Or was it the demon baby I was carrying that would convince him?
Days went by, and with each new sunrise came more changes. Rafe increased training time and led his core group-Rowan, Madeleine, Sasha, and Ricardo-on more missions. Most of the time, I was kept out of the loop. Rafe told me I had a special place as his muse. Also, we were trying to hone my ability to hear other voices.
After several more nights of sneaking into his room, he asked me to stay permanently. "I've already talked to Rowan about it, and he understands how much I need you."
"But, Madeleine?" I asked, torn between my love for him and my sister.
"She means nothing to me," he said, only an octave below screaming.
He'd made that clear a while ago, so I wasn't sure why he was so upset. "I wasn't trying to suggest that. It's just that? she needs me, too, you know?"
He took my hands in his. "She'll understand. Plus, I need your help with something."
I cocked my head to one side, wondering what he could be referring to.
"A woman has come to us. During a battle, she was turned and has amnesia. She doesn't remember where she's from and needs a home. I thought you could help her feel more comfortable."
Amnesia wasn't a bad way to come into this new existence. At least she wouldn't miss whatever she'd lost. "I'm happy to help her."
"Great. Let me take you to her."
I wondered how a new person had been at the house without me knowing. My bewilderment was soon squelched as we headed outside and made our way to Rafe's motorcycle. Soon, we arrived at our secret hideaway, although it didn't feel as special knowing another woman was there.
He led me downstairs, like he'd done many times before. In our room, I saw a girl huddled in a corner. She was crying.
"I'm going to leave you two alone for a little while," Rafe said, after introducing us.
After he left, I walked over to the girl and knelt beside her. "Rafe tells me you don't remember much about your past, but I'm here to help in any way I can."
She looked up, her beautiful brown eyes full of questions. With her dark skin and jet black hair, it was easy to see her Native American roots.
"My sister and I came to be part of this family not long ago, too. They saved our lives, and I promise you it'll soon become your family as well."
For the next hour or so, I told her stories about our new family and some of our closest friends. Most of all, I told her about Madeleine, Rowan, and Rafe. At one point, I reached out to grab her hand. A jolt of powerful energy coursed through me; it was akin to pain, but it made me feel stronger and more alive.
By the time Rafe returned, she was smiling and talking a little. She'd even told me her name: Dyani. He seemed pleased with the results.
Dyani and I walked back to house, since three people couldn't fit on Rafe's ride. Once there, I took her to meet my sister.
"Madeleine," I said, entering our room. "There's someone I want you to meet. She just joined us."
Madeleine put her hand out in greeting, and Dyani took it. I waited to see if Madeleine responded to Dyani's touch like I had, but I didn't notice any reaction.
"Why don't we all have dinner together and then I'll take her to her room," I suggested. Both of them agreed, and we went to the kitchen.
After dinner, I helped Dyani get settled in her room and then returned to mine.
Madeleine was ready to pounce as soon as I walked in. "Rowan said Rafe brought her here. Nobody knows where he picked her up or why. There must be something in it for him."
I was disgusted with her attacking Rafe all the time. It made my decision about Rafe's earlier request clear. "I'm moving in with Rafe." Determined, I started gathering my things and throwing them into a bag.
"Just like that," she said.
"No, it isn't just like that, but I'm sick and tired of you attacking Rafe. It's better this way."
Madeleine came over and took the bag from my hand. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. It's just been a long week with a lot of fighting and?"
"I get it. I don't go to the battles, but I have a purpose. Rafe understands that."
I slammed the last few things in the bag and left. With each footstep down the hall, anger receded and sadness filtered in. I didn't mean to leave things that way. Just outside Rafe's door, I hesitated. As I was turning to go back and talk to my sister, I ran into him.
"Wonderful, so you're moving in."
***
It was time to talk to Rowan.
When I first arrived, my intense feelings for Rafe overwhelmed me. He was all about heat, although our few nights together had left me feeling cold and empty. Sure, he'd been the one to end it, but I didn't fight.
I again questioned why it was that I cared so deeply for Rowan, would do anything for him, but I never saw him as a love interest. Other than my sister, there was nobody I felt closer to in my new life. Yet, I was about to knock on his door and tell him I was pregnant with his brother's baby, I planned to get rid of it, and I wanted him to leave with me. Would he care about me after my confessions and requests?
With Am?lie sharing Rafe's quarters, Rowan had moved into one of the empty rooms. Odds were on my side he'd be alone. Before looking for him, I made sure Rafe wasn't around. After confirming he was out for a while, I made my way to Rowan.
I edged his door open and poked my head inside. "Do you have a minute to talk?"
He swiveled in his chair to face me. "Sure. What's up?"
"Do you mind if we go somewhere a little more private?" Even though I knew Rafe was gone, I couldn't afford for him to come back early or for anyone else to overhear our conversation.
It was life or death.
He must've read the concern on my face, because he stood and grabbed a sweatshirt. "I know the perfect place."
I followed him out the back door, down a path, and into the woods. This was new territory for me. We ran, but didn't transform. Good thing, since I didn't think to pack, and showing back up at the house naked would arouse suspicion. Or maybe it wouldn't. I couldn't think; being covert wasn't a natural skill, although I seemed to be getting better at it by the day.
A couple of miles away, he slowed. We were near a rock wall. He motioned for me to follow as he bent to enter a small crevice. Once inside, it opened up into a small cave. He pulled out a battery-operated lantern from a dark corner and turned it on.
"I have a feeling I know what this is about."
What a dangerous statement. How many people had given up too much information based on the ambiguity of a similar claim?
"What is it you think you know?" I should just trust him, but I felt vulnerable. Add that to the horrible nausea, and it left me not myself.
"Sasha and Ricardo, and actually a few others, have talked to me about leaving. I understand the concerns, but-"
"I know, he's your brother," I said, interrupting him.
"Actually, I was going to say something else. But, yes, he's my brother. I know I've told you pieces of our story, about our parents being dead. What I didn't tell you, what I've never told anyone, is that Rafe was responsible."
I gasped, clutching my belly. As soon as I did, I dropped my hand. It was an instinct, but I couldn't go there. I couldn't care about this thing growing in me, not with everything I knew about the father.
Rowan cocked his head and glared at me. "Is there something you want to tell me?"
"I'm pregnant. It's Rafe's."
His head dropped, and I noticed his fists balled up by his side.
"I'm not going to have it, and I need your help." I started crying. This wasn't the way I wanted this conversation to go. I didn't want to guilt him into anything. I stood.
"Never mind. I'll take care of it by myself." I turned to leave.
I only made it two steps before he grabbed my arm and pulled me to him, wrapping me in his arms from behind. Closing my eyes, I let my head drop back onto his shoulder. Then, I collapsed into him and let him hold me.
"You're d
oing the right thing. Long story short, my mother made some kind of deal with the Devil. That deal became my brother. My father was devastated. In the end, she took her own life. She left a note about Rafe's lineage."
So, I really was carrying the Devil's spawn. I started retching, but nothing came up. My body contracted into spasms, and I sank to the floor.
Rowan paced.
"I thought I could save him. Then, I thought Hemming could guide him. Finally, I thought maybe you, or your sister, could give him something nobody else ever could and help him overcome the demons inside. Then, there were his demon wolves and his increased violence. Dammit!" he yelled as he punched the interior wall. I heard the bones in his hand break.
"To make matters worse, there's a prophecy. It's too much to go into now, but trust me. We have to figure it out before Rafe does."
A prophecy. Not that I needed to be convinced to leave, but this sounded even more ominous. I trusted him to tell me more about it when he was ready, but there were more pressing matters to figure out first.
"Will you come with us and help me find someone to, well, take care of my situation?" I asked, standing to walk over to him. As much as I knew my decision was the right one, I couldn't bring myself to say anything more detailed. I took his crushed hand into my own. "I love you. I hope you know that."
"I do."
"I swear I never said those words to your brother. It was passion; ill-advised and with horrible results. I don't know that Am?lie will be so easy to convince. And, to be fair, if anybody has had a good effect on him, she has."
Rowan reached up with his good hand and pushed back a stray hair from my face. "She was my last hope. But now, with being the pack leader and his wolf army, I just don't know. Do you think you can convince her to go?"
I opened my mouth to answer but closed it again.
Could I?
Every time I walked past Madeleine's room, my former one, I sighed. Dyani and I had become friends, but I missed my sister.
Rafe was busier than ever now that he was pack leader, and I saw him very little.
Sometimes, I only felt his presence as he slipped into bed. He was like a heat-seeking missile; no matter how much I tossed and turned, he moved with me. It was as if he couldn't sleep without my touch. Yet he rarely tried anything. Every morning, he'd kiss me on the forehead before leaving, but there were no more words of love.
I sensed my pregnancy, and the heartbeat within me, before I had proof. Nobody ever seemed to notice me anymore, so it was easy to sneak out to the local drug store. I often wondered if Rafe gave some kind of orders about me, because nobody talked to me or even looked in my direction. Madeleine and I would share a few awkward moments per day, but my only real companion was Dyani, and I was grateful for her.
When the results confirmed my suspicions, several emotions surfaced: fear, happiness, confusion, insecurity, and sadness. What did I know about having a baby? I didn't even finish high school. Would Rafe be happy? What about Madeleine? I wanted to run down the hall and tell my sister the news. Rafe would be a father, Madeleine would be an aunt, and Rowan would be an uncle. Maybe this baby would be the salve we all needed to be a family again.
Yet I sat there, frozen.
Needing a distraction, I went in search of company and ran into Rowan.
"Well, hello. How do we live in the same house, and I barely see you?" I asked.
"Things have been crazy lately. Have you had a chance to talk with your sister?"
It was an odd question.
"Why? Is something going on?"
He looked a bit uncomfortable, which confirmed my original misgivings. What would Madeleine want with me, and what did it have to do with Rowan? Then, it hit me. It must be about Rafe, and she went to Rowan first.
"When she comes to you, hear her out. She's in a lot of pain right now. She needs you. Promise?" he asked.
"I promise."
He kissed me on the cheek. "Good. You mean a lot to me. I hope you know that. Lately, we haven't been hanging out as much."
I took his hands and smiled. "You mean a lot to me, too."
"What are you two up to?" Rafe's voice boomed in the hallway.
"We were just talking," Rowan said, and then turned to me. "Think about what I said."
I nodded, and he walked away.
"So, what do you need to think about?" Suspicion and anger laced Rafe's words.
There was a time I'd tell him anything. Yet, I stood in the hallway, full of things to share, and said, "He wondered if I wanted more training."
It was the first of many lies.
***
My room was so empty without Am?lie, and I missed her. I hoped I could convince her to come with us, because I couldn't imagine my life without her. Again, I wondered if I should tell her about my predicament. I knew she had the power to comfort me, but could I look her in the eyes and tell her I was pregnant with Rafe's baby? Worse, could I tell her I wasn't keeping it? Tears started, as they did every time I thought about it.
A baby.
Life pulsed within me, but I knew too much. Nobody deserved to be born with demon blood.
I only had one choice.
Still, whenever I thought about it, my heart shattered into a million pieces. Then, I'd put it back together again as best as I could only to lose a small piece each time. Nothing would ever be the same.
I would never be the same.
Rafe and Am?lie were inseparable these days. I wasn't jealous. Not anymore. Nothing would make me happier than to see her expel his demons and for Rowan to have his brother back. But I'd seen too much, and I knew a side of Rafe she'd never see. He'd never let her go; he needed her too much. She kept him from being consumed by pure evil.
I hesitated at Am?lie's door, wiping away tears. She was my sister, and I had to tell her why I was leaving. Maybe I could convince her to come, to understand the path Rafe was walking. Time was running out. He'd be back soon, and our window would close. With renewed hope, I reached for the doorknob and twisted it.
Am?lie was sitting on the edge of the bed, slightly bent, with her head in her hands. When the door creaked, she looked up. Her eyes were swollen and red. Tears were in abundance tonight.
I walked over and fell to my knees, taking her hands in mine. This was my sister, my flesh and blood. I couldn't lose everything; I had to convince her. But first, I needed to be her sister and find out what was wrong.
"Why are you crying?" I asked.
"Do you remember how Mom would get us to go to sleep when we were scared?" she asked, sniffling.
Memories flooded me. Mom would have us crawl into her bed; she'd be in the middle and have an arm around each of us. She'd sing her favorite French lullaby from when she was a kid-she was born in Paris and had an amazing voice. We'd curl into her side and hold hands over her belly.
"I do."
"I told myself I'd sing that song to my own kid someday," she said. With the last word, she broke down into sobs again; her body shook from the force.
I moved to sit next to her on the bed, letting her collapse into my lap; I stroked her hair and started singing the song. When I finished, she seemed calmer. My heart leaped ahead of my brain.
"Rowan and I are leaving. Sasha and Ricardo, too. Rafe's gone too far; he's dangerous. Please come with us. I know you think you love him, that maybe you can save-"
She cut me off. "I'm pregnant."
Every part of my body froze. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me, and I struggled to breathe.
She turned to me, her voice shaky. "I know why you have to go. Under different circumstances?"
"No! I refuse to leave without you." I stood and began pacing the room.
Damn Rafe! Why did I fall for him? Why didn't I protect my sister from the same fate? Should I take her by force? She didn't know what I did about Rafe's background.
"Please, Madeleine. You're only making this harder. I can save Rafe; I know I can. Maybe being a father will change him. My only
choice is to stay and fight for the man I love, for our baby."
In that moment, our fates were sealed. She'd never understand or support my choice, and she'd never stop believing Rafe could change. For her, the baby was hope. All I saw was inevitable destruction when I thought of mine. Still, how could I leave her?
"Madeleine." It was Rowan, calling for me. It was time to go.
Part of me leaned toward the door, but the other part felt cemented in place.
Am?lie threw her body into mine, wrapping her arms around me. I clung to her.
"We have to go," Rowan said, this time from the doorway.
"Go," Am?lie whispered in my ear. "I love you."
"I love you, too," I said, but I couldn't seem to pull away.
In every moment of our lives together, I'd been the strong one. But when it really mattered, Am?lie displayed the necessary toughness. She pushed me into Rowan's arms. "Go." She mouthed the word and nodded her head before turning away.
Still, I couldn't move. Rowan picked me up and took off. When we hit the outside air, something in me reignited.
"Put me down," I said.
"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked.
"I'll never be okay again. I'll never be the same. But we have to go."
He nodded and put me on my feet. "Sasha and Ricardo are up ahead waiting for us, but we need to get moving now."
We shifted and took off. Rowan's voice was in my head, reassuring me. Then, another voice, one I never thought I'd hear again, burst through.
It stopped me dead in my tracks.
Watching my sister leave was the hardest thing I'd ever had to do. I knew she had to go, but my heart ached for her to stay. Losing her gave me a renewed determination to save Rafe and turn everything around. If I could help him drive his demons away, then we could find his brother and my sister and start again. Rafe would be devastated by losing Rowan. And there was the baby. Maybe that, and whatever love he did have for me, would change our destinies.
This baby would save us all. I had to believe that.
Anger shot through my soul. It wasn't mine, but I felt it with the same intensity as if it was. I knew he was coming before he burst through the door.
"Where is she?" he growled.
Chasing Forgiveness: A Tala Prophecy Companion Novella Page 7