Unexpected Baby

by Ford, Mia

  So, while it can never be a family home, it can be a home where Maddie can enjoy herself. Where she can come and visit me and have a nice time. Maybe even come to stay over when she is much more relaxed around me. I guess that might have to be the case if she doesn’t live here. That’s how we’ll have to see each other.

  That hits me like a stab in the face. Like a punch to the gut. It isn’t always going to be this easy. For me and Maddie to see one another, we’re going to have to come up with a real plan.

  I plate up and bring the food over to the table, glad to see everyone around me. This is nice, I like it more than I should. Especially when Zoe grins at me across the table… not that I’m too worried about of course. Even if her smile is dazzling and it stops my heart. I avert my eyes quickly and take a big swig of my drink before focusing back on Maddie. Luckily, as soon as I ask her a question, she runs off talking at the speed of light, filling in every single moment of silence. That helps me to focus on her and not to get distracted by Zoe.

  * * *

  Maddie lies on the couch, her eyes fixed firmly on the TV as she watches the movie playing. I’m sure that her and Zoe are going to have to leave soon, to head back to the hotel so she can sleep properly. But before they go, I have some things that I need to ask her. It might not be the right time, it may well be much too soon, but at the same time I have no idea what tomorrow will bring – this situation has proven that – so I need to take the bull by the horns and do what’s scary. That’s the only way that this is going to work.

  “So, Zoe.” My voice sounds hollow and nervous before I even begin. “What are your pans? Like, I know me and you have plans with Maddie on Tuesday, but long term… sorry, I know this is a little awkward.”

  “Not at all.” She shakes her head quickly. “I know that you must want to know all these things. I…” She pauses thoughtfully. “I don’t know, to be honest. I haven’t made any plans to stay here for a certain amount of time, nor have I agreed when I will be going back. Work knows that I need to sort this out.”

  “Wow. You must have a really understanding boss.”

  “You aren’t the only person who can get their own way,” she laughs. “I’m important too.”

  “Yes, I can imagine that. Since you were my biggest rival once upon a time.”

  God, it feels funny to think that now. That we hated one another. How silly and childish. Mostly on my part, I’m not afraid to admit where I was in the wrong. And I was in the wrong a lot back then.

  “So, yes. I don’t know. I have pretty much come here to play it by ear.”

  “You don’t have…” Oh God, how do I ask this? This is too much. “Anything else to go back for?”

  “What do you mean?” She narrows her eyes curiously at me. “I feel like you’re getting at something.”

  She wants me to outright say it. She’s going to push me, either because she really doesn’t get what I mean or because she’s trying to punish me. All I can do is force myself to speak out, just as much.

  “You don’t have anyone special waiting for you back in New York?”

  The way that she smiles freaks me out. It’s a secretive smile which I immediately assume is because she does have someone and it’s a person that she loves and who treats her right. Just like I should have done. Just as I’m about to panic, she speaks out and thankfully puts me out of my misery.

  “I don’t have anyone waiting for me. Other than my best friend, Jessica.”

  There is still a chance! My brain immediately jumps to the wrong conclusion. She could still be mine.

  I shut that down instantly, knowing that my head can’t go down that route. I can’t, just because she doesn’t have anyone that doesn’t mean I can have her. It just means that she might stay here.

  “And what about your job? Do you love it? Are you keen to go back?”

  “I do like my job,” she replies cautiously. “But it isn’t the be all and end all of my life. Work never has been for me.” She gives me a knowing look which I take on board without complaint. “But even more so since Maddie has been here. I just want her to be happy and healthy. Looked after and content.”

  I don’t know exactly what she means by this, but I do think that there might be a chance that she might stay. Obviously, it would be ideal for me if she did. I haven’t ever wanted to move away from here, especially to a big city, because my brothers are important to me and I don’t want to be away from that family unit, but it isn’t about me, is it? If it’s what makes Maddie happy then I will have to do what she needs too.

  Zoe is such an incredible parent the way that she is so willing to sacrifice what she needs for Maddie. That’s who I want to be, I want to emulate her and be just as good. My brothers are like that as well. Their families all put the children first and it’s the best way to be. We have all learnt from our unusual upbringing.

  I can do that. I can be that. I can make it work if they go back to New York. It won’t be simple, but that doesn’t matter. It doesn’t have to be, does it? It just has to be right for Maddie. She is most important.

  “So, what about you?” she shocks me by turning it around. “I know that obviously you love your job, I worked with you for long enough to know that much, but what about someone special?”

  She averts her eyes, unable to look at me as I answer. I’m actually glad that I can tell her I don’t because I wouldn’t want to crush her. “There hasn’t been anyone special in my life for the last five years.”

  That might be a bit risky to admit, but I need to let her know the truth. I need her to see that what we shared was important. It doesn’t matter if it can or can’t happen again, I would just like her to know that.

  “Me too,” she replies quietly. “Five years… it’s a long time, isn’t it?”

  “Well, it feels much less now that you’re back with me, but I know what you mean.”

  We share a smile. I don’t know what it means, but it feels nice. We are sharing something, bonding and connecting in a new way. Now we just need to make this new way work for us.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Zoe

  With the lights of the fair surrounding us, it’s easy to get swept up in the magic of this place, to forget that it’s toxic and that it turned me to a mess the last time that I was here. That was a long time ago anyway and I was a different person. If I had to face the same situation now, I’m sure that I would handle it differently.

  I would tell Hannah to fuck off, I would punch Court for saying shit about me, and I would shake Wesley. I wouldn’t walk away from him, instead I would make him see that I could be trusted. Sure, I shouldn’t have had to do that, but proof was possible. I just decided not to go down that route for some reason.

  “Can Dad take me on that ride again, Mommy?” Maddie screams. “It was so much fun.”

  Her skin is flushed, her smile is wide, she looks more excited than I have ever seen her before. But to be honest, she has looked that way ever since she got used to here. I don’t know what to do about it, what to think about it, but in the short time that we have been away from New York she seems to have blossomed. I don’t know if it’s because it’s new and there is a novelty or if it’s something more. I haven’t ever noticed her being particularly unhappy in New York, but she wasn’t like she is here. There is something different about her. More vibrant. I hate to admit it, but it seems like she would thrive a lot more if she was here. She would blossom and grow.

  It’s just a different life, isn’t it? Especially for children. It’s safer and better. I have always intended to go back to New York, but as I watch my daughter bond with a man who is clearly already very important to her, I wonder if that is the right move to make. I know that Maddie would have a good time, but it’s scary to imagine uprooting her and myself again. Coming all the way back here. I have a comfortable existence in New York. That’s what I know, the status quo there is easy for me to slide back in to. Coming back here for good would be something new and terrify
ing. For me anyway. But this isn’t about me. My life isn’t about me anymore.

  See, if we did come here, Maddie would have more family than just me. Not just Wesley either. I never met any of them, but I’m pretty sure that Wesley’s brothers all still live here with their own families. So, on top of everyone else, there would be more children. Cousins for Maddie to enjoy. I never had any of that, I was always by myself which didn’t help me when it came to feeling on the edge of things. Never quite fitting in. That feeling is dreadful, I wouldn’t wish that on Maddie, not in a million years.

  As Maddie comes bounding back over to me with her arms out stretched, I lean down and grab her. The sight of her makes me laugh. Her hair is all over the place and her cheeks are red from laughter.

  “Mommy, Dad just asked me if I want to meet more family,” she declares, which stops the laughter. It’s weird, like Wesley can see right into my mind and he knows exactly how to convince me to stay. He hasn’t out right asked me, and I don’t think he would. But I know that’s what he wants. “But I have to ask you first.”

  “Sorry,” Wesley jumps in. “I wanted to get in and ask you first. I didn’t mean for it to come out like that. I just mentioned that Brad is having a barbeque for everyone and it all got carried away from there.”

  “So… everyone would be there?” I ask anxiously, instantly shaking all over. “All your family?”

  “All my brothers, their partners, and their children too.” He nods. “I know that might be a bit much, especially all at once, but the offer is there if you would be willing to give it a try.”

  I pause for a moment and let that sink in. Of course, Maddie is excitedly nodding at me, encouraging me to do what terrifies me the most. She so wants this, and normally I wouldn’t hesitate to give her exactly what she needs. But this… this is overwhelming. This is a family of people who I don’t even know, who don’t know me.

  “Do they know?” I whisper to Wesley while nodding to Maddie. “Have you asked them?”

  “I wanted to ask you first. To make sure that it’s okay to tell them.”

  “It isn’t that you’re embarrassed, is it? Because I don’t want to cause any issues…”

  “No way, not a chance.” He shakes his head firmly. “Not a chance. I just wanted to see how this would work out between us first. I was trying to deal with it in a calm way before bringing other people in. My brothers are great, but they can be a little pushy. I knew that they would put the pressure on.”

  “Will they do that at the party? Because I don’t know if I can hack pressure?”

  “No way,” he reassures me. “Not a chance. They will be cool, I promise you.”

  “That sounds like you’re going to threaten them,” I can’t help but laugh. “Is that the plan?”

  “Hey, whatever it takes for you guys to have a nice time, because I would love for you to be there.”

  He gives me the eyes and so does Maddie. Both of them want this to happen, which puts enough pressure on me for a life time. I can’t let the pair of them down now over this.

  “Well, this is what we came here for, isn’t it?” I give a bright fake smile. “So, yes, I guess so.”

  Maddie screams and jumps in to Wesley’s arms, excitement rolling off her. It’s easy for her, she gets to be the cute kid at the party. I don’t know what I’m going to be there. The mum of Wesley’s child who has randomly come back in to the picture. The one who ran away when she was pregnant. God, I can’t be seen in a good light, can I? That isn’t going to work. They are going to hate me. Whatever happened back then, they are going to see me as the enemy because it’s Wesley’s family. Unfortunately for me, I have no one on my side.

  Well, aside from Maddie. And maybe Wesley too. But somehow, I’m going to have to get through it.

  * * *

  I sit on the edge of the hotel bed, watching Maddie sleep. She looks so peaceful, so happy, like she loves it here. She’s been more tired since we’ve been here, more active during the day so she sleeps better. Not that I could use that as a deciding factor… but I have to admit that my head is all over the place now. I feel torn. I don’t know what I want to do now, I’m a spinning mess. Even as I think of New York now, it’s like a dream, like something that happened to someone else and I watched it through an out of body experience, not something real.

  God, what am I going to do? It will feel weird to go back now. Not like an escape as it was before, but something heavy, something that could be a mistake. That gives me the weight on my shoulders, instead of here. It’s amazing how quickly things have changed around, where my comfort zone lies.

  It’s Wesley, I realize with a thump. He’s the one who has changed things.

  Eating dinner at his place was eye opening. It made me see how things could have been, maybe how they could be if we let them. It isn’t wise, I know that, because we should be focused on Maddie and not one another, but I can’t help thinking about the slightly flirty edge between us. There is still something in the air, even after all this time, and it really could be great. Then again, it could be a disaster. Just like it was before, which is probably why it’s best for us to keep apart. Much as we might want to see where things could head, to see if we still have that sizzling chemistry that really explodes like crazy, we can’t.

  But will we be able to ignore it forever if we do stay here? A few weeks is okay, we can probably push it to one side, but if me and Maddie don’t go back and me and Wesley have to see one another all the time to co parent, how the hell will that work? It feels messy already and it hasn’t even happened yet.

  Ring, ring… Ring, ring… Ring, ring…

  I leap up to grab my phone, but it isn’t Wesley calling me like I was expecting after our amazing day at the fair, it’s Jessica. It’s actually be a few days since I caught up with her so this will be nice.

  “Hey, Jessica…” I start, but she shuts me down right away.

  “Oh, so you are still alive! Only because I haven’t heard from you. How are things?”

  “Things are good.” I smile to myself. “Things have been really good actually. It’s all gone better than expected. Maddie is really enjoying things here and she has been connecting with Wesley well.”

  “So, he hasn’t been the asshole that he was the last time around,” she bites back. Not that her attitude surprises me. She saw how hurt I was when I was first in New York. She guided me through the pain.

  “He’s grown up a lot, and he’s more pleased to be a father than I thought he would be. He’s even been talking about meeting the rest of his family and their children, so Maddie is excited about that.”

  “Right… I see…” She sounds cautious. I’m sure she’s just worried about me. I am too, but I’m going to be strong. “So, how long are you going to stay there for? Because I miss having you in New York.”

  “I don’t know,” I reply guiltily. “I’m just seeing how things go at the moment.”

  “Uh oh. That sounds like you aren’t sure about coming back at all.” I’m silent because I can’t lie to her. No decision has been made but if it’s on my mind, then it might well be possible. “Is that what you’re thinking? Oh my God, Zoe, are you actually considering staying there? Because I don’t know what I will do…”

  “I don’t know what I’m thinking,” I interject before she can get too worked up about things. “I’m not really thinking anything at the moment. Just seeing how things work out. I won’t do anything rash.”

  “Don’t do anything rash because of that man, because he wasn’t good to you before. I don’t like the way that he treated you and I don’t want you to get fooled by him and hurt once more. It will crush Maddie.”

  God, she’s right. I am getting carried away with myself for even thinking it, for entertaining the flirting.

  “I’m being smart,” I half lie. “I will be smart. I just don’t know when I’m coming back, that’s all.”

  She sighs loudly, I can practically feel the disappointment from her rolli
ng down the phone. Jessica has given me another angle to consider things, and I really need to do that.

  “Just don’t fall for him, Zoe, that’s all I ask of you. Do whatever you need to, you know that I will support you through anything, but a second chance will be a disaster. They always are.”

  “Okay,” I agree. “You’re probably right. No second chances. I promise you.”

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Wesley

  “So, what the hell have you gathered us all here for, Wesley?” Nelson demands across the table. “I feel like we’re all gathered here for some sort of work place convention or something like that. It’s weird.”

  I glance at all of my brothers in turn, wondering where to begin. Brad, my father figure, is looking at me curiously. Angelo sits next to his non identical twin, Alex, both of them at the opposite ends of the scale looks wise, with Alex being the edgy rock star and Angelo much more straight laced like me, but their expressions of ‘what the hell is going on?’ match for sure. Oliver is quietly waiting, in the back ground, which is normal for him, and of course, my youngest brother Nelson is being the loudest.

  God, I have no idea how each of them are going to react to this. It’s crazy.

  “I have something to tell you guys.” I dart my eyes downwards. “It’s a pretty crazy story.”

  “Oh, just get on with it, will you?” Nelson chuckles. “We’re all on the edge of our seats here.”

  “Okay, so it’s a story that starts five years ago, and I know that seems like I’m dragging it out, but I really have to start there.” Yep, I have all of their attention now. God, this is terrifying. “There was a woman that I worked with at the time. One who… I didn’t necessary get along with at the time because she was such a big competition for me then, and I couldn’t really handle it.” It sounds stupid. Because it was stupid. “But when she got left at the altar by her idiot fiancé, we ended up sleeping together… not the wisest decision, I know.”