by Blitz Kiva
“You must have a really good friend,” Iris said.
Usually, newbie gamers led around by more experienced ones fell into one of two categories. Either they became so imbued with their leader’s ideas of efficiency that they lost their sense of whimsy about the game, or they ended up getting so annoyed that they disengaged completely. It was extremely rare to see someone in Felicia’s situation who would still want cute equipment. Iris hoped she would be grateful for her leader’s maturity.
Felicia’s expression brightened at Iris’s words. “That’s right!” she giggled. “He’s talented, he’s cool, and he treats me as a real adult! He’s my beloved second cousin!”
“O-Oh...” Iris said.
So they weren’t just friends, they were relatives. She had never of heard someone hanging out with their second cousin before. Iris was relatively close to her family, but the sight of the girl grinning and praising her (likely quite a bit older, from the way she was talking) relative to the skies was slightly off-putting.
“If only the young heir were so reasonable...” Iris said.
“Young heir? Is that a friend of yours?” Felicia asked.
“More like a nemesis. Though he’s my guild leader, too...” Iris heaved a sigh up to the atrium’s towering ceiling. “He’s so selfish and self-centered and capricious and dictatorial, but every so often he says something considerate. It really gets on my nerves.”
“Wow...” Felicia’s eyes widened. “There are people like that out there? That stinks.”
“He’s my sponsor, you could say, or my patron, I guess. Well, given all that, I can’t just refuse him, and I’m grateful in a way, too, but... oh.” Iris suddenly remembered she was talking to a customer, and stiffened. She didn’t have anyone to vent to in real life about this, and she’d ended up ranting without meaning to. It did make her feel a little bit better, though. “Anyway, you want to buy something? I mentioned before that none of the display items have very good stats, but if you have time, I’ll can take an order for a new design.”
“An original design, huh?” Felicia asked. “I was talking to a friend today and thinking that might be the way to go...”
“Right?” Iris said. “Wow, I so rarely meet someone who gets it...”
The young heir “got it,” too. That was why she felt grateful to him, despite the way his attitude stuck in her craw.
“Um, about how much do the designs cost?” Felicia asked.
“It’s the cost of the base equipment, plus a little surcharge,” said Iris. “What’s your level, Felicia?”
“Forty.”
“Okay, let me think of what would be good...” Iris put a hand to her chin and thought. But her own knowledge of NaroFan was shaky, and she hadn’t downloaded the Miraive Gear’s proprietary browser, so she couldn’t search for information while playing the game. If only she could ask Kirschwasser for advice.
Just as she was wondering when the two of them might show up, with impeccable timing, the door to Iris Brand opened.
“My, there are two people here, for once,” one voice said with a hint of amusement.
“Well, this saves us the trouble of contacting you.” Another voice followed.
The best timing possible. Iris had just been waiting for them to arrive to discuss the specifics of equipment. But just as she opened her mouth to call out to him, Felicia also spoke up happily.
“Young heir!”
“Itchy!”
Realizing something was off, the two immediately shared a glance.
The young heir Tsuwabuki Ichiro smiled in the utmost happiness and said, “Hey, Iris, Felicia.”
“Why did no one call my name?” The silver-haired old knight Sir Kirschwasser pouted from where he stood behind the young heir.
It was nothing else but this. Felicia’s talented, cool, treats-me-like-a-real-adult beloved second cousin and Iris’s selfish, self-centered, capricious, dictatorial, occasionally-says-something-considerate galling young heir were one and the same. It was a small world, and the world of the game was even smaller.
The three of them sat in the Iris Brand lobby, at an expensive-looking chair and table set.
“The three of them” referred to Ichiro, Iris, and Felicia. Sir Kirschwasser remained standing to one side with a teapot in hand. Had he been wearing a tailcoat instead of heavy plate mail, he would be the spitting image of an elegant butler.
“Excellent tea, Sir,” Ichiro said. “Where does it come from?”
“Thank you,” Sir Kirschwasser replied. “I converted spiritgrass from the Lancastio Spiritwood Sea into tea herbs.”
“Hmm, I see.” Ichiro brought the cup to his mouth and drank it down. A merry blipping sound indicated a temporary stat increase. Ichiro laid the empty cup on the saucer and looked over at the seated pair. “Now, you two, I suspect you have something you wish to say to me.”
Iris was turning her eyes away diffidently, while Felicia was full-out sulking. Their expressions were the total opposite of what they had been when he’d walked through the door.
“I don’t,” Iris said eventually. Apparently tired of averting her eyes, she leaned back against her chair and reached for the spiritherb tea that Kirschwasser proffered.
“Good,” Ichiro said. “Felicia, then?”
“I-I do, but...”
“Yes?”
“I do, I do! But umm, umm... it’s... it’s just...!” Felicia clenched her little hands into fists, eyes downcast as emotion seemed to seethe up inside her.
“I see,” Ichiro said. “So you concocted a plan in your own mind that you would invite me to form a new guild with you, and you also talked to King and decided that you would buy yourself new equipment. But once you finally logged in, you found out I was already in a guild, and that it was with the guild that does equipment design that you were interested in, and now you’re frustrated that it feels like I stole your lead in both regards.”
“That’s right!” Felicia hit the table and stood up. “I know saying it won’t mean anything, but I’ll still say it! Itchy, you idiot!”
“Nonsense.” Ichiro took a second cup Kirschwasser offered with a perfectly calm expression.
“Ha ha ha, Lady Felicia. I believe ‘two-timer’ is the more appropriate term at times like this.” Kirschwasser smiled knowingly. “I had also been thinking about proposing a guild to Master Ichiro when he told me about Iris Brand. I found it very frustrating. Isn’t that right, Master Ichiro?”
“I suppose,” Ichiro said. “Though I believe I’m still granting your wish of playing through the game with me.” Even an objective witness to the situation would regard Ichiro’s breezy expression as extremely irritating.
Although that didn’t seem to be the only thing Felicia was sulking about. She cast a sudden, icy glance in the direction of Iris, who was sitting beside her.
“Wh-What?” Iris looked back at Felicia.
“U-Um, well...” Felicia stuttered as well.
“Allow me to interpret.” Ichiro said, intruding on the conversation once more. “Felicia, as my second cousin, believes she has a duty to monitor my romantic interactions. Thus, now that she knows we’re in a guild together, she wants to determine your worthiness for me.”
“Itchyyyyy!!” Felicia rose and pounded the table two or three times more.
“Perhaps I was wrong?” Ichiro asked.
“You’re not wrong, you’re not wrong! You’re not wrong, but... nnngh!” Poor Felicia was driven to holding her head in her hands while performing a strange sort of dance.
Ichiro’s expression remained as placid as ever. Kirschwasser calmly poured more tea, while Iris just stared in shock.
“Young heir, do you have... any tact at all?” she asked.
“Nonsense. I’m sure it’s not something Felicia wanted pointed out, but coming right out with it is better than leaving this vague ill will hanging between the two of you.” Ichiro placed his teacup on his saucer. “Now, Iris, let’s hear your defense.”
&nb
sp; “What defense? We don’t have that kind of relationship... do we?” Iris asked.
“I agree.”
“R-Right?” Iris’s expression was a mix of confusion and relief. “Listen, Felicia... Like I told you at the start, I really do not like the young heir. At all. I’m grateful to him in part, I’m far more annoyed by him, and I’m very likely to beat his brains out some day.”
“Ha ha ha.” Ichiro, for some reason, just laughed in delight.
“Well, I know it’s rude to speak ill about somebody’s family, so I’ll leave it at that,” Iris finished. “The point is, we’re not like that at all. So just relax, okay?”
“Ugh...” Felicia looked up from her position, which had at some point become “lying on the floor, clutching her head in her hands.” She looked at Iris, and then at Ichiro. “I’m not sure I’m convinced...”
“Young heir, you should say something, too,” Iris said. “Or Mr. Kirschwasser.”
“I don’t have anything in particular to say...” The silver-haired knight remained as laid-back as ever.
“Hmm...” Ichiro assumed a pondering posture. Iris and Felicia didn’t know each other, but if Felicia wanted to join Iris Brand, he would be happy to have her. He couldn’t have her bizarre preconceived notions getting in the way of her priorities, though. “Well, it might be a problem if you don’t have an accurate understanding of the situation. Why don’t I spend the day telling you that story?”
“You mean the story of how the guild was founded?” Felicia asked as she got up off the floor.
“Yes. Or, more precisely, the story of what happened before I met up with you in the game.” Ichiro gave her a gleefully enthusiastic smile.
Felicia looked to be feeling a swelling unease.
Iris let out a very small sigh.
3 - Noble Son, Tell
“By the way...” Felicia spoke up. Ichiro had suggested they go somewhere else to tell the story, so the four of them had left the Iris Brand guild house together. “...Is Iris the one who designed your equipment, Itchy?”
“That’s right.” Ichiro smiled and spread his arms to show off his clothing.
Iris looked away self-consciously.
It was the typical embarrassment of the inexperienced creator who wasn’t yet accustomed to having her designs shown off. Felicia, though, was incapable of understanding that. All she saw was the rapture in Ichiro’s expression, and it confirmed her suspicions. She had tried to ask Ichiro about his equipment a little while ago, during their trip to the Necrolands during the Grand Quest. He had just brushed her question away with a cryptic smile.
The Ichiro Tsuwabuki that Asuha knew almost never smiled in such a satisfied way. Beneath his usual unflappable visage was always a sense that he was bored to tears. Asuha knew that.
There hadn’t been a trace of that the other day, either, when Ichiro had crossed swords with King Kirihito. That should be a reason for her to be a bit jealous of Sera Kiryu, too, but setting that aside...
Setting that aside, the existence of a strange woman who could make Ichiro smile with such satisfaction was dangerous in her mind. Her second cousin sensor was starting to ping. Everything about Iris set off warning bells. Even though Iris herself had protested that their relationship wasn’t like that, she was still dangerous.
“Of course, I like the suit’s design. But I think my favorite part is the brooch,” Ichiro said, indicating the butterfly on his lapel.
It must have been Iris’s design as well, but the graphic was a little sloppy compared to the others. It didn’t look all that great to Felicia, but she knew that she was somewhat biased herself, so she didn’t say that out loud.
“Young heir, could you please stop talking about that brooch?” Iris murmured, causing Ichiro and Felicia to both turn back to her.
“Why?” Ichiro asked.
“You know why!” Iris looked up at him, shouting. “It’s embarrassing! It’s like a big neon sign saying ‘novice designer at work’! Not that I think of the rest of your equipment as perfect, of course!”
“Nonsense,” Ichiro said. “Regardless of how you may feel, I greatly enjoy this brooch. It’s far from a masterpiece, certainly. The graphical rendering is sloppy, the aesthetic sense is poor...”
“So you realize it!” Iris shouted.
So, Felicia thought, it’s not actually that great...
“Iris, are you a designer in real life?” Felicia asked.
“The story you’re about to hear should cover that, I believe,” Sir Kirschwasser said, standing at the head of the party. “Now, right this way.”
Felicia looked up, surprised. They’d only walked twenty steps. “That was fast.”
It was the house of the Akihabara Forging Guild, diagonally across from the Iris Brand building. One of the three great guilds of NaroFan. As a fellow crafting guild, they were likely in competition with Iris Brand. Was this really where he was going to tell the story?
“This is where you’re going to tell the story?” Iris’s face betrayed clear discomfort, as well.
“This is where I’m going to tell the story,” Ichiro confirmed. “It will allow us to hear from a greater variety of people.”
He did not immediately open the door, though. Instead, he turned around as if on a sudden inspiration, and gazed out over Glasgobara’s main street.
“What, heir, did you see someone you know?” Iris asked.
“No... it’s nothing,” Ichiro said. “Let’s go inside.”
In response to Ichiro’s words, Kirschwasser opened the door. A bell attached to the door jangled, notifying those inside of their upcoming entry. Felicia peeked in and saw the guild house lobby, which was very different from Iris Brand’s. If anything, it was on the cramped side.
Or perhaps it only looked small because of how it was packed with items on display, and customers who were browsing through them. Many of them looked surprised as they saw Kirschwasser opening the door, and Ichiro standing in front of him.
“H-Hey... Isn’t that...”
“Is that Tsuwabuki?”
“What does he want?”
Their voices spoke in hushed whispers, but they could be clearly heard.
“Itchy, what did you do?” Felicia asked.
“Nothing in particular,” he said. “Isn’t that right, Iris?”
“Your definition of ‘nothing in particular’ is different from that of a regular person,” Iris retorted. “Right, Mr. Kirsch?”
“Hahaha... Iris has your number, sir.”
In other words, he had done something quite serious. That made sense. Felicia was reminded of that post on Matsunaga’s blog about some big tumult Ichiro had caused. She hadn’t read that article then, but she wondered if that had been related to this.
A door at the back of the lobby opened, and a man came lumbering out of it. “Oh, it’s you, brother. How can I help you?”
This avatar had the short stature and girth associated with the Dwarf race. On top of that, he had a long, shaggy mustache that resembled the steel wool she used after cooking experiments. The hammer and tongs that hung at his waist were the “weapons” used exclusively by the Blacksmith class.
Above his head was his avatar name, “I’m With Stupid →”
“I’m With Stupid →?” Felicia tilted her head, confused. “That’s his name?”
“It’s what we call a gag name,” Kirschwasser said, responding to her question. “It’s not unusual to see someone set a name like that as a joke, and then regret it later.”
“He is very skilled, though,” Iris leaned in and whispered to them. “But because of his name, you wonder what to call him, right?”
“Hey, I can hear you,” Mr. Stupid said, arms folded and glaring at them. “You can call me whatever you like.”
“I call him ‘Bossman’ myself,” Ichiro said. “I believe everybody does. Though I hear Stroganoff calls him ‘Sakata the Stupid.’”
“What the heck...” Felicia tilted her head.
&nbs
p; “What the heck...” Iris also tilted her head.
“A reference from before our time, I believe,” Kirschwasser said, gazing into the distance with folded arms.
“Now, can I ask what you want?” Mr. Stupid demanded. “You’re not here to mock us, are you?”
“I was hoping to explain to Felicia about the incident that occurred,” Ichiro said. “I’m not here to mock you.”
“You are mocking us, then.” But despite Bossman Stupid’s words, he shrugged and pointed to a set of chairs at a table in the corner of the lobby. It was of clumsy design, completely unlike the ones at Iris Brand. “Well, I won’t throw you out. If you want to talk, you can do it over there.”
“Thank you,” Ichiro said. “By the way, is Ed here today?” It was another name Felicia didn’t recognize.
“Who’s Ed?” she asked.
“Edward.” Iris gave a clipped response to Felicia’s question.
Edward. She felt sure she had heard that name somewhere before. Certainly, it was not an uncommon name. But she felt like wherever she had heard it, it had not been in an English textbook, or a manga. She had heard it somewhere before in this game.
“He’s not here yet, but he will be soon, I expect,” Bossman Stupid said. “Well, have a seat.”
“Ah, certainly.” Ichiro leisurely walked towards the chair that Bossman had indicated.
“Th-Thank you for your hospitality...” Felicia bowed politely, then followed after.
Iris and Kirschwasser murmured similar pleasantries as they entered the lobby after them. The eyes of the customers followed them curiously. It made Felicia feel a bit self-conscious.
“Okay, Itchy. Why did you bring us all the way out here?” she asked quickly.
“I thought you might wish to hear various objective accounts of what happened in the week before I met you,” he said. “I did make some trouble for Bossman and Ed here.”
“You’re actually aware of it?” Iris breathed in disbelief.
“Yes, though nothing that merits, for example, what the men browsing equipment over there are saying about me. And, as I was merely doing what I wanted to do...”