by N. A. Alcorn
I chuckle slightly. “I love you too, cum twat.”
I hang up the phone and start the engine of my Honda Civic, pulling out of my apartment parking lot and heading home.
Chapter Thirty
“I’m always chasing this woman and
it’s about time she slows the fuck down.” - James
I wake up to a very empty bed. Amy’s empty bed. I hurriedly jump up and walk around the apartment, desperately hoping she didn’t just leave. Praying that she’s not running from what happened between us. I know I scared her when I told her how I really felt, told her that I loved her, but I couldn’t help myself. I’ve been waiting for far too long to tell her those words. This woman has burrowed herself deep inside of my soul, extracting every ounce of love from within me.
I’m in love with Amy.
I can’t pinpoint the exact second or minute or day that my heart became hers, but I can say with one hundred percent certainty that my heart belongs to Amy. When you fall in love with someone, you fall in love with everything about them. And I do. I love everything about her. I’m in love with her laugh, her smile, and her feistiness. I’m in love with her little quirks and her dirty mouth. I’m in love with her challenging attitude and her raunchy sense of humor. Everything. I love everything about her.
I’ve jumped force-full, sped balls-to-the-wall into loving this woman, and I no longer have control. My world revolves around her, and there’s not a god damn thing I can do about it. My mind starts to wander towards the past, my brain processing all of the time I’ve spent with her…spent chasing her…
Why does it feel like she’s always running away?
When I met Amy over a year ago, I was intrigued by her; I undoubtedly wanted to be with her, get inside her tight little body. She became a challenge. A huge challenge. After I refused to have sex with her after the charity event, she gave me a run for my money, constantly being a sarcastic bitch with a priority of making my life hell. And that only seemed to spur my interest further. I made a point—actually a goal—to get her naked and in my bed. I saw her as the ultimate challenge. And the marine in me was more than ready to step up to the plate, ready to make her relinquish control and give in to her desire for me. Because she did. She wanted me but was just too fucking stubborn to admit it. After several failed attempts, I decided that I needed to step back, take a different strategic approach.
So I did.
I used the ‘let’s be friends’ approach.
And becoming friends with Amy, well… That pretty much did me in. Once I got to really know her, I found that I didn’t just want to fuck her brains out. I actually wanted to be with her. I had to watch her engage in a particular one-night stand with two guys who didn’t deserve her. Fucking dickless idiots who got to be with her in a way I was frantic for. Watching her walk into that bathroom with those men was a true test of my self-control. I can’t tell you how badly I wanted to knock their fucking teeth out. I had the overwhelming urge to kick in that bathroom door, throw her over my shoulder, put her on the back of my bike, and take her home with me.
Me.
The guy she should be with.
The guy she will be with.
The guy she was with today, naked and trembling and writhing around underneath. Desperately begging me to take her, to touch her, to put my cock inside of her. And I did. I did everything she wanted me to do and everything I have been dreaming about doing for longer than I can remember. I made love to her. I showed her with every part of my body that I care about her and love her. I know she was overwhelmed, but I saw the spark in her eye, felt the hitch in her breath, and witnessed the way she looked when she came apart at the seams. She came apart in the most intense, euphoric way while I was inside of her. God, she was beautiful.
Fuck. Get it together.
There’s no time to sit around and reminisce. I have a deep-seated feeling in my gut that Amy fled town, to do what I’m not sure, but I sure as hell am going to find out. And when I do, I will go get her.
I throw on my crumpled scrubs that are lying on Amy’s bedroom floor and head for the door. I practically plow right into Lizzy as I’m about to exit their apartment.
“Shit! You scared me, James!” she squeaks as she clutches her hand to her chest. Her eyes are red-rimmed and her disheveled appearance triggers a memory of a conversation I had with Amy yesterday. She mentioned that Lizzy’s behavior had been strange lately…
“I’m so sorry. I’m kind of in a hurry. Are you all right?” I place both of my hands on her delicate shoulders and stare directly into her eyes.
She immediately avoids my gaze, her eyes looking everywhere but directly at mine. “Of course I’m fine.” Her tone is off and her current state doesn’t really help convince me that she’s truly fine.
“Are you sure?” I slide my hands away and give her some space.
“Seriously, James, everything is fine.” She offers a not-so-reassuring smile. “What’s going on? Why are you in such a rush to get out of here?”
I wish I had more time to make sure this woman is really okay, but right now, I don’t. “You don’t happen to know where Amy went, do you?”
“She didn’t tell you?” Lizzy tilts her head to the side, gauging my reaction.
“Um. No, she didn’t, but I need to know where she is.”
“Well…” She nervously runs her hand through her messy auburn hair. “All I know is she went back home to Louisville to see her family.”
“Do you know where her parents live?”
She shakes her head.
“Fuck. Okay. Well, thanks. I’m going to head out of here. Sorry again for startling you.” I start to head for the door but think better of it. I pull Lizzy in for a tight hug, releasing her after a few seconds. “Take care of yourself, okay?”
She nods her head and adds, “Don’t worry about me, James. Go take care of our girl.”
Those words force me into action. I rush out of their apartment door like my ass is on fire. I make quick work of hopping into my SUV and peel out of the parking lot. My driving is less than stellar as I speed straight to my apartment so I can take the quickest shower of my life and pack a bag for my trip to Louisville. Yep, I’m going to get my girl.
And then I remember…my practice, my appointments, my fucking career. I’ve already decided that I’m not letting anything stand in my way, because Amy is the only thing that matters right now. I quickly dial my office number.
“Dr. Williams’s office, this is Audrey speaking, how can I help you?”
“Hey, Audrey, this is James. I need you to reschedule the rest of my appointments for today and Monday. I have an emergency and I’ll be out of town.”
“Uh, okay. Is everything all right?”
“Yeah. Just make sure you reschedule Mr. Jones for first thing Tuesday morning.
“No problem, Dr. Williams.”
“Thanks, Audrey. Have a good weekend.”
I make quick work of throwing on clothes and head out of my apartment door. I’m edgy and my foot bounces up and down nervously as I wait for the elevator to reach the lobby. Time may as well be standing still at this point. God, I just need to get on the road!
Once I reach the parking lot, I secure my bag to the back of my bike. I’ve got several hours of driving to reach Louisville and decide I’d prefer to spend those hours cruising on my Harley. I straddle my bike and turn the throttle before the loud, boisterous engine puts a smile on my face. There is nothing like having this much horsepower between your thighs.
Shit, where in the hell do Amy’s parents live?
I find the one person in my list of contacts who would be able to give me this important piece of information. I quickly dial her number, sit back on my bike, and edgily wait for her to answer.
Trent’s voice fills my ear. “James, what’s up?”
“A whole lot of shit that I don’t have time to get into.” I faintly hear the sound of a baby crying in the background. “Uh, is Ellen around?”
“Hold on. Lucy’s awake from her nap.” The sound of Lucy’s cries get louder. “Here, baby girl. Is that what you were looking for?” Lucy whimpers lightly. And then…complete silence. It takes a few minutes for Trent to respond again and I wish I could reach inside the phone and strangle his ass. “Sorry. I’m back.” About fucking time!
Even though I feel like I’m about to lose it any second, I choose to be a nice guy and ask, “Everything okay over there?”
“Yeah, I just needed to shove a bottle in Lucy’s mouth before she woke up Ellen. So what were you saying?”
“Well…I kind of need to talk to Ellen. It’s about Amy.” I get that a new mom who just recently went back to work needs her sleep, but seriously, Trent’s fiancée needs to wake the fuck up.
“Is she okay?” Trent questions with worry.
“Yeah, dude. She’s fine. I just need her parents’ address in Louisville.”
The asshole has the nerve to chuckle. “Finally getting your head out of your ass, I see. All right, give me a sec, but you fucking owe me. Ellen is hell on wheels when she’s tired.”
I laugh at that scenario. I kind of like the idea of her giving Trent a hard time. Nice change of pace for those two. “Just name the price, asshole.”
“I’ll let you know what I decide. Hold on. Let me wake Sleeping Beauty.”
Silence consumes the phone before I hear Ellen pick up the receiver, her voice thick with sleep. “Hey, James.”
“I’m sorry I made Trent wake you up, but I need Amy’s parents’ address.”
Ellen laughs lightly and then warns, “If she gets pissed that you show up, that’s on you, you hear me?”
“I hear you.” She’s right. Amy may not take my sudden appearance at her parents’ house all that excitedly. She may threaten to cut my dick off, to be honest. I’m just praying that I can sway her with my charming personality. What? It could happen. My charm is what got her to relinquish the bitch vibes she was constantly sending my way.
“4467 Oakwood Circle. And, James?”
“Yeah?”
“Good fucking luck.”
“Thanks,” I say before hanging up.
I type Amy’s parents’ address into the GPS on my phone and study the directions, finding them not all that difficult to remember. I slide my cell into the inside pocket of my leather jacket and put my helmet on. I waste no time getting on the road, heading straight for Louisville. I have a feeling this isn’t going to be easy, but I know it will be worth every second if I can get Amy to finally let her guard down for good.
Good luck, you sentimental pussy. Good fucking luck.
Chapter Thirty-One
“There really is no place like home.” - Amy
“Mom! Dad!” I yell from the foyer of my parents’ home. The house looks the same, just as it always does. Pictures of Benny and me line the hallways. Fresh flowers are displayed nicely on the dining room table. The aroma of my mother’s cooking seeps in from the kitchen. I’m drowsy from the drive and more than thankful that I chose to stop at a hotel halfway and get some much-needed rest. The events of yesterday were both physically and emotionally draining. When my eyelids began to droop about four hours into the drive from Charlotte, I knew if I stayed on the road any longer, I could cause an accident.
“In the kitchen, sweetheart!” my mother shouts to me. She’s most likely whipping up a delicious home-cooked meal, and my mouth salivates at the idea of her savory cooking.
“Hi, Mom,” I say as I drop my duffle bag near the kitchen doorway.
“Amy! Come here right this minute!” She sets her wooden stirring spoon down by the stove, wipes her hands on her apron, and then rushes towards me. She immediately pulls me in for a hug and I feel like I’m finally home. “I’ve missed you, sweetheart. Is everything okay?” The kindness of her voice brings tears to my eyes and emotions swirling up from my gut.
“Y-yes. Well, n-no, actually. Everything isn’t okay.” I bury my head into her shoulder as I start to cry inside of her embrace.
“Aw, Amy. I’m here for you, sweetheart.” She squeezes me tighter.
“I’m an asshole, Mom. A complete and total asshole.”
“Language, please,” she scolds with a cluck of her tongue. “And no you’re not.” My mother comforts me by gently rubbing my back. Linda Jackson is a stickler for cursing, and I have no doubt in my mind she’d threaten to ground me if I used any more profanity in her home. Yes, she’d attempt to ground a twenty-nine-year-old woman and wouldn’t think twice about it. She might even threaten to wash my mouth out with soap too.
“I’m just… I just… I’m so sorry for everything. I miss Benny so much.” A sob escapes my throat.
“You have nothing to be sorry for. You are so much like your father, it’s not even funny.” She leans back and forces my sorrowful gaze to hers. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I know you want to shoulder the blame for what happened to Benny, but Amy, it was an accident. It’s painful, and I miss him every day, but we can’t go back in time. We can’t change what happened.”
“But I should have been there! I shouldn’t have been worrying about sucking face with my boyfriend! I should have been outside, watching him, making sure he was okay!”
My mom chuckles a little. “You were fifteen, sweetheart. You had a steady boyfriend who you were very much in infatuated with, and Benny was the best swimmer this city had ever seen. I think he may have had gills and fins. Your brother lived in the water, and there was no way you could have known what was going to happen. No one could have predicted that. If I had been home with him, the same thing would have happened. If your father had been home with him, the same thing would have happened. I think it’s time you finally let this go. Stop blaming yourself. Find closure, baby. Let yourself find closure.”
“B-but…but if I would have been outside with him, I would have seen him hit his head and I could have gotten him out of the pool in time and he would still be here with us,” I rasp as I bawl into my mother’s cardigan sweater. Just talking about the past, about what happened to Benny when he drowned in our family pool… Well, it’s just painful.
So fucking painful.
“Amy, you have to stop killing yourself over this. It wasn’t your fault. It just happened. There is no one to blame because it was an accident. Of course, I wish I could take it back, do something to change the past so that Benny was still here with us, but I can’t. And neither can you. All we can do is find closure and relish the good times we shared with him.” Her soft, motherly voice pulls me away from my racing thoughts and stops my mind from continually replaying that traumatic event inside my head. She prevents me from retracing my steps of that day and regretting all of the mistakes I thought I made.
Why is my mother so wise? How can a woman who lost her son be so rational and levelheaded? She is literally the strongest woman I know, and I can only hope to one day have her strength, her perseverance, her ability to move past even the hardest, most heartbreaking situations. She’s amazing.
I wipe the tears off of my cheeks and take a deep, cleansing breath. “I think I need to see him. I need to go see Benny.”
“You want me to go with you?” My mother’s voice is comforting, and I almost want to take her up on her offer, but I know I need to do this on my own.
“Thank you, but I really need to do this by myself, Mom,” I say before I kiss her cheek and hug her tightly.
I need to finally face my demons and visit Benny’s gravesite. I haven’t been there since we buried him fourteen years ago. I need to find closure. I need to let go of the past and take off this giant weight of guilt I’ve been carrying around on my shoulders.
I can’t avoid my grief any longer.
Chapter Thirty-Two
“She can bust my balls any day of the week.” - James
After several hours on the road, I was tired and weary with sleep. I stayed at a hotel only a few miles from Amy’s parents house and managed to catch a little shut-eye. I nee
d myself at tiptop mental capacity before I attempt to work on winning over the always running, constantly avoiding Amy Jackson. This isn’t going to be an easy task. She is as feisty and stubborn as they come. She has no qualms with speaking her mind. I’m just praying that her obstinate brain has finally decided to give up on the whole ‘we’re just friends’ routine so I can let her see that she belongs with me. Not some fuckwad she picked up at a bar. Not someone dickless twat who doesn’t know how truly wonderful she is. She fucking belongs with me.
I finally pull up to her parents’ house and cut the engine, hopping off of my bike and setting my helmet on the seat. They reside in a very nice neighborhood—I’d say upper-middle class. The house is a charming white brick two-story home with a beautiful porch that wraps all the way around the front. Flowerboxes filled with yellow roses line the windows. The grass and garden beds are meticulously manicured. Their home looks warm and inviting.
Adrenaline is starting to course through my veins, and I feel like I’m back in my Marine days, ready to head out on a mission to stop Iraqi terrorists. I might as well be attempting to convince a crowd of feminists that men aren’t really horny assholes while I’m standing butt-ass naked with a raging hard-on. It’s safe to say that Amy has me tied up in knots and nervous as hell.
I drag my hand down my face and give myself a mental pep talk before heading to her parents’ front door and knocking a few times. I shuffle back and forth like an anxious idiot before a woman answers. She is elegantly beautiful with the same brunette hair and big brown eyes as Amy. I’m assuming this is her mother, and the idea that Amy will age this gracefully has me really excited to get our future together started…right the fuck now.
“Can I help you?” Mrs. Jackson is looking at me with curiosity, glancing out to the street and catching sight of the motorcycle I drove into town on. I feel somewhat self-conscious underneath her scrutiny. I glance down at my black boots, faded jeans, and white t-shirt. Now I’m regretting my decision to just throw random shit into my duffle bag, I definitely should have dressed a little more conservative for this occasion. I mean, I knew there was a chance I would meet her parents for fuck’s sake.