My jean jacket meant everything to me but that it brought you into my life makes it mean even more.
How are you? How’s your heart? Mine is feeling better and better, thanks in huge part to you.
Big hug,
Stacey
To-est Tara,
You don’t know that you and Chris are going to break up. You just don’t know. Yes, you saw him and Kathy with your own two eyes, but are you sure, absolutely positive, they weren’t just hanging out? Maybe Kathy wants to play hockey and so he was helping her with equipment? And if she was on skates and fell into him maybe it’s not that they kissed but that they kind of smacked faces. I guess this is my wishful thinking, Tara. Like what if you get the photos back from Medi Mart and Chris and Kath are just talking in them, or watching TV? I am just trying to find the hope here, Tara.
I know your heart so well, and I know it is hurting right now. I know you dyed your hair chestnut because of anxiety, and it looks beautiful, but my hope is that when the photos come back and this gets resolved you will feel like you again. Not saying you have to go back to being blond, but please give yourself the permission to, if you want.
I don’t want me and Diego to be a painful sight for you, Tara. We want you to be in our lives, so please find the space in all that’s going on to be a part of our world. We both care so much about you!
Stacey is still reeling from her breakup with Justin. I think. I haven’t spoken too much to her about it. You know how private she is. She is like a safe-deposit box. But I just keep sending positive vibes her way. I know you are, too.
I will go with you to Medi Mart, okay? We can see these photos together and make some rational decisions from there, okay? And I am proud of you, Tara. You have handled this so well so far. You can go the distance, I just know it.
Love you Muchly and Moreso,
Stef
Stef,
I wasn’t sayin’ I’m not thrilled for you and Diego ’cuz I am, Stef, I am! Yes, yes, I would love to be a part of your world once mine is not bein’ pummeled by a friggin’ asteroid, k?
And FYI, I dyed my hair chestnut because I’m an ever-evolving actress, Stef. How can I honestly play brunettes if I’ve no idea how they feel, how they go about their days? You’ll recall I chopped my hair years ago for the role of Connie Wong, and while I did land Anne Frank I would almost be embarrassed tellin’ the people at my NYU audition that I wore a wig to garner that role. I don’t think the NYUs of the world look kindly on wig-wearin’ actors, ya know? Do you know what I mean?
Anyway . . . I am so thankful you are comin’ with me to Medi Mart. And not to be rude, but Stacey could at least reply to one of the ten notes I’ve given her. I get that she’s private, but come on. I still think she’s awesome, but seriously? Has she even told you who found her jean jacket? I thought she would dissolve without it, so whoever found it is awesome.
Hearts and Stars, my Best Friend,
Tara
Hey Tara—
So sorry I didn’t write back sooner. You were right when you told me back in September (of 1991 . . . which does seem like a million years ago, and how do you like my parentheses? Really getting the hang of them. I’m finally figuring out how to use them the right way. Guess who I learned that from?) that life in high school is a whole other ball game. I have so much homework it’s nuts, and then everything else in my life . . . it’s all so much.
I got a whiff of your new perfume the other day. Really nice. Different. What is it?
No, Joy and I didn’t elope over Christmas break. We actually did the opposite. We broke up. We are still really good friends, but her life is so insane with Les Misérables closing soon, she just needs to focus, which I understand completely.
And it turned out really good, opened up space for some new things in my life, which have made me really happy.
Anyway, tell Chris I say hi.
Best wishes,
Matt
MATT!!!!!!
OH MY GOD! Stop the PRESSES! Hold the PHONE! Rewind the VHS! Joy dumped YOU?! If I was someone who didn’t know what to say I would be friggin’ speechless right now, but fortunately for me I have words, lots of ’em, and I always know what to say! So here goes.
First of all, you and me (us very GOOD FRIENDS) are so incredibly similar. I’ve been hidin’ my true emotional state these days because of something so HUGE . . . Oh, Matt . . . it’s somethin’ I would love to share with you, but it would likely best be shared at Camel Lot (only place in this janky town where things can be shared and not overheard), so do consider making time in your busy schedule. (I shoulda warned you, second part of Freshman year gets intense, so get used to it—this is a signal of what high school is really like, okay?)
I know you, Matt. I would say I know you better than anyone at South High. That’s for sure. And I know your beating heart. It’s young and naive, yes, but man, is it real. And I know that you are just sayin’ you’re cool and happy with Joy dumping you to save yourself. It’s our armor, Matt. Rare people like us (STARS) build walls to protect the biggest hearts any human beings have ever had. I bet if we talked to some scientists and let them study me and you they would find that yeah, we have the world’s biggest hearts. Do you know any scientists? Or maybe your parents do?
My Gramma Maureen used to tell me, “Tara, my Tara, you are special.” And you know what, Matt, had my Gramma Maureen lived to meet you she would have said the same of you. You are special, Matt. We are special. And this Joy Rebecca Bernstein (the most conceited Sophomore in the history of time) has some nerve playing you like a fiddle.
Matt, I hate to break this to you, but I bet you are already thinkin’ it—Joy is most likely involved in a sordid sexual entanglement with Marius Pontmercy. She’s Eponine, Matt! And we know what happens backstage. We’ve lived it. So wow, Joy gets a regional show and you support her and she goes and cheats on you?! She goes and has an affair with an actor who is not even close to bein’ as talented as you! No, I haven’t seen the production (like I would pay to see Joy Rebecca Bernstein butcher one of my most treasured theatrical roles, thanks but no thanks), but we know my instincts, and they are stronger than ever these days.
I am not gonna say I told you so, but Matt, I warned you about Joy. She is conniving and potentially evil. Oh my god, THIS TOWN!! Who put this place on the map? Who thought it was a good idea to invent a town where so many heartbreakers could coexist with people who just wanna love and be loved in kind? I’m tellin’ you, X’ing out days in my Month-At-A-Glance is gonna take on new meaning now, Matt.
So, you’re devastated. We know that. Are you eating? I am, but skippin’ some meals because of my heartbreaking news, which I will share with you but only at Camel Lot. I think we could use a good-friend trip there, Matt. We are all we have left. Well, and Stef, who is my cherry Life Saver.
I am absolutely crushed for you, my Matt. Heartsick. Talk to me. Let me into your broken heart. I’m not a nurse or a tailor, but I can stitch it back.
Always and forever,
Your Good Friend. Your Big Sister. Your once-was-somethin’-else and your possible-once-again-at-some-point-someone-else,
TARA MAUREEN MURPHY
Dear My Big Sis—
You are the best! Thank you so much for having my back, but I’m seriously fine. I mean it. I love Joy (right now just as a friend, but I do love her). I do not think she is having any kind of sordid thing with the guy playing Marius Pontmercy. I really don’t. She has always been really honest with me and I have always been really honest with her. Remember when the whole note thing happened? I know it’s a long time ago now, but just remember I told Joy the truth and she told me she and Marius kissed. Once. And she wasn’t into it. She really is just focusing on the last few weeks of Les Misérables, and I completely get it. Us actors need that concentration. You get that, right? Being an actress and all.
But thank you for havi
ng my back even though there’s nothing to have my back about. You’re the best!
I’m definitely here for you with whatever is going on. Are you okay? I guess you’ll tell me at Camel Lot. I will let you know when I have some time to go there with you.
You’re awesome,
Matt Bloom (your younger bro)
Sweet Soul-Crushed Matt,
Wow, your walls must be made of cinder block. I don’t own a decoder ring, but I don’t need one to crack what you’re really saying, Matt. Joy has destroyed you. You are feelin’ beyond repair. I hate this for you. I hate that she did this to you. Want me to confront her?
When can you go to Camel Lot?? Tell me ASAP!!
Your Protector,
Tara
Tara,
I can go to Camel Lot tomorrow after school. I look forward to hearing what’s going on with you, and I hope I can help in some way.
As for me, I swear to God I am happy and fine and great. I promise you I am being beyond honest. Please do not confront Joy. She’s amazing and I love her, but again, just as a friend right now. Everything for me is really, really good. The new things that have come into my life are incredible, and I feel truly grateful.
Matt
Matt,
You keep mentionin’ “new things” in your life. Can’t really imagine what “new thing” would be makin’ someone in your position so fine and happy.
Guess you’ll tell me at Camel Lot. Pick you up at the bottom of your street at sundown tomorrow.
And don’t you worry, time heals all wounds.
Truly,
Tara
Stef,
Thank you more than life for coming to Medi Mart with me last night. Q believe those pictures? Qwe believe this is real? And so it is . . . Christopher is having an affair with Kathy Connery, and now, Stef, now we have developed pictures that prove it.
I did exactly what you told me. Meditated on what to do. And I woke up in the middle of the night with my final decision.
I AM GOING TO RUIN CHRISTOPHER PATRICK CAPARELLI!
I don’t give a shit about taking down Kathy Connery—she has no future anyway. But Caparelli . . . that’s a whole ’nother story. He’s got no idea what I have in store for him!!
Stef, I’m gonna need you to talk to Stacey for me. I know she is still shutting us out because of Justin, but I need you to find a way to communicate to her that I am gonna need her support. Having the most beautiful/popular girl in this town on my side when the shit hits the fan is gonna send a very strong signal to everyone: Chris Caparelli can’t just go around cheatin’ on Tara Maureen Murphy and get on with his life, eXXXXpecially when Tara has Stef Campbell and Stacey Simon on her side!
Stef, if it wasn’t for you plowin’ down Stacey Simon on Nantucket I would never be in this power position. I can’t thank you enough. You should ride over popular people more often (tee-hee, tee-hee)—thank god I’m gettin’ my sense of humor back. (I know you must be like, “There’s my Tara.”)
This has been such a tryin’ time, Stef. But it’s almost over. Thank you for bein’ you, and tell Stace I thank her in advance for bein’ on my side.
I LITERALLY LOVE YOU!
Tara
Um, hey Matt,
What’s up, Kid? The funniest thing in the history of New England just happened . . . I just saw you talkin’ to Stacey Simon. At first I saw you guys from a distance (you know F Hall . . . long as a summer’s day), and I was like, “Maybe Matt Bloom lost his way in this huge school. Maybe he needed an early dismissal slip so he was goin’ to Mr. Flaherty’s office but he got lost and couldn’t find it and so he asked a Senior for directions and the reason Matt Bloom and the Senior were laughin’ was because the Senior recalled her days of bein’ a Freshman and gettin’ directionally confused, too. So they were laughin’ because of that common ground.” But then as I got closer and things came a bit more into view, I was like, “Did Matt Bloom just hug Stacey Simon? That’s not a typical thing for a lost FRESHMAN to do to a SENIOR, let alone a SENIOR such as STACEY SIMON. Hmmm . . .”
You do know that Stacey Simon is a very dear friend of mine, right? She’s wicked private and is goin’ thru sooo much right now, and well, Matt, you can’t just go around huggin’ Seniors, hon. I’m wicked protective of my closest friends, and Matt . . . even though she’s Stacey Simon she is a person, too. She breathes and feels and has ups and downs just like everyone.
Sooo, what’s the scoop here? Were you sad and just needed a hug from the first person you saw? You shoulda come to me, Silly.
Tara
Hey Tara—
Oh, you did? You saw Stacey and me talking? We had a pact that we wouldn’t really talk in school, but we didn’t think anyone could see us, but . . . well, I guess you did.
Okay. Stacey and I have been hanging out. Long story, but she had lost her jean jacket (not sure if you knew that) and I happened to be the one who found it and we just got to know each other through that and stuff.
I know she is a wicked private person. So am I. She and I definitely have that “common ground.” We wanted to keep our relationship to ourselves. But . . . well . . .
See you at sundown at the bottom of my street!
Matt
Stef,
Did you know Stacey and that annoying Matt Bloom kid have been hanging out? Did you know that he was the one who found her jean jacket? Did you know all of this and keep it from me? Who are you? I am in such a state of shock right now I am actually for the first time in my life speechless.
Not sure why I’m even telling you this, but I am aborting my mission to ruin Christopher. Change of plans.
Later,
Tara
Rick, Allen, Joshua . . . GODDD, what is your name? Rat, Fat . . . oh yeah, Matt.
Are you outta your Freshman mind writin’ me that you’ll meet me at the bottom of your street? Not in this lifetime, Kid!!
Couple a things: Stop copying how I use my (parentheses), and can you transfer to another school?
Tara Maureen Murphy-Caparelli (SENIOR!!!!!)
P.S. Oh, you’re not sure if I was in the know about MY VERY GOOD FRIEND STACEY SIMON losing her jean jacket? I invented bein’ in the know, you child!!
Dearest the Most Gorgeous Man in the Western Hemisphere,
Christopher, I love you more than anyone has ever loved anyone. Without you I am just some random brunette. I’ve been thinkin’, Christopher. Remember that claddagh ring I was admirin’ at Shoppers World? I know you had said once that you would buy it for me to prove to the town that I’m your girl. I wasn’t ready for that then, as I was foolish and immature. It’s 1992, C.P.C. I’ve grown up so much you just wouldn’t believe it. I’m ready for that ring now, My Six-Packed Man (you are like Pac Man but Six-Pac Man . . . get Atari on the phone!). I am ready for this town to know that I am YOUR GIRL! So . . . what’d’ya think?
I love you and you make me a better person.
Your Girlfriend . . .
Tara
P.S. I am dying my hair back to blond!!
FEBRUARY 1992
Dear Mi Amor,
I just keep lookin’ down at my hand and smilin’. I honestly might have to start wearin’ sunglasses at all times, Christopher, ’cuz my claddagh ring is just so shiny!
I can’t express in words what this ring makes me feel, but god love-a-duck, I will try. Here goes nothin’.
Christopher, I feel official. I feel like this ring is the first thing in my whole life that gives me a wicked strong identity: I AM YOURS! That feelin’ of bein’ someone’s forever-love is just overwhelming. I can’t help but reflect on things, and when I do I just feel so proud of us. We are so unbelievably strong as a Supercouple I believe South High should consider teachin’ a class about how to be a powerful couple, one that can weather all storms, and use us as the curriculum example. Maybe we can even come back from college next
year and pop in to teach for a day. Yeah right, like I’d ever come back to this school once I graduate. But actually, one just simply never knows.
It just feels so right and so very, veeery relievin’ having my ring to look at. It’s my lighthouse, Christopher. That great beacon light that can guide me home . . . to you. I gotta tell you, Mr. Mister . . . this month was gonna be so challenging what with two-a-days for cheerleading, but I’m not even sweatin’ it now . . . bring on the double practices, get me to Nashville so I can win that national cheerleading title! Now more than ever I have a reason to fight for it. I wanna make my guy proud.
Your Ring-Wearin’, Blond-Again Girlfriend,
Tara
Tara Baby,
You blond again make a-me a-very a-happy! And yeah, the ring looks friggin’ awesome on you. Glad you like it. That would be funny having a class about us. You’re smart. NYU is gonna be lucky to have you.
Lova ya,
C.P.C.
To-est Tara,
I will tell you one last time . . . I knew nothing about Stacey and Matt Bloom! Nothing! And I truly do not understand how their relationship, whatever it may be, has made you so incredibly mad at ME! I don’t get it. And I have to tell you I am getting tired of this. We are lifelong friends. Doesn’t that count for anything? At what point in a friendship can you just trust the friendship? How many years, decades, does that take?
I’ve heard your ring is beautiful. Perhaps one day I can see that for myself.
Folded Notes from High School Page 10