by Jenna Bernel
“Whatever, I’m chill. Kate’s just trying to stir up the rumor mill.” Alec pouts, hating being called out. I shrug a laugh because that’s probably partially true. That girl is wire-tapped into everyone’s cell twenty-four seven and has told me things that were about to happen before they came true, like a mind reader. She’s so plugged in. It’s been the hardest keeping things from her. Emotionally, Evan’s been the worst to handle, but he doesn’t meddle like Kate does when he knows something is off. I wish I could just tell them, tell everyone. I’m so tired of all the lies.
“Hey, where’d you go?” Alec eyes me as I come back to the present.
“It’s nothing.” I wave him off again.
“It’s something, Dani, so just tell me.”
I stop and turn to him. “I’m tired of all the lying, the deceit, and secrets. I think it’s making me darker, making it harder to fight. I want to tell my family what’s going on,” I blurt it out before I can stop myself.
“I get where you’re coming from, Dani, I really do. But you know it’ll only put them in more danger. I have them all on watch, but still it’d be a huge risk.” Alec says it very quickly, as if rushing out the words will soften the blow, and I let out a low grumble.
“Tell me something then?” I switch the subject quickly before the pain of all the lies hits me and I turn. “Tell me about the day we turned vamp.”
Alec’s jaw tightens just like Roman’s, and for a minute I think he’s going to lose it too.
“Fine, I’ll tell you, but only if you agree to one thing.”
I mull over the proposal, wondering how bad it could be. He said he wouldn’t try to kiss me again unless I asked. Not that there will ever be an again, like he’s so sure of himself, but only on subjects I wish he wasn’t. Hmmm… Am I that desperate to know that’ll I’ll blindly agree?
“Deal.” I take his hand and shake it. He has a winner’s grin that makes me uneasy. Oh no, I don’t like the look on his face one bit.
Chapter 14: For My Own Good?
“No! No way!” It thunders in my mind again as Alec asks to be summoned in my dream. As frustrated as I’m sure he’s getting, it’s actually helping me master the craft. Now if I could just learn how to Portal Jump, I could get the hell off this rock and save Eli myself, as it should be. Alec told me they finally figured out the guard pattern to the blood banks with the help of his turned. I don’t know why he’s refusing my help. We made a great team the last time and even he admits we’re better together than apart on this. I can still remember the thrill of it all in The Basement when we landed our target. Why is he fighting this so much? Did he really think I’d agree to his little deal?
Alec really is crazy. He knows me too well to even try this maneuver. All he managed to do was piss me off. I want to know about the day I was turned vamp so badly, but I want to find Eli and bring him back here myself even more. I’m going on this mission one way or another, so Alec better deal.
I feel him again, like an invisible cloak between us as he summons for permission to come into my dream and talk. “For-get-it.”
“Enough, Alec. Sleep well.” I feel a pulse, and he’s disappeared from the invisible barrier. I open my eyes to see Christoph smiling at me. Shoot, just when I thought I was getting good at this… How did he do that?
“You’ll get there,” he responds once again to my thoughts.
“Don’t do that. I’m already in a mood,” I threaten, and he holds his hands up in defeat.
“As you wish, darling,” he says, stepping closer but very carefully, like I might bite him, and for a moment I seriously think about it.
“What do you want?” I squint my eyes at him like he has some ulterior motive because I’m sure that’s why he’s here.
“I felt you turn vamp again. I just wanted to check on you,” Christoph says innocently, and a growl of irritation rips through my throat.
“You can feel that?” I tilt my head back in surprise.
“Yes, we’re all connected and you are my blood, Daniella. Our lineage is what connects you to the light realm. I can always feel it when you’ve shifted dark.” I squirm, uncomfortable by the revelation that takes place, and step back, trying to escape my own dream. After Alec said he wouldn’t take me on the mission to retrieve Eli, even after I told him he could keep our vamp story to himself forever, he refused, and naturally and totally deserved, I went ballistic.
I couldn’t control it. I was sad, scared, angry, and everything in between. And this is the moment it hits me. Don’t they get it? I’m connected to Eli now, as I am to all my turned. They are my blood.
I must keep turning like this because deep down I can feel him. I’ve felt it all. The torture, the pain, the experiments being performed until he’s been almost drained of his last drop of blood, our blood, and it’s tearing me in two. If they don’t let me get to him soon, I’m afraid I won’t ever be able to get back to the light. They tell me to hold on, that Stella lost her soul when she gave David her Grace, the essence of Nephil power, to try and save his life. But feeling Eli’s pain, even if I’m not giving up my Grace, it is still crushing it into pieces until I become as ugly and soulless as Stella. If that happens, we’re all doomed.
“I’m sorry, Dani. I didn’t realize what you’ve been going through. You’re my daughter, but we are so different in ways that even I cannot understand,” Christoph says, reading my thoughts like it’s a revelation to him too.
“I told you to knock it off!” I scream as I fight off angry, pained tears.
“What can I do?” Christoph reaches out like he wants to hug away the pain.
“For starters, you can let me out of here.” I wave a hand to make a Cloud window and it’s a picture of me sleeping in the dungeon Roman was occupying after I turned by accident while yelling at Alec. I look at the window. My body looks especially pale, and I jerk uncontrollably, since using this Nephil gift while turned is extremely taxing on my body. I feel like a little kid who’s been unjustifiably locked in a closet for being naughty.
“You know I can’t. Look at you. Do you honestly want me to release you out into Cali like this?” He points at me through the Cloud window like he doesn’t even recognize me, and I see the tremors creating spasms over my limbs like I’m fighting someone in my sleep, probably trying to kick my Nephil side away for good.
I examine myself and swallow back the bile rising in my throat. I’m getting worse, and we both know it. I sink into the sand, blurring the nasty picture of me out of the sky in a silent agreement. Christoph sighs heavily, like he can’t bear any of this. He sits down next to me in the sand, and it’s like our first Cloud Crash all over again almost a week ago. He’s silent, watching the waves and taking deep breaths. I find myself matching his rhythm as I watch the navy waves foam and crash, and I wonder if he’s tricking me into calming down. I hate to say it works, but I feel better, light again after a few minutes of steady breaths.
He finally speaks. “I hate seeing you in pain. We’ll do everything in all our powers to get Eli back, but I want you to realize that it’s not always all up to you. You have to learn to let go and trust the people who care about you to do right by you.”
Fatherly advice, really? He must be joking. I don’t say anything because first off he’s wrong, it is up to me. Eli is mine and I’m getting him back myself. Secondly, I do trust the people I care about, but it’s bitten me in the ass one too many times, and I need to see this through myself.
“That’s very close-minded, Daniella. Everyone makes mistakes, even you. That doesn’t mean you have the right to withhold your trust from them forever. You must learn forgiveness or you’re going to get yourself killed. Or worse, turn like Stella,” Christoph warns, and I get up, not in the mood for some too-little-too-late daddy bonding lecture. Alec has already given me that forgiveness lecture, so I know the drill.
“I really don’t need this crap, especially not from you,” I say before fading into a shadow and snapping awake. The last t
hing I saw was Christoph shaking his head at me disappointedly. I’m pretty sure he has the ability to make me stay in the Cloud Crash, but he let me go. I feel a twinge of abandonment. I think I part of me wanted him to stop me, to come after me.
“I’ll always come after you, Dani. Always.” I whip my head and find him leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. Something swells in my heart. I don’t know if it was my father’s thoughtful declaration or the fact that Alec is squeezing my hand as he stares at me desperately, boring those aqua eyes into me like he’s chanting a silent prayer for me to come back to him.
Something stirs and a pain rips through me, by far the most painful turn I have ever experienced before my heart restarts, and I scream as its icy burn stabs at every particle inside me in protest. I blink back the tears when it hits me that the pain is not only my own. Eli! We’re running out of time. Christoph stands up straighter with sudden worry as he once again reads my thoughts, but this time I don’t mind.
“It’s time,” we both say in unison, and Alec clutches my hand tighter, looking back and forth between us, trying to catch up.
Chapter 15: Now or Never
I pull out my duffle bag and begin to stuff the clothes from my dresser drawer into it when Henry appears in the doorway.
"Where's the fire?" he asks, wondering what I'm doing and noticing how panicked I am.
"I'm going back to Chicago to help Eli," I say, grabbing my bag and moving past him to the bathroom.
"Alec agreed to this?" Henry asks in disbelief as I throw my makeup and toothbrush into the carryall.
"You may find this hard to believe, but I couldn’t give a shit about what Alec agrees to."
My tone comes out harsh, and Henry tilts his head back like I just slapped him. "I'm sorry, I'm just so worried about Eli. I feel him slipping away." Saying it out loud renders me paralyzed as the fear grips over my throat, trying to take me away again, and I shiver from the ice water in my veins.
"Hey, it's OK. He's going to be okay," Henry reassures me like I'm a small child who's lost her puppy. He wraps his arms around me and rubs mine, trying to shake out the cold. I soften a little and regain my strength.
"Thanks," I say. Although I don't feel much better, I appreciate the effort.
"When are you leaving?"
"In a few minutes." I move out of the bathroom to finish packing.
"When are you coming back?" Henry looks panicked now that he's worried he'll never see me again, and truthfully this could very well be the last time I lay eyes on him. I pause for a moment, taking him in, and I feel his power. He's even stronger now than when I first got here, and pride tugs at me.
"Henry, I'm so proud of you. Thank you for all your help," I say, skirting around the question, and he sucks in his cheeks in disapproval, noticing I didn't answer. I wrap him in a hug before he can ask any more questions and whisk out the door. I don't say goodbye, though. I hate goodbyes, and I don't think my heart could bear it in this state.
I make my way to the lighthouse that Alec first brought me to to show me the panorama view of Caliontre. I take it in, all of it, as I run down the block. The beauty, the pure light energy, the smell of the ocean—I will miss it all. It made me soft, and I'm starting to realize that maybe that's not such a bad thing. I quickly move past Alec's house onto the beachfront, and when the lighthouse comes into view, I see Christoph, Alec's mom Annie, and Roman waiting for me. I hardly notice them, though, because Alec is staring me down like he might murder me if I come any closer.
"Please don't be mad at me," I say as I move into the circle, and Alec snorts a laugh like the idea that he'd be anything but pissed right now is a preposterous request.
"You were right, Alec, we should have never kept you two apart. I was being selfish, too afraid for her safety, but I see now that you are safer when you work together, just like you've been saying for years." Christoph’s admission of this stuns me a little. The man normally oozes with Inflated Ego Syndrome; it must really sting to dole out the "You were right” speech.
"Yes, but now she's behind. She doesn't even know how to Portal Jump yet. And you saw what happened when she realm jumped the last time. Who knows what I'm walking into on the other side? It's too late; we're better off if you just let me do this on own." Alec's voice is shaky. He's really having difficulty controlling his temper. I shift my jaw from side to side in an attempt to keep my mouth shut. I know he's just trying to protect me, but who will protect him? I'm doing this. I'm strong enough. I think.
"I know this is a more intense Portal Jump. That's why I must insist you two go together," Christoph says sternly and gives Alec a knowing look that everyone seems to understand but me.
Caliontre is some sort of in-between land from the world we know and the Light Realm. It takes much more power and light to get here than jumping portals in town. That's why it felt like I was going to die when I first arrived here. I had too much darkness in me. If any vamp stepped through the Portal, they'd be ripped to shreds. Only Roman, who has had a steady enough Nephil blood diet, can Portal Jump, although even he admits he hasn't tried since he turned me. I'm not going to lie. I'm nervous about it, but I have to try.
Alec's arms are crossed in defiance, and I step towards him. "Please. I can't do this without you." My voice quivers, and I swallow down my emotion. I'm scared shitless right now. Alec sags in defeat, dropping his head until his chin is at his chest, like he can't stand the hold I have on him. He wraps his arms around me in a tight hug and nods to Christoph to get it over with.
I look up at Alec's mom. Tears stream down her face as she looks at us. "Take care of each other," she whispers, and then I feel Christoph's hand on my back before a pulse of lightning strikes right through my body and I grip Alec when we fall into the darkness.
*****
I'm gasping for breath. Oh, it hurts! God, it freaking hurts! Alec's arms are in an iron grip around me as we begin our routine.
"Breathe for me, baby. You're okay, I promise. Take a breath for me." Alec says it over and over as his chest rises and falls in exaggerated breaths, trying to get me to mimic the motion. I clutch him tightly, trying to copy it, and I feel a thump in my heart. A gasp flows down my throat as my blood begins to move again. I sound wheezy, but I'm not as afraid as last time, knowing the pain will pass. Alec sits us down on what feels like a couch, but I can't see yet. It's all so blurry, and I ache down to my bones.
After a few minutes, I finally pull my face from Alec's chest and blink as I take in my surroundings, seeing that we're back at his house, the one he rented only a few blocks from mine, sitting on the living-room couch. I'm flooded with relief that I'm not trapped in the abyss forever, and pull myself away from Alec's arms.
"You good?" he asks, and I smile. He's so obvious. The concern on his face is absolute hysteria, but it's cute that he keeps trying to downplay it.
"Is this you trying to be chill? Because I still see right through you. Yeah, I'm good," I say teasingly as I slump back into the cushy couch, ready to take a nap for the rest of the year.
"Don't push it. I'm still pissed as hell at you," Alec says hotly and gets up from the couch before returning with a glass of water from the kitchen and handing it to me.
I take it, thankful. "I know, but what's done is done, so let's just move forward." I take an eager gulp from the glass, averting my eyes from his accusatory stare.
"You used my own words against me, Dani. I'm never going to move on from being thrown under the bus by my own goddamn words." Alec walks to the stairs and stomps up the steps like a kid throwing a tantrum, and I tilt my head back in frustration. After Christoph Portal Jumped us out of the dungeon, I had pulled him aside for us to be alone. He knew I had felt Eli's pain because it was getting so bad that he could sense it too.
I told him what Alec said after our mission together in The Basement, how well we worked together and how right it felt. I also told him something I'll never share with Alec, so he'll never understand what really cha
nged Christoph's mind after the years of him badgering to bring me into the fold. Christoph agreed that I should be involved from here on out no matter how much he didn't like it. I'm beginning to wonder about him. Could he really care for me that much? A daughter he barely knows? I'm getting the feeling he's only been half listening to this messenger from the light realm in order to keep me safe. When will they all learn that I can take care of myself?
I get up and go to the front door, but when it's half open I hear Alec leap over the banister of the staircase behind me and he slams the door shut with his palm over my head, his chest pressed against my back.
"Where do you think you're going?" He says it throatily because he's still angry, but the low rumble in my hair causes vibrations, sending a pleasurable hum all the way to my toes.
"I'm going to see my family, Alec," I say, kind of annoyed. He should have guessed that. Like I'm going to be holed up in here all day when I can practically feel Conner's happy energy jumping on my bed in the house. But he holds the door firmly.
"Please… I really miss them," I explain, lowering my head, and he pulls back his hand and steps back.
"I don't want to keep playing this game with you, Dani. This is going to be stressful enough without having to worry you're going to run off. We made a deal."
"Okay, I get it. Chill." I can't hide the teasing tone. I promised him I'd stay by his side while we were back here in Chicago. That's the only thing he asked of me even though he protested the whole idea up until we Jumped here.
"Hey, I am chill," Alec says, trying to sound hurt, but he can't hide the smile in his voice at this familiar exchange. I turn around and raise an eyebrow at him like I beg to differ, and he reaches past me to open the door, missing my lips by an inch. My breath hitches and I try to hide it by clearing my throat, but it's too obvious he’s affected me, and that cocky smirk I can't stand but secretly love appears on his face.