“I can do this. I’m strong. I can do this,” Rachel muttered under her breath.
Whenever Rachel had a therapy session, she came home from each one a bit ragged and reliving the memories sometimes triggered nightmares. Still, she smiled more, laughed louder, and handled stressful situations better using tools like this one Dr. James had given Rachel—reminding herself of how far she had come and what she’d accomplished in such a short time. Reminding herself of who she’d been before Shane and who she would become again.
He stretched his hand across the car and covered hers. “Yes, you can.”
She smiled at him and climbed out of the car. As they rounded the corner toward the back of the house, voices reached their ears. Rachel’s brothers were sprawled in lounge chairs in a circle on the driveway. Joey had just brought a glass of iced tea to his mouth. When he spotted them, he hopped up. Behind him, Lucas and Michael turned at the same time, a similar smile on their faces. They stood and waved.
Joey smothered Rachel like a big furry mama bear hugged her cubs. “How are you, sweetie?”
Rachel smiled at Joey but her jaw didn’t relax. “I’m good.”
“You look great.” Joey released Rachel. “Sawyer.”
Sawyer shook Joey’s hand as Michael rushed to Rachel’s side.
Rachel and Michael huddled together, away from the rest of them. Tears welled in her eyes and ran down her cheeks.
He wanted to go to her. She needed him. Joey’s hand stopped Sawyer. “She’s okay. Give her a minute.”
Sawyer ran his fingers through his hair. His head agreed with Joey, but a heavy weight settled in his chest every time she cried.
“She looks good.” Joey’s gaze remained locked on Michael and Rachel.
“Yep.”
“And what about you?” Joey asked.
“Hangin’ in. There are good days and not so good days. But she’s taking it slow, finding her way.”
“Probably a good idea. She’s had someone telling her what to do, how to feel, all the while smacking her around. She needs to feel in control of something.”
She was in control of something—Sawyer’s heart. She might not know it, and each day that passed made it harder to hide.
Joey’s eyes widened. “Wow. I recognize that look.”
Sawyer raised his eyebrows. Had he exposed the feelings he’d been trying so hard to conceal? He’d been known for his ability to keep his face expressionless in the army and as a deputy. “What look?”
“The one that says you’ve got her back, no matter what. That there are a thousand things you want to say but don’t know how. That maybe what you’re feeling isn’t something you planned to or even welcome.”
“And how would you know that?”
Joey smacked him on the back. “Seriously, man, I see it in the mirror every day.”
And with those words, Joey left Sawyer alone with his thoughts. Perhaps he hadn’t done such a good job concealing his feelings for Rachel.
Rachel hugged Michael again as he swiped under his eyes.
Joey clapped his hands together. “All right, you guys. That’s enough crying. I mean… we’ve all missed Michael, but really, tears?”
Typical Joey. He’d always been the jokester, the comic relief.
Rachel laughed and nudged Michael away. She spared Sawyer a weak, but genuine, smile, and he nodded.
The back door opened and Brittany bounded down the stairs and rushed to Rachel’s side. “Oh my gosh, I’m so happy you’re here.” She hugged Rachel. “Rachel, you look great.”
“Thanks. I feel better. Work has been good. And Sawyer’s been great.” Rachel turned a smile his way as she spoke. Every time she smiled at him, another brick in his wall crumbled.
These people had been like a second family to him for most of his life. Joey and Lucas had found love, and Lucas now had a family. Despite everything Rachel had been through, life had blessed this family. And him, for allowing him to be a part of it.
Joey piped up again. “I don’t know about you, but let’s get this party started. I’m starved.”
The rest of them ambled into the house but Sawyer hung back, waiting for a cue from Rachel. Color drained from her face and her hands shook.
“You’ll be okay, honey. I promise.” He slid his lips over her forehead, out of the prying eyes of her family.
“As long as I have you by my side, I will,” she said and stepped toward the house.
Chapter Fifteen
RACHEL’S STOMACH PINCHED, the pain increasing as they approached the house. Sawyer stood right beside her. Maybe she could take some of his strength as her own. She glanced back to the curb. He’d said they could leave anytime. If she changed her mind now, they could climb in the car and save this confrontation for another day. She could do that, but instead she forced her feet toward the door. She had the strength to confront her parents, and now was the right time.
She’d taken the birth certificate to her counseling session the other day. She hadn’t expected to do any more than hand the paper over, but it had been surprisingly easy and comforting to talk through her issues with someone detached from the situation. The doctor’s words had soothed and empowered Rachel. Dr. James had given Rachel some tips for approaching her parents, the first being not to broach the subject before dinner. They would first be together as a family, healing some of the old wounds, before she opened up new ones.
Her childhood kitchen hadn’t changed… much. Her mother’s jars of canned fruits and brightly colored flowers still lined the windowsill, and a half-dozen ingredients for dinner were strewn on either side of Mom at the stove.
Rachel’s stomach clenched at the sight of her mother as she pictured that other man’s name on the birth certificate. This secret had wrenched her away from her family. How would she confront her mother? And what about Dad, who stood beside Mom? Was he part of the deception? At least she had an hour or so of dinner to think up an opening, a way to broach the subject of her birth certificate.
Dad would support Mom, no matter what. Rachel knew that. Always by Mom’s side, he was committed to their marriage, a steadfast presence in Mom’s life. Rachel had witnessed their love growing up. That kind of emotion couldn’t be faked. Mom must have lied to him, too. He wouldn’t have allowed Rachel to grow up a fraud otherwise, would he?
Regardless, her parents had taught their kids how to love. Lucas and Joey showed the women in their lives love every day. When Lucas smiled at Sarah like he did now, they held an entire conversation without words. As for Joey and Brittany, whenever she sidled up to Joey, they had their own special glances, but the message was the same. And all of them sat around the table for Sunday dinner whenever they could. Even Michael, who had driven in from Philly. There were a thousand other things they could be doing today, but they were all here. That had to mean something, right?
And Sawyer stood right beside her. He wasn’t a member of the family. She wasn’t exactly sure she could say they were dating. Especially since he’d seemed to be pulling away from her, despite her best efforts, over the past week. He didn’t love her romantically… at least she didn’t think so. But there had been times when a stolen glance or a lingering look had exposed some feelings he’d quickly stuffed back down.
Dad lifted his head, and his gaze landed on Rachel where she stood frozen in the doorway. A huge smile broke across his face, and he dropped the towel from his hands and hurried to her side. As his arms enveloped her, the warmth of his body surrounded her.
Oh, Daddy. God, she missed him. No matter what, even when they both screamed at each other during an argument, he was behind her, supporting her. She may have disagreed with his suggestions, but he always listened to what she had to say. She pressed her nose to his shirt, drowning herself in the familiar smell, a bit sweet and a bit musky—a scent from her childhood. Every Christmas growing up, she’d bought him a bottle of that aftershave.
“Oh, honey. I’m so happy to see you. It’s been so long.”
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“I’m sorry, Daddy.” That was a start. The rest of the words were stuck behind the lump in her throat.
“You don’t need to apologize. You never need to apologize to me. I’m so glad you’re safe.” He rested his hands on her shoulders. “You look great. I presume Sawyer is taking good care of you”
“Yes, Daddy. He is.”
Sawyer extended his hand to shake Dad’s. But Dad yanked Sawyer into a bear hug. “I don’t know how to express my gratitude, son. Thank you for rescuing our daughter.”
“Just doing my job, Sir.”
“None of this ‘sir’ crap. Call me Matthew. You gave Rachel a safe place to regroup. By the looks of it, it’s been good for her.”
“It was nothing, sir, um, Matthew.”
Dad finally released Sawyer and faced the stove, but Rachel didn’t miss how he swiped under his eyes. Typical man, hiding his emotions. And she’d done the same for months with Shane, afraid to demonstrate any feelings that didn’t mirror his. Not anymore. She was done hiding how she felt. Bottling up her emotions for so long had driven her crazy.
Joey joined their teary group. After a couple of mock sniffles, he said, “Now that we’re done with all of this mushy crap, can we eat?”
Mom inched toward them, her bright red apron covering her clothes. Just like this kitchen, Mom never changed. Rachel didn’t remember a night Mom made dinner where she didn’t have one of her outrageous aprons on. But today, the words didn’t resonate with Rachel.
“Want to see love, just look at my family.”
The saying was ironic, really, considering how little Mom regarded her family. If she loved her family, how could she have…? Where had been this great love twenty-two years ago?
“Are you all right? You got really tense.” Sawyer’s mouth hovered over Rachel’s ear.
She wouldn’t be okay until dinner was over and she confronted Mom about the other man’s name on her birth certificate. “I’m fine. Let’s eat.”
Sawyer led her to the table. There were more chairs now than there had been growing up. Lucas hovered over Lily while Sarah settled beside her daughter. On the other side of the table, Joey ran his hand down Brittany’s back as he held her chair. She chuckled and swatted at him. Joey laughed.
Rachel’s spot sat empty, like they’d been waiting for her to come back. Had they not rearranged chairs in the months since she’d been to dinner, especially with the new family members joining in? Sawyer slid her chair back and motioned to her. He was always pulling out her chair, opening her car door. She’d brushed it off as typical Sawyer before now. Could Sawyer’s actions mean more, like her brothers with the women they loved?
Dad settled Mom into her spot closest to the stove, her brows knitted and lips pursed. She stared at her plate, throwing glances back to the stove from time to time. Rachel should have greeted Mom before sitting, but she’d bit back her words in self-preservation. She needed this family dinner, the grounding it gave her, before confronting her parents.
Once the plates had been passed and everyone had food, the noise level grew. Dad looked over some of Joey’s notes about a beer he was considering for the bar. Sarah and Mom shared a recipe for green-bean casserole. Voices over top of voices. Chitter-chatter… One big, happy family.
Looks could be deceiving… were deceiving, in this case.
Michael smiled at her from across the table. She might not see him as often as she did Joey and Lucas, but that didn’t mean her abusive relationship hadn’t affected him. When they’d hugged outside, he’d clung to her and whispered “I’m sorry” over and over in her ear.
The smile dropped from Michael’s face and he focused on his dinner. Something more than her situation troubled him. She reached over, placed her hand over his, and squeezed. For once, maybe she could provide comfort to someone else.
Lily fed Lucas from his plate. She pretended her fork was an airplane, weaving the utensil through the air before he bit food off the end. Joey waved one hand in the air as he spoke, while his other hand rested on Brittany’s shoulder.
“Aren’t you hungry?” Sawyer spoke in Rachel’s ear, his voice low.
She’d barely touched her food. She couldn’t choke down dinner without the food threatening to come back up. “Not really.”
“It’s a bit overwhelming. When I first started coming over, I thought your family dinners were crazy. But now that everyone’s grown and there are girlfriends and kids, crazy takes on a new meaning.”
“Yeah.”
“Do you want to leave?”
“That’s sweet, but no. Let’s stay… I need to talk to my parents afterward. Will you stay with me?”
Sawyer slid his hand under the table and threaded his fingers through hers. The warmth of his skin against hers set her heartbeat racing. “Absolutely. Right by your side. Do you want your brothers here?”
“No. Just me and my parents.”
“Whatever you need.”
A few minutes later, Michael wiped his mouth and stood. “I’m sorry to keep doing this to you guys, but I need to get back.”
“So soon? This is the first time Rachel’s been here in a long time. Can’t you stay a little longer?” Mom hadn’t said anything during dinner. Now love laced the words she spoke to Michael. Everyone used words. But actions were stronger and showed real love, didn’t they?
Michael pecked Mom on the cheek. “Sorry, Ma. Not today. I’ll call you later this week.” He circled around the table and leaned over Rachel’s shoulder. “I’m so happy to see you doing so well. Missed you, sis.”
She lowered her head. “Can we talk later this week? I need your help on something.” After her conversation with Mom and Dad, she knew she’d have questions. Michael could help her identify a private investigator to find those answers. Engaging Michael would mean sharing her private shame, but if her brothers didn’t know already, they should.
“You got it. Text me and we’ll pick a time.”
Michael nodded at Sawyer. “Thanks again… for everything.”
As soon as Michael left, everyone cleared the dishes.
The cramps in Rachel’s stomach squeezed her insides. Could the rest of them drag their departure out any longer? The sooner she confronted her parents, the sooner this nightmare would end. While Lucas and Joey said their goodbyes, Rachel didn’t move. Her fingers brushed over the folder in her purse, the piece of paper holding the truth about herself and her “happy” family.
Finally, everybody left, and only Rachel, Sawyer, and her parents remained. Dad folded his hands on the table, his eyes narrowed at Rachel. Mom wiped dishes and loaded the dishwasher. One thing about her—she was always busy. She couldn’t stand messes, and if she was upset, she had to keep moving. So which was responsible for Mom’s bustling right now?
“Evelyn, please. Leave that and come sit. Our daughter wants to talk to us.” Thank goodness for Dad. He always understood Rachel, even when she didn’t understand herself, which was surprising, considering…
“I just want to get these last few dishes settled.”
“Mom, please. I need to talk to the both of you!”
Her mom dropped a pot on the counter and Rachel hung her head. She shouldn’t have yelled, but if she had to wait much longer, she might lose her nerve.
“Sorry, honey. Of course.” Mom patted Rachel’s shoulder and sat.
Mom and Dad stared at Rachel, but neither of them said a word, both of them waiting for her to speak. Heat burned Rachel’s skin. It was now or never. When she reached for the folder, the sweat on her palm caused her hand to slip. Sawyer caught the falling papers.
Damn, she couldn’t even get the truth on the table without fumbling. What was she going to say? Should she just blurt out her questions or ease in? If Dad didn’t know, would it be better coming from Rachel or Mom?
“Easy… I’m right here.” Sawyer’s soft words stroked Rachel’s nerves.
“Thanks.” Her racing pulse calmed to a steady beat under Sawyer’s stroking
thumb. She held onto his big, strong hand and faced Mom and Dad.
Dad spared a weak smile for Rachel. “I want to say one more time how happy your mother and I are at how good you look. It’s no secret we never liked Shane, but we also knew we had to let you make your own decisions. I just wish you would have come home, to us, so we could have taken care of you.”
“I didn’t need taking care of, Dad. I needed time. Time to think.”
“I understand. And I’m glad you felt safe enough to stay with Sawyer.”
Of course she did. Sawyer would never hurt her, and he’d never let anyone else hurt her, either.
Sawyer bristled and shifted in his seat, leaning closer to Rachel as he addressed her father. “She’s always safe with me, sir. I’d give my life to protect her.”
“I’m sorry, son. That didn’t come out the right way. I meant Rachel got out of a bad situation, and I wouldn’t have been surprised if she didn’t trust anyone at all.”
Yeah, right, she mumbled under her breath. But Dad had unknowingly given her the perfect opening. “Actually, er. I wanted to talk to you, uh, both of you, about something…” Her hand trembled as she slid the birth certificate across the table in front of her mother.
Brows knitted, her mother stared at the piece of paper. Her eyes widened and her lower lip quivered as she realized what she was looking at. She wasn’t saying anything, just staring. Was she going to deny what sat right in front of her—Rachel’s birth certificate with another man’s name listed as the father and not Dad? Tears welled in Mom’s eyes as her eyes locked with Dad’s.
If Mom didn’t admit the truth, Rachel’d have to reconsider how much of a relationship to rebuild with her parents. She couldn’t stand her own family lying to her.
“What is it, Evelyn?” Dad rounded the table and leaned over Mom’s shoulder. As he read the paper, the color drained from his face. He slumped in the chair beside Mom, his hand covering hers.
“Did you know, Dad?”
“Honey, it’s not that simple.” Mom’s voice quaked , the paper fluttering to the table.
One Last Chance: A Small-Town Romance (Oak Grove series Book 3) Page 14