by Ford, Mia
To be honest, I can’t imagine Zoe buying Maddie millions of toys. She is the sort of person who I imagine spoils her daughter with love rather than things. She will give her all of herself rather than all sorts of plastic stuff that may only be looked at once, but I’m trying to get my foot in the door here. I just want Maddie to give me a chance. Once she lets me get to know her, then I can change things us if that’s what Zoe wants.
“Maddie wants to meet you,” I remind myself before the nerves get too much. “She is the reason that Zoe brought you here. She was alerted by a Father’s Day thing at the school and has wanted to meet you ever since. Now, it’s your job not to be a let-down for her. You need to be everything that she wants and more.”
Unfortunately, it’s late at night so there won’t be any toy shops open. This is something that I will have to wake up early to do. Before I go to meet them at the park. It will be a battle between getting the right things and not getting too much, but I’m excited. I’m pretty sure that it will be fun.
I head up the stairs and aim straight for my wardrobe where I know that I have a box stashed away in the back of it. It’s a box that I don’t look at much because it hurts too much, but today it feels right. I actually want to look at the images of my parents and not because I’m feeling down, but because this is a happy time. A time that I want to share with them. Not that I will ever tell anyone that this is what I do.
“Hey, Mom.” I smile at the slightly faded picture of her. The last couple of decades haven’t treated photographs well which is why digital is so much better. There is always another copy! “Hey, Dad. I miss you guys again. As always. I always miss you. I am sure you guys know that already.” I pick out another picture. This one is one of them holding Brad when they were only sixteen years of age. I’m sure that it was a scandal for them to have him so young, especially decades ago, but I doubt they ever complained. “Brad was a surprise to you guys, wasn’t he? That’s why there is such a gap between him and the rest of us. But it all worked out okay for you in the end, didn’t it? Well, at least it did until the car accident where you died.” Urgh, I hate thinking that happened to them. They were only thirty five years old as well. Too young to die. “Brad was a good kid to you. Well, as it turns out, I have a surprise child as well. One that was conceived five years ago when I was only twenty. Older than you guys but probably less mature.” I shake my head, knowing that I’m getting off topic. “Well, anyway, lots happened, and Maddie’s mother left town. She knew that I wasn’t good enough for my daughter at the time. But now she has come back. Both of them have, and they want to give me a chance. A chance that starts tomorrow morning. I’m going to meet Maddie and spend some time with her.” I sigh loudly. “I wish that you guys could be here to meet her too. I know that she’s going to have a massive family with all of my brothers. But it would be good with you here as well. You would love her, I’m sure of it.”
I hope that they are somewhere watching over me, helping me through this, guiding me. I have no idea if all of that stuff is true, but it would be nice to think it is. Just so that I’m not in this alone.
Then again, I suppose I’m not on my own, am I? Because I will have Zoe to guide me. And she knows Maddie and her wants and needs better than anyone. This time, I just have to listen.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Zoe
“I don’t understand, Mommy,” Maddie moans while gripping on to my hand. “Why do I have to see that man again? I didn’t like him when he was being mean to you, so I don’t understand why now…”
I get down to her level and look lovingly in to her eyes. “He wasn’t being mean, Maddie, he was confused and didn’t understand what was happening. It was just a discussion, nothing more. But it won’t be like that today. I promise you. He’s your father. We came here to meet your daddy, didn’t we? So, now you can.”
She pouts out her bottom lip and looks at me with sadness rocketing through her. “I don’t know, Mommy.”
“I know you don’t. This was always going to be a bit of a challenge, but we will get through it together.”
I hold her hand tighter and try to reassure her, but I might be trying to calm myself down as well. Last night it seemed like such a good idea to get this done with already, to not hold back and tackle it right away, especially when Wesley was being so nice about everything, but now I’m not so sure. Now, I think that it might be rushed. I don’t know about Maddie and Wesley, but I need some time to get my head around everything.
“What are we going to do, Mommy?” Maddie tug my hand again. “When he gets here?”
“We will go to the park so you can have a play. Show him what cool things you can do.”
“Can I go now? I’m so bored of waiting,” she moans. “I want to go and play already.”
I want that for her too, but I think that it might seem rude if she’s just playing and ignoring him. I want her to at least have a little conversation with him before everything gets chaotic. I think that they both need that.
“We will just wait to say hello first. That is the polite thing to do. Then we can go and play.”
But she hops from foot to foot, basically unable to stay still as wait. I can feel her impatience, it’s surging through me as well, but unfortunately for her, I can’t do anything to change it. I’m just as impatient and nervous as she is. Maybe even more so. But I’m trying to keep myself centered by remembering how nice he was last night; how keen he was to meet Maddie. If that caries through today, then everything will be okay.
“It will be okay,” I whisper to myself, trying to cool my breaths down. “It will.”
“Did you say something, Mommy?” Damn it. It seems that I can’t do anything in private.
“No, sorry, I’m just trying to… to… I don’t know. No, I didn’t say anything,” I correct myself. “Sorry.”
Shit, I’m freaking Maddie out just about as much as I’m panicking myself. I’m supposed to be the damn adult here. I need to hold it together for her sake. I’m going to have to be cool for her.
“Is that him?” Immediately, Maddie hides behind my legs, the fear rolling off her. “Is he here?”
“Yes, that’s him. Don’t panic, Maddie. I’m going to be here with you all the time.
I smile and wave at Wesley, and he returns the gesture… well, as much as he can with the big bags in his hands. I don’t know what he’s brought here today. He didn’t need to. I have everything under control.
“Hi, Zoe,” he says in a much too bright tone of voice. “Hello, Maddie. I have some gifts for you.”
Some gifts… wow he has a whole heap of gifts! I can’t believe it. I don’t know if Wesley might have gone a bit over board here. This might be a little overwhelming for Maddie… but oh no, she’s jumping around in front of me and having her head in the bag right away. She’s practically diving in.
“Dolls!” she screams. “Oh, my goodness, a unicorn. I need a new unicorn. Oh, and a ball.”
She immediately drops the ball the floor and starts kicking it around. Wesley laughs at her, looking incredibly pleased with himself. I can’t help but join in with the smile because this is a good start.
“Wow, you didn’t have to do all of this,” I tell him seriously. “That’s a bit too much.”
“I wanted to spoil her. I wanted to make this special and I know that I have a lot to make up for.”
Ah, so he knows. He’s aware that he was a dick the other day, so that’s something. Not only does he know what he’s done, but he’s also trying to make up for it which is nice. I can already tell that my fickle daughter has forgotten all about her pouty lip from before. Now, she’s grinning at Wesley like he’s her best friend.
“Thank you for all of my things,” she declares. “This is really nice. Can we go and play in the park now?”
I chuckle and turn to Wesley. “She has been wanting to go to the park for ages. I’m sorry.”
“No, not at all.” He shrugs and smiles. “Whatever Maddie wants
. Let’s go and do it.”
Maddie cheers and immediately runs off, leaving some of her things behind. Me and Wesley gather them up and follow her over to the park. Luckily, there is a free bench for us to sit on. Well, actually for me to sit with all of her things because Wesley immediately goes to play with Maddie. To help her on the park. I get to sit back and watch as she slides, swings, goes on the monkey bars, all while laughing along with Wesley.
Father and daughter, I think to myself. This is so strange. I never thought that this was going to happen.
It’s nice. It actually warms up my heart to watch them. This should have been happening all along… but at least it’s happening now. At least there is finally the chance for them to build this bond.
Maddie is in her element, she doesn’t even glance my way because she’s having such a nice time, but every so often, Wesley shoots me a look. He wants to know that he’s doing okay, and I honestly think he is. Surprisingly he seems to be handling this in a much better way than I thought that he would.
He could be a really great father; I think to myself. This could really work out…
Although, will it be as good when I’m back in New York? Will things work out as well? He might be great at being a father while we’re here in the same town… but what about when we go? Although, should I be thinking of that? Should I be thinking so far in to the future or just enjoying what’s happening right now?
“Mommy!” Maddie calls, thankfully distracting me from those terrifying thoughts. “Take a picture of me.”
I grab my cell phone and rush over to where she is on the climbing frame. I want to snap an image of her, but the only way that I can do it is with snapping a picture of Wesley as well. As I take the picture, I can see all the similarities between the pair of them. It’s easy to see that they are related, it’s shocking actually.
Oh my God. My heart nearly explodes with love. This is too much for words.
“Hey, do you think that you could send that picture to me?” he asks. “Thank you.”
For some reason, as I send it my heart pounds with nerves. I don’t know why because I sent him a picture of Maddie last night and that was okay. But this… I don’t know what it is, but it’s scary. I watch as he grabs out his phone and he looks at it. I think my heart melts just as much as it seems to him. This is a strange, family moment that I didn’t think I would ever have. I suppose it’s emotional for the pair of us too because we both know what it feels like to lose someone, to not have that parental role anymore, so we don’t want Maddie to have that.
“Thank you,” he mouths at me as it looks like his eyes are filling with tears. “Thank you so much.”
Oh my God, this is the start of something. I can just feel it. I don’t want to freak out about where this is going to go because I don’t want to ruin the intense magic of what we have right now. This is absolutely perfect, more than I ever could have asked for. I need to step back and just enjoy it. So, that’s exactly what I do. I take my seat back on the bench again and I watch them play together, joy flooding me the entire time.
* * *
The day flies by much too quickly. I barely even notice the hours ticking by until it starts getting slightly dark. That shocks me to the core. Maddie hasn’t noticed either which is a shock because she usually constantly asks me what we’re doing next. But Wesley has kept her so amused that she’s been absolutely fine.
I don’t want to end the day, I don’t want to separate them when they are enjoying themselves, but we need to have dinner. I have to make sure that Maddie eats something decent before she goes to bed.
But I know that she won’t like it. I can already see it in her eyes.
“Maddie,” I start regretfully. “We need to go for dinner now, I’m afraid.”
“Oh no!” She grabs Wesley’s hand and clings to him. “But we’re having too much fun.”
“I know you are, sweetie, but we need to get going. And you can see him again.”
“But he’s my dad!” she blurts out, her self-awareness shining through. “And I haven’t seen him for years.”
Oh shit. I stare at Wesley in wide eyed shock to see him looking at me in exactly the same way.
“Erm, well, that doesn’t mean it will be the same from now,” I try. “Now that we have met one another, we can see each other more. We aren’t going home to New York yet, so it isn’t like we won’t see him again.”
“I don’t want to go to dinner! Not without Dad,” she cries. “Because we will go back to New York and then I won’t see him again. It isn’t fair, Mommy. I want us all to have dinner together. Can we, please? Please?”
Oh God, this is even worse than I thought it was going to be. I look at Wesley desperately, trying to work out what to do. But of course he doesn’t know what to do. I’m the one who has been around the longest.
“You can come to dinner with us if you want?” I ask him nervously. “It’s up to you. There’s no pressure…”
“If you wanted to, you guys could come to my apartment and I could cook for you?”
Maddie immediately jumps around with excitement and agrees, so I have to as well. I’m pretty sure that he didn’t have an apartment the last time that I saw him, so that’s just something else that’s changed in five years, but I’m willing to give it a go, to see what happens. See what his home is like… get to know the person who he has become over the last few years. Learn what I can about him.
“Okay,” I sigh shakily. “Well it looks like we’re coming to dinner at yours, Wesley. Thank you very much.”
I don’t know if he’s nervous or excited, a bit like I feel, but it seems like we’re both about to dive in to this unknown territory together to see where it leads us.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Wesley
I rush around the kitchen, trying to make sure that I don’t burn any of the food. I need this meal to impress. And not just Zoe but Maddie too. I really don’t want her to think that I’m an idiot. Especially when she’s so smart and switched on. Luckily, she’s a sweet and easy going girl, so it’s all going well. At least, I think it is.
“Are you okay?” Zoe peeks her head in to the kitchen and smiles at me. “Do you need a hand?”
“I think that I have it all under control. Thank you.” I grin. “How is Maddie? Is everything okay?”
“Thank goodness you bought her a million toys because she’s playing quite happily in there.”
“Good.” I breathe out a sigh of relief. “I really want her to be okay. I just want today to be perfect.”
“Believe me, with a child, it’s impossible to have the perfect day. But today was the closest that we’ve had.”
I beam happily. A nice heat races through my body, burning in my chest. That’s amazing news. Hearing from Zoe that I’m doing well is the greatest thing that could happen to me because no one knows Maddie like her.
“So, do you think that this is something that we could do again?” I ask her while trying to keep my tone breezy. I don’t want to pile the pressure on when everything is so fresh. “Like, go out for the day.”
“Oh sure, if that’s what you want!” She sounds surprised. “That would be good. I know that Maddie has enjoyed the park today, so anything like that will be good. But no more gifts!” she laughs.
“There is a fair in town on Tuesday. I could take the day off work so that we could all go.”
“I love that idea, and I just know that Maddie will as well. Will Andy let you have it off work?”
“Oh, Andy will do what I want. He knows that he can’t run the place without me. When I need time off, he knows that he can’t say no to me. So, yes, Tuesday will be easy for me. Nothing to worry about.”
She can’t help but laugh. “You know, he told me that he was going to sort out the toxicity in that place while I ‘took some time off’ after my grandma died. I knew that he wasn’t going to be able to do it.”
“No, that has mostly been down to me. Although I still struggl
e with the root of the problem. You know who I mean by that.” I raise an eyebrow. “But I’m hoping that will change soon enough.”
Zoe doesn’t say anything to that, probably because she doesn’t want to discuss Court and Hannah anymore, which is fair enough because they are far out of her life now. Not her issue anymore, that bullshit pettiness is way out of her life, just because they are still mine. We shouldn’t talk about them anyway if we’re having a fresh start.
“Right, I think I’m ready now. I will plate everything up.”
“And I will get Maddie at the table. Thanks again, Wesley. This is really nice of you.”
While she sorts that out and I get the food ready for all of us, there is a family atmosphere to the place. My apartment has noise and activity, fun and laughter, other people in it, not just me. This place is huge, too big for only me anyway, so this is nice. It makes me feel like this is what I brought this place for without even realizing it. It’s a family home which should be filled with lots of people…
But it will never be that, I remind myself. Because you and Zoe are done. I can’t be a family home.
God, that hurts actually. More than I thought that it would. Knowing that me and Zoe are truly done forever is crazy. I think that there might have been a little part of me that was holding out for her. That’s why I haven’t moved on and found someone else, because I would never have anything like I did with her.
But I can’t hold out for that again, can I? I can’t hold out for something that will get in the way of me and Maddie. I have to put her first. I have to think about what my daughter needs and she doesn’t need a romantic entanglement between me and her mother. Especially if they might leave. The last time we were together, and she left, it was on really bad terms. I can’t have that again. There is so much more at risk.