She shuddered and shook her head. Well, they were doing something she’d been hoping John would do to her all week.
She wasn’t sure who she needed to be protective of. Or how she felt about it. Jefferson didn’t check off anywhere on Caroline’s list. They were the last people she expected to see together—in every sense of the phrase. Ugh.
But when you think about, it makes sense. And they looked kind of perfect together.
No it doesn’t, and no they didn’t, she argued with herself silently. Jefferson wasn’t completely cooked yet. He didn’t even know what he wanted to be when he grew up.
Other than a barbecue entrepreneur and a budding reality star?
“And I need to think about something else.”
She pushed the call button and started walking.
John answered before the second ring was over. “What took you so long?”
“Something I might need therapy over.” Especially considering that instead of turning her off completely, it was making her want John even more. “I’m coming over.”
“Wait, now? Are you driving?”
“Walking.” She ran a hand through her hair, cursing as she stepped on a sharp piece of gravel with her bare foot as she strode down the moonlit path toward his place. “Look, I know the way this is supposed to work is that I’m there whenever you say, but since you left me at the door tonight, I am taking the initiative. I want you. Now.”
She needed to supplant one memory with another, and she needed to know John wasn’t pulling away yet. That he was still as desperate as she was for more. “Remember that body part you said you loved even more than my breasts?”
John was groaning on the other end of the phone. “Graphically.”
“I want you to fuck it.” God, she was shameless. She didn’t care. There was no way she was going to be out-kinked by her best friend in her own house.
Maybe she was delirious with fatigue.
“I’ll meet you halfway.” She heard the jangling of keys and the slamming of a door as he headed to the truck.
“Why did you, John?”
He started the engine. “Why did I what?”
“Never mind.” She wasn’t sure she wanted to know. She only wanted his touch. His hands on her skin.
“You’re going to tell me, Trudy.” His voice was thick with lust. “And then you’re going to forget about whatever it was that put you in a mood, because you’ll be too busy screaming my name.”
“You took me home.”
He swore under his breath. “I did. I played you hard the other night and I’m supposed to take care of you. But every time you’re within grabbing distance I can’t resist taking more. I was trying to do right by you, God dammit.”
“Well, you made the wrong decision.”
“I guess so.”
Trudy looked up as headlights momentarily blinded her. He shut them off and stopped the truck, getting out before the engine stopped sputtering. She took a step back. Another.
John kept striding forward, desire and determination on his face. He was barefoot as well. Barefoot and shirtless, wearing nothing but a pair of unbuttoned jeans he must have thrown on when he realized she was headed his way.
Anxiety and anticipation shot through her veins and she gasped. He meant to take her right here. On the ground. She could feel it.
She smiled when he frowned at her movement. “Big Bad?”
He stilled and tilted his head.
She took another step back. “You’ll have to catch me first.”
She turned in the direction of his house and started to run. The grass was soft and slightly damp beneath her feet, and when she heard him closing in her heart began to race, her adrenaline pumping. Her baggy T-shirt and her plain cotton panties weren’t exactly the best outfit for running but she got a thrill when she thought about the view he was getting as her shirt flapped with her movement.
The race didn’t last long. She’d known it wouldn’t. John, still running, wrapped his arms around her from behind and she gave a breathless little scream as he lifted her feet off the ground.
He dropped to his knees, still holding her, and covered her body with his own. “What the hell are you doing to me, Trudy?” he huffed. “Primal play isn’t on my list of kinks, but you make it too damn tempting to resist.”
He held her struggling body still with one arm, the other hand reaching for a handful of her underwear and tearing the cotton off its elastic seam, leaving the shredded fabric dangling at her hip. “Is that what you want, Trouble? You want to push me that far?”
Maybe. Maybe she wanted to drive him wild as punishment for driving her crazy.
“Did you bring something?” she panted, out of breath and unbelievably aroused as she strained against his hold like she really wanted to get away. It made it even more exciting to pretend.
“You’ll find out, won’t you?” His reply was muffled by her shirt as he dragged it over her head, reaching around to squeeze her heavy breasts as soon as they were bare.
God, she was already desperate for him. Already so wet. “Do it, John. I’m ready.”
His growl was agonized. “You aren’t. I know you’ve had plugs but I’m—it isn’t the same. You need time.”
Didn’t he understand? “We don’t have it. And I don’t need it.”
“Son of a—” He pressed his teeth against her shoulder blade and bit lightly. “Baby, I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Hurt me.”
She could feel the dam breaking as his muscles tensed and his breathing grew more labored. He reached between their bodies again and shoved his jeans down past his thighs, scraping hers with the denim as he did. Yes.
He rustled through his pocket and a tiny hiccup of disappointment skipped over her heart. She didn’t want anything between them. Not for this. But there was no tinfoil rustle, only the sound of a cap popping open. “John?”
“I’m going to do this much. You’re going to let me do this before I lose all my control.”
A cool, slick substance slipped down the crack of her ass, and then his fingers massaging her, pressing inside. One of them stretched her, pushing deeper. She took a deep breath and leaned back into him, loving it—the intensity of sensation.
“Yes, John. More.”
“You’re going to kill me, baby,” he moaned.
Hearing the wet sound of the lube as he slathered his erection, she looked over her shoulder and watched him. The sheer size of this man was humbling but knowing how he tempered it, how he tried to take care of her…
“I’m ready, lover,” she growled softly. “Show me why they call you Big Bad.”
His blue eyes singed her with their heat and he pulled his fingers out to grip her hips. “You asked for it.”
Her lips parted on a breathless gasp at the initial pressure, then her eyes rolled back as the thick head of his cock pushed through her tight muscles. “Fuck.”
“Fuck,” John repeated. “I don’t know if this is going to wor—”
Bracing herself, Trudy pushed back against him, forcefully, taking him inside her instead of waiting for his shallow, tentative thrusts.
“Fucking Christ!” he shouted.
“Yes! Oh John, I can’t, this is— Oh God.”
She bit her lip. God, it was too much. She was so full she couldn’t think. She couldn’t breathe. She’d taken him inside her completely, until she could feel his hips pressed against the cheeks of her ass. He was so big. She knew but—God she hadn’t known.
“Baby. Such a tight fit,” John groaned, squeezing her hips so forcefully with his fingers she knew there’d be new bruises tomorrow. She loved the idea. “Made for me,” he kept muttering. “Fit like you were made for me. Trudy, baby.”
“More,” she managed to rasp out. “Move John. Show me more. Give me…”
Trudy lowered her head to the ground, grabbing handfuls of grass as he began to move. Long, thorough thrusts to the hilt and back until only the head of his shaft was ins
ide her. No fast pounding or shallow thrusts. John was taking his time, enjoying every inch of her as her muscles tightened instinctively around his cock.
“This is mine, Trudy.” John’s voice was heavy with desire, lost to it. “No one else gets to know what this feels like. Spanking you. Fucking you. Filling you up…” He slung his hips against her in a smooth, powerful glide. “All mine. You belong to me.”
“Yes.” It scared her how much she clung to those words. How good they sounded. She belonged to him. “John, yes. Faster. Please. You’re killing me.”
“Beg me, Trouble.”
“I am! I’m begging you, John. Make me come. Let me—”
He sped up his strokes and she lost the ability to speak. So much. Too much. She had the nearly uncontrollable urge to laugh. To cry. To push closer or pull away. It was like every nerve ending was connected and firing at the same time. She threw back her head and shouted until she was hoarse, calling his name.
“Trudy. Baby it’s too good. I can’t hold back anymore. I need you to come for me.” John’s body curled over her back again, his hips still slapping hard and fast against her flesh, one hand reaching up to grab her hair and the other circling her hip to press and rub her sensitive clit. “God, I love how wet you are. Love how you take it all. Every fucking inch. You’re every dirty dream I’ve ever had. And so. Goddamned. Tight. Let go for me. Let go and give me what I want. Come.”
Trudy saw stars. Saw the world going black as she fought to catch her breath. She was drowning. Under water. The force of the climax pusher her further under.
“John,” she gasped. “Oh John, I love you!”
“Fuck yes. God. Trudy. Ah!” John’s orgasm was loud and powerful. He shouted as his hips pounded almost painfully against her, as he filled her with his climax. His hand on her hair tightened, another sensation her body could only interpret as pleasure, and she cried out.
Yes! Anything. More. Yes.
After long moments of deep breathing and awed moans of relief, he collapsed on the ground beside her, one hand still between her quivering thighs, surely feeling the pulse of her racing heart there. “Come here, baby.”
She fell into his arms, splintered as if she were leaving pieces of herself all over the ground. All over him. That was hands down the most powerful orgasm she’d ever had.
So why did her heart feel like it was breaking?
John, I love you.
She’d meant it. Maybe she always had. There was just one problem. He hadn’t said it back.
But then, when she thought about it, no one other than Caroline ever had. Maybe it was her. Maybe she wasn’t the kind of girl men fell in love with.
Maybe she needed to sleep and forget.
Five more days…
***
Trudy was washing up her lunch dish in the kitchen and waiting for Caroline to return from her interview when Jefferson walked in the room. “Is Gossip Girl still hunting down her prey?”
She couldn’t look at him. They’d grown up together, so she’d seen him naked before…but she’d never seen him naked with her best friend. She grimaced. “Yes. And she and I have a girl-chat date when she gets back, so you’ll have to wait your turn.”
Her brother must have heard the tension in her voice. “Are you mad at me? Is this about the sex thing? I know you saw us. I’d apologize but I didn’t think you’d be up so late.”
She dropped the plate and whirled around to meet his teasing gaze and easy stance. “All I asked was for you to leave her alone and—”
“Hey now,” he held up his hands as if warding off an attack, “I’m injured, remember? And I didn’t start that. She’s the one who came into my room in nothing but—”
“Lalala. I can’t hear you. The point is you are a bad host. No manners at all. And if Dad were still alive you would so be grounded for a month.”
Jefferson rubbed his jaw, still smiling. “Yes, but then how would I get to Hollywood in time for my close-up?”
She couldn’t even think about it. “You really like her, don’t you?”
He sighed. “Heaven help me, I really do. She’s going to be a challenge.”
Wait. “Going to be?”
He shrugged. “She seems to think that was just a hurry-up-and-get-it-out-of-our-systems thing. I’m of a mind to change hers. What about you?”
“Me?”
“You and Big John. Has he changed your mind yet?”
Her shoulders tightened and her lips pursed. “There’s nothing to change. We’re just—it’s just while I’m here—he said two weeks.”
Her brother laughed and put one arm over her shoulder affectionately. “Oh, little sister. Have you forgotten everything about men since you’ve been away? That one has been head over boots for you since he walked up the drive. First he stood back out of respect for Dad. Then he stepped back out of respect for me. But now? I don’t think anything or anyone could make him do it again except, of course, for you.”
“What do you mean out of respect for you?” Trudy pulled back to study her brother’s face. She wanted to tell him John had never said he wanted her to stay. Never told her he was in love with her. What did Jefferson know that she didn’t?
Her brother sat down in one of the dining room chairs and gestured for her to do the same. “The last time you came for the funeral… After you left John told me he was going after you. That he loved you and wanted to convince you to come home. I demanded he let you go. You’d gotten out, you were free from the life you hated. The town you hated. You needed that, and I needed to know you had it. So he stepped back.”
He’d been planning to come after her? She never knew. He’d never even written to her. “Did you ask him not to contact me at all?”
Jefferson nodded, his eyes downcast for a moment. “I’m ashamed to say I did. I didn’t want you to feel pressured. I thought I was doing right by you. Was I wrong?”
“No.” She wouldn’t have been able to handle it then, to understand how rare the chemistry between them was. How special John was. “No you weren’t wrong, though a part of me wishes I’d known.”
Jefferson took her hand. “You know now. He hasn’t changed, Trudy. What he feels for you has always been there, under his skin. Before your news, before the tour came up, I would’ve told you to hold onto him and put him out of his misery. Now? I don’t know. You deserve this, Trudy. You deserve success after all these years. I think he knows it too.” He sighed. “This is all on you now, I’m afraid. I may be a few years older but I don’t have any more answers. I thought you should know the truth.”
She deserved success…but what about love? What about both?
And her brother thought she should know the truth. Great. Now guilt was eating her alive.
“Junior,” she started.
Her brother groaned. “John is the only one who still calls me Junior, Troublemaker. Please don’t let Caroline hear that nickname.”
Too late.
“There’s something I need to tell you,” she continued. “Something you should know before you fly off to California to jump off a building.”
She told him everything. About searching for and finding their mother over six years ago. About Jennifer’s reaction at their meeting. About her apathy.
“I didn’t know how to tell you,” she whispered. “I didn’t want you getting hurt.”
His face was hard. Unreadable. His hand was stiff in hers. “You left her there? You didn’t try and get her away from it?”
“That’s what I’m trying to tell you, Jefferson. She didn’t want to get away. She wanted me to leave. I couldn’t throw her over my shoulder. We can’t make her our mother again. She is what she is.” Except that she had tried. She was still sending her mother letters, phone cards and notes that asked her to call. She still hoped.
She might be a fool, but Jennifer was still her mother. She couldn’t give up hoping.
He nodded sharply. “Thank you for telling me.”
“Was I wrong to
? Was finding her not a part of your plans?”
Light, feminine steps sounded on the stairs outside.
“Just in time,” Jefferson murmured, pulling himself to his feet, his movements less graceful because of the cast. “I’ll leave you to your girl-chat. Don’t be too hard on her for our wrestling match. She’s only human, and I am irresistible.”
He wouldn’t look her in the eye as he left. Hell. Maybe she shouldn’t have told him after all.
The kitchen door slammed open and there was Caroline, looking pale and upset. Trudy forgot her plans to tease and stood to go to her, taking her ice-cold hands. “Caroline? What happened? Were you in an accident?”
Her friend shook her head as if to clear it, and her lips formed a tight, straight line. “You know what, Tru? This whole trip has been an accident. If I never see Texas again I will die a happy woman.”
Trudy blanched. “What?”
Caroline patted her hand and then swiftly moved past her. “I didn’t mean coming with you was… Well I didn’t mean you. I feel like a proud mama bird watching you giggle and coo over your big handsome cowboy. The rest of the visit has been a wash. And I need to go before anything else happens.”
With that she left the kitchen and climbed the stairs that led to the bedrooms, Trudy close behind. “You’re leaving? Did the decorator not show up for the interview?”
“Oh she showed.” Caroline’s laugh sounded forced. “And she was eloquent and emotional and incredibly kind. I can see why the Hollywood elite love her. Very genuine.”
“Then what happened?”
Caroline had thrown her bag on the bed and was throwing clothes in, unfolded, in a very non-Caroline-like fashion. “She told me her story and I knew I couldn’t write it.” Trudy noticed her hands were shaking as she packed. “I’ll go back to my old life digging up dirt on the stars. That’s what I’m good at. That’s what I know.”
Now Trudy knew something was really wrong. “Why did she leave without a trace, Caroline?”
“Her son.” Caroline’s normally serene face crumpled and she fell into Trudy’s arms. “Oh, Trudy, she lost her son. He… Well, it wasn’t an expected end. It broke her. What she had accomplished, her reputation, none of it mattered anymore. She came home with her husband to the place she was raised because all her memories there included him. All she wanted was peace and quiet. Needed it.”
Big Bad John (Bigger in Texas Series) Page 12