientific and problematic. Unlucky for me because my science always very bad in school, and I never understanding mathematics. First day, already know I am loser.
After lunch breaking, Mrs. Margaret introducing us little about verbs. Verb is just crazy. Verb has verbs, verb-ed and verb-ing. And verbs has three types of mood too: indicative, imperative, subjunctive. Why so moody? “Don’t be too frustrated. You will all soon be speaking the Queen’s English.” Mrs. Margaret smiles to me.
pronoun n. a word, such as she or it, used to replace a noun.
pronoun
First week in language school, I speaking like this:
“Who is her name?”
“It costing I three pounds buying this disgusting sandwich.”
“Sally telling I that her just having coffee.”
“Me having fried rice today.”
“Me watching TV when me in China.”
“Our should do things together with the people.”
Always the same, the people laughing as long as I open my mouth.
“Ms. Zh-u-ang, you have to learn when to use I as the subject, and when to use me as the object!”
Mrs. Margaret speaking Queen’s English to me.
So I have two me s? According to Mrs. Margaret, one is subject I one is object I? But I only one I. Unless Mrs. Margaret talking about incarnation or after life.
She also telling me I disorder when speaking English. Chinese we starting sentence from concept of time or place. Order like this:
Last autumn on the Great Wall we eat barbecue.
So time and space always bigger than little human in our country. Is not like order in English sentence, “I,” or “Jake” or “Mary” by front of everything, supposing be most important thing to whole sentence.
English a sexist language. In Chinese no “gender definition” in sentence. For example, Mrs. Margaret says these in class:
“Everyone must do his best.”
“If a pupil can’t attend the class, he should let his teacher know.”
“We need to vote for a chairman for the student union.”
Always talking about mans, no womans!
Mrs. Margaret later telling verb most difficult thing for our oriental people. Is not only “difficult,” is “impossibility”! I not understanding why verb can always changing.
One day I find a poetry by William Shakespeare on school’s library shelf. I studying hard. I even not stopping for lunch. I open little Concise Dictionary more forty times checking new words. After looking some Shakespeare poetry, I will can return back my China home, teaching everyone about Shakespeare. Even my father know Shakespeare big dude, because our in our local government evening classes they telling everyones Shakespeare most famous person from Britain.
One thing, even Shakespeare write bad English. For example, he says “Where go thou?” If I speak like that Mrs. Margaret will tell me wrongly. Also I finding poem of him call “An Outcry Upon Opportunity”:
’Tis thou that execut’st the traitor’s treason;
Thou sett’st the wolf where he the lamb may get
I not understanding at all. What this “’tis,” “execut’st” and “sett’st”? Shakespeare can writing that, my spelling not too bad then.
After grammar class, I sit on bus and have deep thought about my new language. Person as dominate subject, is main thing in an English sentence. Does it mean West culture respecting individuals more? In China, you open daily newspaper, title on top is “OUR HISTORY DECIDE IT IS TIME TO GET RICH” or “THE GREAT COMMUNIST PARTY HAVE THIRD MEETING” or “THE 2008 OLYMPICS NEED CITIZENS PLANT MORE GREENS.” Look, no subjects here are mans or womans. Maybe Chinese too shaming putting their name first, because that not modest w
ay to be.
slogan n. a catchword or phrase used in politics or advertising.
slogan
I go in bookshop buy the English version of Little Red Book. Not easy read but very useful argue with English using Chairman Mao slogans. English version is without translator name on cover. Yes, no second name can be shared on Mao’s work. Chairman Mao
has inherited, defended and developed Marxism-Leninism with genius, creatively and comprehensively, and has brought it to a higher and completely new stage.
The English translators of this book, they are like feather compare with Tai Mountain.
In West, Mao’s words work for me, though they not work in China now. Example, today big confusion in streets. Everywhere people marching to say no to war in Iraq.
“No war for oil!”
“Listen to your people!”
The demon-strators from everywhere in Britain, socialists, Communists, teachers, students, housewifes, labour workers, Muslim womans covered under the scarf with their children…They marching to the Hyde park. I am in march because I not finding way to hostel. So no choice except following. I search Chinese faces in the march team. Very few. Maybe they busy and desperately earning money in those Chinese Takeaways.
People in march seems really happy. Many smiles. They feel happy in sunshine. Like having weekend family picnic. When finish everyone rush drink beers in pubs and ladies gather in tea houses, rub their sore foots.
Can this kind of demon-stration stop war?
From Mao’s little red book, I learning in school:
A revolution is not a dinner party, or writing an essay, or painting a picture, or doing embroidery; it cannot be so refined, so leisurely and gentle, so temperate, kind, courteous, restrained and magnanimous. A revolution is an insurrection, an act of violence with which one class overthrows another.
Probably Communist love war more than anybody. From Mao’s opinion, war able be “Just” although it is bloody. (But blood happen everyday anyway…) He say:
Oppose unjust war with just war, whenever possible.
So if people here want to against war in Iraq, they needing have civil war with their Tony Blair here, or their Bush. If more people bleeding in native country, then those mens not making war in other place.
weather n. the state of the atmosphere at a place and time in terms of temperature, wind, rain, etc.–v. (cause to) be affected by the weather; come safely through.
weather
Carrying meat ball and pork slice from supermarket, now I am in place calling Ye Olde English Tea Shop. What is this “Ye”? Why “Olde” not “Old”? Wrong spelling.
Tea house like Qing dynasty old style building waiting for being demolish. Everything looking really old here, especial wood stick beam in middle of house, supporting roof. Old carpet under the foot is very complication flower pattern, like something from emperor mother house.
“Where would you like to sit?”, “What can I get you?”, “A table for one person?”, “Are you alone?”. Smiling waiter ask so many questions. He making me feel bit lonely. In China I not have loneliness concept. Always we with family or crowd. But England, always alone, and even waiter always remind you you are alone…
Everybody listening the weather at this moment in tea house. All time in London, I hearing weather report from radios. It tells weather situation like emergency typhoon coming. But no emergency coming here. I checking Concise Chinese–English Dictionary. It saying all English under the weather, and all English is weather beaten, means uncomfortable. Is reasonable, of course. England everybody beaten by the weather. Always doubt or choice about weather. Weather it rain or weather it sunshine, you just not know.
Weather report also very difficult understand. The weather man not saying “rain” or “sunny” because they speaking in complication and big drama way. He reporting weather like reporting big war: “Unfortunately…Hopefully…”. I listen two hours radio I meet twice weather report. Do they think British Empire as big China that it need to report at any time? Or clouds in this country changing every single minute? Yes, look at the clouds now, they are so suspicious! Not like my home town, often several weeks without one piece cloud in sky and weather man has nothing more to say. Some days he just saying “It is Yin,” which mean weather is negative.
confuse v. mix up; perplex, disconcert; make unclear.
confusion n. 1. the state of being confused; 2. a situation of panic or disorder; 3. the mistaking of one person or thing for another.
confusion
English food very confusing. They eating and drinking strange things. I think even Confucius have great confusion if he studying English.
It is already afternoon about 3 o’clock and I so hungry. What can I eat, I asking waiter. He offering “Afternoon Tea.” What? Eat afternoon tea?
So he showing me blackboard, where is a menu:
Ye Olde English Tea
2 scones, jam, whipped cream, pot of tea £3.75
Whatever, I must to eat whatever they have or I faint. Three minutes later my thing arrives: “scones” hot and thick and dry, cream is unbelieveable, butter is greasy, and jam are three kinds: raspberry, cramberry and strawberry. A white tea pot with a white tea cup.
I confusing again when I look at “whipped cream” on little blackboard. What is that mean? How people whip the cream? I see a poster somewhere near Chinatown. On poster naked woman only wears leather boots and leather pants, and she whipping naked man kneeling down under legs. So a English chef also whipping in kitchen?
I put scones into mouth, and drink tea like horse. Next door me, I hearing somebody wanting “frothy coffee.”
A lady with a young man. She say: “Can I have a frothy coffee, please? And my friend will have a black coffee, with skimmed milk.”
It must be big work making something “skimmed,” and “frothy,” and “whipped.” Why drinking become so complicating and need so much work?
And water are even more complicating here. Maybe raining everyday here and too much water so English making lots kind water.
I thirsty from eating dry scones.
Waiter asks me: “What would you like? Tap water or filthy water?”
“What? Filthy water?” I am shocked.
“OK, filthy water.” He leave and fetch bottle of water.
I so curious about strange water. I opening bottle. I drinking it. Taste bitter, very filthy, not natural at all, like poison.
homesick adj. sad because missing one’s home or family.
homesick
In my language school, Mrs. Margaret ask me:
“Would you like some tea?”
“No,” I say.
She looking at me, her face suddenly frozen. Then she asking me again:
“Would you like some coffee then?”
“No. I don’t want.”
“Are you sure you don’t want anything?”
“No. I don’t want anything wet,” I saying loudly, precisely.
Mrs. Margaret looking very upset.
But why she asking me again and again? I already answer her from first time.
“Oh, dear.” Mrs. Margaret sigh heavy. Then she standing up, and starting make her own tea. She drink it in very thirsty way, like angry camel in the desert. I am confusing. Am I make tea for her before she asking me? But how do I know she thirsty if she not telling me directly? All this manners very complication. China not have politeness in same way.
And how to learn be polite if I not getting chance talk people? I am always alone, talking in my notebook, or wandering here and there like invisible ghost. Nobody speak to me and I not dare open my mouth first because when I start talking, I asking the rude questions.
“Excuse me, you know there are some red spots on your face?”
“Are you a bit fatter than me?”
“I don’t believe we same age. You look much older than me.”
“I think you are a very normal person. Not a special person.”
“The food you coo
k is disgusting. Why nobody tell you?”
I already have very famous reputation in my language school. They say: “You know that Chinese girl…” “Which one?” “That rude one of course!” I hear it several times. Maybe I need get trained from ‘“Manners International Etiquette Workshop,” which is advertisement I read on Chinese newspaper. It say:
Manners International custom tailors each etiquette program to the specific requirements of each individual, business/corporation, organization, school, Girl Scout Troop, or family.
I think I am exactly that “individual” needing to be taught there, if fee is not too expensive. Re-education is always important.
Mrs. Margaret look at me in sad way. “You must be very homesick,” she says.
Actually not missing family at all, and not missing boring little hometown also. I happy I not needing think about stinking shoes with anyhow the same style on showroom shelfs in parent factory. I glad I not having go work every day at work unit. Only thing I missing is food. Roasted ducks, fresh cut lamb meat in boiling hot pot, and red chilli spicy fish…When thinking of food, I feel I make big mistake by leaving China.
This country to me, this a new world. I not having past in this country. No memory being builded here so far, no sadness or happiness so far, only information, hundreds and thousands of information, which confuse me everyday.
Except my English class every morning, I so bored of being alone. I always alone, and talking to myself. When sky become dark, I want grab something warm in this cold country. I want find friend teach me about this strange country. Maybe I want find man can love me. A man in this country save me, take me, adopt me, be my family, be my home. Every night, when I write diary, I feeling troubled. Am I writing in Chinese or in English? I trying express me, but confusing—I see other little me try expressing me in other language.
Maybe I not need feeling lonely, because I always can talk to other “me.” Is like seeing my two pieces of lips speaking in two languages at same time. Yes, I not lonely, because I with another me. Like Austin Power with his Mini Me.