“No, there was a housekeeper who provided us with meals and did some cleaning,” JD said. “There was also someone who took care of the outside and the boat when we wanted to go out on the water. And for some reason, a security guard.”
“It was definitely next-level pampering.” Danica leaned against JD. “It was just what we needed.”
“I’m glad you had a good time, but I’m happy you’re home,” Sierra said. “I missed you guys.”
As they ate, they each shared things that had gone on over the past two weeks. Dalton saw their surprise when Sierra mentioned how she and Elliot had gone to his place for dinner several times.
“I like the idea of you cooking for all of us,” Danica said, tilting her head as she regarded him. “I didn’t know you liked to cook.”
Dalton shrugged. “It was something I picked up at rehab. It’s nothing gourmet or fancy.”
“Just healthy,” Sierra said as she jostled his elbow. “Mostly.”
“Most importantly though, does it taste good?” JD asked.
“Elliot and I thought so. Probably better than anything either of us could make for ourselves.”
“So you’re going to be our cook now?” Danica asked.
“I don’t mind cooking the odd meal, but no one is allowed to complain about anything I make. If you want high-calorie comfort food, you’re going to have to go to Mom’s.”
“Hey, I’m all for healthy, tasty food,” JD said. “And if I don’t have to cook it, all the better.”
“Why do I get the feeling that I’m going to regret offering my services?” Dalton said as he picked up his glass of water.
“Aside from cooking, how have you been filling your time?” Danica asked.
“I’ve been working out, helping Elliot sometimes too.” Dalton tried not to let himself get agitated at the thought of Danica wanting to check up on him. “And of course, I’ve spent time with Mom and Dad and the rest of the siblings.”
“Have you made any decisions about your band?”
“Sweetheart,” JD said, his voice was soft, but the warning was clear.
“I was just curious,” Danica said with a frown.
“I haven’t made any decisions,” Dalton said to forestall any argument. “I’ve talked to Jesse a few times, but some legalities need to be dealt with first. There are things that might prevent us from just walking away from the contracts we all signed.”
“I hope that you’re able to get it all straightened out,” Danica said. “Don’t you want to leave the band?”
Dalton hesitated. For so long, the band had been his world. Sure, it had been a bad world for him, but it was one he knew and was comfortable in. In the two weeks he’d been home, there were things that he struggled with. His music being just one of them.
“I know that I need to, and it seems that that overrides anything I might want.”
Danica frowned at his comment. “I would have thought you’d want to be out of that environment.”
Dalton recalled conversations with his counselor about dealing with family members who might not understand his mindset—before, during, or after rehab. Maybe it was time for him to consider setting up a family meeting with his counselor and JD and Danica. Eventually, he’d need to include his parents, but since he’d be interacting the most with Danica and JD, having them in a meeting first was probably where he should start.
Considering the journey JD been on because of his own addiction to drugs and alcohol, Dalton wasn’t so worried about him understanding where his mind had been during that whole time. He hoped that being with JD would help Danica understand, but he wasn’t sure that would be the case.
Danica always had blinders on where Dalton was concerned. That was one of the reasons why things had fallen apart with JD. At that time, there had been no way she would even have considered prioritizing a guy over Dalton. Everyone in their circle of friends and family—and even just the high school in general—knew that Danica was protective of him. She’d gone up against more than one person who’d tried to pick on him.
Still, she needed to take off those blinders and be willing to see that he’d made bad decisions, and he’d made them all by himself. He’d had his reasons, even though now, looking back, he could see they’d been terribly misguided.
“You know music is everything to me,” Dalton told Danica. “It always has been.”
“But you can still do music and not be part of the band,” she said, a frown creasing her brow.
“I understand that, but I don’t want to make any rash decisions.” Dalton wrapped his hands around his glass of water, trying to keep the agitation that was building within him from overflowing.
“That’s a very wise move,” JD said. “Particularly since you don’t need to make a decision yet.”
Danica seemed to recognize that JD was shutting down that part of the conversation, but she didn’t look happy about it. Thankfully, she let it drop when JD changed the subject to his plans for a summer volleyball camp he was organizing.
Dalton felt a little sad as the meal finished up and they headed back to the apartments complex. He didn’t want every conversation with Danica to be like the one they had just had. He wanted to just be able to enjoy getting reacquainted with her after so many years apart, but if this was how it would be every time they were together, he wasn’t sure that he could handle it.
CHAPTER NINE
It was just after nine that night when Dalton’s phone rang. He looked at the screen, surprised to see Sierra’s name.
“Sierra?” he said when he answered it.
“She’s only worried because she loves you.” The words were spoken softly, a calming caress across his agitated nerves. “Everything she says to you is coming from that place.”
“I know that.” Dalton sighed as he pinched his forehead. “I really do, but it’s hard to have her question me like I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“She’s only that way because she worries that’s actually the case,” Sierra said. “Give her some time. Let her see how you are now.”
“The counselors warned me that I needed to bring family members in for some sessions,” Dalton said. “I put it off because I hadn’t told anyone but JD that I was actually in rehab.”
“We all knew—or at least suspected—but we didn’t know where you were. Apparently, only JD did, and he certainly didn’t spill the beans.”
“The counselors weren’t really on board with the secrecy from my folks and siblings since part of their program includes family participation.”
“Why didn’t you tell them?” Sierra asked, no judgment in her tone, just curiosity.
Dalton stared at the piano in the corner of the room, his mind going back to the days after Angel’s death. “I was a mess. I just didn’t want to drag anyone else into that. I only told JD because, in his letter to me, he’d mentioned his own struggles with addiction. It seemed easier to tell a person who had messed up, too.” Dalton sighed. “Everyone else in this family seems to have their act together.”
Sierra laughed softly. “It does seem that way, but you know that none of them are perfect, right? They each have struggles.”
“Yeah, logically I know that,” Dalton said. “But sometimes it’s hard to remember when everything looks so good in their lives. Respectable jobs. Beautiful homes. Spouses who love them. Children.”
“But do you actually want any of that for yourself?” Sierra asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Do you want a conventional job?”
“No, I don’t.”
“Exactly. All the rest of what you mentioned you can have one day if you want it.” Sierra hesitated then said, “You’re not a failure because you want to do something different with your life. I honestly think you’d be wasting the talent God gave you if you didn’t pursue something related to music.”
The mention of God made something twist within his gut. The faith of his youth was something he’d not focused on much
over the past decade. Though no one had challenged him directly on where he stood with his faith, he’d been immersed in God talk whenever he spent time with anyone in his family. And he knew it wasn’t put on for his benefit. It was exactly as it had been when he’d lived at home.
Prayer before meals. Open talk about specific prayer requests for one another. Sharing of things that had created thankfulness to God. Even during the time he spent with Sierra and Elliot, he couldn’t escape it. Unfortunately, in as much as he felt he failed his family with his actions, he knew he’d failed God.
When the weight of that failure pressed down too heavily on him, he found an insidious dark thought worming its way into his consciousness. Maybe it would have been better if I’d ended up like Angel. At least I’d be free from the failure…
Dalton pressed a hand to his chest as an ache bloomed within his heart.
No.
Trying to corral his wayward thoughts, Dalton leaned back against the couch, stretching his legs out in front of him. He moved the phone from his ear and put it on speaker before laying it on his chest. “Maybe I wouldn’t have felt like a failure if I hadn’t left the way I did.”
“You can’t change what you’ve already done,” Sierra said, her voice helping to push the darkness back. “You can only make sure you don’t repeat mistakes of the past.”
“Have you always been this wise?” Dalton asked.
“No,” Sierra said with a laugh. “Like with most people, a bit of wisdom has come with age.”
Dalton closed his eyes and let some of the tension escape his body. “I’m still waiting.”
“I think you are selling yourself short, but don’t worry, there are plenty of us around to remind you that you are smarter than you think you are.”
Dalton didn’t bother to respond, but just let silence settle between them for a few moments before he said, “What are you doing still up? Don’t you have work tomorrow?”
“I do. I just wanted to talk to you about Danica. She felt bad about what went down at supper. I think she’ll try to talk to you about it tomorrow, but I wanted to see if I could smooth the way.”
“You have. Thank you.” Dalton picked up his phone and sat forward, his elbows resting on his knees as he bent his head forward and ran his hand through his hair. “And now you need to go to bed.”
“You’re right. Morning comes early.”
After they said goodnight, Dalton stared once again at his guitar. He hated the sense of failure he felt every time he picked it up and no music came. But how would he know, if he didn’t try?
He wouldn’t, but he wasn’t going to try again that night. Tomorrow would be soon enough. In the meantime, maybe he’d see if Jesse was available for a conversation.
The exhaustion was real as Dalton left the rehab center’s city office. At one time, he would have laughed at anyone who claimed that emotional exhaustion was a real thing. Since going into rehab and dealing with the counselors and the support group meetings, he’d learned that it was possible to be so exhausted emotionally that it affected him physically.
All he wanted to do was go home and sleep.
He got into the back of the car he’d hired for the day. Because he’d had a few things to do that day, he’d decided to hire a car and driver so that he didn’t have to keep calling cabs. His first stop had been at the bank to take care of some business with his accounts, and then he’d been off to the driver’s licensing place so he could get his learner’s permit once again.
The woman had given him a bit of an odd look when he’d arrived for the test, no doubt because of his age. He explained that he’d moved to Toronto and hadn’t needed a driver’s license while he lived there. Thankfully, he’d been back in the province long enough to establish residency, but all the hoops he had to jump through weren’t very fun.
Still, he had his learner’s permit in hand and could now begin driving. Watch out world! Though at that precise moment, he was too tired to even think about driving a vehicle. He’d be lucky if he didn’t fall asleep on the way home.
He tried to keep himself awake by flipping through social media on his phone. Though he didn’t advertise his social media accounts, he had a few of them that allowed him to keep track of what was being said about him and the band online. Lately, it had all been the same. So many questions about when the band was going to perform again. So many questions asking where he was. So many questions about who was going to replace Angel.
That question hurt. He really didn’t want to imagine being part of the band without Angel. They may not have been good for each other, but Dalton missed him a lot.
The tweets and comments that made him shake his head were the ones that truly brought a new level of stupidity to the world. They were the ones that threatened the band. Not threats of violence. Threats to not buy any more of their albums if they didn’t get back together.
Like really? If they weren’t together, there would be no more albums for fans to buy. So what kind of threat was that? A dumb one, that’s what.
“We’re here, sir.”
Dalton looked up as the car slowed to a stop in front of the apartment block. He pulled his wallet from his pocket as the driver got out to open his door.
“Thanks for your help today,” he said as he handed him a tip.
“You’re welcome,” the man said with a nod.
Dalton had been pleased with the car service, so maybe he’d use them until he got his actual license. Part of him was tempted to just buy a car and hire a driver, but truly, it would be a waste of money. So far, his need for transportation had consisted mostly of trips to the store and the rehab center’s office. All the family now knew he’d need a ride to spend time with them, so they always made sure someone could pick him up.
Still, he didn’t like having to need other people’s help so much. It didn’t go far to proving that he had grown up when he was still relying on them for everything like he had as a teen.
Danica had offered to take him out driving once he got his learner’s permit, so maybe he’d see if she was available the next day to go out for a bit. Now that he had taken this step, he was eager to move on to the next. But more than that, he was just happy to have something else to focus on besides the famine of his music.
Once inside the apartment, Dalton headed straight for his bedroom, hoping to take a quick nap since he had a couple of hours before he needed to start cooking supper. He’d once again invited Sierra and Elliot over, and this time he’d included Danica and JD. As long as Danica would leave the more sensitive subjects alone, he anticipated it being an enjoyable evening.
The smell of dinner greeted Sierra as she walked through the back door of the apartment building. Her stomach growled in appreciation, and she was glad she didn’t have to cook supper for herself once again.
Dalton’s door stood open, and she could hear voices coming from inside, but she headed into her apartment first. She wanted to wash off the hospital and freshen up before joining the others.
She was used to taking quick showers, so she was ready to head to Dalton’s within fifteen minutes. When he’d invited her to dinner, she’d told him that they should go ahead and start without her since it would be close to seven before they ate if they waited for her. Dalton had just laughed and told her all posh people ate dinner late.
When she walked through the door of Dalton’s apartment a few minutes later, he immediately came to greet her, a broad smile on his face.
“How was work today?” he asked as she handed him a tub of ice cream which was her contribution.
“It was good.” It was a cliché answer, but it was the truth in as much as no one had died. As long as everyone was still alive at the end of her shift, she counted it as a good day.
She walked into the apartment behind him, spotting Danica curled up against JD on the couch, and Elliot sprawled out in the easy chair. They still hadn’t included Marc in their dinners because for now, it was easier to just be the five of them.
She knew that Dalton was keeping his distance from anyone who didn’t already know who he was and some of his recent history. Sierra couldn’t blame him for that.
“I guess we can sit up at the table,” Dalton called out as he moved into the kitchen.
Sierra followed him and took the large casserole dish he handed her, careful to use the potholders he had on each end. “Lasagna?”
“Yep, and garlic bread.”
“I’m starving, so I hope you have another dish of this because this one’s all mine.”
“If I’d thought you could actually eat all that, I would have happily made two.” He gave her a skeptical look. “But somehow I doubt you could.”
“Ah. You’d probably be right.” Sierra took the dish to the table where the others were gathering.
Dalton followed with drinks and the bread, setting them down as Sierra sank onto the seat that was usually hers. She was tired, and her bed would probably feel glorious later, but she was also looking forward to an evening with her friends. It helped to take the edge off the loneliness she still felt whenever she was alone in her apartment.
The conversation centered around family news since that was something they were all privy to. The family seemed to be growing by leaps and bounds even though currently there was no one pregnant.
Sierra glanced over at Danica and JD, wondering how long it would be before they made a pregnancy announcement. And then life would change again. For now, Danica still had time to spend with Sierra when JD was busy with other stuff. Though they weren’t sharing an apartment anymore, they were still talking every day whether on the phone or by Danica popping down to Sierra’s to visit.
A baby…that would change the dynamic of their friendship even more. For the first time, Sierra wondered how she was supposed to adjust to the current and coming changes in Danica’s life and, to a lesser degree, her own. It was selfish to wish things could stay the same, but there was a small part of her that wanted just that.
She wasn’t looking for a boyfriend or dying for a relationship, but she was coming to realize how important having a close friend was to her. JD had now taken over her place as Danica’s closest friend, and that was as it should be. Sierra knew she’d always be important to Danica, but she’d never be as important to her as JD was now.
When He Returns Page 8