by Tricia Goyer
Rebecca thought Caleb looked out of place sitting in the hard plastic hospital chair. Although the blanket covered his shoulders, his Amish pants were muddy and still damp from jumping into the river. He wore his wet, muddy boots even though she’d urged him to take them off so they could dry. Overhead a doctor was being paged, and next to them the elevator dinged and opened, offering up another passenger every few minutes.
Yet Caleb’s attention wasn’t on the chair, the pages, or even the elevator. His attention was fixed solely on her. She wanted to shrink back, to look away, but she forced herself to keep looking, to keep caring, and to not shield her heart.
“I traveled to Montana wanting adventure, and instead I found a best friend. I can’t imagine life apart from you, Rebecca. Whether here or there, I want us to be together. I . . .” He paused, looked intently at her.
“Can you just say it, Caleb?” She placed a hand over her pounding heart. “I know all the warning signs of cardiac arrest.” She glanced at the watch on her wrist. “And I’m pretty sure I’m going to have a heart attack in the next thirty seconds if you don’t just spit out the words. At least I’m in the right place if that happens. Unless you don’t think you can . . . say them.” She tilted her chin upward.
“Is that a challenge?”
“Ja, if you need it to be.”
With a nod, he stood, took her hand, and then pulled her into a standing position. “There’s no sitting down for this announcement.” He chuckled.
She shifted her weight from side to side, waiting for his words.
“I love you, Rebecca.”
She dove against him, and he wrapped his arms around her and lifted, just as she’d seen him do with the logs up in the mountains. But instead of tossing her, he held her close, tight. Tight enough that she couldn’t get a full breath, which she guessed was only part of the reason she was light-headed.
She giggled. “I know everything will work out. Even though my mind is full of a thousand questions and I feel like a pinecone being carried down a stream, I know everything will work out,” she whispered in his ear, nuzzling her face into his neck.
“Don’t let me off that easy.” Caleb gently lowered her to the ground. Her toes touched first, and then her feet. “There’s something more I have to say.”
She tilted her head and studied his eyes, waiting.
“I tried to be brave, because it hides the fact that I’m so scared at times. There are always these worries and doubts in my mind, but as things have played out . . . well, it’s given me confidence that God has a perfect plan.”
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“Think about Tyson. We just happened to be there. If traffic had been more backed up, we could have been sitting in a traffic jam. But we were there. Not only that. If you hadn’t been there . . . Well, you knew exactly what to do. Without you he wouldn’t have made it.”
“And you,” she quickly added. “No one else could have gotten to him in time.”
Caleb nodded. “And I can’t tell you the number of times people disapproved of me swimmin’ when I should have been working.”
“God knew, Caleb. Maybe He put that in you—your crazy need to run up trees and risk breaking your neck—to save one boy. It’s strange to think of that, isn’t it?”
“There’s something else too.” A shadow passed over Caleb’s gaze. He opened his mouth and then closed it again. She could tell from his words that whatever was on his mind, it was hard for him to say.
“There was something that’s always been hard for me to understand. The thought of one man’s death changing so much. Jesus had to face it. He had to die, and yet because of that I’m different all these years later. Death changes us. The process of dying too. My grandfather’s stroke changed me. And your sister’s death . . .”
“Ja, I don’t know where I would be if she were still around. Back in Indiana, I suppose. I’m not sure if I’d still be planning to stay Amish, but I wouldn’t be here, that’s for certain.”
“More than that, Rebecca. If Claudia hadn’t died the way she did, if you hadn’t felt so helpless, we’d never be in Portland.” He sighed. “Yet because she died, Tyson has another chance at life. And after you finish school . . . who knows how many lives you will save.”
The tears came now. Tears she couldn’t hold back. “One life for many.” And then a gasp escaped her lips. “I just remembered something. Something I hadn’t thought about for a while.”
“What’s that?”
“Claudia was losing so much blood. She was getting weaker, yet there was this peaceful look on her face. She looked at her son and smiled, and then she looked to me. With the last of her strength she squeezed my hand. Her lips moved, and so I leaned down close. She whispered something. For so long I didn’t understand . . .”
Rebecca’s hands covered her face and a sob emerged, shaking her body. She cried, and Caleb held her. She knew then she could trust him. Trust he’d always be there to hold her. She also trusted more than she ever had that she was doing what God asked of her. She was leaving, but just for a season, and when she returned she’d be able to offer to her community what her sister never had.
“Claudia whispered, ‘He knows what He’s doing.’ I thought she meant Claude, as he snuggled up to her breast, but she didn’t mean that at all. She meant God. God had given her son life, but He was also asking for hers. God knew what He was doing. He knew . . .”
Caleb led her back to their chairs and blankets. An older couple entered with worried looks on their faces. Seeing Rebecca’s tears, the woman pulled a small package of Kleenex from her purse and handed it to Rebecca.
“Thank you.”
The older couple sat across the waiting room. They most likely assumed Rebecca had just received horrible news. But the opposite was true. She’d never felt more at peace. She’d never felt more in love—not only with the man sitting next to her, but with God.
Caleb wrapped his arm around her, and in her soul Rebecca knew that things weren’t going to be easy on the road ahead. There would be indescribably beautiful vistas, but also challenges, hardships, and fears that would meet them along the way. But they would make it, with God.
Caleb sat back and held her hands, resting them on the plastic armrest of the waiting room chair, rubbing her knuckles with his thumbs.
“Why don’t we check on Tyson one more time and then head out?”
“That’s a great idea. Then maybe after we get cleaned up we can head back to the bridge. I—well, things didn’t turn out exactly as I planned. I mean, I’m not bitter . . . just anxious.”
Rebecca rose. “Ja. Let’s do it. My day is yours . . .”
He squeezed her arm. “I’ll take it, Rebecca. I’ll take all that I can get.”
CHAPTER
31
Rebecca climbed off the back of the motorcycle, her heart pounding. The sun was setting, and it cast a golden glow over the bridge. Caleb got off and pulled off his helmet. His hair stuck up at all angles. She thought about brushing it down for him but changed her mind. It was Caleb, and he would always be a little wild.
His eyes lit on hers, and he brushed a few strands of hair back from her cheek, a soft smile on his lips. They walked under the covering of the bridge, and she stopped just as the asphalt turned to wood. He turned to her. Their gazes met and riveted.
“Don’t move.” Her voice was hardly more than a whisper. “I want to remember this moment. I’m burning it into my memory for good.”
“Or you could take a picture.” He pointed to her purse.
She chuckled and then pulled out her cell phone, snapping a picture. Viewing it, she glanced up at him. “There, now I’ll be certain not to forget.”
From his jacket pocket, he pulled out something. It was a pinecone. A small one just like she’d found in the woods of the Kootenai forest. “Es dutt mir leed. It got smashed.”
“No need to be sorry.” She glanced at him with a quavery smile. “You crazy, thoughtf
ul, dreamy man.” She blew out a quick breath. “Honestly, Caleb, I’ve never met anyone like you.”
Rebecca took the pinecone from him and then allowed him to wrap his hand around hers. Caleb led her to the center of the bridge, where he leaned his hip against the side railing and motioned for her to step closer.
“I have something to ask you, but I want to talk to you first.”
“Ja, already . . . but you’re scaring me.”
Caleb cleared his throat. “Nah, don’t be scared. It’s all gut. At least I think it will be. Rebecca, first I have to tell you that you’re the reason I returned to Ohio. I was so focused on all the ways I was failing. I felt weak. I didn’t think I could manage things as my opa did, and I felt everyone expected that from me. Instead of trying, I ran. I tried to push ‘home’ out of my mind, but it was impossible. How can a man walk away from his heart?
“I was so caught up on how things used to be that I wasn’t thinking straight on what I was missing: time with my grandfather.”
“What was it like when you went back?” Rebecca asked. He’d told her some in his letters, but she wanted to hear it from him face-to-face.
“Gut. We’ve had some long talks. Well, I talked a lot, but he was able to communicate some.” Tears filled Caleb’s eyes. “I’d been so concerned about not feeling like I measured up that I hadn’t taken time just to look into my opa’s face. If I would have paused long enough and sat beside him on that porch, I would have seen what my heart had been wondering about. I would have seen that he loved me for me, not what I can do. He did like being on that porch—not so he could judge my efforts, but instead to just watch me, because he loved me.”
Rebecca couldn’t stop the tears, and it made her miss her own family in ways she couldn’t describe. Should she write a letter to her family? Just to remind them again that she was all right, that she did want to return someday, and that she still loved them?
“I have something else I want to talk to you about too.” Caleb cleared his throat. “Did you know, Rebecca, there’s a department of nursing at a university in Canton? It’s only thirty miles from my parents’ house by car.”
“In Ohio? Are you talking about Ohio? But what would your parents think about that? Surely they wouldn’t approve.”
“I was thinking if you continued nursing school there . . . we could get married.” He reached up and touched her cheek. “And yes, Rebecca, that is what I was going to ask. I’m sorry I’m not more romantic.”
She tried to wrap her mind around what he was saying, what he was asking . . . but she still couldn’t imagine that anyone, especially his family, would be fine with what he was proposing. “You’d marry someone who was going to college? Who was following the way of the world? What would your parents think of that? Caleb, you’d be under the Bann for sure—both of us would be.”
“My grandfather has a nurse who comes in, who helps my mother. They’re not against accepting help.”
“But will they accept help from me?”
“Will it hurt to try? To ask?”
“I would like to meet your grandfather . . .”
“And the marriage part?” Caleb removed his hat and tapped it on the side of his leg.
“Vell.” She tilted her head and looked at him. His face was close, and his eyes were intense. A beautiful blue color like nothing she’d ever seen before, shining with sincerity. “I want you to ask, Caleb. Don’t mix up the question with your plans. Can you just ask?”
His hand went to the side of her head. She guessed her hair was a mess from the helmet, the ride, and the rescue, but she didn’t care. He wove his fingers through her hair, and the intimacy of it tugged on her heartstrings. The warmth of his closeness and the tenderness in his eyes combined to make her light-headed—dizzy, even.
She felt like she was part of some romantic dream to find this man—this handsome, caring man—looking at her with such care. Her emotions mingled inside: hope, fear, worry, excitement. She clenched her hands, noting they were sweaty. What was taking him so long? A cool breeze hit her face, and her chest tightened, both from a chill and from excitement.
“Rebecca,” he finally said. “Will you marry me?”
“Ja.” The word burst from her. “That’s the best part.”
“Best part?” His brow furrowed in confusion.
“The best part of being swept away. Whether I liked it or not, I love where I’ve ended up. Ja, Caleb. Yes, I will marry you!” She wrapped her arms around his neck.
But even in the joy of the moment, worries pushed their way back in. “But will you be able to understand, Caleb, that it would mean a wedding outside the Amish church?” She pulled back and looked into his eyes again.
“Outside the Amish church, but in the sight of God . . . I believe I can work with that.” He straightened his shoulders. “I’ve always been one to take a plunge on the wild side.”
Caleb took the steps to the apartment two at a time. He couldn’t wait to get to the door. To knock. To see her face.
Yet when he got to the top of the stairs and turned, he saw her door was already open. Rebecca stepped out wearing her jeans and a pink hoodie. The same ones she’d worn on the wagon ride. “I’m planning on wearing my Amish clothes when I get back, but the trains . . . Well, I heard they can be cold this time of year.”
He rushed to her and swept her up. “I can’t believe it’s been nine weeks. It seems like nine years.” He pulled her to him and she laughed.
“Honestly, Caleb, I’m not a log that you can just toss around like that.”
“I know you aren’t. I understand that. And I wish you would understand that my family will love you. They’ve heard all about you. And it’s okay if you decide to wear a hoodie once in a while. I promise.”
He released her and took a step back, noticing the uncertainty on her face. He didn’t blame her. She’d grown up hearing about the same rules, living in the same system. But Caleb also knew that they had time. They would adjust, and they had God, who would help them out. He didn’t need to talk Rebecca into trusting him. They would follow God—trust Him—and trust each other, together.
He entered the apartment, realizing that it wasn’t much bigger than his room at home. She’d told him it came furnished, but even that was sparse.
“You can’t keep me from being excited about our new life—and where it will be taking us both.”
“I’m excited too. I hope your parents don’t mind having me around.” She flipped off the light switch in the kitchen and then glanced around as if resolving the fact that this season in her life was over. He took her hand and squeezed it. He really wanted to kiss her, but he respected her too much to do it here, now.
“No, they won’t mind having you around,” he said, stepping back. “They’re eager to meet you. My sisters too. And . . . well, I’ve told someone else about you. He’s heard everything, even about our days together on that wagon seat. It’s probably more than Opa wanted to hear, but I know he won’t repeat it . . . and he hasn’t changed the subject yet.”
She laughed.
“Do you have everything packed up?”
She nodded and pointed to one cardboard box and her suitcase. “Yes, everything’s there.”
“Ready to discover Ohio?” He lifted the box with one hand and then picked up the suitcase with the other.
“Yes, and I talked to the school in Canton. Everything transferred over fine. I’ll be able to start at the beginning of the new year.”
Caleb smiled at her. “It’s a new life, Rebecca. A chance to be swept away together.”
EPILOGUE
Most Amish brides didn’t wear their dress outside their home until their wedding day, but Rebecca had a special mission. She walked outside of Caleb’s parents’ house. She’d slept last night in his childhood bed, and he’d slept in his sister’s room. It had warmed her heart to picture Caleb as a boy. Of course he was a boy no longer. He was a man.
She walked onto his parents’ porch a
nd spotted him. His eyes crinkled with a smile as he moved to her side and squeezed her hand.
“You look beautiful, Rebecca.”
She closed her eyes and let his words sink in. For so long she had let the wall around her heart guard her from getting too close, lest she had a change of plans. What she hadn’t realized was that God’s plans were even greater than hers, and that she could have the three things she desired: to be a nurse, to marry a good man, and to be part of an Amish church. The Amish/Mennonite church was different from the way she’d grown up, but she discovered they embraced her following, her calling, to be a nurse. She was thankful they’d be able to live with Caleb’s family—at least until their own house was built on the property—and she’d be able to be a part-time caretaker to Caleb’s opa. Someday she hoped to get back to Indiana, but until then she would walk along with joy on the path God had set before her.
Caleb led her to the small dawdi cottage set apart from the house. He pulled out a chair and she sat, only then looking at the man in the bed. Opa’s eyes were upon her. His face was a blank stare, but she noticed something in his eyes. Joy. And, yes, the hint of tears. She looked up at Caleb and he winked at her.
“I think my opa likes your dress.”
“Ja.” She looked down at it. “It’s a bit fancier than one I’d wear at an Amish wedding, but I don’t think I mind one bit. Yer mem did a beautiful job sewing it for me.”
He took her hands into his, and Rebecca expected them to pray silently, but instead Caleb’s words released in a voiced prayer.
“Dear Lord, danki for this woman, my bride, and for this man—my opa—who taught me to see life as an adventure. With her by my side I know I will. Guide us this day. Aemen.”