“I know, and I get it. Don’t worry about it.”
“You know what?” he asked, her brow furrowed in confusion. Slightly shaking his head, he continued, “If you’re upset about what happened on the couch, I can explain–”
My heart lodged in my throat, my grief almost enough to strangle me to death. “Nothing happened.” I rasped.
“I beg to differ. I know you felt something. You had to, because–”
I placed my fingers to his lips, silencing him. “You belong with Liv, and what happened this morning meant nothing. We’re just two good friends who got caught up in a moment.”
His brow furrowed as he examined me closer. “You can’t be serious?” his voice raised in confusion.
I set my jaw attempting to appear stern and nodded my head once.
“Is that honestly how you feel?”
“Yeah,” I lied.
Resignation was written across his face. He ran his fingers through his hair and stepped back from me. “Okay.” Then his lips pressed to my forehead. “Goodnight, birthday girl.”
“Goodnight, Andy.”
He shoved his hands into his pockets, and turned on his heel, disappearing into the night. I stepped into my apartment, and closed the door behind me. All of the tears I had held back burst forth like a flood. At the front door of my apartment, I spent the final hours of my thirty-second birthday bawling my eyes out over the man I could never have.
Chapter Eighteen
Spending a week with my parents had been exactly what I needed. Every day was a new adventure. But none compared to their first day on a private beach; a fact that my father was certain to repeat.
Even though Drew continued his daily ritual of texting and calling me, something was lacking between us. Everything felt calculated and cold. I brushed the feelings aside as a byproduct from him being overworked. My birthday had been the only day Drew had off, and later I discovered he shouldn’t have taken it off. The case had taken over his life.
Olivia made a point to stop by and visit my parents while they were in town. That had been a nightmare. The necklace Drew had given me was part of my autonomy now. I took it off only to take a shower. When Olivia arrived, I was wearing the pendant. Naturally, she noticed the rock around my neck and demanded to know where I got such an item.
At first she teased me about Jared, as she always did, but my father put a stop to that by telling her Drew had given it to me for my birthday. I prepared for the insinuations to follow, but instead, she brushed it off with a wave of her hand. “Drew is prone to give elaborate gifts. He bought me a three carat diamond tennis bracelet for Valentine’s Day,” she boasted. It was odd. I recalled being around for Valentine’s Day, but I didn’t remember her being the recipient of a bracelet. But then again, I rarely could remember where I last left my cell phone.
To say that hurt was an understatement, but I had to face the fact that Drew would buy her something more valuable, because he was in love with her.
Then to make matters worse, Dad let it slip that we had spent my birthday at Drew’s house. Olivia was enraged by that piece of information. She felt like Drew was undermining her on the party planning and couldn’t believe he would take me over there without her.
They didn’t talk for two days after that, and I felt like the world’s worst friend. Especially since Olivia didn’t blame me for the situation. All of her anger was bestowed on Drew. He didn’t seem to care. When I tried to ask him about her, he breezed around the topic. He was indeed the master of avoidance.
When Sunday rolled around, I dreaded having to take Mom and Dad to the airport. It was a tearful goodbye with a promise that I would visit during summer break.
Unbeknownst to anyone, Nate had messaged me on my birthday. In all of the excitement of the day, I didn’t see the text until the next morning. It was sweet and simple, letting me know he was back in town and wanted to know when we could get together. He ended it with happy birthday.
That next day, I made arrangements to see him after I delivered my parents to the airport.
I entered my apartment feeling spent from my drive to Fort Myers. With several hours to waste before I needed to head over to Nate’s, I sat down on the couch with my worn copy of The Great Gatsby and got lost in the beautiful world of Gatsby and Daisy.
My heart broke all over again, as I read the confrontation of Gatsby with Tom and Daisy. Tom proclaimed to Gatsby that there were things between him and Daisy that Gatsby would never understand. That held true for my own life. There were things between Olivia and Drew that bound them together, and I was only ever meant to love him from the sidelines.
During my reading of the epic love story, I must have fallen asleep, because I awaken by a jolt of electricity vibrating my hip. I sat straight up, having felt like I had been electrocuted. My head throbbed and felt very heavy. The room had grown dark. I rubbed my eyes hard, letting out a deep sigh.
I stretched my arms and legs, grunting as I did. That’s when I felt the shock again. It caused me to jump, and realize that my cell phone had to be in my pocket. I stood up and pull it from my jeans; my hand crushed by the tight fabric.
Blinded by the light, my eyes squinted to adjust to the invading brightness. Once my eyes focused, I saw multiple text messages from Nate. I scanned through them one by one. Every message read the same. They all wanted to know if I was still coming over and where I was.
The clock showed it was almost nine o’clock. I sent a reply that I had fallen asleep and would be there in fifteen minutes. I grabbed my purse and rushed out the door.
The night air was crisp and cool. It was the perfect evening for a bonfire at the beach. I rolled the car windows down and turned up my stereo. As I drove down the highway, I sang at the top of my lungs determined not to think. I just wanted to get where I was going.
As I pulled up in front of my old house – Nate’s house – the pizza delivery driver was driving away. I parked my car and headed to the front door. It felt weird ringing the bell. I had to remind myself this wasn’t my house anymore. Nate opened the door with a smile. I remembered then why I had fallen for him in the first place.
Dressed in all black and barefooted, he was sexy as hell, but then again, Nate always had sex appeal to me. His reddish brown hair was arranged to look like he had just woken up, even though I knew for a fact it took him thirty minutes to get it to look like that, and his hunter green eyes sparkled in the glow of the porch light.
“I nearly gave up on you,” he teased.
“Sorry. I was reading and dozed off.”
He opened the door wider and ushered me in. “It’s okay. You’re here now. That’s what counts.”
The door closed with a loud thud behind me. My gaze swept over the room. Stacks of boxes were scattered everywhere. Pictures had been removed from the walls, and several pieces of furniture were wrapped in bubble wrap.
“What’s going on here?” I waved toward the boxes.
“I’m moving.”
“I can see that. But why?”
He cracked his knuckles, as he stretched his arms over his head. His shirt lifted, exposing the taut muscles of his stomach. I diverted my eyes to keep from staring.
“This house is too big for one person. It feels like a tomb. I rented a little condo closer to work.”
The irony of his comment didn’t get past me. I had been saying that all along. It never seemed to sink in to his thick skull how lonely this place felt. Guess now it had.
“Well, I hope you’re hungry. I ordered pizza. I got your favorite.”
“I’m starved,” I replied, but my stomach answered louder with an embarrassing growl. I hadn’t eaten since breakfast and my stomach was starting to form teeth of its own.
He led me to the kitchen where the smell of salty cheese and tomatoes sent my stomach grumbling. His lips twitched into a half grin. I skirted around boxes, careful to not trip over any of them. The pizza sat on the counter with a couple of paper plates.
; “I hope you don’t mind paper plates tonight. I have everything ready for the movers tomorrow.”
“I don’t mind,” I said, reaching for a plate.
Opening one of the boxes, the sight of hot cheese, ham, and bacon caused my mouth to water. I placed a couple of slices on my plate and took a seat on a barstool at the kitchen island.
Nate opened the refrigerator and pulled out two beers. He popped the tops on both and handed me one. He made his plate and stood at the counter adjacent from me.
The silence was deafening; neither of us knew what to do or say. So much had happened since the last time we talked. It was impossible to decide where to begin.
“So, um, how long have you been back?” I finally asked.
“I came back the day before your birthday.” His words muffled by a mouthful of pizza.
I devoured a slice and started on the next. More silence engulfed us. I wiped my mouth on a napkin and washed down my dinner with a long pull of my beer.
“Hmm, how was your trip?” I persisted.
“It was good. I made quite a few sells.”
“That’s good to hear. I bet Pfizer loves you for that.”
He took a swig of his beer. “Yeah. They offered me a position in Chicago.”
“That’s awesome. Then why are you moving into a condo here?”
Nate gave a half-hearted shrug. “I told them I would think about it first.”
“What’s there to think about?” I asked in between bites. “This is basically your dream come true.”
“True, but my family lives here and…” He looked down at his plate. “Well…” The deep lines of his brow invoked the feeling of anguish inside of me. He glanced up at me, and I realized what he was thinking.
“I live here,” I finished his sentence.
“Yeah.”
“This is a big opportunity for you though. Nate, I don’t think you should let it pass you by.”
Having lost my appetite, I pushed my plate away from me. It appeared that Nate still held a torch for me.
“I know it is.” Nate picked at the label on his beer before tearing it away from the bottle. “Do you ever think we’ll be able to fix this between us?”
It felt as if someone had kicked me in the stomach. I knew the conversation of us would eventually come up, and while I had told myself I was prepared to handle it, I really wasn’t.
“I don’t know,” I muttered. My hands shook around the beer bottle, as I pulled it to my lips.
“I know I’ve made loads of mistakes. I should’ve been more understanding after the miscarriage. I should’ve been here for you. I should never have left you alone when I knew you were hurting. I should’ve listened to you more. I just didn’t know how to handle everything. I hated seeing you so upset and I felt helpless.”
I was stunned. Never had I heard Nate open up like that before. I nodded and reached for his hand.
“We both did things we shouldn’t have. I should’ve been more open about my feelings instead of closing off inside myself. I shouldn’t have walked out like I did that night. I’m sorry I hurt you.”
A smile widened over his angular face. “And I’m sorry I hurt you. I’ve missed you so much.”
The truth was I had missed him too. When things were good, they were great. When things were bad, they were torture. I wanted to believe that he truly felt remorse for the pain I had felt.
“I’ve missed you too.”
I released his hand and resumed eating my lukewarm pizza.
“I hear you moved out on your own,” he inquired.
He reached into the fridge grabbing another beer. He held it out to me, silently offering me another. I nodded in acceptance and he popped the top, pushing it down toward me.
I caught the beer, as it came to the end of the island.
“Nice catch,” he said with a chuckle.
“Thanks, and yeah I did. It’s wild living on my own, but I love it.”
“Couldn’t take living with Olivia anymore?”
I laughed. “She’s not as bad as everyone thinks. She has her quirks, but I’m the master at adjusting to quirks.”
“I’ll agree there. Like a certain boyfriend leaving the toilet seat up and you falling in at night.”
“Nothing worse than a cold, wet butt in the middle of the night to wake you up,” I snorted.
“We fixed it though. You got that god awful nightlight for the bathroom, and I learned quickly after you poured cold water into my shower to put the seat down.” His eyes danced with laughter.
“Hey, don’t hate on the nightlight. The blue lightsaber nightlight rocked. I wish I still had it.”
He pushed his head back level with his shoulders in an act of surprise. “What happened to it?”
“Olivia broke it,” I deadpanned.
“She did what?” Laughter tickled his tone.
“She swore it was an accident, but I know better.”
Nate buckled over in laughter. “I wish I had thought of that.”
Reminiscing with Nate had broken the tension between us. Here we were simply two old friends catching up and talking about old times. It felt good to be able to sit and laugh with him.
Before coming over, I had been so afraid of finding myself in another fight. I never considered maybe all he wanted to do was talk.
“Star Wars hater,” I grumbled.
I hopped off the barstool to toss my trash. Not paying attention as I walked around the side of the island, I tripped over a box.
Nate’s quick reflexes prevented me from face-planting onto the floor. My arms instinctively wrapped around his neck, as I tried to regain my balance. I chuckled at my clumsiness and looked up at him. The expression on his face was not one of humor. He pulled me tighter to him, locking me in his embrace.
“McKenzie,” he whispered; his voice wanton and husky.
His face inched closer to mine. He smelled so inviting and felt so warm. His lips brushed over my cheek. My heart raced in my chest, as I recalled the last night we were together. It had been so long since I had been touched in that manner, that my body ached for him to take me. I closed my eyes in anticipation of his kiss.
But the moment I closed my eyes, my mind flashed to Drew. His genteel manner with me was sweet and inviting, with the underlining of the sexy Neanderthal inside him. With Drew I felt whole. Like the piece of my soul that I had been searching for was found. I never felt that way with Nate.
Without hesitation, my hands unraveled from his neck. Placed against his shoulders, I pushed back with a small amount of force.
“No, Nate, please.” My voice cracked from the weight bearing down on my chest.
He ignored my heeds, pressing his lips firmly to mine. I pushed harder against his shoulders, refusing to kiss him back. It didn’t matter that my body was screaming for the physical release. My mind and my heart wouldn’t allow it.
“Nate, I said no!” I exclaimed with as much force as I could muster.
He released me, causing me to almost lose my balance again. I caught myself on the counter and looked up into his hard eyes. They were filled with rejection and anger. Guilt and my own anger tore through me.
“Why not?” he demanded.
“I just can’t. I’m trying to move on with my life, and this is a step backward not forward.”
“That’s a lie and you know it,” he growled, slamming his fist down on the counter.
I jumped at the sound of skin and bone hitting marble. “No it’s not. I left for so many reasons and none of those reasons have changed.”
“I’ve changed, McKenzie. I really have. Please, I’m only asking for another chance.”
I released a deep sigh. It didn’t matter if he had changed. I had changed, and this wasn’t what I wanted any longer.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, feeling the tears burning the back of my eyes.
Nate ripped his fingers through his hair and glared at me. “It’s him. Isn’t it?”
“Him who?” I a
sked, perplexed.
His nose flared and his eyes burned through me. “Don’t act stupid. You know exactly who I’m talking about.”
I tilted my head and raised my eyebrows trying to figure out what Nate was talking about.
Then it hit me like a bolt of lightning. He was referring to Drew. How he knew about Drew, I was unsure, but he somehow knew. I guess my face exposed me because Nate nodded.
“Yeah, him. The guy on the beach. I was discussing my promotion options with my boss on his private yacht off the shore of Longboat Key last Sunday. Talk about pure surprise to see you flipping about with your parents and him,” he answered my unspoken question.
My mouth dropped open. “That’s why you called me on my birthday,” I rasped.
“Partly,” he snarled.
“Nate, he’s just a good friend.”
Nate pursed his lips. Sweat started to build on the back of my neck.
“I don’t know. Looked rather cozy if you ask me. I lost count of how many times he maneuvered in your path during that silly game. Some nerve he had feeling you up like that in front of Bill and Lindsey.”
I raked my nails over my scalp, diverting my eyes from his horrific gaze. “He wasn’t feeling me up. He’s my friend. Nothing more.”
Nate leaned back against the counter with his arms crossed over his firm chest. A condescending scowl colored his expression. “You expect me to believe that you two are just friends?”
“It’s the truth!” I yelled, throwing my hands in the air.
“I saw the way you looked at each other. I’m not an idiot. How long have you been dating him?”
“I’m not dating him. He’s dating Liv,” I blurted out.
His lips pursed into a smug grin. A maniacal chuckle pulsed from his lips.
“I didn’t know you had it in you, McKenzie. Going after your best friend’s boyfriend,” he jeered. “You really have sunk to an all time low. And here you are talking about rebuilding your life,” Nate sneered.
Bile rose in my throat. I was going to be sick, and I knew I had to get out of there. I shoved away from the counter and made my way out of the kitchen, heading to the front door. Everywhere I turned I had to dodge boxes.
The Truth in Lies (The Truth in Lies Saga) Page 22