“Makayla can be very stubborn, but I’m hoping that with what’s at risk, she’ll do what’s best for Ethan, which would include listening to the doctors.”
“Everyone wants what’s best for Ethan, even the doctors and nurses who don’t love him as much as we do.”
Dalton figured that Makayla knew that, but she’d probably need to be reminded of it a time or two.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Weaning Ethan off sedation ended up being rather anticlimactic since nothing changed. He remained in serious but stable condition, but he didn’t regain consciousness. Sierra had been cautiously optimistic, but she knew Makayla had been putting a whole lot of hope on the sedation wearing off and Ethan waking up. When nothing changed, she’d seen the devastation on her sister-in-law’s face.
Sierra had stayed by Makayla’s side while she’d talked to the doctor once they’d finished weaning Ethan off the sedation. Her sister-in-law had managed to hold herself together, but Sierra could tell it was a battle for her.
It was hard for her, too, and it was made even more challenging by her medical knowledge. She knew just enough about head injuries to make the doctor’s words more significant. She understood what he was saying…and what he wasn’t.
There were no words of promise coming from the man. Just a statement of facts.
Ethan was stable but still in serious condition.
They wouldn’t know the extent of his brain injury until he woke up enough to interact with them.
If he woke up.
The doctor hadn’t actually said that last bit, but Sierra heard the statement as loudly as if he had.
By the time she left the hospital that day, she was beyond exhausted. She knew from working with children and their parents that the mental exhaustion was almost worse than the physical, but this was the first time she’d experienced it for herself.
And her pillar, the person she had always turned to when things were at their worst, wasn’t available this time. She had never imagined that her source of strength would one day be the reason she needed extra strength.
Dalton offered to make her some supper, but for the first time, she turned him down.
“I just need some time to unwind, plus I have to go to bed early tonight for work tomorrow.”
His brow furrowed. “Are you going to be okay on your own?”
“I have to be.” She tried to smile, but she was pretty sure she failed when the worry didn’t clear from his face. “I’ll be fine.”
“So do you plan to visit Ethan during the day?”
“I hope to,” Sierra said. “Whenever I can get a break, I’ll see if I can pop in and check on him and Makayla.”
“Maybe I’ll see you there,” Dalton said.
The smile she managed that time felt a little steadier. “And maybe you could help me with my phone later tomorrow. Depending on how Ethan is.”
“I’d say leave them both with me, but I know you don’t want to be without your phone.”
“Yeah. Very true.”
“I hope you have a good rest.” He gave her a smile, the skin at his eyes crinkling just a bit as he did so. Reaching out, he took her hand for just a moment and gave it a squeeze. “See you tomorrow.”
Sierra was aware of him waiting until she went into her apartment before returning to his own. She leaned back against her door and let out a long breath. As she tucked her hands close to her chest, she could still feel the warmth and strength of his hand as it had held hers.
The fear and worry were still so strong within her, further exhausting her with their weight and she longed for someone to lean on. Someone who could prop her up when she no longer had the strength to hold herself upright. The emotions she’d worked so hard to contain finally escaped, sliding down her cheeks in silent tears. Feeling the last of her strength slip away, Sierra slid to the floor.
She had no idea how long she sat there, waiting for the weakness to pass so she could trust her legs to hold her up once again. Pulling her legs toward her, Sierra wrapped her arms around them and rested her forehead on her knees.
Tears dampened her pants as they fell unchecked. She had tried so hard to keep her emotions under control all day—not just in the waiting room or with Ethan but also on the ward as she worked—but there was no need for it anymore. The torrent of emotion flowed out in deep gasping sobs that seemed to tear at her very soul.
When the tears finally stopped, Sierra dug deep and found the strength to push to her feet and wearily make her way to the bathroom attached to her bedroom. She started the water and dumped some of her favorite bath salts into the tub, then, after twisting her hair up onto the top of her head, she began to peel out of her clothes.
She was used to her scrubs carrying the scents of the hospital home, but it felt wrong to have those familiar scents on her everyday clothes. After dropping them into the hamper, Sierra turned on her favorite worship playlist—one that had been getting a lot of use since Ethan’s accident—then slipped into the tub, sinking down until the water reached her shoulders.
With a sigh, she leaned her head back against the bath pillow and finally relaxed. As she soaked in the aromatic water, Sierra alternated between praying, just listening to the music, and murmuring verses, seeking peace…craving it amid the tumultuousness of the situation around her.
By the time she crawled into bed, Sierra felt more relaxed and at peace. She knew she needed those moments at both ends of the emotional spectrum. Though it felt like a roller coaster ride with the ups and downs, she couldn’t keep her emotions inside forever. She needed their cathartic release so that she could keep moving forward.
When her shift was over, Sierra quickly made her way to the ICU. Though she’d taken her breaks in the waiting room, she hadn’t been able to see Ethan, but the update each time had been the same.
He still hadn’t woken up.
The doctor assured them that was okay since his overall condition was improving and not declining. However, Sierra struggled to keep her thoughts positive. To not think it was a bad sign that he hadn’t regained consciousness yet.
Thankfully, Makayla let her go in to see Ethan when she stopped by the waiting room after clocking out. She sat down on the stool next to him and reached out to take his hand between hers. For a moment, Sierra just sat there, grateful for the warmth in his hand. It helped her to feel that there was still life in him.
The swelling on his face had gone down some, but the bruises were looking worse, as she knew bruises were inclined to do. Unfortunately, his eyes were still closed, and his body lay motionless on the bed. She was beginning to think that Ethan would never wake up.
After a few minutes, she began to talk, keeping her voice soft and low.
“It feels like forever since I last had a strawberry candy,” she said, her fingers drifting lightly over the back of his hand. “And boy, could I use some. You’re going to owe me big time.”
Emotion clogged her throat, so she stopped talking until it eased up.
“We’re worried about you, E. If you can hear me, please listen.” Sierra took a deep breath. “I know you might be in pain already, and you might feel even more when you wake up, but we’re here to help you. Your body is already starting to repair itself, but you need to wake up so we can talk to you. We haven’t been able to bring the kids to see you yet because we’re waiting for you to wake up. They don’t need to see their dad like this, so please wake up. We need you.”
She prayed for a few minutes with him, then, when the nurse told her the time was up, Sierra got to her feet and leaned over to press a light kiss to his cheek once again. For just a moment, she hovered near him, wishing for a whiff of the scent of his favorite shampoo and body wash. But it had long since faded, leaving only the antiseptic scent of the hospital.
“Please come back to us, Ethan.”
Before leaving, Sierra thanked the nurses for their care of Ethan, knowing how much she appreciated it when parents thanked her for what she did for the
ir loved one. She didn’t do what she did for thanks, but it was always encouraging when people acknowledged what the nurses were doing for their loved ones.
Out in the waiting room, Dalton got to his feet when he saw her. She was sure her expression was perpetually sad these days, but Dalton had ended up with a default expression himself. His was a worried one, though it didn’t appear to be as much for Ethan as it was for her and Makayla. Sierra was okay with that since there were enough people worrying about Ethan, and maybe it was selfish, but she kind of liked having someone worry over her. Especially since the one person who usually did, was lying unconscious in the ICU.
“I’m going to stay for one more visit,” Makayla said when Sierra rejoined her in the waiting room. “Then I’ll head home.”
Sierra had noticed that Danica had brought Makayla that day and had waited with her. When she’d asked about it, Danica had said that their parents were taking care of the kids and had actually moved into Ethan and Makayla’s house to help with them. Sierra was sure that even when Makayla was at home, her energy levels were low. Having her parents there would be helpful beyond just the kids, since she had no doubt but that Emily was cooking and cleaning for her as well.
Sierra struggled to find words to encourage her, since she didn’t want to give her false hope. Finally, she just said, “I’ll be back tomorrow on my break. Love you.”
Makayla gave her a tight hug. “Love you too, sweetie.”
“Is it okay if I ride with you?” Dalton asked.
“Sure.” She gathered up her things then asked, “Do you want to drive?”
“I think it’s better if you do,” Dalton said as they walked away from the waiting room. “Unless you really want me to.”
“No. I just thought I’d offer since it’s been a while since you’ve driven.”
“Oh, don’t worry about that. There are more important things you need to focus on right now.”
They found their way to where Sierra had parked her car, then headed out.
“Do you mind if we stop for something to eat?” Dalton asked.
“What are you in the mood for?”
“I was thinking Tim’s.”
Sierra nodded, suddenly finding the idea of food appealing. She hadn’t been able to eat all day, and she knew that wasn’t good. Keeping her strength up was important, and she wasn’t going to do that by not eating.
Though there was a Tim Hortons near the hospital, she preferred the one closer to the apartment building. It was bigger and would probably be a little less busy.
It was a quiet drive, and Sierra was kind of glad that Dalton didn’t feel the need to press for conversation. She was tired. Worn out. Not just physically, but mentally as well. She was grateful that she didn’t need to come up with responses to questions she’d probably have no answers for.
Once at the restaurant, Sierra stood in line with Dalton, wishing she could lean against him. That wasn’t how their relationship was though, so she managed to keep a distance between them. After they ordered, she didn’t even bother to argue with him when he wouldn’t let her pay. And when he told her to go sit down while he waited for their food, she went without hesitation.
She sank down onto the seat with a sigh. It was a relief to be out of the hospital, though she almost felt guilty for thinking that. Thankfully, she’d changed her clothes after her shift was over so she could just relax. She hadn’t wanted to sit in the waiting room in her scrubs, and she was even more relieved to not be wearing them in the restaurant.
When Dalton put the tray down, the aroma of the food made her stomach rumble. Dalton shot her a grin as he put the soup she’d ordered in front of her. She’d also gotten a ham and cheese sandwich. All of it looked appetizing, but she struggled to find the energy to pick up her spoon.
“How are you doing?” Dalton asked after she’d said a prayer for the food.
She picked up her spoon but didn’t use it. “I’m tired.”
“Maybe you should take some time off work.”
“Maybe. But I just can’t see myself sitting in the waiting room for hours on end, either.” She scooped up a spoonful of soup. “You can see how that’s wearing on Makayla, plus I wouldn’t want her to feel like she had to give up her visiting time to me if I was just sitting there with her.”
“True,” Dalton said with a nod as he picked up his sandwich. “But it’s hard to see you so tired. Are you sleeping okay?”
Sierra shrugged as she lifted her spoon. She took a sip of the soup as she considered his question. “I seem to sleep okay once I get there, but it’s hard to fall asleep. Too much goes through my mind when I don’t have anything to keep me busy.”
“I know that feeling. Just don’t do like I did and turn to things you shouldn’t in order to help you fall asleep…and then wake up…” Dalton gave a shake of his head, a rueful look on his face. “Then you’d have a whole other set of problems to deal with.”
“Yeah, that’s the last thing I need. I do try other methods to induce sleep. Lavender oils in my diffuser. White noise on my machine. But honestly, the only thing that seems to help me even a little, is reading until I can’t keep my eyes open.”
“Do you have to read something boring for that to work?”
“You’d think so, right?” Sierra stirred her spoon in her soup. “But no, I can read anything. Sometimes I read the Bible. Sometimes I read a devotional or non-fiction book. Sometimes I read fiction. All of it puts me to sleep eventually, just depends on the night what works.”
“I haven’t done much reading over the past few years.”
“What did you do in your downtime?”
“If we were on buses for a tour, the guys liked to play video games, so I did that sometimes.”
“You used to hate video games,” Sierra said, remembering how cool she’d thought it was that he hadn’t been caught up in video games like other boys his age had been. Of course, he’d been caught up in his music, so it wasn’t like he’d paid her any more attention just because he hadn’t been playing video games.
Dalton shrugged as he chewed the bite of sandwich he’d taken. “You do strange things when your mind is warped on drugs and you’re bored.”
As they continued to talk, Sierra realized that to people looking at them, it probably appeared as if they were on a date. Exhaustion must have been doing weird things to her because she found she didn’t mind presenting that perception to those around them. With his care and concern for her, Dalton made it easy for her mind to morph it into something more if she wasn’t careful.
Truthfully, the way their friendship had grown and deepened, for the first time ever, as an adult, Sierra could see the path she wanted a potential relationship to take. But it wouldn’t be with Dalton. It couldn’t be with Dalton. Ever present in the back of her mind was that his life was not there in Winnipeg. He might become a regular visitor, but she doubted he’d ever make his home there.
For that reason—among so many others—it was important that she not read anything into his actions. It was enough that he was a good friend for her, supporting her through the difficult time she was facing.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Dalton wasn’t sure which thing he realized first—that he was writing lyrics without even knowing it or that he was falling in love with Sierra. He had been on his way to the bedroom when the thoughts—one on the heels of the other—brought him to a halt.
Turning on his heel, he went back to the living room and grabbed his guitar from the corner where he’d left it several days earlier. He hadn’t touched it since they’d received news of the accident, but now he couldn’t resist the urge.
After grabbing his notebook and pen, Dalton sat down at the table, angling himself so he could both write in his notebook and play the guitar. Strumming through a few chords, he found the one that seemed to resonate with him.
He knew that he was focusing on the music rather than his feelings because it was a little scary to think about them just y
et. Music he knew. Feelings…not so much.
Let me hold your hand.
Let me pull you close.
Let me hear your laughter.
Let me dry your tears.
Let me be your man.
Dalton took a moment to jot down the lyrics that had been circling in the back of his mind in one fashion or another over the past few days. He tried to tell himself the words were about an unknown woman like a lot of his romantic-toned songs had been. However, there was no denying that these words had come to life because of Sierra.
He didn’t want to think about what that meant, but in order to keep the words flowing, he allowed his thoughts to center on their interactions. Her smile. Her laugh. The look she gave him right before she started to smile. Her smile right before she started to laugh. Her beautiful eyes. The softness of her skin.
All of it had drawn Dalton in without him even being aware of it until he found himself in a place he’d never been before. In all his time in Toronto, he’d never felt about someone the way he now felt about Sierra. No woman had ever gotten close enough to capture his heart the way she had. His music had been his one and only love.
Was the loss of his music the reason someone—Sierra—had finally been able to get close to him?
He hummed as he plucked the strings of his guitar, trying out the words with a melody. Why he was bothering to flesh it all out, Dalton really didn’t know. After all, it was unlikely the words would ever be heard by anyone.
But still, after being without his music for so long, he refused to ignore it. If this was what flowed for now, then he was going to go with it. He was afraid if he refused to work with what had come to him, perhaps nothing else ever would.
So he focused on it, jotting down more words, strumming more chords. All of it coming more quickly than his songs usually did—especially in the past couple of years as his drug use had spiraled out of control.
When He Returns Page 18